Chapter 10
They had been seeing each other surprisingly little lately.
Ever since that company-related phone call, Tang Yuchuan started leaving home early and returning late.
Zou Ping didn't ask any questions. She knew he wasn't someone whose rhythm would be easily disrupted, and that if he could be trapped in this state of exhaustion, it must be something serious.
She didn't bother him, but quietly postponed her sleep schedule and waited quietly. Every night, when he came back and she heard the door lock click, the stone in her heart would fall to the ground, and she could sleep more peacefully.
There were times when she would paint in the living room with her drawing board until late at night, and when sleepiness came, she would curl up in a corner of the sofa with a blanket and take a nap. When she could faintly hear the sound of keys, she would quietly get up, turn off the lights in the living room, and then tiptoe back to the bedroom.
Tang Yuchuan never said anything. She didn't tell him that he was waiting for her, but she felt that he seemed to know everything.
Because in the past two days, his movements when returning home have become lighter and lighter.
Zou Ping feels a little bit like and a little bit dislike about her recent situation.
She liked this atmosphere, even though they still rarely communicated and were silent. But she felt that lately, the two of them were like dancing a cautious duet. The steps were slow, almost silent, but they formed an invisible rhythm.
She felt that sometimes, tacit understanding grew quietly in such silence bit by bit.
Of course, it was a bit annoying. Zou Ping secretly blamed herself for being selfish. How could she be happy with the busyness they shared? Half of this was because Tang Yuchuan was so worried. If happiness required him to suffer, she would rather not be so happy.
The night before sketching, Tang Yuchuan stood at the door of the study with an unfinished cup of black coffee in his hand.
Zou Ping was sitting on the ground packing her luggage for tomorrow's trip. When she heard him calling her, she looked up.
"I can't go tomorrow." His voice was calm, as steady as the wind blowing through the crack of a door. "It's company business."
She was stunned for a moment, and as she was putting a roll of drawing paper into her bag, she paused.
Tang Yuchuan placed the cup on the small table by the door and looked down at her with an indifferent expression that even suppressed his tiredness out of habit.
She didn't ask "why" or say "then come back early." She just nodded and went back to organizing her tools and tidying up her pencil case.
The silence lasted for a few seconds, like a piece of thin paper, gently separating the night from the two of them.
She still spoke.
"Are you okay?" she asked softly. "Can you rest well after drinking coffee so late at night?"
Tang Yuchuan was stunned.
He looked down at the cup of cold coffee in his hand, his throat moved slightly, as if he wanted to laugh, but he just said "hmm" softly without any explanation.
"Is your stomach okay?" she asked again, her tone even softer than before. "I saw the metoclopramide on the table."
Tang Yuchuan looked at her, his eyes flickering with a slight smile. His expression remained calm, but his voice softened, "I can still hold on."
He paused, his eyes shifted away, and then fell on the backpack full of paints and brushes at her feet, as if he was brewing something.
After a moment, he suddenly asked, "Do you still want to move out?"
Zou Ping was startled and raised her head: "...Why are you asking this suddenly?"
How did he know for sure that she had thought about moving out before?
She wasn't quite sure what the question was asking, but instinctively resisted. Her originally relaxed shoulders tensed slightly.
Tang Yuchuan didn't answer quickly. He took a step closer, leaning against the wooden frame beside the door, his arms folded across his chest. His tone was gentle, but it didn't sound like he was asking for advice, more like he was explaining a decision that had already been made.
"I bought a small apartment near your studio," he said. "It's in a good location, with good sunlight and good security. You can move there if you'd like."
The room was silent for two seconds.
Zou Ping stared at him for a while, then slowly lowered her voice: "...Why?"
Tang Yuchuan's eyes didn't waver, and his answer was calm: "It's convenient for commuting. It's too tiring for you to go back and forth so far every day. Besides, as a girl, you'll always be more comfortable living on your own."
“…” She didn’t say anything.
He paused again and continued, "And—"
His tone suddenly lowered a bit, as if he had walked into a fact that he was unwilling to unfold.
"If you live with me, there will always be eyes on you. Even if there's nothing going on between us, people will gossip. I've already heard some gossip. This was a case of my inconsiderateness, and I will deal with it. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't shut everyone up."
After he said this, the room was so quiet that he could hear the sound of the rim of the cup hitting the wooden table.
Zou Ping suddenly realized that this wasn't a spur-of-the-moment arrangement, but a decision he had made long ago, but hadn't said it. He had heard something before her, and before she heard it, he had already set out to deal with it.
She didn't respond immediately, but simply stared down at the zipper in her hand, her fingers clasped tightly around it. She knew that playing ostrich and burying her head in the sand wouldn't work with Tang Yuchuan.
So, she asked softly, "...What about you?"
"What?"
"You said others would misunderstand our relationship and gossip about us. What about you? Would that bother you? Do you also think... I'm a nuisance?"
Tang Yuchuan didn't answer immediately, as if he hadn't expected her to ask him that question. He lowered his eyes and looked at her, a look of indescribable emotion in his eyes, not sure if it was helplessness that was appropriate.
"It's okay with me," he said. "I'm a grown man, I don't care about this. Besides, even if something gets out, I won't be the one who suffers." He paused, his voice as calm as ever, "But you're different."
He paused. "You're still young, and your reputation is precious to you. You're a good girl, and you deserve a clean resume and a clean background, not someone to smear you and stab you in the back. Although the innocent are innocent, sometimes the world doesn't care about that. There are always people willing to exaggerate things that are not theirs. I don't want you to get involved, and I don't want anyone to say something they shouldn't say because of me."
His tone was calm and almost distant, as if this was just a rational analysis.
He seemed to have deduced it countless times in his mind, using the most appropriate method to block all the bad possibilities before her.
