survivor
331.
Back at my rental, I saw a few more text messages on my phone. I ignored them, thinking I'd take a hot shower first. At the swimming pool before, the water turned cold halfway through. Even the coldest February in Wulin City is above freezing, so snow doesn't fall from the sky. The showerhead was rusty, and I had to tap it twice before the water came out.
"Let's contact each other when we have time." This is what Dongdong said to me before going to the apartment building.
God knows we live in the same complex, just a few steps away from each other in the apartment building across from each other. But during this period, he only contacted me because of the bread that Li Enhui wanted to eat.
I tapped the shower head hard several times, and it must have been broken. I stood in the bathroom, feeling extremely frustrated. Just as I was about to leave, water started to drip down. I heard it, and I was horrified.
332.
......
"survivor."
"Tell me what happened, why won't he talk?"
"Is this your child? He's so thin you can see his ribs, like a shark's gills."
"Good boy, don't be afraid."
"You're covered in blood. Why?"
"He's fainted, doctor, where is the doctor?"
"Are you awake?"
"Shh... Look at me, what is this? Who am I?"
"You forgot? It's not bad to forget. Nothing happened to you in my arms."
......
"Afraid of water? Really?"
"Don't let him know he can swim."
......
"Xuzhen, pack your bags and follow me."
"Where are you going?"
"Somewhere they can't find you."
“There’s no place like that.”
"Walk."
......
"I don't like the sea."
"I know."
"How long will this time be?"
"It's been a long time, why did you vomit again?"
......
"I'm so cold."
"My dear, you are not cold, you are sick."
.....
333.
Life is nothing but a nightmare, Qiu Yang, do you understand why I hate you?
334.
Hot water washes over my memories, each second clearer than the last. I'm still shaking as I blow-dry my hair, holding my phone, unable to see the screen clearly. Breathe, calm down, breathe, see clearly.
The number I sent text messages to in the afternoon: I knew you could swim.
reply.
Me: Where are you?
The number I sent text messages to in the afternoon: Your doorstep.
Me: Don’t think I’m afraid of you.
The number that sent the text message in the afternoon: Do you dare to open the door?
I walked to the door in my slippers and peered through the peephole into darkness. Sighing, I unscrewed the lid of the pill bottle. One, two, three. Maybe I counted wrong, maybe not.
335.
Monday, late.
After the flag-raising ceremony, the first or second year students read their speeches. When they dispersed, I suddenly noticed a familiar figure. I turned around and asked Yu Xinxin next to me,
"Who is that?"
"A senior from the second year of high school."
......
"Who? Quiet?"
"It's not this Jing."
336.
After school, it was my turn to follow him and dial each number. At one point, it rang.
Guessed it right.
337.
I won't follow him anymore. He always walks with his head down. The cafeteria window should be closed by now, so I returned to school and went to the small supermarket to buy instant noodles. Halfway through my meal, Qiu Yang sat across from me and looked at me.
"Why don't you go to the cafeteria for lunch?"
I ignored him and he continued to ask.
"Do you like instant noodles?"
Ignore him.
After drinking the noodle soup, I still felt hungry. Looking at him made me lose my appetite again, and I thought about going back to the classroom to do my homework. Qiu Yang pulled me again,
"Are you so cold-hearted?"
I shook his hand off and said,
"Why do you care so much?"
"Where did you go after school?"
"Don't talk to me."
"Ask you a question?"
"Are you done yet?" I glared at him and he smiled.
“Not yet.”
"I'm tired, so please stop talking to me."
"You don't look well. Should I take you for a run?"
338.
I really don't know what he's thinking. Maybe if I just do what he says, he'll stop pissing me off. He's on my left, and I'm on your right. I think back to those whistles and that box of rejected egg tarts in the second year of junior high. Qiu Yang, what are you thinking about?
Don't tell me anything you're thinking.
339.
There was a track and field field in front of me. I suddenly thought of something and turned around. A figure quickly hid behind the locust tree.
340.
I pretended not to see anything and ran after Qiu Yang. He was getting further and further ahead. Seeing that I couldn't catch up, he turned around and walked backwards.
"I told you not to smoke, but you didn't listen. Now you've ruined your lungs, haven't you?"
I hunched over, my hands on my knees, gasping for breath.
"So you took me running just to tell me that I'm so much worse than you?" Please, I'm not in the same class with you.
"That's not what I meant."
"Then tell me what you mean today."
"What's your favorite tree?"
"Qiu Yang, are you sick?"
"You like locust trees? I just saw you looking back."
341.
I don't have a favorite plant, but the locust tree at No. 1 Middle School has many legends. It's said to be haunted, and I've heard three versions, all of which sound incredibly strange. In reality, it's just a few years old.
"dislike."
"Why don't you accept what I give you?"
Good question.
"Why did you take something that someone gave me?" How many times?
"What did I steal?"
"Bookmark."
"Xu Jiaheng asked me to pass it on. Didn't I give it to you? Why are you holding a grudge?"
"And love letters."
"Oh, you like love letters?"
See, I can't make sense to him.
342.
"I'm going back to the classroom first. Class is about to start."
"Your classroom is not over there." He pulled me again.
I said I was going to get something to drink first, and he said we should go together. It was happening again two years ago. How can I distance myself from him? Now I really don't know. I can only try not to think about it. Getting rid of a memory, getting rid of a person, is incredibly difficult.
When I was in kindergarten, the teacher gave us some stickers and paper-cuts.
"Cut out the shadows and leave the pattern."
If I don't even want a pattern, then I don't have to cut it, right?
343.
The bell rang for class, and I was still wandering through my memories. Shadows came and went, flashbacks that didn't stop at midnight. I missed that small island devoid of tourists, I missed my friend with the orange whistle around his neck, I missed the small yellow croaker drenched in oil on the plate, the spicy mustard, the sweet and salty soy sauce...
345.
After school, I returned to my rental apartment, still dazed. I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for the expected text message. Fear knocked on the door more than once. I could take anything.
The phone vibrated and the doorbell rang.
346.
The other person: You don’t want to eat dinner?
Me: I know who you are.
The other party: That’s great.
Me: Last time I went home, I found that a few pieces of clothes were missing.
Me: Did you take it away?
He didn't reply, that's the benefit of knowing.
347.
Me: Which class are you in?
Me: Were you also in Kuye during your junior high school?
Me: I’ve seen you too, more than once.
Me: I know your name now.
Me: How you feel now is how I feel.
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