Failure
433.
A class reunion at a barbecue restaurant. It was packed, and reservations were required. I made my way through the tourists and sat next to Qiu Yang. He said Yu Xinxin wasn't coming today, and he never imagined I'd be so angry.
Each person ordered a few skewers, and although there seemed to be only a few, more than half were left in the end.
I drank the orange soda that symbolized my childhood and looked around. I wondered where An Jin was, whether he was near or far away. The more I tried to find him, the harder it was to find him. The more I forgot about him, the more he appeared.
"Beer, half a dozen," I said.
"Can you drink?" Qiu Yang asked me.
"No." But we did drink once, at a bonfire party on the beach. It wasn't a good party at all.
"Then you still drink?"
"I'm going to drink myself to death here today."
"What's wrong with you?"
"When did you go to Xu Jiaheng's house?" He didn't let me order.
"Last month? Or the month before that?"
Xu Jiaheng didn't go home and didn't want to study. Aunt Xu chose to contact Qiu Yang. I felt like I had lost miserably and didn't even know how I had lost.
"I'm not eating anymore. I'm full. I treated you to this meal, so I'm too lazy to count it."
"Where are you going?"
I didn't know where I wanted to go, so after I left my seat, Qiu Yang followed me out.
434.
"Your home isn't here," he said again. Last time, many years ago.
"None of your business."
"Why do you want to drink?" He pulled me again.
"Why do you ask me why?" I seem to have asked this question before.
"Xu Jiaheng doesn't like Li Enhui because..."
"Fuck off!"
"He really has never liked Li Enhui. Believe me."
"Why should I trust you? You've already discredited someone with just one sentence. How can I still trust you?"
"Have you ever seen him cry because of Li Enhui? No, right? I cried because of you."
Rewinding my memory, I searched carefully, not missing a single detail. It seemed like there really wasn't any. He just said he wanted to cry, but I don't know if he actually cried when he sent this message. Maybe he did cry, many times, but I wasn't by his side.
"Did I make you cry? I haven't settled the score with you about what happened at the swimming pool last time. You said you cried, did you really cry?"
Where are the tears?
"Pei Xuzhen, why do you hate me? If my bad temper is my fault, then besides my bad temper, what other faults do I have? I told you last time about the swimming pool incident. I didn't mean it."
"Does it matter whether it was intentional or not? After Dongdong moved, I haven't been to his house, and my aunt hasn't contacted me. I know you're prioritized over me, but isn't it enough for you to know that you're prioritized? You have to tell me before you're satisfied."
There was another quarrel in the street, and tourists turned back to look. I said,
"I have nothing, and you want to take everything from me."
"What did I steal?"
"Xu Jiaheng."
"Are you crazy? Why am I trying to snatch this from you?"
"You just like to use this method to remind me that I have nothing. If you try to steal from me again, we will die together, and you will die first."
"Have you met his second aunt?"
"I haven't seen it, don't change the subject."
"I have seen him, but you don't remember. His second aunt is my mother. Do you still think I am competing with you? I am his brother. If he doesn't contact me, he will contact you? You are the one who controls him?"
I stopped talking, not knowing what to say. The words "Little Mint" kept echoing in my ears.
"I told you not to love someone who is not worthy. Am I wrong?"
"If it's wrong, then it's not worth it if you say it's not worth it?" If you say he doesn't like it, then he doesn't like it? Do you have to control whether he likes it or not?
435.
"What should I do so that you will believe me even once?" Qiu Yang sighed.
"Show me the evidence you say 'not worth it'."
"Okay, evidence, right? Do you know why Aunt Xu opened a small shop? Because Xu Jiaheng loved to steal things when he was a child. He loved to lie since he was young. His father was in debt and hiding somewhere else. He didn't tell you this, right? Few of the things he told you were true. But you just believed everything he said. When you two walked together after school, he asked me for pocket money, saying he would treat you to food. Every time he asked me for it, I always gave it to him. How many times has he treated you to bowl cakes?"
"He said you borrowed it from him."
"Bullshit, you like this? You want to like this too? The day he first saw you, he came back and told me that your eyes looked like ghosts. I didn't even understand what was going on, but you two became good friends."
"You clearly said this, who are you trying to fool?"
"I didn't say that. What I said was that your eyes are very special, like fireflies."
Really? Is that so?
"He is the son of a gambler." Qiu Yang's eyes were filled with disgust and frankness.
So what if it's like that? Even if what I hear now is the truth, so what?
I think of the stiff words, the love letter I wrote to him.
436.
Xu Jiaheng, even if you lied to me, I still forgive you. Even if you hurt me, I still embrace you.
437.
"I like him not because of whose son he is." You will never understand.
Qiu Yang's eyes were red, as if he had also lost miserably. I was particularly afraid of others crying in front of me, so I changed the subject. Pointing at his backpack, I asked,
"Why are you carrying a schoolbag at a class reunion?" Do you want to take out your homework and do it in the middle of the reunion?
"I'll give you a chance to pull my schoolbag. If you pull it today, we'll be even." I could hear him choking.
I did as he asked and reached out to grab his schoolbag. This scene made me not know whether to cry or laugh.
438.
When I was about to let go, the zipper of the backpack opened and I caught a glimpse of a bouquet of flowers inside, but I couldn't see clearly whether it was roses.
439.
Whose romance failed again?
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