Chapter 54 Kiss "If you want to sleep with someone, then I can too..."
—Three hours ago.
Gu Yinyan received a birthday gift from Liang Yizhi.
They hadn't been in touch for a long time. The last time he sent Liang Yizhi a message, he didn't receive a reply. Gu Yinyan had originally planned to visit her in the next couple of days, but unexpectedly, he saw her gift before she even arrived.
This made him feel a little less bad.
It's just that his birthday is still a day away, and the gift was delivered by a courier. Gu Yinyan didn't know why she sent the gift early instead of handing it to him personally like she used to.
He picked up the gift and weighed it in his hand; it seemed a bit heavy. The box had been rewrapped by Liang Yizhi with paper of a different color, so he couldn't tell what it contained from the outside.
Gu Yinyan opened it, and inside was a dark gray scarf.
The scarf has a very high-quality feel; it must be from a luxury brand.
—So what she gave him was a scarf?
It doesn't quite suit my taste.
Based on Liang Yizhi's past gift-giving standards, she would choose something suitable and in line with the recipient's taste, or a beautifully crafted item she made herself that was full of meaning.
An ordinary scarf, really not like her style.
Gu Yinyan picked up the scarf, intending to put the box aside, but found that the box was still heavy.
He glanced at it and touched the bottom of the box.
There was another layer below.
Remove the loose middle compartment, and in the second layer of the box, there is a square dark green packaging bag, tied with a ribbon, and a white tulip stuck in the knot.
Unwrapping the ribbon revealed an unsigned vinyl record inside the sleeve, which didn't look like it belonged to any famous artist.
He then gradually came to his senses.
Gu Yinyan put the scarf away and took the record into the study.
He had a vague feeling that he needed to add a touch of ritual before opening it. But he was also a little impatient, wanting to hear what was inside.
Gu Yinyan stood in front of the record player, placed the record steadily on the turntable, adjusted the speed, and then moved the stylus to place it on the turntable.
He turned down the lever—
The record spun slowly, and the music flowed quietly.
At the beginning, the rhythm was very gentle, with the low notes of the cello slowly entering. An image floated into his mind, like sitting quietly at his doorstep on a peaceful evening, watching the red sun sink into the horizon.
Then the melody gradually intensifies, and the piano sound becomes increasingly urgent and lively. It's as if two young children are playing and frolicking in front of their house, then suddenly running around joyfully, unwilling to waste a single second of the transition between daylight and night.
The cello's bass notes remained calm and magnetic, intertwining with the cheerful piano sounds to create a sense of using music to highlight sorrow.
Gu Yinyan stood in front of the record player with his eyes lowered.
The last rays of sunlight streamed through the window, stretching his solitary figure endlessly across the ground.
The music took him back to that fiery twilight, where he stood outside an open door, peering at the girl inside playing the violin.
He was awestruck by the cello's steady tone, yet the gentle and warm music gradually sank his heart.
Before I knew it, the music grew increasingly mournful. The daylight faded, night fell, and finally, it was time to part.
The piano's rhythm was light and lively, while the cello's sound was like a series of long, drawn-out sobs, unfolding gently and slowly. The bow scraped against the strings, each second seeming to be a reluctant, repeated entanglement.
As Gu Yinyan listened, he slowly bent down, gripping the edge of the table with such force that the veins on the back of his hands bulged.
Each note of the zither seemed to pierce his heart.
How could this be...?
He raised his hand to his chest, where it felt compressed, his breath could only circulate in the narrow cavity, and his breathing became heavy.
It was clearly a gift for him, so why... did it cause him such heartache that he couldn't bear to listen anymore?
Gu Yinyan finally couldn't resist and moved the needle away.
The music suddenly stopped.
The room was quiet, but the overly quiet atmosphere made the heart feel even more lonely.
To dispel the oppressive atmosphere, Gu Yinyan casually picked up a CD and started playing it again.
He sat down on the sofa, tilted his head back, and stared at the empty ceiling for a long time.
As the music changed, the languid music that had been lingering in his mind was gradually replaced, and he calmed down again.
When he came to his senses, he realized that the music playing was "Der Rosenkavalier" again.
Octavian, originally the lover of the Marshal's wife, became the "Rose Knight" who delivered love tokens for others by a twist of fate in order to keep their secret.
The knight was meant to deliver a token, but when the silver rose was delivered, the recipient looked up and, upon seeing the knight, unexpectedly fell in love.
Upon learning of this, the Marshal's wife, after a struggle between reason and emotion, ultimately chose to grant the wish of the two lovers.
