Undisguised preference
It shouldn’t be that bad, Jiang Qing thought angrily.
But what if——
"Send a message to Wang Huaqiang and ask." Jiang Qing poked Lin Nanyue with a finger.
She didn't know how serious his illness was. She hoped that she was not the culprit, otherwise she would feel guilty. Such a good party was ruined by her. Jiang Qing sighed.
Song Shuang echoed: "Ask quickly."
Lin Nanyan took out his cell phone from his pocket and tapped the screen a few times.
Jiang Qing and Song Shuang stood aside, staring at Lin Nanyue's phone, waiting for a reply from the person on the other end, looking impatiently.
Because of their parents' strict control, the two of them couldn't easily bring their phones into school. Of the four, only Lin Nanyan and Wang Huaqiang had the enviable freedom of using their phones. At this moment, the two could only stand aside and wait with bated breath.
A minute passed and the phone was silent.
Lin Nanyan glanced at the two girls and said, "Maybe he is busy."
Song Shuang leaned forward and suggested, "Why don't you give him a call?"
Ding Dong——
The phone vibrated, Lin Nanyan glanced at it and put it away.
"He said it was no big deal and he would come to class this afternoon."
Jiang Qing and Song Shuang both relaxed when they looked at each other. The fact that they could come to school in the afternoon meant that the problem should not be serious.
Jiang Qing: "What else did he say..."
Before she could finish her words, Song Shuang interrupted her: "Did he tell her what disease he had?"
Lin Nanyan glanced at Jiang Qing and said, "No."
Song Shuang was disappointed and dejected: "Okay, then I can only ask him in person this afternoon."
"Don't worry..." Jiang Qing tried to comfort Song Shuang.
"Oh, let's not make a fuss," Song Shuang said, changing the subject, "It's as if he's seriously ill."
Jiang Qing looked at her. The girl's face no longer had the tense look that caused her to walk hurriedly. Instead, her carefree smile reappeared on her face.
Jiang Qing: ...
"Who's making such a fuss? Weren't you the one who started it? Speaking of which, have you noticed that you seem to be a little too concerned about Wang Huaqing?"
"I do care about him a little bit," Song Shuang put his thumb and index finger in front of his eyes and made a small gesture, "just a little bit."
"But we're friends. Of course I care about him, and I care about you too," she asked Jiang Qing. "And don't you care about Wang Huacheng?"
"Or do you not care?" Song Shuang turned to ask Lin Nanyan to seek his support.
Obviously disappointed her, Lin Nanyan remained silent. He knew that Jiang Qing's implication was obviously not this.
Okay, Song Shuang turned her head back. She shouldn’t have asked Lin Nanyan. They grew up together, so how could they get divorced?
What Song Shuang said made sense, but Jiang Qing disagreed.
She could guarantee with certainty that her concern for Wang Huaqiang was definitely within the scope of friendship. Even if it was a little greater than that for others, it was out of guilt that she might be the culprit.
Concern comes first, guilt comes second.
But Song Shuang's attitude was obviously not like that. She cared too much and was too nervous.
For example, Mingming is a heartless person, but she was aggressive towards Wang Huaqiang while playing games before; Mingming is not a careful person, but she was the first to find out that Wang Huaqiang did not come to school this morning; she is always the first to rush forward when encountering things concerning Wang Huaqiang.
The degree to which she cared about him was obviously more than just a friend.
Since Jiang Qing traveled through time, perhaps because she was retracing the path she came from, her vision was not limited to the straight road in front of her. She also noticed something strange about the people around her out of the corner of her eyes.
The atmosphere between Song Shuang and Wang Huaqing was subtle, a subtle aura that seemed to be understood only by each other, a strange yet harmonious one. If one didn't observe carefully, it would be easy to overlook it and attribute it to the concern between friends.
Is it family love?
Not really. Jiang Qing shook her head. It wasn't as forgiving as family love.
Is it love?
No. It's not as deep as love.
It was difficult for Jiang Qing to use a simple word to clearly define the feelings that the relationship between Song Shuang and Wang Huaqiang brought to her. They were like two adjacent circles, but the intersection was a messy jagged shape.
