Seeing your light
The corridors of the pediatric ward in the city hospital always have more color and sound than those in other departments. The walls are painted with adorable cartoon animals, and the air is filled with the scent of disinfectant mixed with the faint sweet aroma of milk powder and fruit puree. The cries and laughter of children, along with the gentle soothing voices of parents, intertwine to create a unique, vibrant background soundscape.
Lu Zi'ang had just finished a small consultation with the thoracic surgery department, and a hint of fatigue lingered on his brow. He habitually chose to walk through the pediatric ward back to the emergency center; the vibrant atmosphere there occasionally eased the heaviness of his profession. Just as he passed the half-open door of the activity room, a familiar and lively figure unexpectedly entered his line of sight.
It was Su Xiao!
She wasn't wearing any of those fancy, eye-catching dresses today, but rather a simple light blue sweatshirt and sweatpants. Her hair was tied in a neat ponytail, and she had no makeup on, yet her face radiated a carefree, radiant smile he had never seen before. She was half-squatting on the ground, holding a little girl of about four or five years old in her arms. The girl had a shaved head, a pale face, but bright, sparkling eyes.
"No, no, Princess Xuanxuan, you have to wave your magic wand like this!" Su Xiao held the girl's thin little hand and made an exaggerated yet cute waving motion, her voice as clear as a wind chime, "You have to chant the spell 'Whoosh whoosh whoosh, illness go away!' That's how it works!"
The little girl giggled as she was amused, and then recited in a clear, crisp voice, "Shoo-shoo-shoo! Sickness, go away!" Her laughter was pure and infectious, as if it could dispel all gloom.
There were a few children in the activity room, some drawing, some playing with building blocks. Su Xiao was clearly not a first-timer; she moved skillfully among the children, sometimes squatting down to carefully admire a boy's crookedly drawn "alien spaceship," commenting in an extremely serious tone, "This thruster design is so cool, it can definitely fly very far!" Another moment, she helped a little girl who couldn't reach the blocks build a rickety "castle," then joined her in an exaggerated gasp when it collapsed, before laughing and encouraging her to start again.
She didn't try to be gentle; her patience and kindness seemed to come from within. She would gently brush the sweaty hair from the foreheads of sick children, her eyes would crinkle with laughter at their clingy hugs, and when they grimaced from the pain of IV drips, she would magically pull a small sticker from her pocket, successfully diverting their attention.
Lu Ziang stopped at the door, his feet seemingly rooted to the spot. He watched silently through the glass window. He had seen her radiant and confident in the restaurant, her eloquent and charismatic demeanor; he had seen her holding a bouquet, her eyes filled with eager anticipation; and he had seen her pale and dejected, forcing a smile after being rejected. But the Su Xiao before him was a stranger. Stripped of all the carefully crafted social facade, cleansed of the purposeful enthusiasm, only a pure, almost instinctive kindness and warmth remained.
A nurse pushed a medicine cart past him, smiling and greeting him, "Dr. Lu? Going for another consultation?"
Lu Ziang's answer was as concise as ever, "Yes, I'm about to go back," but the next moment he couldn't suppress his curiosity and asked the nurse next to him, "Just wondering, who was playing with the children in the activity room?"
"Oh, you mean Miss Su, right? She's a child star volunteer in our department. She came again today. She's really amazing! All the kids love her. Even the most mischievous Xiao Bin listens to her."
Lu Ziang nodded slightly, but his gaze never left the figure in the activity room. He saw Su Xiao patiently reading a picture book to a little girl named Xuanxuan, her voice soft and her expressions vivid. Sunlight streamed in through the window, casting a soft halo around her, highlighting the gentle lines of her slightly lowered neck, and her focused profile seemed to be enveloped in a holy glow.
A strange, unfamiliar emotion stirred within his meticulously crafted inner world, revealing an unknown anomaly. He was accustomed to using data and logic to deconstruct everything, including human motivation. He had previously categorized Su Xiao's pursuit as "irrational impulse" and "inefficient social investment." But now, he couldn't find any data model to explain the scene before him. How could the efficiency and significance of such selfless, heartfelt giving be quantified?
He stood there for about ten minutes until Su Xiao got up, gave each child a high-five to say goodbye, and promised to come again next week. Then she walked briskly out of the activity room. As soon as she stepped outside, she saw Lu Zi'ang standing in the shadows of the corridor.
Su Xiao's smile froze instantly, as if blown away by a sudden gust of cold wind, quickly disappearing, leaving only a trace of unexpected embarrassment and subconscious wariness. She clearly hadn't expected to meet him here, especially in her "unkempt" state.
"Dr. Lu." She nodded, her tone distant and polite, a stark contrast to her lively demeanor in the activity room just moments before. She didn't linger, turning to walk past him.
Lu Ziang's Adam's apple bobbed slightly, and he spoke almost subconsciously, his voice a little lower than usual: "You... come here often?"
