4
My fingers were almost frozen stiff.
Even so, the girl's situation wasn't on her mind right now. Nian Jinsi's words haunted her like a ghost. For the first time in nearly three years, she took stock of her situation. A blanket lay atop the frayed plastic sheet, then swaddled in a sheet. The girl, wrapped in the frayed blanket, looked tiny and helpless.
This is probably how she looks to those people.
The girl scratched her face in her sleep, and Zhuang Xiaodie put the notebook back in its place. Now was no longer the time to hide from the police to avoid being deported. She needed to hide from Nian Jinsi, and she even felt like running away.
But where to escape to? She had no money!
Zhuang Xiaodie squatted by the river, a gesture she'd repeated countless times. She washed her face. As daylight broke, she saw her face clearly for the first time, shimmering in the rippling water. It was pale, thin, its eyes wide and lifeless, like the face of a dying person. Drops of water gathered and dripped from her fingertips, rippling the calming water once again. Zhuang Xiaodie saw the fear deep in her own eyes. Suddenly, she felt as if someone was behind her, their chin resting on her shoulder, their lips stretched back behind their ears, revealing their sharp teeth.
Zhuang Xiaodie turned around suddenly and found no one behind her. She clenched her fist and punched the water to destroy the face, then stood up and walked back.
Conventionally, socially, Nian Jinsi lived better than she did. This wasn't out of jealousy or anything else; it was simply a statement of fact. Zhuang Xiaodie ignored the girl and headed toward the square. Many people were still asleep, and the agents hadn't arrived yet.
The square was filled with wind and felt very empty. Zhuang Xiaodie felt like she was about to be blown away and float into the sky. Even that was better than being seen by Nian Jinsi.
She wandered aimlessly, her thoughts in a mess. Little things from the past were swirling at the bottom of the pool and kept coming up. She tried to distinguish them, but the wind was like water, and she was stepping in the water, at a loss.
Growing up with someone means your past is always known. It's a sweet and terrifying thing, because it means you can always be exposed, even if you're far away. As long as the other person finds you, it doesn't make much difference.
Nian Jinsi had been married for four years. On her wedding day, she was a bridesmaid. Seeing her in front of the dressing mirror, she looked stunning after putting on her makeup. I have forgotten what I felt at the time, but I only remember the lights were incredibly bright, and the tentacles of the lampposts stretched out and pressed against her face.
As she was about to leave, Nian Jinsi turned around and smiled at her. Now thinking about it, she felt that smile and eyes were quite sad. But she had everything, so what was she worried about?
You are all I have.
How is this possible when we haven't been in touch for so long?
Nian Jinsi was a different person from her. She was very purposeful in her actions. If she wanted to accomplish something, she would work towards it until she succeeded. Zhuang Xiaodie believed she would remain like this until she lay in her coffin and closed her eyes. Before that, everything would be arranged in an orderly manner.
The wedding was a success. They lived apart and became increasingly busy with work. Later, they occasionally contacted each other, then they neglected contact, and finally they stopped contacting each other. Later, she quit her job, spent all her savings, and began to wander.
"Wandering" was a nice word. Actually, she knew what she was doing. She was running away from the world.
She thought that no one needed her anymore, and she didn't need herself, she was alive because she was alive, not because she wanted to live. No one pulled her up, so she gradually sank.
She thought her fate would be to fall into the river while washing her face one day and be fished out by a fisherman, or to be found by a fisherman fishing in the early morning under an overpass. No scavenger would pick her up because she had nothing.
But Nian Jinsi suddenly came to find her and said such serious words.
Divorced?
But why didn't she go home? Zhuang Xiaodie remembered that her family was still alive. Could something have happened?
"You don't want your bedding anymore?"
Zhuang Xiaodie turned around and saw Shentu Hai glaring at her while dragging a woven bag.
"Is glaring your eyes your only expression?" Zhuang Xiaodie said, "Luckily you don't have to act."
Shentu Hai said, "Did you peek at my painting?"
"If you don't keep your notebook safe, anyone can see it."
"I'm looking for someone."
"It's none of my business."
"You saw it."
"I didn't see anything," Zhuang Xiaodie said. "I only saw the picture you drew of me. I don't know anything else."
Shentu Hai narrowed his eyes: "I was awake when you turned it over, I saw it."
Zhuang Xiaodie was unmoved: "If you want to find a white worker, you've found the wrong person."
Shentu Hai said, "Oh, then I will report you to the police."
Zhuang Xiaodie said, "You ran away from home yourself, aren't you afraid that the police will take you back too?"
"I didn't run away from home." Shentu Hai said.
Zhuang Xiaodie looked at her coldly.
"I'm here for revenge."
"Oh, then you've got the wrong person." Zhuang Xiaodie said, "You and I have never met before."
"Have you seen him?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Shentu Hai bit his lip hard, tears welling in his eyes. Zhuang Xiaodie felt it was utterly irrational. If anyone came to her, a penniless woman, for support, who else could she turn to? She couldn't even support herself, so how could she support others?
Shentu Hai turned and walked away, dragging her woven bag towards the river. Zhuang Xiaodie immediately realized what she was going to do and hurriedly chased after her. Shentu Hai stopped at the riverbank, holding the woven bag in both hands and hanging it over the river, and said, "Promise me that you will help me investigate, otherwise I will throw this thing into the river!"
"Don't be unreasonable!" Zhuang Xiaodie yelled. She hadn't eaten breakfast and was terribly hungry. She was shivering all over and didn't want to bother with the strange kid's mischief. "If you keep making trouble, I'll call the police to send you back!"
"You dare to call the police? Shouldn't you be the one most afraid of calling the police?" Shen Tuhai said, "I've already investigated. Everyone here is hiding from the police, afraid of being deported. If you have the guts, go ahead and report it. Who's afraid of who?"
Zhuang Xiaodie didn't bother to talk nonsense and rushed forward to grab the bag. Shen Tu Hai looked thin, but he was actually very strong. For a moment, she couldn't grab it. Shen Tu Hai held on to the woven bag tightly, as if it were his life. Zhuang Xiaodie was very angry when she thought about how badly she had gotten into this situation and couldn't even grab a bag. She just let go and ended it all.
Little did they know that Shen Tu Hai had already stepped half a foot out of the riverbank during the struggle. When Zhuang Xiaodie let go of his hand, Shen Tu Hai lost his balance and, coupled with inertia, fell directly into the river.
Zhuang Xiaodie jumped down without thinking, first pulled Shentu Hai up, and then threw the woven bag ashore.
Unfortunately, it was too late. Not only the woven bag, but both of them were soaked. Zhuang Xiaodie's sunburn was pounding as she dragged the woven bag back to the shore. Shen Tu Hai chased after her, but he was silent at this point.
Zhuang Xiaodie returned to the bridge, feeling exhausted. She said, "Go away. I won't pursue this, but I don't want to care about you either."
Shentu Hai squatted there silently, water still dripping from her body. She said, "I didn't really want to throw it in."
Zhuang Xiaodie closed her eyes, ignoring her. She felt hot and cold all over, and her teeth began to chatter. She had no suitable clothes to change into.
Suddenly someone touched her forehead. Zhuang Xiaodie slapped it away. Shen Tu Hai retracted his hand and said, "You have a fever."
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