Chapter 18: Heart's Vision
Taking a deep breath and clearing away the distracting thoughts in his mind, Beichen gently opened the door of Lingshuang's room.
"Ling Shuang, are you awake?"
She asked softly, then heard a "hmm" from inside the room.
"Can I come in?"
"So much nonsense. Come in."
She can still complain, so it seems her condition isn't too bad. Beichen carefully closed the door, walked to the bed where he lay, and sat down on the edge.
"The wound on your back—does it still hurt?"
“…”
Ling Shuang didn't reply immediately, her amber eyes staring at her face indifferently.
"If you feel guilty about being injured while protecting you, don't worry. This is just a self-torture trick."
“…!?”
Beichen, who had never expected Ling Shuang to confess honestly, was completely stunned.
"It's funny, isn't it? At that time, the thought suddenly popped into my head, 'If I get hurt because of you, will you focus on me?'... Now it seems that it can really work."
"...Well, you succeeded, Ling Shuang."
"Yeah, but after I succeeded, I realized...it had nothing to do with what I wanted. It was really self-deception."
"Haha," Beichen smiled bitterly, "So that's why you told me the truth? ...Aren't you afraid that I'll quarrel with you again after I find out about this?"
"You would argue with me only if you cared about what I said. If you didn't care, you would just laugh it off, just like now."
"Don't be like this, Lingshuang."
As she spoke, she moved forward and patted Ling Shuang on the head.
"Actually, I admire you for willingly enduring so much pain for someone—even if it's just a ploy, your awareness and courage aren't fake, right?"
“…”
Ling Shuang lowered her eyes and curled her lips in a somewhat aggrieved manner.
Seeing him like this, Beichen felt a little distressed - but a short pain is worse than a long one.
"Ling Shuang, do you like me?"
"Don't tell me you only realized it now!"
Ling Shuang growled in a weak but angry voice.
"But, are you sure you're not driven by a desire to conquer someone because you can't have them? That's different from liking someone."
"I fell in love at first sight! Don't treat me like an idiot!!"
"S-Sorry!... Ahem, you want to be my weapon?"
"It's good to be natural, but the most important thing is—"
"!?"
Ling Shuang suddenly reached out, pulled Beichen towards him, and then held her tightly in her arms.
"Wait, hey, Ling Shuang, I'm going to hold you, but be careful of the injuries on your back, the injuries on your back!!"
"Just don't move!"
Although Ling Shuang's face turned pale with pain, she refused to let go and held Beichen tightly - as if she knew what was about to greet her, her arms trembling in despair.
"Most importantly, I want you to like me too!"
“──”
Beichen carefully put his arm around his shoulders and patted him soothingly.
"I kind of like you, too, Lingshuang."
"Why are you being so honest?! Can't you just lie to me?!" Ling Shuang roared in a trembling voice, "You only like me 'a little', but you like Xiang Ying, the Twins, and Ya Ye - even Gu Yinyue and his weapons, you like them 'very', right? Besides, is the like you're talking about that kind of like?!"
“…”
Beichen couldn't deny it because he was right.
"You hateful woman, are you still holding a grudge because of that humiliation we had when we met?! Then can I kneel down before you?! Do you know how I feel when I can only stand aside and watch you being intimate with them, unable to get a word in?! What exactly makes me inferior to them? Fighting ability? Bloodline? Looks? Or the importance I place on you—I won't accept this! You bastard! Abominable wretch!"
Ling Shuang became more and more excited, and Beichen could only stay in his arms, freeing one hand to gently touch his head.
"Sorry, Ling Shuang."
"Who asked you to apologize?! ────Woo!"
It seemed that he was too excited and the wound on his back was affected. Cold sweat slid down Ling Shuang's cheek. He closed his eyes and groaned softly. Beichen was so scared that he quickly helped him sit up, undressed him, and poured a bottle of Star Spirit Mineral Solution on the table on his back.
"Tell me, what does it take for me to hold a special place in your heart? By the way, is death even an option? They say the dead can never be defeated, right?"
"Ling Shuang!"
Beichen interrupted him with a frown.
"If you dare to die over such a trivial matter, I will look down on you and forget you immediately!"
"What a big deal! Are my feelings so worthless in your eyes?!"
"That's not the question!"
She pressed Ling Shuang's shoulders hard to stop his violent movements.