She stood there motionless, lost in thought, her brows slightly furrowed, as if she was troubled by some difficult problem that she couldn't figure out.
"What are you daydreaming about?" A hand waved in front of Jiang Qing's eyes.
Jiang Qing came back to her senses, staring at the enlarged face of Song Shuang, and murmured, "I'm wondering, what exactly does Wang Huaqing mean to you?"
"That's it?" Song Shuang was surprised. "Have you been thinking about this for so long?"
Does she know?
A question mark slowly emerged in Jiang Qing's mind.
"Of course we're good friends." Song Shuang said as if it was a matter of course.
Jiang Qing was speechless. She shouldn't have trusted Song Shuang's straight-forward brain.
"Okay, don't dwell on such everyday, simple questions. Overthinking them will only make your brain dull."
Song Shuang used everyday words like this and emphasized them. In her opinion, this was obviously a very simple fact and there was no need to ask.
She really couldn't understand why Jiang Qing had so many twisted ideas. She guessed it was because she had gone crazy on the exam again.
Yes, Jiang Qing's results this time were unexpectedly terrible. They were only slightly higher than hers, so it was understandable that she went crazy.
"You should worry about the coming storm from the parents."
Song Shuang shook his head and sighed. Jiang Jiang always failed to grasp the key points. Alas, she had to be reliable.
"I'll go get the latest information for you. Just wait for my news."
After she finished speaking, she turned around and skipped up the stairs.
Jiang Qing looked at Song Shuang's jumping back and said, "I have something to say, but I don't know if I should say it."
Lin Nanyan was not surprised at all and continued fluently and naturally: "If you think it is necessary, then go ahead and say it."
Jiang Qing turned to look at Lin Nanyan. The boy's expression was calm, as if he could handle anything with ease. At this moment, he tilted his head slightly, his eyes focused and clear, conveying his seriousness and encouragement.
Although she never expressed herself clearly, people around her could always easily understand what she wanted to express.
He understood her, identified with her, and then supported her again and again in his own way.
It is a belief without reason and an undisguised preference.
He made Jiang Qing feel that there would always be a solid support behind her, and even if she was wrong, there would always be someone who would smile and tell her it was okay.
But Lin Nanyan gave her this illusion, and finally cruelly shattered it with his own hands.
Thus, she finally woke up from the magnificent dream that lasted for more than ten years.
No one is inseparable from anyone else, and no one will stay behind her forever.
In the first year after Lin Nanyan left, Jiang Qing would often look back when walking on the street, and there would be nothing behind her; when she ate, she would unconsciously pick out eggs and then leave them suspended in mid-air.
In the second year after Lin Nanyan left, every time Jiang Qing went out and went downstairs, she would subconsciously quicken her pace when passing by downstairs, turn her head away, and subconsciously avoid all traces of him.
In the third year after Lin Nanyan left, Jiang Qing had learned to always look forward and not to linger, and she no longer reminisced about the past.
......
From loss to habit, she walked this road for many years.
Nine years after Lin Nanyan's departure, Jiang Qing discovered that her memories of him had become hazy. She had thought she could now accept everything about him, that she could calmly accept that he had long since left her life and that they would never see each other again.
If we meet again one day, she might ask, as usual and politely as she would when meeting old classmates, "How are you doing recently?"
But the fact is, she just said: "I hate Lin Nanyan."
The moment she said it, she felt regretful. Looking left and right, it seemed like she was holding on to the past and refused to let go, like a child sulking, not at all calm.
I have clearly decided to be a mature adult, but when the critical moment comes, I just can't hold my breath.
Well, at that moment Jiang Qing admitted that she was such a petty person.
No euphemism, no compromise, always ask why.
Just when her emotions were escalating, an accident happened, and she was taken back to high school just when she was about to reach the highest point of her emotions. The anger stuck there and refused to dissipate.
She had countless questions she wanted to ask, but Jiang Qing's gaze fell on Lin Nanyan's face, who knew nothing about the future.
Mottled and fragmented light sprinkled in his eyes, like the bright starry sky occasionally glancing down casually, bright, clean, and clear as stars.