The feeling of being ripped apart, like being ground down by a dull knife, resurfaced in his mind.
Gu Yinyan had heard the story countless times and knew it by heart. He used to think that as the Marshal's wife, he could only watch and do nothing. But now he didn't want that anymore.
He didn't want to give it up so easily.
He wanted to fight for it.
He was never incapable; rather, he was never even considered by her.
She didn't accept him, simply because she never looked up.
—It's okay, there's still time.
As long as she sees him, that's enough.
Night had fallen. Gu Yinyan suddenly stood up, grabbed his keys, and went to the parking garage.
He drove at breakneck speed all the way to Liang Yizhi's house.
He tried to contact her on WeChat, only to find that he had been blocked. Clicking on her profile picture revealed her Moments was completely blank, and even dialing her number didn't connect.
He rushed to Liang Yizhi's building and rang her doorbell, but no one answered after a long time.
He wanted to wait in the car, but the anxiety of waiting couldn't suppress his impulse.
He dialed He Man's number.
As soon as the call connected, Gu Yinyan asked, "Where is Liang Yizhi?"
"What the hell?" He Man asked, still half asleep. "Why did you call me instead of her?"
"She's not with you? Where are the others?"
He Man was completely baffled: "No... I don't know. I'm out having fun with my assistant. You can just ask her."
Gu Yinyan suppressed his temper and was about to hang up when he heard He Man call out to him, "Wait."
He Man asked, "Can't you find her? I saw she just posted on her WeChat Moments; she looks like she's drinking in the photo."
Gu Yinyan's fingers tightened around the phone, his knuckles turning a bloodless pale white.
"Two glasses of wine. This wine is rather peculiar; it looks like it should be HOOK..."
Before He Man could finish speaking, the call was cut off, and there was a busy signal on the other end.
She frowned and muttered into her phone, "What's going on with these two people...?"
-
Despite the lingering effects of the alcohol, Liang Yizhi felt relatively sober. Sitting here was a decision she made after careful, rational consideration.
The faith she once believed in had crumbled, and she realized that she was no different from those she had once despised. She couldn't distinguish between sincerity and pretense, nor had she ever ever done so.
Whether close or distant, friend or stranger, she has long lost her standards for judgment.
In the dimly lit private room, He Xintu's smiling face was exceptionally clear. She couldn't see the deeper meaning behind his smile, and he had never understood her heart.
But today she realized how wonderful this ambiguity and uncertainty were. She made no attempt to hide it, nor did she want to hesitate any longer.
She cupped He Xintu's face in her hands, and just as she made up her mind, the door to the private room was knocked on at an inopportune moment.
He Xintu frowned and said, "I'll go take a look."
"good."
Liang Yizhi sat up straight and wiped the corner of her eye as he turned around.
He Xintu opened the door and was taken aback when he saw who it was.
"What's up?"
"Brother, someone's looking for you downstairs." A bartender stood outside the door. "A customer just came in and said he has something urgent to discuss with you. Why don't you go see him?"
He Xintu's face was full of irritation at being disturbed.
He said to Liang Yizhi, "Wait for me, I have to take care of something, I'll be right back."
Liang Yizhi replied, "It's alright, work is the priority."
After He Xintu left, she sat alone on the sofa. Her mind gradually cleared again, but she didn't want to face that clarity.
Liang Yizhi picked up the wine and poured it down her throat. Just as she gulped down a few mouthfuls, the door to the private room was slammed open again.
Liang Yizhi put down the wine bottle and saw Gu Yinyan standing at the door.
Without hesitation, Gu Yinyan strode towards her, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her out.
Liang Yizhi suddenly sobered up and exclaimed, "...What are you doing?!"
His tone was extremely harsh: "Come with me."
Startled by Gu Yinyan's expression, Liang Yizhi's heart skipped a beat, but she still stubbornly insisted, "I'm not leaving!"
Give me a reason.
Liang Yizhi didn't want to meet those burning eyes. She turned her face away: "I have something to do with He Xintu."
Gu Yinyan's attitude was icy: "Your so-called 'something' is just you drinking alone with a man in a private room?"
Upon hearing this, Liang Yizhi's anger flared up: "So what if it is? What's it to you? What right do you have to tell me what to do?"
"At least he's more qualified."
He glanced coldly at the scattered bottles of liquor on the table behind her, and the two glaringly empty cocktail glasses, as if the scene that had just unfolded here was being replayed before his eyes.
Gu Yinyan asked softly, "You don't care about my feelings at all, do you?"
Liang Yizhi pursed her lips and remained silent.