"I have received your feelings for me, and even if I don't reciprocate, I have no intention of trampling on them. But, Lingshuang, is that your whole world? In your eyes, is there nothing else besides me? Yeyuezhong Lingshuang, has your vision really become so narrow?"
“──!!”
“I’ve experienced the pain of a broken heart, and I know how hard it is, but if you give up your life just because of it, I really can’t agree with it!!
The world is so big, and you haven't come into contact with 99% of the creatures. You may not be able to explain the principles behind 95% of the mysteries, and you may not have set foot on 90% of the land. This is not only true for you, but for every individual in the world!
There are so many things that can bring happiness, why do you have to focus on what makes you sad? If you want to vent for a while, I have no objection, I am willing to accompany you to vent, but self-harm like this time, or even death -
You have to know that when you die, you have nothing! Even if I can remember you because of this, so what? Can you feel it? Can you still feel happy because of this? No way? Your heart has long rotted into a pile of rust just by receiving this information. Is this really worth it!?
"But—"
"Lingshuang, you're a Yeyue Clan member, so perhaps you don't understand the struggles of ordinary people without any advantages. Do those mediocre Quantized Clan members have the right to choose their masters? Can those ordinary Spiritual Martial Officers be favored by superior weapons? How do ordinary people who don't have the physique to become Spiritual Martial Officers manage to survive the star disasters every month?"
There are so many people in the world—and the majority of them—who are already exhausted just by struggling to survive. For them, emotions are a luxury! Compared to them, do you really feel how wronged and unfortunate you are?
Ling Shuang was somewhat moved, but she refused to back down.
"…Are you preaching to me?"
"I'm talking, but I don't mean to teach. I just want you to calm down and think carefully.
Ling Shuang, I'm telling you that I'm just one of those ordinary people I just mentioned. Most of my life has been spent exhaustingly and diligently. To me, life is too precious because I know how hard it is to maintain it. Even if the person I like doesn't like me back, I won't trample on it.
Therefore, in my eyes, harming yourself because of a bad relationship is excessive and hateful. If you really love me, don't do it again. This time I will admire your awareness, next time, I will pretend I knew nothing.
"Then tell me, what should I do? I've already tried every possible method!"
"Ling Shuang, I just said that even if I can't respond──"
"Don't say no! I don't want to hear no!!"
Beichen sighed helplessly.
"Ling Shuang, why are you so stubborn? There are many kinds of feelings. I can't like you as a man, but at least I can treat you as a younger brother."
In fact, it was true. In her eyes, Ling Shuang was more like a child who wanted to seek support.
“…”
Ling Shuang stopped talking, just rested his forehead on her shoulder and held her motionlessly.
After a long while, he spoke again.
"I know everything you said. My vision is too narrow. That vampire sickle Yaye has lived for over a hundred years and seen all kinds of life. That's why you look at him with such trust, right? - But what about Xiang Ying? Isn't there only you in Xiang Ying's eyes?!"
"Xiang Ying is special."
Beichen said this without hesitation.
"To him, I am the meaning of his existence. And to me—though I've never said it—he is the one who gave me light and warmth, the one who saved me when I was most exhausted and unmotivated. With only him, I can ignore everything, not care about anything. As long as he stays by my side, that's all."
"—What about the twins? Can you give them up?! They treat you badly and overbearingly, so why do you indulge them like this?!"
"If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have grown so quickly. Even though they're villains, they keep me lighthearted even when I'm exhausted. No matter how desperate I feel, thinking of the tone and expression of their voices when they talk to me, I'm full of energy. In fact, I'm really grateful to them. ――Gentle thugs, that's what they're like."
"...So, I'm the only one without any merit in your eyes?"
"No." Beichen smiled and patted his shoulder, "I think it's cute when you act like a spoiled child like this."
"You woman, you want to fight, right?!"
"Don't be angry, don't be angry—I think your strength is 'pride'."
"Can that be considered an advantage?! Are you looking for trouble?!"
"Listen to me. You nearly died of starvation because of me, but you never once mentioned that as an excuse. You used a self-torture tactic, but then felt uncomfortable telling me the truth, and you never thought of taking advantage of my sympathy, right? Don't you think this kind of 'pride' is very classy?"
"...Do you seriously think so?"
"Yeah." Beichen said and nodded vigorously.