No matter how many words or accusations there were, they were all swallowed into her throat, lying there unable to go up or down. But even if she didn't pay special attention to it, she would still feel a distinct foreign body.
Jiang Qing had a lot of words stuck in her heart. Those emotions that had never been sorted out accumulated more and more, gathering into boiling soda, burning her throat from time to time. But Lin Nanyan's gaze was like the cork on the bottle, stuck there indifferently and unaware.
He is ignorant, he is open-minded, and he is afraid of nothing.
She felt aggrieved, resentful, and timid.
Why?
It was obviously not her who did anything wrong.
Seeing Lin Nanyue's puzzled look because of her long silence, Jiang Qing felt an inexplicable surge of anger in her heart.
"I don't want to see you right now," she said.
The surging emotions finally couldn't help but leak out a trace, and they rolled into Lin Nanyan's heart.
Faced with the girl's sudden outburst of emotions, Lin Nanyan was stunned. The cold words were like a sharp knife piercing his heart.
Lin Nanyan felt absurd and helpless for a moment. It was absurd that he didn't seem to be hallucinating, and he was helpless because he didn't know why she said such a thing.
"If..." He uttered the difficult words one by one. He had never realized before that speaking was so difficult. "If you really feel that way..."
His fingers unconsciously clenched the phone, the fingertips turned white from the force, and the blue veins were faintly visible.
He hesitated to say the words after "If..."
Jiang Qing couldn't help but laugh out of anger when she saw this.
You see, in this situation, his first reaction was still to obey her words and take care of her feelings. He didn't even ask why when facing someone who suddenly attacked him.
From Lin Nanyan's perspective, it was clear that she was losing her temper for no apparent reason, but he would still smile and tell her, it's okay.
But there is obviously a connection.
The corners of the boy's eyes were red, and although his face hadn't changed much, she felt as if he was about to cry. His voice was hoarse, and he looked at her like a puppy that had been cruelly driven away by its owner, wandering outside in the heavy rain, longing to go home.
This situation is like you slap someone and are prepared to fight back and forth, but the other person gives you a tearful and flattering smile in return.
The weak response made her feel powerless.
What's wrong with him now?
Jiang Qing sighed and compromised.
"I just feel that what I want to say to Song Shuang is not suitable for you to hear." Her tone softened and she explained to him patiently, as if this was her original intention.
"Yeah, okay." Lin Nanyan was still in a daze, and he responded slowly.
The status of the two people was completely reversed at this moment. If someone were to observe this silent war, they would suddenly realize that Jiang Qing, who seemed to be easy to talk to, was the one who was in control of this relationship.
Obviously one is lively and outgoing, while the other is cold and introverted, but the relationship between the two is reversed at this moment.
Contrary to his outward appearance, the seemingly calm Lin Nanyan is actually the one who is fragile inside and needs support.
In the sunshine, Jiang Qing stood on tiptoe and gently patted Lin Nanyan's head as he bent down and came closer, just like she used to comfort little Nanyan.
The touch of her hand was velvety, and she rubbed it unconsciously: "Okay, it's not appropriate for you to know about things between girls."
The warm touch on his head faded away, and Lin Nanyan slowly straightened up, looking at Jiang Qing's gradually disappearing back, his feet nailed to the spot.
That's not the case.
Lin Nanyan knows Jiang Qing better than anyone else, and knows her much more than Jiang Qing imagines.
She was absolutely sincere in what she said. She really didn't want to see him.
Right now, right now.
It’s not because of Song Shuang, nor because of the girl before.
It’s not that Lin Nanyan didn’t want to ask, but that he didn’t dare to ask.
If it was that serious, he was afraid that the consequences of getting an answer would be something he could not bear.
But why?
He remembered the dream Jiang Qing had mentioned before, a nightmare he didn't want to recall.
It was just a dream, wasn't it?
He won't leave.
Absolutely not.
Lin Nanyan was as confident as ever.
-
A parent-teacher meeting was taking place in the classroom, and a large group of people had gathered in the corridor across the wall.
