Successful hand-in-hand
575.
This shop sells cola chicken wings, duck-shaped tapioca pearls, and a variety of delicious rice bowls. The prices are affordable, the food is delicious, and there's always a line. With National Day approaching, many out-of-town students were leaving for home that night, so our line didn't last long. To the right of the counter, against the wall, sits a black piano. To the left, a wooden bookshelf holds many popular magazines and novels of the time.
By the time we got to the line, the pork chop rice was sold out. An Jin said he felt a little regretful, and I told him it was okay and he could come earlier next time.
Vacations during my senior year were also a luxury. There were piles of homework and several days of voluntary self-study. While it was ostensibly voluntary, in reality, the teacher was in the classroom, explaining the exams and taking attendance. Absentees were definitely scolded, and there was even more homework. My experience of senior year was one of endless exhaustion, bags of coffee grounds for morning study, and a pervasive lack of freedom.
I asked An Jin how many days he'd be back, and he said he'd be leaving the day after tomorrow. After dinner, I asked him to wait in the restaurant for a while, until late. He said okay, and then asked to borrow my MP4 player to play Tetris. I borrowed it, and when he returned it, I found he'd deleted all the other songs, leaving only the English listening section. He told me to focus more on the last two semesters, and I said, "Seriously, you're so controlling."
576.
We finally emerged from the backstreet near ten o'clock. Several streetlights were broken, flickering intermittently. It was only a short walk back to the rental apartment, so I suggested we just wander around, heading down an unfamiliar stretch of road. As we passed a trash can, he spitted out his flavorless bubble gum and replaced it with a new one. He asked me what I was waiting for, why didn't I go home so late?
"Wait for less people."
"You don't have to wait that long if there are fewer people around here. There aren't many people around here after nine o'clock."
"Well, do you want to go to the park?"
"Old man, who are you? Let me take you home, otherwise it's too late. Will you go back to the island tomorrow or study?"
"Study on your own. Cheng Yuan said every student must volunteer."
"That's great, it saves you from riding out alone and making me suspicious of you."
......
577.
Finally, there was a section where I had no idea where exactly, but I certainly didn't see anyone. I turned and offered An Jin my hand. I meant, holding hands, for a short while. He nodded, pulled out a few pieces of bubble gum, and placed them in my palm. That was all he had for now.
I laughed to myself for a long time, put the bubble gum into my schoolbag, and told him to hold my hand, and then I succeeded.
578.
A year or two later, he recalled this episode and said that I was so domineering at that time. He imitated my tone and said,
"Quiet! Hold my hand."
No, because I spoke too softly and he misheard. What I said was clearly,
"An Jin, hold my hand." Don't let go.
579.
Since my study session was scheduled at the same time as my regular classes, I missed my chance to take him to the airport. I texted him and asked when he'd come see me next time. He said it depends, but he expected it to be just as sudden as this time. So I better be prepared.
Senior: We’re at school.
Me: Yeah.
Me: We don’t release it until 7pm.
Me: Next time you come, please stay a few more days before leaving.
Senior: Okay.
Senior: The next time will probably be during winter vacation.
Senior: The fruits here are delicious, would you like to try some?
Senior: I’ll send it to you.
Me: No thanks.
Me: Eat it yourself.
Me: If you don’t have enough living expenses, remember to tell me, don’t take too many part-time jobs and make yourself too tired.
Senior: I don’t think part-time work is tiring.
Me: I don’t think part-time jobs are good.
Senior: What’s wrong with it?
Me: It’s delaying your relationship.
Senior: Dating will interfere with your studies.
Senior: You might as well stop learning it.
Me: Okay.
Me: How do you know I don’t want to study anymore?
Me: I might as well quit and come work for you guys. One person supporting two people, how awesome is that?
Senior: What’s wrong with you?
Senior: Are you kidding?
Senior: You said you were joking. Then don’t make such jokes in the future.
Me: Just kidding.
Me: Remember to think of me.
Senior: Okay.
580.
October flew by, with evening study sessions either catching up on work or taking exams. I experienced firsthand how busy An Jin was around this time last year. In early November, I received a package from An Jin. I opened it to find a letter and some blank paper, his message to me to write back after reading it. I put the paper in my schoolbag. The letter he wrote to me had gotten a little wrinkled from the shipping, so I put it under my textbook, thinking I'd flatten it out.
It just so happened that during the break that day, Cheng Yuan came into the classroom to check if anyone had their phone. My phone was always hidden in my thermos, so it hadn't been found, but when he walked by, he bumped into the corner of my desk, and the letter fell out. He saw it and confiscated it.
I didn't open it, and neither did he. He asked me which girl gave it to me, and I said I didn't know.
"It's already this late. You've finally achieved good results. You're not thinking about falling in love now, are you?" he asked me in the office.
"No."
"Who sent it?"
"I really don't know."
"I don't know if there's a way to deal with it." He tore up the letter and threw it into the trash. Before letting me go, he also reminded me not to waste my time on things unrelated to studying. I nodded.
581.
After school, I returned to the rental house and called An Jin, but he didn't answer. After a while, he called back and I said,
"The letter is gone."
“Didn’t receive it??”
"I got it, but it's gone now."
"You ate it?"
"No, why would I eat this? The homeroom teacher saw it, took it away and tore it up."
"It's okay. I wrote too much and there's no room for my signature. Just take it away. Didn't you have time to read it?"
"...right."
"Then I'll have to write another one. This one's been slow to arrive. I sent it last month, and it only arrived now."
"It's okay, are you really going to write another one?"
"Really? It's just that I can't deliver it before your birthday."
"fine."
"Then I'll hang up first, you do your homework."
"You hung up so quickly?"
"Well, we can't write and talk at the same time, right? You should go to bed early after you finish writing. I'll take a picture of the letter and send it to you via MMS later, just in case."
"Can."
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