Chapter 23 We are each other's wild dogs
Kotori Hayato said in a calm voice, "We are the mafia. With this identity, we are already standing in the darkest place in Yokohama."
They are constantly trapped in a darkness that outsiders can never imagine.
Even if she was an undercover agent, after almost three years, there was no guarantee that she had not been infected by the darkness.
The two looked at each other and saw something in each other's eyes. This was the first time they had a disagreement about whether to support Dazai Osamu.
In the end, it was Nakahara Chuuya who looked away first. He explained with some frustration, "There's a difference between being forced to do something for survival and taking the initiative to do it."
"What's the difference?" Hayana Takanashi looked at him.
They are all bad things, but if we add "tragic" or "forced by the situation", does it mean that they are no longer bad things?
Is the former forced to be bad, or is the latter born bad?
In her eyes, they are all bad and none of them deserve sympathy.
She, Dazai, and Chuuya are all the same kind of people. Whether they did it voluntarily or not, they are all carrying criminal laws and are not worthy of sympathy. They can only rely on each other to lick their wounds. They are like wild dogs, baring their teeth, growling and biting anyone who dares to approach with a sharp knife.
Perhaps because the girl's expression was too confused, Nakahara Chuuya's fingertips moved slightly, and his palm gently touched the top of her hair twice, his voice becoming softer: "Even if they are mafia members, they can't fall so low that I can't catch them."
“Chuya…”
Kotori Hayato's eyes widened: "You... have the potential to be a mother."
Nakahara Chuuya: “…”
Nakahara Chuuya: “How could that be?!”
The ambiguous and warm atmosphere was gone. The boy, who wanted to hold the hands of two important people but was afraid that one day he would drift further and further away from them, so far that he could not hold them, quickly withdrew his hand from the girl's head in embarrassment, his face flushed red and his hair stood on end.
"I understand," raised her hand and patted the boy's shoulder, saying seriously, "I won't fall, and Dazai won't fall either."
Looking at the girl's serious expression, Nakahara Chuuya, for some unknown reason, lowered his breathing to the minimum.
"If you want to know the reason, it's because Chuuya is pulling us along."
Until she smiled at him and said these words, his mind suddenly "boomed" without warning, and he felt himself tremble.
This sentence implicitly expresses the meaning of "salvation".
He was redeeming Hayana and Dazai, and he felt like he heard that.
…
The number of people that Hayato Takanashi cares about can be counted on one hand, and she will unconditionally stand by them in everything related to these people.
Compared with them, the bottom line is nothing.
Dazai Osamu is one of them, and Nakahara Chuuya in front of him is also one of them.
Hayana Kotori will unconditionally stand by Dazai Osamu and Nakahara Chuuya, and Nakahara Chuuya will pull the other two back when he realizes they are sinking, and Dazai Osamu...
Looking back, he was protecting them in his own way.
The three of them protected each other and cared about each other. Even though they were arrogant and refused to admit it on the surface, had different opinions, and insulted and argued with each other, they were like a back that could be firmly leaned on if they leaned back a little.
If we talk about the redemption hidden deep in the heart, in the heart of any one of the three people, there is probably room for the other two.
Looking at the red-faced Chuuya Nakahara across from her, Hayana Kotori said bluntly, "Your face is so red."
"!" The other person turned his face away, but his face became even redder.
"I don't want to sleep. I'm not sleepy at all." The black-haired, black-eyed girl said expressionlessly, "Let's do something fun together."
The ochre-haired boy was completely confused: "What?!... What are you talking about? What do you mean by interesting things?!"
Don't suddenly say something that makes my heart beat so fast! Idiot!
"It's something interesting, do you want to go?"
“…”
"go."
*
Port Mafia torture chamber.
After getting the information he wanted, the young man slowly walked out of the dim room filled with the smell of blood.
In such a quiet late night, Dazai Osamu had no intention of resting.
The eye that was not covered by the bandage blinked slowly, and no one knew what he was thinking at this moment.
When a person calms down, all he can feel is loneliness. His brain keeps working all the time, and his thoughts begin to get out of control.
Do you want to go back to your residence?
When he returned, he was still alone, in a place abandoned by the map, as if he had also been abandoned by the world and everything in the world.
Where else can you go except the garbage dump on the beach and the office of the port mafia cadres?
Odasaku has his adopted children, Hayana has her own family, Chuuya has subordinates who are like good brothers that he trusts enough to hang out with him, Ango doesn't like being disturbed late at night, and Mr. Mori... forget it.
He was the only one who was alone at this moment.
"Mr. Dazai, the inside has been cleaned up."
Akutagawa Ryunosuke's slightly sick voice came from behind him.
Dazai Osamu did not look back. The boy following behind him did not make him feel less lonely at all, because he knew that the boy's final destination would be the port mafia.
If you want to survive in the port mafia, there is no other way except to be more ruthless than them.
And he... after realizing that Mr. Mori had that kind of thought... he just felt it was ironic and ridiculous, but also felt that it was very Mr. Mori.
So, even if there is someone standing behind you, you are still alone.
The young man raised the corners of his lips in self-mockery. Suddenly, he found that he was not used to being alone. Without the voice of a specific person in his ears, the world seemed empty and void. He felt powerless as if his chest was holding his breath and there was a damp cotton wool blocking his throat.
I don’t know what to do.
Nothing I do can bring relief.
"Mr. Dazai?" Seeing that the person in front had not moved, Akutagawa Ryunosuke asked in doubt.
In his eyes, Mr. Dazai has always been omnipotent. He gave him the reason to live and was a tall and majestic existence. But for some reason, at this moment in the middle of the night, he felt that the aura emitted by the person in front of him was a little different.
