What is the probability of falling in love?
480.
When I got home, I only sent a text message to An Jin. After he received it, he called me and asked me when I couldn't sleep. I thought about it for a long time, but I found that I couldn't remember. I only remember that I couldn't sleep one day, and then I couldn't sleep every day. We talked about everything, maybe this is the only way to ambiguity. But I don't want to leave, I don't want to test each other, I just want to tell him when our love for each other reaches a certain critical point, and then ask,
Can you be my boyfriend? Or I'll be yours.
Dating, dating...what is the probability of falling in love?
481.
"Panic attack? What's it like?" he asked me one early morning, a question I felt very qualified to address.
"It's like, being in the daylight and adding up all your nightmares. You're afraid of a lot of things, of everything that's alive."
"The living are scarier than the dead?"
"right."
"Why?"
"The dead don't pose a threat. Just like last semester, you following me around was also a threat in my eyes."
"I'll follow you next semester."
"As you please."
"Are you not afraid of me anymore?"
"You like me so much, what should I be afraid of?"
"You sound very proud."
"Your foreign language is very good."
"Has anyone else texted you lately?"
"No, but what if there is?"
"If there is any more, I will be unhappy."
"But I won't be talking to anyone else for so long."
High school holiday homework, every subject, was overwhelming. We could hear each other turning pages. An Jin had a habit of chewing on the pen cap, which I discovered later. He also had a habit of constantly clicking the ballpoint pen, which I could hear now.
"just me?"
"Yes, you can say that. Because now you are the only one chasing me."
"Then doesn't that mean I have a good chance of winning?" He suddenly spoke in Chinese.
"What are 'odds of winning'?"
"That's how much possibility there is between us."
"Anything that hasn't happened yet is possible."
"Are you sleepy?"
"Not sleepy."
"How about you try stopping the medication for a while?"
......
482.
I tried it, and after I stopped taking it I could always hear people arguing in my head and babies crying.
483.
School started, and I ran into Qiu Yang at the classroom entrance. He advised me to choose science. He also suggested that when I fill out my college application, I should choose civil engineering. I didn't like his plans, just like the last time I went to the city, he knocked on my door before it was time to leave. I had originally planned to choose science, but after his advice, I chose liberal arts.
"You really won't listen to me? Then from now on I can only advise you in the opposite way," he said.
"That's more of a compromise."
"Xu Jiaheng asked you to borrow money?"
"It has something to do with you again."
"You borrowed it?"
"It's not a loan, and I don't plan on asking him to pay it back."
"He's in love."
"Um."
"I don't know how much you lent him, but I heard it was quite a bit. He still had some money left after paying off his gambling debts, and now he spends every day in the internet cafe after get off work. Is that what you want?"
"How long have you been talking?"
"You ask, do you think he wants to tell you?"
“You know how long, right?” You also know why.
"The previous one took two months, this one took less than a month."
"Um."
"Do you still want to like him?"
You've gone around in circles just to ask this?
"Guess?" I'm not sure, so you take a guess.
484.
Before Qiu Yang could guess, the homeroom teacher called him away. I was standing in the hallway when I saw An Jin. He was at the stairs, not looking at me or lingering. He just went downstairs. I pulled out my phone and texted him.
Me: Are you angry?
Senior: No.
Me: Coming to see me?
Senior: No.
Senior: The student union activity room is on the fourth floor, upstairs from you.
Senior: I came here to get some materials and I met you by chance.
Me: He left without even saying goodbye.
Or are you too disappointed in me after getting to know me better? Are you no longer determined in your choice?
Senior: I’m afraid you’ll bother me.
Senior: Aren't you really annoyed with Qiu Yang? Whenever he talks to you, you get annoyed with him.
Me: I don’t bother you.
Senior: Really?
Me: Really.
Senior: Then I’m going to bother you.
Me: Let’s have dinner together tonight?
Senior: So sudden?
Me: Didn’t you say you wanted to follow me? And have dinner together?
Senior: What do you want to eat?
Me: I don’t like people who have no opinions.
Senior: I want to eat at the small hot pot restaurant in the back street, it’s newly opened.
Me: Sure.
485.
Back Street is the alley where fights used to happen. After the demolition, a new place was built, and it's called Back Street. There are a lot of food and drink shops there. Many students, not just from our school, like to go there. I thought about going there after school in the afternoon and then going back to school for evening self-study. An Jin said we'd eat in the cafeteria that afternoon and go back after evening self-study.
Me: Let’s go another day, Saturday.
Me: School is over on Saturday morning.
Senior: Okay.
Senior: But I have to make up lessons on Saturday afternoon, so I have to finish school in the afternoon.
Me: You said last time that you don’t take extra classes.
Senior: There’s nothing I can do. I’m already in my third year of high school.
Senior: Will you wait for me?
Senior: If you don’t wait for me, I will ask for leave. It won’t be a big deal if I take the whole afternoon off.
I won't.
Senior: Okay, I knew it.
Senior: I will ask the teacher for leave later. It’s so troublesome to ask for leave.
Me: Where do you take your tutoring?
Me: I’m going too, so we can go home together after school, right?
Senior: It’s the cram school opposite the school.
Senior: Sure.
Senior: If you meet me during class, remember to pretend you don’t know me.
Me: So strict?
Me: Then I won’t go.
Senior: Are you going or not?
Me: Go, but don’t pretend not to know him.
Me: You are not a girl, no one will suspect us if we walk together.
Senior: Do we have to walk together?
Me: Or I won’t go, it’s the same if I come to pick you up.
Senior: You are so annoying.
Me: Then I’ll go eat with others.
Senior: You are not annoying.
Senior: Don’t eat with others, I will be unhappy.
Me: If you are unhappy, I will comfort you.
Senior: Really?
Me: Really.
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