Su Xiao paused, not looking at him, but staring at the smooth wall in front of her, her tone flat: "Yeah, I'll come over when I'm free this weekend. Doing something meaningful is always better than...doing some inefficient and useless work." There was a hint of sharpness in her words, a trace of resentment stemming from her previous rejection.
Lu Ziang paused for a moment. He sensed the barb in her words, but strangely, this time the barb didn't offend him. Instead, it felt like a fine needle gently pricking him. He watched her retreating figure as she prepared to leave again. The image of that lively and warm figure among the children overlapped with the sharp, pointed back before him, causing a slight confusion in his usually clear and calm mind.
“Those children…” he began again, trying to find the right words, “They like you very much.”
Su Xiao finally turned her head and glanced at him, her eyes showing a hint of surprise, as if she hadn't expected him to say that. Then, a touch of self-deprecation appeared in her eyes: "Maybe it's because I'm quite noisy and childish, which suits their tastes." She tugged at the corners of her mouth, "Unlike you, Dr. Lu, who is mature and rational, you probably aren't very good at dealing with children."
After saying that, she gave him no time to respond, quickened her pace, turned and walked into the stairwell next door. Her ponytail drew a neat arc in the air, carrying a hint of determination.
Lu Ziang stood alone in the empty corridor, save for the smell of disinfectant and the faint laughter of children. For the first time, he felt that this familiar scent, representing his professional field, was somewhat pungent.
...
As evening fell, Lu Ziang finished his day's work, changed out of his white coat, and walked out of the hospital's back gate, exhausted. It was a relatively quiet alley connecting the hospital's living quarters to the old residential buildings behind it. He was used to taking this route, as it avoided the crowded flow of people at the front gate.
Just as he passed a corner piled with abandoned flower beds, he saw Su Xiao again.
She squatted there, several clean plastic bowls in front of her, each containing cat food and water. A wary tortoiseshell cat cautiously approached, sniffed, and then began to eat quickly. Su Xiao didn't try to pet it, but kept a safe distance, watching quietly, muttering to herself, "Eat slowly, no cat will take it from you... Didn't Xiao Hua come today? Did she run off to the next neighborhood again?"
Her movements were practiced and natural, clearly the result of long-term training. The setting sun cast a long shadow of hers, outlining her crouching, somewhat lonely figure. Unlike her bright demeanor in the pediatric ward during the day, she was now enveloped in a gentle, almost melancholic tranquility.
Lu Ziang subconsciously stopped and hid in the shadow of an old locust tree. He watched as she took out a small bag from her large canvas bag, filled another empty bowl with cat food, stood up, dusted off her hands, and looked around, seemingly searching for other familiar stray cats.
At that moment, Lu Ziang felt as if his heart had been suddenly clenched, a strong and unprecedented sense of shock sweeping over him. He remembered the expensive bouquet of flowers she had sent, the carefully prepared lunchbox that he had refused with the excuse of "safety boundaries," the U-shaped pillow that he had deemed "psychologically burdensome"... Those actions that he had measured and judged as "meaningless" with his rational standards formed a sharp and ironic contrast with the continuous, silent, and selfless act of kindness before him.
He always thought he understood her—a woman driven by passion and impulse, flamboyant in her behavior, and unaware of boundaries. He defined her using his own cognitive framework and naturally assumed it was the optimal solution.
But now, he saw another Su Xiao. A Su Xiao who would spend weekends with sick children without makeup and quietly feed stray cats. Her kindness wasn't a deliberate act, and her enthusiasm wasn't without depth. She was simply radiating her light and warmth in a way he couldn't understand, nor had he ever tried to understand.
His reliance on rationality, his sophisticated data analysis model, appeared so pale and powerless, even... arrogant, in the face of vibrant and complex human nature. He thought he was standing on the high ground of reason to examine everything, but he may have missed the most authentic scenery.
Su Xiao didn't seem to notice him. She took one last look at the cats eating peacefully, then turned and walked towards the other end of the alley, her figure gradually disappearing into the twilight.
Lu Ziang remained motionless for a long time. A cool autumn breeze swept across his slightly flushed cheeks. For the first time, he deeply doubted his own unwavering approach to things. The girl he had coldly rejected, labeled "inefficient" and "meaningless," was like a blinding light he couldn't calculate or ignore, ruthlessly tearing apart the orderly world he had built with logic, leaving behind a chaotic and scorching void.
He subconsciously raised his hand and touched the pocket of his white coat, only to find it empty. He then realized he had already left work.
A strange, unfamiliar emotion quietly began to grow and spread in his usually calm and composed heart. It was the shock of having his understanding overturned, the regret of misjudgment, and... a slight impulse, which he himself had not yet clearly understood, to want to re-examine things.
Night slowly fell, and the city lights began to twinkle. Lu Ziang stood there, looking in the direction where Su Xiao had disappeared. For the first time, he felt that this world was not as easily defined and calculated as he had thought.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