She didn't want to, and couldn't, explain; saying more would be pointless, merely offering nonexistent hope.
Seeing that she didn't speak, Gu Yinyan simply grabbed her and swiftly walked out of the private room. Liang Yizhi stumbled after him down the stairs, past rows of booths, past the bar, and out the main door.
When He Xintu looked up, he saw two familiar figures walk out of the gate, and then the girl was pushed into the car by the boy.
He had just heard from the waiter that someone was looking for him, so he went downstairs and looked around but couldn't find anyone. He was worried that someone might be causing trouble, so he searched around the bar for a while, but was stopped by other customers, which delayed him for a while.
He Xintu leaned against the bar counter and tapped his hand on the table.
He watched the figure disappear into the night, but ultimately did not chase after it.
Gu Yinyan shoved Liang Yizhi into the car and started the engine.
Liang Yizhi's face was tense as she felt the car speeding by, her heart pounding. The tear tracks on her eyes stung as the biting wind swept over them.
She knew Gu Yinyan was angry, very angry. She had never seen him like this before; his eyes were like ice, and no matter what she said or did, he wouldn't listen to a word.
She controlled her emotions: "Where are you taking me?"
Gu Yinyan remained silent with a cold expression.
Liang Yizhi took a deep breath and kindly suggested, "If you have no other ideas, why don't you come to my house?"
"I have something to tell you."
Only after hearing this did Gu Yinyan's expression subtly soften.
The car traveled at a high speed. When they arrived, Liang Yizhi looked out the window at the direction of her home on the rooftop and suddenly felt a little regretful.
Upon entering the house, she greeted Gu Yinyan:
"sit."
The words were the same as always, but the intimacy in his voice was gone.
Liang Yizhi went into the kitchen, took two bottles of wine, put them on the table, and then took two glasses.
The glass wasn't small, and she filled it with wine. She hadn't intended to get even slightly tipsy that night.
Liang Yizhi sat alone at the table, not saying a word, drinking one cup after another, leaving Gu Yinyan standing aside.
Gu Yinyan stood there, his expression calm, staring intently at her.
He said, "I received the birthday present you sent."
"Oh, really?" Liang Yizhi replied casually. "Do you like the color of the scarf?"
Gu Yinyan: "You know I'm not talking about a scarf."
"You know what I'm trying to say, don't you?"
The conversation inevitably reached a stalemate.
He retorted, "So you mean you want to completely cut ties with me?"
Liang Yizhi did not answer.
She picked up the bottle and, while pouring, said, "Do you know who I ran into the other day?"
"who?"
"Zhao Ling".
Knowing he didn't quite remember the name, Liang Yizhi generously reminded him: "The person who cheated on Xie Yun."
She continued, "Zhao Ling said that she and Xie Yun broke up not long after we separated."
Gu Yinyan frowned: "What does that have to do with you?"
“That’s what I said too.” Liang Yizhi licked her lips, twirling her wine glass in her hand.
"She insisted on taking me to a coffee shop, saying she was afraid there wouldn't be another chance and begged for my forgiveness. For a moment, I actually softened. Do you know why?"
She looked up at Gu Yinyan for the first time: "Because I think she looks a lot like me."
Liang Yizhi was familiar with Xie Yun and had heard many stories about him and his friends from him. During the days she was not around, he and Zhao Ling supported each other in this city; when she was unable to take care of him, it was Zhao Ling who provided him with help.
To some extent, she found herself beginning to understand Zhao Ling's gradually distorted mental journey.
However, Gu Yinyan did not agree with her statement:
"You are different."
"What's different?" Liang Yizhi gripped the cup tightly.
Yes, they are different.
She had initially thought that they were different.
She believed that her relationship with Gu Yinyan was incomparable to those superficial friendships. But reality still revealed the truth to her.
"Do you like me?" Liang Yizhi suddenly asked. "Have you liked me for a long time?"
She wasn't a big drinker, and she had already downed several glasses of Hook, plus what was in front of her, so she was already drunk.
She propped her chin on her hand, her eyes blurry, and asked him:
"When you had girlfriends before, did you like me too?"
A forced smile appeared on her lips, a facade of composure fueled by alcohol, accompanied by a sarcastic tone.
Liang Yizhi said, "I don't understand, do you understand?"
She was perplexed by many questions; she couldn't explain the logic behind it with her own theories, nor could she accept this complex emotion.
More than any of these things, she was unwilling to believe that Gu Yinyan was that kind of person.
The room was quiet, the atmosphere had dropped to freezing.
