This call must be made. At three o'clock in the morning, Xu Yan looked out the window at the night, holding his mobile phone in his hand. In his ear, Director Xu asked him during the Chinese New Year this year: "Or are you actually gay, Xu Yan?"

Director Xu always called him by his full name, and so did Xu's mother. Perhaps because both of them were teachers, the atmosphere in their home was always like being in school. He was their student, not their son. Sometimes Xu Yan even felt that even if they listened to his opinions, it was because they regarded him as a student. Teachers must listen to students' opinions, and then seriously discuss them, seek benefits and avoid harm, and come to a conclusion.

Just like a teachers' meeting in school.

Liang Yisheng had just arrived in Hengdian and sent a WeChat message to report that he was safe. There was no other news after that. Even if such a big thing happened at three o'clock in the morning, he would meet with the agent to solve the problem immediately. Xu Yan did not disturb him too much and replied with a good night.

After that, he fell asleep in a daze at some point. In his dream, he liked Liang Yisheng when he was in high school and skipped classes to chase Liang Yisheng. The scene was always full of flowers and cheers. He was squeezed in the crowd and couldn't move. He could only see heads and hear the long and piercing screams of Liang Yisheng's name in his ears. He couldn't hear it after a while. Then at this moment, there was suddenly no one around him, no fans and no Liang Yisheng. He squatted in a pure white place, very large and empty, and he couldn't see or hear anything.

Xu Yan woke up at five in the morning. He saw a white blur in front of his eyes, as if he was in a dream. He stared at the chandelier on the ceiling for a while, and then he realized that he had fallen asleep and forgot to turn off the light, which caused him to have such a dream.

Xu Yan picked up his mobile phone and took a look. It was five twelve. Director Xu was about to get up. The senior high school students had to go to morning self-study at six thirty in the morning. He had to be in his class at six thirty and drive to the school for twenty minutes. It would take him half an hour to get up in the morning to smoke two cigarettes and eat breakfast. In order not to be late, Director Xu would usually get up between five and five thirty.

In summer, the sun rises very early. It is too late to watch the sunrise after five o'clock because it is already bright. Xu Yan did not draw the curtains before going to bed last night. In the morning, the not-so-scorching but rather mild sunlight shone in a little, as if the day was very peaceful.

He was not sure whether Director Xu would go to school today. Although it was summer vacation now, high school students could not have such a long summer vacation. Unable to sleep anyway, Xu Yan turned off the air conditioner in the room and opened the window to let in the breeze for a while. It was only six o'clock in the morning and it was not very hot yet. It felt very refreshing to have some natural breeze.

The call he made was picked up after only two rings. The phone would vibrate the moment the other party answered the call. This vibration should have been taken for granted or even ignored by people who had used smartphones for many years, but now in Xu Yan's hand, the vibration made his fingertips numb.

"...Director Xu." Xu Yan said three words, not knowing whether the next question was "Are you up?" or "Are you going to class today?" He could only remain silent and wait for the other party's decision.

"The third year of high school will start next week. You can come back home in the next few days. Your mother and I will wait for you at home." The other party said.

"I have a lot of things to do these days, and a new drama will start filming soon..."

"No need to film." Director Xu interrupted Xu Yan, his tone was not impatient, and he repeated it again as if he was afraid that Xu Yan didn't hear clearly, "No need to film, come back and meet your uncle Liu's little daughter first, and then you can find a job after your things are settled."

Xu Yan didn't speak for a long time, and Director Xu on the other side waited for him patiently. At this time, Director Xu showed his absolute demeanor again. He did not push him relentlessly. Just like when he usually lectured students, he clearly and logically listed the problems and how to correct them. After that, he knew to give the students some time to digest what he had just said. He was very patient.

But Xu Yan thought of many situations. He thought that Director Xu might sternly question him about what happened; he thought that Director Xu might argue with him or even scold him; he also thought that Director Xu might feel sad, think that he was abnormal, or think that the way he was educated from childhood to adulthood was unfair to him and made him like this.

The only thing he didn't expect was that Director Xu never mentioned this matter again, as if nothing had happened. Xu Yan's years had disappeared without a trace. He hadn't entered the entertainment industry, hadn't met Liang Yisheng, and hadn't shocked his family because of a photo. Xu Yan thought of many ways to deal with it, but none of them were useful at this moment.

"Dad, I won't meet Liu Bo's daughter." Xu Yan said.

"I'll book a ticket for you, so don't bother your assistant, and you won't need an assistant in the future." The other side said.

"Dad." Xu Yan took a breath, "I won't go home, and I won't meet Liu Bo's daughter."

This may be the first time in more than a decade that Director Xu has been called "Dad". I don't know what Director Xu thinks when he hears it, but it only brings silence from both sides. The day in Beijing starts very early, but Xu Yan slept in his suburban house last night, and it was still very quiet outside.