"So you don't need to waste too much time on me, and there's no need to put yourself in the vortex of gossip because of a vague emotion."
He spoke too seriously, as if he was trying to dissuade a client or hand out a letter to terminate a contract.
Zou Ping was listening and suddenly became a little distracted.
She watched him meticulously analyze how she would be viewed, how she would be misunderstood, and what she would lose, as if she was just a child who should be carefully protected, and he was the adult who had arranged a retreat in advance.
But she is not a child.
It's not that she didn't understand what he was worried about. But facing the man in front of her, her heartbeat reminded her that her heart seemed to be beating a little more. She was moved by his restraint and the measured and unspoken consideration. She was moved by his consistent words and actions, saying "for her good" and doing "for her good".
My heart suddenly skipped a beat.
She suddenly lowered her head and smiled, her voice very soft, as if she had lost her temper, and a little dazed: "...Tang Yuchuan, do you know what you look like now?"
He looked at her and didn't answer.
“It’s like doing a risk assessment in advance.”
She raised her head, her eyes shining brightly, not as if she was persuaded, but as if she had figured it out.
"But I'm not the uncertain variable in your project. I am just me."
"I don't want to move," she said in a calm voice. "I don't care what anyone says."
Tang Yuchuan frowned and seemed to want to say something, but was interrupted by her.
"I really don't care."
Zou Ping's tone didn't sound impulsive or impulsive. She simply stood there with a clear mind, looked at him, and said word by word, "I like you."
Tang Yuchuan paused imperceptibly.
He didn't answer immediately, and even his eyes seemed to darken at that moment.
The quiet room seemed to have suddenly lost its air flow, and even breathing became restrained.
Zou Ping did not retreat.
She continued, "I don't want to move away because I like you."
Zou Ping repeated it again, her tone light but solemn, almost as if she were stating some truth. She looked at him, her eyes bright, like a lamp that refused to go out in the night.
Tang Yuchuan lowered his head and remained silent for a few seconds.
"Zou Ping..." His voice was low, with a softness that came from exhaustion, "You shouldn't like me."
She didn't respond, just looked at him quietly.
"I'm fourteen years older than you," he whispered. "You're still young and have a lot better options."
"I... am no longer someone who can give others pure feelings."
"I once had someone I really liked, and I thought she was the one for me, but we didn't end up together."
He paused, his tone calm, as if discussing a long-standing wound: "I can't extricate myself from that relationship completely. I don't know if I can't let go, but I know I can no longer give that kind of complete love."
After saying this, he finally raised his head, a hint of apology in his eyes: "Zou Ping, you are still young, you deserve to be loved unconditionally by someone. But that person should not be me."
He spoke these words with remarkable clarity, leaving almost no room for hesitation. However, the listeners seemed oblivious to the reasons for rejecting him.
Zou Ping lowered her head and smiled. The smile was bitter and slight, as if she had accepted a gentle rejection, but she was not prepared to back down.
"I understand." She said softly, her tone steady, like a drop of water falling into the night, without an echo, but clearly audible.
"You have your concerns. You don't want me to misunderstand you, you don't want to delay me... Maybe it's because you haven't been attracted to anyone for a long time, and I am no exception."
She raised her eyes and looked at him, her tone still gentle, "I accept that you don't like me."
"I know you have a past, and I know you are much more mature than me." She sighed softly, as if saying to herself, "I know all the roads you have walked that I have not walked, and the things you think about when you are silent that I don't understand." She paused, as if she was seriously considering whether she had said too much, and as if she was confirming that she had really finished speaking.
"But I really like you. I'm not saying it without thinking it through, and I'm not saying it to embarrass you." She took a deep breath.
"It's not because I'm clinging to you, nor do I insist that you respond to me." She suddenly felt that she had said too much and was making too many mistakes. All her emotions at this moment were transformed into one sentence: "Can you please not drive me away?"
Tang Yuchuan stared at her, a complex emotion flashing in his eyes, as if he was struggling with himself.
Finally, he slowly said, "That's not what I meant. It's just a suggestion. Whether you want to stay or leave, the decision is yours."
"Tang Yuchuan, I want to give it a try." Zou Ping said suddenly.
Tang Yuchuan was stunned. "What?"
"You said you don't love me, that's okay." She looked up, a little light in her eyes, "But you didn't say I can't like you, can't get close to you, right?"
"Nonsense." Tang Yuchuan's tone was a little heavy, his expression serious but with a hint of helplessness.
In contrast, Zou Ping's expression was much calmer than his: "You just talked about a lot of profound truths. I understand and accept them."
"So I don't force you to love me. I just tell you that I like you and don't want to leave you."
"You think I'm fooling around because you're still hesitant. You said you weren't right for me, but you didn't turn around and leave." As she spoke, a hint of laughter appeared in her tone. "Since you've let me stay, let me give it a try. If I keep pursuing you, maybe one day you'll be attracted to me too."
Tang Yuchuan's brows twitched, his expression complicated. He didn't say anything, but just looked at her with his eyes downcast, as if thinking of a suitable response.
She knew he was going to change the subject, and sure enough—
"Remember to wear an extra coat when you go sketching tomorrow. The wind is strong in the mountains, and the temperature difference between morning and evening is huge." His tone became serious, as if he was deliberately withdrawing his emotions from some dangerous edge. "Call me if you need anything."
She looked at him, speechless, and just nodded.
Tang Yuchuan's tone was still calm and organized, as if he was giving instructions, but he inevitably revealed a little panic after being teased by her.
In the end, he didn't say anything more, just looked down at her, turned around and went back to the study.
The moment the door closed, Zou Ping let out a long breath and leaned against the wall, as if she had just stopped from a long run, her heartbeat already out of rhythm.
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