The truth in tears
Night had completely enveloped the riverbank, leaving only the scattered lights of the villages on the opposite shore casting shimmering fragments of light on the inky water. The river wind grew colder, carrying a biting dampness, as it blew against the few people locked in a stalemate on the mudflats.
The river breeze ruffled the slightly messy strands of hair on Jiang Chen's forehead. His eyes, which were always as calm as a deep pool, were now churning with pain, struggle, disbelief, and... a heartache that almost devoured him.
He stood there, watching the woman a few steps away, disheveled and bleeding from her knees, yet stubbornly walking towards him step by step. The flame in her eyes was so intense that he couldn't look directly at her, nor could he escape.
Lin Wanxing stopped in front of him, close enough to see his slightly trembling eyelashes and his tightly pursed, bloodless lips.
“Jiang Chen…” she gasped, her voice hoarse, her chest heaving, her eyes filled with tears and an unyielding stubbornness, “We… need to talk.”
Jiang Chen's body trembled almost imperceptibly. He remained silent, but his taut, seemingly fragile back slumped slightly.
Escaping seemed to have lost all meaning after witnessing her genuine pain and her relentless pursuit. He closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again, all he saw was a desolate, painful emptiness.
"Why...why..." His voice was terribly hoarse, filled with a deep sense of helplessness, "Why did you make yourself like this...why did you come looking for me..."
"If I don't come to you, who can tell you my true feelings?" Lin Wanxing's tears finally broke free, mingling with the dust and sweat on her face, streaming down her cheeks. "Who can tell you that you're not a substitute! You never have been!"
Jiang Chen shuddered violently, staring at her in disbelief.
"I read the letter you left... I read the notebook... and the diary you left on the computer," Lin Wanxing choked up, carefully taking out the dark blue notebook wrapped in soft cloth from her backpack and clutching it tightly to her chest. "I know everything... everything... I know everything!"
In that instant, Jiang Chen's face showed undisguised shock and a hint of embarrassment and panic at being completely seen through. His eyes, still clear in the night, looked at her in disbelief, churning with intense emotions.
"You..." He only managed to utter one word before he could say nothing more, as if all his pretense and defenses had been completely shattered at that moment.
“I know everything, Jiang Chen.” Lin Wanxing’s tears fell silently again. She looked at him, her eyes no longer filled with the excitement of before, but only with deep understanding and regret. “I know why you came to find me, I know what you’ve been through… I know you thought you were just… a shadow.”
“I…” She shook her head violently, tears streaming down her face, “I have never considered you a substitute for Shen Yu! Never!”
Jiang Chen stared at her blankly, his lips moving but no sound coming out. Shock, confusion, and a glimmer of disbelief were fiercely battling in his eyes.
“That day at the cemetery…” Lin Wanxing’s voice choked up, “I said those things… because I was afraid! I was afraid of becoming too dependent on you too quickly, afraid of letting Shen Yu down, afraid of admitting that I… had already gotten used to having you by my side! It’s not because you are like him, it’s because you are you! You are the Jiang Chen who will silently fix everything, who will appear when I need him, and whose eyes will light up when I give him a compliment!”
She became agitated, ignoring the pain in her ankle, and tried to get closer to him: "I struggle, I'm in pain, not because I see you as him, but because I've realized... I don't know when it started, but I've fallen in love with you, Jiang Chen! I've fallen in love with you, a living, breathing person! This makes me feel like I've betrayed my past memories, and fills me with guilt! It makes me unable to distinguish whether the peace of mind I get by being with you comes from missing Shen Yu, or from your presence itself!"
She finally laid bare her deepest struggles, and these emotions, which she herself had once been confused about, became incredibly clear at this moment.
“I only realized later that it was different.” She looked at him, her eyes clear and firm. “The love Shen Yu gave me was sunshine, an unbridled warmth and embrace. But you…” Her voice softened, filled with endless heartache, “What you gave me was the silent star, the light that quietly illuminates the night, every seemingly unintentional yet perfectly timed act of protection. You are different, completely different!”
Jiang Chen's body began to tremble slightly. He looked at her tear-streaked yet incredibly earnest face and listened to her heartfelt confession, word by word. The defenses he had built up began to crumble inch by inch in the face of her loving words.
