Chapter 117
The room was very quiet. After Lin Yang finished speaking, he lowered his head in frustration. He didn't know what he wanted to say. His mind was in a mess. Xu Qingye was a good person and was willing to teach him everything. He was a good boss and a good person, but why did he have to fall in love with Shen Que?
"So, you can't accept Shen Que being in a relationship, or you can't accept that he's gay?"
Xu Qingye continued to ask, but Lin Yang still shook his head. The incident happened suddenly, and the two things happened at the same time, so Lin Yang couldn't tell which one had hit him harder.
Xu Qingye looked at him, feeling somewhat helpless.
"Forget it, let's get back to the basics. What's your purpose in chasing stars? If it's just because you like them and want to be a true fan, then you should go see their movies when they're released, turn on the TV when their TV series airs, buy magazines and endorsements when you can, and stand up for them when others say bad things about them. That's already pretty good. If you're more serious, just check in on the super topic every day and do some statistics. That's all an ordinary fan can do. If you envy those big fans who can call the shots, then you need to change your mindset. You see, if not 100%, at least 90% of the so-called big fans, the "fangirls," chasing stars is a profession, they want to make money. You have to think about your favorite star as a commodity. If you want to be a big fan, you can also ask Cao Muan how it works. The fan page she opened for Song Nanxi made 200,000 to 300,000 yuan during the talent show alone, but can you say she's a true fan? She's not a fan of Song Nanxi at all; she just sees the commercial value in her."
Xu Qingye looked at Lin Yang. The thing that broke his defense was nothing more than that he liked Chen Que so much but could do nothing. Xu Qingye, the real sister-in-law, looked so powerful. He was angry and aggrieved, but he didn't know what he could do. He hated and liked her at the same time, twisting himself into a pretzel.
"Chen Que is not a commodity. Do you also make money from Chen Que? Then are you two in a serious relationship?"
Lin Yang was a little excited. He hated Xu Qingye's commodity theory, but he couldn't refute it. He knew that Xu Qingye was right. After all, their company made money from this.
"Part of your salary comes from Shen Que's earnings, and you'll continue to make a lot of money from him in the future. Besides him, the same goes for other artists. Since you've chosen this line of work, this is the inevitable outcome. As for love, if you're not in it with me, then you'll be in it with others. These handsome and talented men and women in the industry have so many fans. Do you really believe those brainwashing claims about being single? Just like the dream they create, and don't be too curious about their private lives. The more you learn, the more disillusioned you'll become."
The first time they chase stars, they are the most obsessed and will project all their beautiful imaginations onto the other person. In psychology, this is called "transference", but this emotion will also cause them to over-idealize their imagination of the artist. Once something beyond their imagination happens, their beliefs will easily collapse.
"It's nothing, actually. You get used to it after so many houses collapse. If this one isn't good, just move on to the next one. Celebrity chasing is just spending money to buy happiness. If you don't have happiness here, look for it somewhere else, or just love more than one person at a time."
"You don't like Shen Que at all, how can you say such things."
Lin Yang's eyes were red. He looked at Xu Qingye and felt sorry for Shen Que. Xu Qingye was so indifferent when he said these words. In his eyes, Shen Que was no different from other artists. He was just a tool to make money.
"I told you not to bring your fangirling into work. Similarly, we should keep our personal lives separate. What happens between Shen Que and me is a private matter. We're just partners at work. Of course, I can't rule out the possibility that I might be a little biased towards him. After all, humans aren't completely machines."
Xu Qingye took a sip of tea and his smile deepened.
"I'm not going to waste my time talking to you. If you're just chasing stars, keep your distance from them. This is a happy thing and shouldn't become a problem."
"Sorry to bother you. I don't have any photos saved. This is all I have. I won't tell anyone about it."
Lin Yang looked at Xu Qingye, feeling very conflicted. He took out an envelope from his bag and handed it to Xu Qingye.
"Thank you for your care during this time. I was wrong this time and I won't do that again in the future."
"If you're quitting because you don't want to work in this field anymore, I support you. If you just feel you can't stay in the company because of this incident, don't worry. I'm a very tolerant person and won't hold it against you. Think carefully about whether you want to continue working here. If you still want to work here, start work on time. If you quit, hand over your work completely."
Xu Qingye put away the resignation letter. He was not in the right mood to make a decision at the moment.
"I know I'm not qualified to ask such a question, but I still want to ask, are you serious about Shen Que? You're not playing with his feelings, are you?"
"You think I'm a scumbag, don't you? I don't know where you got this illusion from. If you don't want to go home, let's order some takeout and eat together. I'm still hungry after chatting with you for so long."
Xu Qingye was speechless. In comparison, Shen Que was clearly more like a scumbag.
"oh."
Lin Yang ordered lunch and sat in the living room feeling a little awkward. Xu Qingye leaned on the sofa playing with his phone and didn't seem to care about him. Lin Yang sat there and began to digest Xu Qingye's questions.
Was he unable to accept Shen Que's love life, or was he unable to accept Shen Que's homosexuality? The two things happened simultaneously, and he couldn't tell the difference. Deep down in his heart, he actually had another answer.
He was feeling relieved. What was he feeling relieved about? Was he feeling relieved that Shen Que was gay? Lin Yang was startled by himself. He stood up suddenly, and the chair moved back, making quite a noise.