Liang Yizhi's home was decorated to be lively, with traces of life everywhere, which only made their corner seem even more desolate.
"I like He Xintu, you should know that."
"He's good-looking and has a great physique. He not only likes me, but he's also willing to spend time with me. These past few days with him, I've found that I'm much more relaxed. I don't have to worry about so many things anymore, and I don't feel as burdened as I do now when I'm with you."
Liang Yizhi smiled and said, "He said that there is no need to define the relationship between us. We don't need to be responsible for each other, and we don't need to treat each other's existence as a necessity."
“And,” she looked at him, “he’s a great kisser, and I enjoy being with him.”
The words were spoken very tightly, as if afraid of being interrupted or leaving a moment to breathe, lest the slightly established belief suddenly collapse.
Upon hearing this, Gu Yinyan finally let out a cold laugh.
What does it mean to define something without using any kind of relation?
He stood in the dimly lit room, his dark coat outlining his unusually hard and cold figure.
"Does he mean that no matter what he does or what trouble he causes, he won't be responsible for you? Is that what you call vague? You might as well just say he wants to sleep with you."
He always speaks in such an annoyingly blunt way.
Liang Yizhi coldly asked, "Is there a problem?"
Gu Yinyan looked at her face and fell silent. The good demeanor he had managed to maintain was completely shattered, and the taut string snapped at this moment.
Seeing Liang Yizhi answer his questions so calmly and composedly, something inside Gu Yinyan suddenly collapsed.
Does she even know what she's doing?
Gu Yinyan understood Liang Yizhi's personality. Among the people around him, Liang Yizhi was the only one who had never changed since he met her.
People's personalities change to varying degrees as they move to different environments or change their identities.
But Liang Yizhi did not.
She was always sincere and passionate, with a pure and beautiful heart.
Her world was so pure, and he had always wanted to do everything in his power to protect it for her. But now she was telling him that she was going to throw all of that away.
Gu Yinyan couldn't accept it.
"So this is the kind of feeling you want?"
"No matter what, it has nothing to do with you anymore." Having said what she needed to say, Liang Yizhi pushed away her wine glass and stood up.
"You should go back now, I need to rest."
"You haven't answered my question yet."
Gu Yinyan had no intention of letting her off the hook, and as she passed by, he grabbed her again.
Liang Yizhi had been drinking and was feeling hot, so she could more clearly sense the low mood emanating from the other person.
"What do you want?" Gu Yinyan gripped her hand even tighter.
"Say it," he said, raising his voice slightly as he shook her hand.
"If all you want to do is sleep with someone, I can satisfy that."
Liang Yizhi then realized that her words had probably really offended Gu Yinyan.
Her jaw was clenched so tightly that she couldn't speak.
"Sometimes I get really angry."
Gu Yinyan slowly took two steps forward, closing in on her: "Why are you always so tolerant of others? You can even accept He Xintu saying such things, but you are so frightened and at a loss just because I like you."
"You think I'm deceiving you? You think I'm not being honest? But I've never wanted to get anything from you from the beginning."
Liang Yizhi retorted, "If you didn't, then why did you secretly keep my things? Why did you repeatedly approach me under other people's names? Can you say you had no ulterior motives?"
"Yes! So what if I have them?" He no longer concealed his desires: "I just want to keep them, just like you've always been by my side."
Gu Yinyan looked down at her, his eyelids slightly obscuring the glimmer in his pupils.
"Do you know how long I've endured this? Do you know what I was thinking when I saw and heard your stories with other people time and time again?"
His voice was hoarse, like sandpaper scraping across the surface, each word a accusation: "Those people don't deserve it, and they don't cherish you at all."
“I’m jealous of them, jealous of everyone around you. They all get your attention, but you never even look at me.”
Liang Yizhi's heart was pounding wildly in her chest.
Reason told her it wouldn't work, but she still couldn't help being moved by his words.
"That means you're good at pretending, so why don't you continue?"
She raised her head, feigning nonchalance, using hurtful words as a disguise for a sharp blade: "You've endured this for so many years, why can't you endure it a little longer?"
“Yes.” Gu Yinyan nodded, a sarcastic smile playing on his lips.
"I used to think that if I just endured it, and endured it some more, I could suppress this fruitless thought. But I found that I couldn't do it!"
"If I have to suppress my feelings for the rest of my life, I'd rather not be friends with you."
These words struck Liang Yizhi's mind like a resounding boom, their echo lingering long afterward.
Liang Yizhi stood there, stunned.
Until Gu Yinyan's figure loomed in front of her, his icy hands cupped her face.
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