A match made in heaven
604.
The apartment has more than one bedroom. An Jin says he can't stand soft beds and prefers to stay on the sofa most of the time. He also loves watching me sleep, and since we live together, our schedules never align. Sometimes, after watching me for too long, he gets sleepy and lies down next to me, leaving some space between us. If I wake up and see he's still asleep, I'll just hug him.
I remember his temperature was always slightly low, and his nose wasn't very high, so he had to push up his glasses a lot. Sometimes he'd roll over to face me, his forehead pressed against my chin or neck, very close. So close that I could tell if he was truly asleep or just pretending to be asleep just to be held.
When he wakes up, I'll point out his hair is a little messy, then lift up that part of his forehead for a closer look. His eyes are round when he's not smiling, with the corners slightly tilted up, which makes them look even better when he smiles. His freckles aren't dense, but rather light and natural. If I just stare at him without saying anything, he'll blush, so it's best to talk about something else while I'm watching him.
"How nearsighted are you?"
"Plain mirror, actually."
"You still wear plain glasses all day long??"
"Does wearing glasses make you look cultured? Don't laugh."
"I just laughed."
"Are you hungry? Want to go out and eat?"
"Are you hungry? I can cook."
"You're so awesome? What are you going to eat later?"
"Tomato scrambled eggs and fried rice."
"That's the only one?"
"right."
He rolled his eyes at me, a look of disdain. I pinched his cheek and realized he hadn't changed much in the past few years. He still looked the same as when I first saw him—young. Especially when he wore that striped shirt. Every time I looked at him, I was stunned, and I had the illusion that I was still in my teens.
605.
He usually doesn't tell me in advance when he wants to see me. He comes and goes as he pleases. A few times, it wasn't even during holidays. When I asked him why, he said the ticket prices were higher during holidays.
If I see a few extra bags of fruit when I get back to the apartment, I know he's been there and is probably out strolling or buying groceries. If he's there, I'll point at the fruit and ask him with a smile,
"Are these eaten before or after a quarrel?"
"I'm eating these myself, I didn't buy any from you."
606.
My sophomore year, I decided to get a cat. I spent a long time at the pet store choosing. I'd finally decided on one: Devon and Curly. They were both beautiful, like they came out of an anime. But when I got them, I discovered I had allergies, so I ended up dropping them.
All the information I'd gathered online was in vain. I'd read a lot about cat habits, and they all seemed strangely similar to An Jin. He said he couldn't leave me, but he also preferred to be invisible.
People often describe relationships as "a relationship," but after much reflection, I feel this isn't quite right. What we have with him isn't a relationship, it's a period of relationship. With his presence and absence, our relationship becomes intermittent and disconnected.
607.
I was also hesitant, wanting to ask, to be more certain. But when we met, I noticed his expression, and the silent details hidden in it made it impossible to act. I didn't want to ask anymore, because asking would only seem pretentious.
He doesn't have to say love, this love is also vivid.
608.
I remember one year when he celebrated my birthday with me. The cake was so sweet that I developed a toothache in the middle of the night. I woke up to find him still awake. I asked him why he wasn't sleeping and was constantly watching me. He went out to buy me some medicine and came back to tell me he knew he'd made a lot of requests, but they had already been screened.
"What's the meaning?"
"Take one of this, and two of this. What I mean is, if possible, I want to be by your side all the time."
"sure."
"Are you still in pain?"
“How can it be effective so quickly?”
"I don't like others to contact you because I don't want bad people to get close to you."
"Yeah." I know.
"Every time I see you, I feel sad for a long time after we part."
"Yeah." Me too. So why didn't you come to see me during the holidays, and why didn't you let me see you, and why didn't you stay a few days longer when you came?
"I don't want you to see anyone else. I even hope you can't speak, or that you never leave this room. Only I can see you, and only I can talk to you. This is the ideal state. I have this thought every time we meet, so I always control the number of times we meet."
"Yeah." He took my hand and stared at me, interlocking our fingers so tightly that my knuckles ached.
"Are you scared? Or angry?"
"No, I just have a toothache." I just didn't know you thought that way.
"Hour."
"Hmm? I'm listening."
"Do you regret being with me?"
"No, maybe we don't know each other well enough? Just tell me what you think, it's okay."
"So you don't regret it?"
"No regrets, just try to argue less in the future."
"You don't think my idea is scary?"
"Won't."
609.
No, really not.
Objectively speaking, we were made for each other. My thoughts are many times darker than yours. I understand why I like you, but you might not quite grasp why. When you were worried about being disliked, when you made those incomprehensible requests, I wasn't moved, nor was I trying to make do. That initial text message reflected on my phone screen is a mirror to me. The real me and the real you are essentially the same.
I was very happy that we were the same kind of people, but I didn't show my happiness.
I verified through understanding that we are the same kind of people, and my verification was very accurate.
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