Xu Qingye was startled by him. He looked up at Lin Yang's frightened face and quickly walked over.
"What's wrong?"
"No, nothing, I, I'm leaving first."
Lin Yang waved his hands randomly and walked out in a disorderly manner. Xu Qingye wanted to call him, but he had already run away.
After hurriedly going out, Lin Yang stood in the community with his mind completely confused.
"What is your purpose in chasing stars? Do you want to have a relationship with Shen Que?" Xu Qingye's words kept going back and forth in his mind. Lin Yang suddenly realized that he had actually had such thoughts in his subconscious. When he saw Shen Que and Xu Qingye kissing, the thought of why that person was not himself popped up in his mind for a moment.
Lin Yang was even more scared. In his twenty years of life, he had never been so scared. He suddenly realized that he seemed to like boys. He always thought that he had not been in a relationship before because he had not met the right girl. But he suddenly found that it was not the girl's problem at all, but that he had never faced up to his true inner desire.
Lin Yang was in a strange state when he left. Xu Qingye was a little worried and called him. Lin Yang answered the phone when the ringing was almost over.
Before Xu Qingye could speak, Lin Yang's voice came first, and he sounded like he was crying.
"I realized I lied to you, and I lied to myself. I'm the real dream man, so when I found out you were in a relationship, I was both angry and happy. I didn't know before, so I never thought about it. But when I found out he was gay, my first reaction was relief. I'm actually pretty bad, right? I clearly had the same thoughts, but I still wanted to blame you. But what qualifications do I have? I'm just a humble voyeur, jealous of the way you have him."
Lin Yang said a lot and Xu Qingye listened patiently. He found that he really had the potential to be a good father, and he made very good inspirational speeches.
"Come back quickly if you haven't walked far. The takeaway has arrived and I can't finish it all by myself. Don't waste it."
Xu Qingye didn't comment on Lin Yang's fancy words, but just urged him to go back. It was only a few minutes, and Lin Yang must not have gone far.
Lin Yang was a person with a soft personality. Xu Qingye's tone was not good, and he was shocked for a moment. He responded timidly and turned back upstairs.
Lin Yang stood at the door and didn't dare to go in. Xu Qingye took a look at his useless look and rolled his eyes.
"Do you want me to invite you in?"
"No, I'm just a little embarrassed. Don't you hate me for taking secret photos of you?"
Lin Yang moved in, lowered his head and didn't dare to look at Xu Qingye.
"It's normal to be photographed when I'm with Chen Que. I can only blame myself for not being able to hold back. I was about to enter the house, so why did I have to kiss my lousy mouth? I will definitely never do that again in the future."
Xu Qingye handed the chopsticks to Lin Yang. In fact, if Lin Yang didn't take the photo, someone else would have taken it sooner or later. He was still not vigilant enough.
"I'm sorry, I'm so mean."
"From what you said, didn't you know you liked men before? Did you rush out just now because you scared yourself?"
"Yeah. I never thought about it before. You asked me if I was angry because Shen Que was in a relationship or because he was gay. I thought about it and suddenly realized it was neither. I got an answer that surprised me, so I was a little scared."
Lin Yang nodded honestly. Xu Qingye looked at him in disbelief. Lin Yang's appearance was okay. Not very handsome, but at least not ugly. He was also quite tall. Logically, he should be a very popular person. It wouldn't be so surprising that he only realized that he liked men now.
"You've never been in love, or liked anyone?"
"No, I'm not very smart. Studying takes me longer than others. To get into university, I practiced questions every day. After getting into university, I was busy taking exams and working part-time. I never thought about these things before I suddenly realized it. I panicked for a moment, and no one around me told me about this."
Lin Yang lowered his head lower and lower, and he suddenly realized that he should have realized it earlier when he saw how much he liked Chen Que. It's not that there are no men who are fans, but probably none of them have such a strong liking for him. He likes his appearance, voice, personality, everything, including his later writings and his thoughts.
"Okay, you're pretty slow too."
Xu Qingye was silent for a long time. He realized that he liked boys when he was sixteen or seventeen years old. When his friends were discussing which girl was pretty, he was only interested in the male stars in the advertisements. Although he didn't understand it at that time, he had some vague guesses. He secretly went to the Internet cafe to check the data and realized that there was such a niche circle. He accepted it quite calmly. Although he was confused for a while at the beginning, he soon learned to make peace with himself.
Xu Qingye and Lin Yang have known each other for a while. Although they are not very close, they know each other after all, so Xu Qingye took the initiative to chat with him.
He didn't say much, just told Lin Yang to learn to accept himself, not to think of himself as an alien, and not to force himself to live a normal life in order to pretend that he is the same as others, because that would hurt others.
Lin Yang never thought that Xu Qingye would say this to him. He was moved and ashamed. It was not until after dinner that he mustered up the courage.
"I've thought about it and decided I should resign. Staying here means I'm too close to Chen Que. I'm afraid I'll develop unnecessary fantasies. I need to distance myself from him and be an ordinary fan. I also want to sort out my chaotic emotions. This period of time has been too exciting for me. It's so different from my previous routine life. I need to digest it."
"Well, I understand how you feel. Just hand over the work properly and don't cause any trouble for others."
"Then could you help me say goodbye to Shen Que?"
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