"So, I'm still attractive in your eyes, right? I... still have a chance, right?"
"This, no... Ling Shuang..."
The smiles of Xiang Ying and the twins suddenly flashed through her mind, and she bit her teeth hard.
"Ling Shuang, I can't like you as a woman, I'm sorry."
“…”
Ling Shuang took a breath and froze. Then, Beichen felt a wet touch on his shoulder - was he crying?
She sighed and gently hugged him, falling into silence with him.
Time passed slowly, minute by minute, and Ling Shuang's trembling body finally calmed down.
It was unknown how long it had been before Ling Shuang spoke again in a hoarse voice.
"Do you have a younger brother?"
“—Huh?”
"Didn't you say you could treat me as your younger brother?! You don't have any other younger brothers, right?! You're the only one, right?!"
"Yes, yes, indeed not... Lingshuang, you..."
"Since all the other seats are taken and your heart is as hard as stone, what can I do? I can only reluctantly pick up the seat for my relatives... Damn it!"
"Fool!" Beichen laughed and patted him on the back of the head. "You are so cunning! I can't resist the term 'relative'."
"...Then, from now on I'll call you... 'Sister'... is that okay?"
"Yeah, sure!"
"Don't let anyone call you sister anymore, not even the little brats on the street. If anyone dares to call me that, I'll kick their ass!"
"Oh, that's not necessary... Why are you arguing with a child..."
"Don't get angry when I do something wrong! Come and comfort me when I'm upset! Help me hunt when I'm hungry!!"
"Understood."
Beichen agreed repeatedly, feeling a little amused and helpless.
Brother?
...Strangely, after putting Ling Shuang in this position, the remaining dissatisfaction with him seemed to disappear, leaving only an inexplicable feeling of warmth.
Yeah, maybe it would be pretty fun to have such a cocky guy around to act like a spoiled brat.
After everything was said, Ling Shuang seemed to have let go of her worries. She rested her head on Beichen's thigh and rubbed it like a kitten. Beichen seemed to have the consciousness of being a sister all of a sudden. She carefully checked the injury on his back and poured some Star Spirit Mineral Solution on it.
"Huh, it seems... much easier."
Ling Shuang enjoyed Beichen's service and said softly.
"Well, that's good. Then don't smile like that anymore."
"……What?"
"Well, how should I put it? It's that smile you gave me when I gave you the bracelet... because I can't tell what you're thinking at all, it's a little scary."
"Hmph." Ling Shuang frowned and snorted, "It's not a big deal. I'm just thinking about melting the bracelet and casting it on my body—"
"Don't think about such bizarre things!!"
Outside the door, Xiang Ying breathed a sigh of relief and turned to look at the several weapons behind him.
"It looks like the master has solved it."
"Well, what 'brother' said is acceptable," Black Malice said while picking his ears, "We are not so petty, but..."
Su Jie interjected with a strange expression, "Brother, this is the profession where you can act like a spoiled child most naturally, right? That kid is so cunning! That's great! So we should get a position for ourselves and get some benefits, right?"
"Well," Xiang Ying nodded seriously, "Then I am the 'brother'."
"Then I'm a 'best friend'! How about it, bro?"
Heihuo shouted happily, but was slapped by Sujie.
"You're such an idiot, bro. A 'confidant' is more likely to act like a spoiled child, right?!"
"Humph, all of you are just trying to act like a spoiled brat, what a loser!"
Yaye sneered at the side.
"If it were me, I would definitely—"
"Daddy!"
“Daddy!!”
"Father?"
As a result, Xiang Ying and the twins spoke at the same time, and a vein immediately popped out on Yaye's face.
"Daddy, you're all ghosts!!! Are you itching for trouble?! Who allowed you to be so presumptuous?!"
"...Look, he really is the dad."
“Su Jie!!”
Xiang Ying coughed a few times, then looked at Yagard.
"So, what about you, Agaard? Do you want to—?"
"Positioning is something that only Miss Beichen can decide."
Yagad spoke expressionlessly.
"But if I have to ask what I want, I hope my position is 'warrior'."
“…”
“…”
"……What?"
Inside the house, Ling Shuang glanced towards the door with disdain:
"Those idiots... at least stop eavesdropping. What do you like about them?"
“…”
Beichen was speechless, but just laughed happily with a mixed feeling of embarrassment and joy.
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