It's hard to describe it specifically, but what's certain is that this is an aura that he would never reveal in the interrogation room or at other times, and he deliberately restrained it.
Did something frustrate Mr. Dazai?
No! No one could possibly make Dazai-san feel defeated!! He was truly...
"Are you thinking that something has frustrated me?"
Dazai Osamu's voice was as pleasant as the breeze, but it made Akutagawa Ryunosuke open his eyes wide in surprise.
He hurriedly apologized for his disrespect: "Sorry! Mr. Dazai, I..."
"Yes." He interrupted Akutagawa Ryunosuke as if he hadn't heard him. Dazai Osamu still had his back to him and said calmly, "My tenacious vitality has made me very frustrated."
The vitality that could not find a home but could not leave was like an unquenchable wildfire, forcing him to wander empty-handed in the middle of the night.
Aimless and unable to stop.
Shocked by Dazai's words, Akutagawa Ryunosuke stared at his back with a frown.
"Is the interrogation over?"
Just as Akutagawa Ryunosuke was thinking about how to comfort Dazai Osamu, a mature lady's voice with a magnetic ending sounded from the front of the corridor.
Dazai Osamu raised his eyes and looked at the elegant woman standing opposite him, wearing a kimono and a velvet flower in her hair.
"It's Sister Hongye." The corners of his lips curled up.
Ozaki Kouyo approached and jokingly said, "It's rare to see you still here after the interrogation. What's wrong? Do you think the methods used are so cruel that even you can't stand it?"
"If I must say, the methods used today were a bit over the top," the young man said with a gentle smile, "but there are benefits as well. The men sent by Sister Hongye to learn from them have benefited greatly."
"Come to think of it, the ideas in my head are a bit out of line."
"This won't go well." Seeing through him, Ozaki Kouye pointedly reminded him, "A childish brat who's too possessive and likes to test other people's boundaries won't be liked by others."
Dazai Osamu stared at her and said, "I'm really not very good at pleasing girls."
"How modest." The woman's rose-red lips curled up, and her beautiful face showed elegance, intelligence, and mature beauty.
Out of kindness, she reminded again: "Everyone cares about a lot of things, and the people they care about are even more so. Not everyone can be like you."
Like a young man whose eyes reflect the light of the abyss, does he hope that he is also the most important person in the eyes of the other person?
"Be careful not to let your greed mess it up."
"Not just anyone can be more important than me, right?"
"Just because you're not important doesn't mean she won't be unhappy when you do that." Seeing the boy's eyes freeze slightly when they met, Ozaki Kouye continued, "If it happens too often, cracks will form."
The conversation between the two was confusing to Ryunosuke Akutagawa who was listening in, but looking at Mr. Dazai's expression, he didn't seem to be persuaded.
Sure enough, the next second, the youngest cadre of the Port Mafia showed no concern.
Thinking that she had given all the necessary reminders, Ozaki Kouyo turned and left.
She didn't know what happened tonight, but she was not a girl who was just beginning to fall in love. She had seen too much in Dazai Osamu's eyes. In order to protect the girl from getting hurt, she reminded the boy to control the beast in his heart.
Staring at the woman's back as she left, Dazai Osamu said, "We're done here today. Let's go back, Akutagawa."
Even Akutagawa, who has always followed him and regards him as the meaning of life, has Gin, who depends on him for survival.
...He had always kept the dark beast in his heart well contained, and his killing intent towards Uncle Kawasaki tonight was not due to greed.
Since Mr. Mori has begun to be wary of him and wants him to leave, in the port mafia where no one regards him as the most important person, Dazai Osamu, who doesn't care about anything, feels that there is no point in staying here.
What he wanted was the [most important], but unfortunately the people around him did not give him this.
Leaving here, he continued to wander aimlessly. To him, there was no difference between being in the human world and being in hell. But before leaving, he thought that except for those that could not be moved, it would be better to delete the other beautiful memories that would cause pain when seen in the future.
——For example, Uncle Kawasaki.
Dazai Osamu left the port mafia headquarters alone. Even though there were many people in Yokohama who wanted to kill him, [Owl] had not been uprooted and was in danger, he walked on the deserted streets without any precautions.
His destination was a bar.
The bar he, Hayana Takanashi, and Chuuya Nakahara frequented most.
Unlike the quiet underground bar that Oda Sakunosuke and Sakaguchi Ango went to, this bar was obviously more lively and there were still many customers at three or four in the morning.
Dazai Osamu looked towards the bar counter.
Two familiar figures caught his eye.
His eyes widened slightly, and he turned around to look at the two people who were talking with their backs to him, as if he had sensed something, and met the eyes of the young man standing at the end of the aisle a few meters away.
His pupils suddenly constricted, and his heart felt like it had been hit hard. Dazai felt that every sense in his body was spreading outward, and his soul was looking down at his stiffness and shock at the moment.
Something has quietly changed.
The loneliness flowing in my heart is gradually filled with warmth.
"You're so slow." Kotori Hayato raised his glass and smiled at him, "If you don't come soon, I'll win the bet."
Nakahara Chuuya, holding a glass of wine, looked at him and made a "tsk" sound, venting his frustration at losing the bet.
It was obvious that the two people were betting on the time he would be here.
With a smile on his lips, Dazai Osamu walked towards them.
A figure appeared in the empty void in his sight, the world that had been stripped of black and white gradually began to blur with color, and crisp sounds reappeared in his ears. At this moment when he was wandering alone, he now had a small hut where he could stay.
【Most important】.
He thought—
Although I'm not sure if it's the most important thing, I still want to follow my heart and stay.
Stay here, maybe you can get it one day.
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