"You said you were an outsider..." Lin Wanxing's voice was choked with sobs, yet unusually stubborn, "You weren't! You've been a part of my life for a long time, a part of my heart! It's just that I was too stupid, too stubborn, blinded by the past, until you left, until I saw the words you left behind, that I realized... what I lost..."
She reached out her hand to him, palm up, with a pleading yet unwavering determination: "Jiang Chen, you are not anyone's shadow. You are unique. You are the one who, in your own clumsy yet incredibly sincere way, pulled me out of the mire little by little. I'm sorry... I'm sorry I only realized this so late, I'm sorry I hurt you..."
She burst into tears.
Jiang Chen stood rooted to the spot, as if he had just weathered a massive storm. He looked at her outstretched hand, at her tearful yet utterly sincere eyes, and all his resolve, all his despair, all his self-doubt crumbled in that moment.
He took a slow, almost staggering step forward, then another. He finally stood before her.
He crouched down, his gaze level with hers. In the dim light of Su Xiao and the others' flashlights and the faint glow of the lights on the opposite bank, Lin Wanxing clearly saw the tear tracks on his face. This man, always silent and reserved, now shed tears silently, carrying all his grievances, pain, and… relief.
“I…” His voice was broken, choked with sobs, “I thought… I would never be able to get in… I thought I would only cause you more pain…”
"No, never again." Lin Wanxing shook her head vigorously, unable to hold back any longer, and stretched out her arms to hug him tightly.
The moment she embraced him, Jiang Chen's body stiffened completely. Then, as if all his strength had been drained away, or as if he had finally found a long-lost harbor, he reached out and hugged her back tightly, almost trembling. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, and hot tears quickly soaked her collar. A suppressed, low sob finally escaped from his throat, like a wounded beast, after enduring a long period of pain, finally allowing itself to wail.
He began to pour out his heart, haltingly. No longer were the calm, restrained strokes of a letter, but words burning with passion. He recounted the despair at the edge of the cliff on Qinan Mountain, the shock and redemption upon seeing the notebook, the pain and self-loathing of imitating Chen Yu, how the growing, unacknowledged love he felt while beside her tormented him, and the utter devastation of hearing her words outside the cemetery—a feeling as if the world had collapsed…
All the misunderstandings, all the struggles, all the pain, at this moment, were completely dissolved with the rushing river and the scalding tears.
Lin Wanxing held him tightly, feeling his trembling body and listening to his long-suppressed outpouring. Her heart ached unbearably, yet was also filled with a tremendous sense of fulfillment, a feeling of having regained what she had lost. She gently patted his back, like comforting a lost child, repeating in his ear again and again, "You are not a substitute...you are Jiang Chen...the Jiang Chen I care about..."
After an unknown amount of time, Jiang Chen's crying gradually subsided, leaving only occasional sobs. He still held her tightly, as if she would disappear if he let go.
In the distance, Su Xiao, who had been watching the commotion, couldn't help but tear up as she saw the two figures finally embracing. She wiped her eyes hard. She subconsciously looked at Lu Ziang beside her.
Lu Zi'ang stood there quietly, gazing at the scene by the river. His usually composed profile appeared somewhat blurred in the night. He seemed to sense Su Xiao's gaze, turning his head slightly, their eyes briefly meeting in the darkness. Su Xiao immediately and awkwardly looked away, and Lu Zi'ang silently turned back as well.
A complex emotion filled the air: moved by the reunion of two close friends, yet also hampered by unresolved awkwardness and estrangement. Neither of them spoke, lest they break this delicate balance.
On the riverside path, the two who had been embracing finally separated slightly. Jiang Chen raised his hand and awkwardly wiped away the tears on Lin Wanxing's face with his sleeve. His own eyes were also red and swollen, but the gloom and pain that had shrouded his deep brown eyes for so long finally dissipated, replaced by a relieved clarity and a cautious, regained glimmer of light.
Lin Wanxing held the hand that he used to wipe away her tears; his fingertips were icy cold, yet they carried a real warmth.
“Shall we go back?” she asked softly.
Jiang Chen looked at her, and finally, slowly and very solemnly, nodded.
Starlight, now scattered across the sky, silently watches over the joys and sorrows of humankind. The river continues its eastward flow, seemingly carrying away all bitterness and heaviness.
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