Jiang Qing went upstairs and saw Song Shuang through the bustling crowd. He kept his ear pressed against the wall, eavesdropping, and then turned his head to chat animatedly with others. She walked over.
Song Shuang was eavesdropping attentively here, reporting the latest information to her classmates from time to time. When she was getting excited, she suddenly felt someone pulling her. She turned around and saw Jiang Qing, and she immediately greeted her warmly.
"Listen up! I had to ask someone to get me this spot with great difficulty. It's the perfect place to peek, bar none."
Jiang Qing obediently moved her head closer: "I have something to tell you."
Song Shuang looked up in confusion, but finally gave up his eavesdropping plan reluctantly. He pulled Jiang Qing to the other end of the corridor and urged her, "If you have anything to say, say it quickly. I still need to go and hear if the teacher has said anything bad about me in advance, so I can be mentally prepared."
"Do you feel," Jiang Qing pondered the right words, "that something's not right between you and Wang Huacheng?"
"Oh, are you talking about the quarrel between him and me at the party?" Song Shuang thought Jiang Qing was talking about something that happened before, but she didn't take it seriously. "It's okay. We quarreled today, but we'll make up tomorrow."
"We do this all the time, don't worry."
"No." Jiang Qing denied it. The problem was much more serious than that.
She turned her head to look out the window, as if a strange scene suddenly appeared there that particularly caught her attention. The glass of the teaching building opposite reflected a glaring light, and Jiang Qing stubbornly resisted the urge to cry and did not turn her head.
She was afraid of seeing Song Shuang's face, and if she relaxed her breath, she wouldn't be able to finish what she wanted to say.
"You always make sure Wang Huacheng eats the snacks he gives you. You always make him come with you wherever you go. When he doesn't eat with us, you ask him about it, even though it's his privacy and he has no obligation to tell us. And about the game before, I don't understand why you got so angry. It was just a game, wasn't it?"
It’s not that friends can’t care about each other and be angry with each other, but with Song Shuang’s personality, she shouldn’t do that.
"You're always mad at him, about everything."
"Even if he doesn't say it, and he always indulges you, it doesn't mean it's right."
She didn't know whether this was the reason why the two of them drifted further and further apart.
But right now, she did see the problems between the two of them. The way they interacted with each other clearly showed that it was not a healthy friendship.
As Jiang Qing finished speaking, Song Shuang's originally absent-minded expression, which frequently turned his head away, gradually became solemn.
"You said you were good friends, but you never did this to me."
Only him, only him.
Jiang Qing finished what she wanted to say in one breath and asked, "Do you want me to explain it in more detail?"
Song Shuang seemed to have a desire to control Wang Huaqiang that she herself was not aware of. Yes, it was a desire to control. Jiang Qing suddenly realized that at this moment she had finally found the adjective that fit the relationship between the two.
After she figured it out, she looked up at Song Shuang, and for a moment she was stunned by the expression on Song Shuang's face.
She was smiling, with the corners of her lips curled up, but her eyes, on the contrary, expressed an indescribable sadness, which made her look like a fragile glass doll.
At the end of the corridor is a huge glass window. The bright white sunlight shines through, but it cannot illuminate the corner of the snow-white wall inside.
The air was stagnant, and a heavy atmosphere filled the corner. The bustling sounds from the other end of the corridor seemed to be separated by a layer of mountains and seas, blurry and hazy, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to hear.
As if bent by something, Song Shuang slowly squatted down.
The long slanted shadow became shorter and finally disappeared into a straight line formed by the window edges. The boundary between black and white was clearer than ever before.
It was only then that Jiang Qing suddenly realized that a cheerful person like Song Shuang could also have such a sad and broken expression.
The drooping hair fluttered, hiding Song Shuang's expression. She only heard her say, "No need."
The sound was so soft that it was barely audible.
Jiang Qing stood there in a daze. The tears that had accumulated in her eyes for a long time finally seemed to be unable to bear it anymore. Under the influence of gravity, they meandered across her face, leaving two wet marks.
"You're right..."
Song Shuang raised her head with red eyes and was about to say something, but she met Jiang Qing who was crying even more aggrievedly than her. The last word of her voice was stuck in her throat and could not be uttered.
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