After a long time, Director Xu asked him, his voice trembling as if he could no longer suppress his anger: "Xu Yan, that kind of photo was posted on the Internet and seen by people all over the country. Do you still feel ashamed? Your parents are teachers. They are polite, righteous, honest and shameful! Propriety, righteousness, honest and shameful! How can we stand on the podium to teach and educate people, and how can we tell our students the four words of courtesy, righteousness, honesty and shame! Your mother told me this morning that you should cultivate yourself before you cultivate others. She couldn't even teach her own children well, how can she teach other people's children?!" Director Xu's words stunned Xu Yan

.

He held the phone and opened his mouth several times in confusion, but in the end he couldn't say a word. Before calling Director Xu, he spent nearly an hour building up his confidence. He did nothing wrong. He was a homosexual, not a lewd criminal.

But he didn't expect that Director Xu's every word was heartbreaking. Xu Yan even imagined how much his mother, a teacher who loved her students, stood on the podium and saw the students she had taught for a year. Her mind was no longer about teacher ethics and love, but "Have my students seen the photo of my son? How do they think of Xu Yan and me?"

Xu Yan was speechless and felt confused and sad. He still felt that he had done nothing wrong, but it seemed that he had done a lot of things wrong. Who will pay for the current situation? Who will pay for his parents' pain?

If he hated his parents enough, hated them for depriving him of many funs since he was a child, and made him live in a solid and airtight cage in the name of "protection", he could say at this moment, "So for your 'propriety and integrity', I have to sacrifice my own life?" But Xu Yan didn't hate them at all, he knew that under the name of "protection" it was not the desire for control, but love.

The keychain Liang Yisheng bought at the boxing gym was placed on the table by Xu Yan, in the most conspicuous position, where he could see it with just a turn of his eyes. Xu Yan looked at it, the boxing gloves in red and black, these two colors would inexplicably make people think of courage and determination.

Xu Yan knows that he is that kind of person. He has been held hostage by "filial piety" since he was a child. He feels that he must be responsible to many people in his life. He must live up to his mother's expectations, his father's upbringing, his grandparents, his teachers, and his aunts and uncles. He has been indoctrinated with the "theory of living up to expectations" since he was in elementary school, and it has continued to this day. He has everything in his life, except himself, and the fact that he does not have the thought of "I want to live happily".

Liang Yisheng is completely different from him.

Liang Yisheng called Song Zi by her full name. He wanted to enter the entertainment industry but Song Zi disagreed. Liang Yisheng ignored his mother's advice and forced his way into the industry on his own. Then he smiled and said that he didn't take advantage of her popularity. Xu Yan admired this person so much that he even found it unbelievable. To go deeper, in Xu Yan's distorted "values", Liang Yisheng was selfish - how could someone live just for his own happiness?

Xu Yan licked his lips and tried to smooth out the uneasiness in his heart: "Dad, maybe I am such a person... I want to live such a life, want to be seen, want to live an extraordinary life, want to..."

"Why were you like this before? You used to be obedient and sensible. When you were in school, many teachers told me that your Xu Yan was the least worrying person?! You never wanted to do anything extraordinary. It was the entertainment industry that corrupted you! Hanging out with that homosexual! What do you want people to see, and they see photos like this?"

"You said to cultivate virtues and nurture people. What kind of virtues are you cultivating and what kind of people are you nurturing? Do you think being obedient and sensible is my greatest achievement in life, or is standing on the award podium my greatest achievement in life?"

There was a pause for a few seconds, and Xu Yan heard the voice of Xu's mother: "Don't talk so loudly, what can't be said in a nice way? Give me the phone, I'll talk to him, if you two can't see eye to eye, then don't talk about it."

Xu Yan could almost imagine Director Xu's frowning expression: "None of your business, I'll talk to him about this."

"What are you talking about? You are just stubborn, wouldn't he listen if you talked to him nicely? If you are not doing well, Xu Yan is not doing well either, is he relieved? Don't use the same set of methods you use to educate students to deal with your son, give it to me!"

The call was finally hung up in a mess, and the sun still didn't peek out from the high-rise building. Xu Yan refused to go home to meet Liu Bo's daughter. Director Xu went outside to smoke in anger under the obstruction of Xu's mother.

"You know what your father's temper is like. He just feels sorry for you because you have been wronged as an actor. He insists that you come back to find a safe job. The good words he says have changed their taste." After saying this, Xu's mother was silent for a while, and finally said, "You go home, okay? We don't want you to be successful. If you don't like Liu Bo's daughter, it's okay. Mom will introduce you to other girls. As long as you come back, everything will be up to you."

Establish virtue and cultivate people.

Xu Yan went downstairs to buy a pack of cigarettes. There is a kind of thick mint popping bead cigarette in the convenience store. He stood by the window and lit up a cigarette. When he inhaled it, he found that this cigarette was much stronger than the one Cheng Xinlu gave him. He remembered that when filming "Shadow", there was an inner monologue by Wei Yuan in the script, saying that "many writers like to use writing as an excuse to get addicted to smoking, saying that they can't write anything and can't calm down without smoking two cigarettes. He used to think that those were excuses for poor self-control, but now he tentatively agrees that if one is upset to a certain extent, the effect of tobacco in calming people down is like drug addiction, making people unable to help but be fascinated by it."

Mother Xu must have cried when she said the last sentence. This situation has never happened in his family. Even when he suddenly said that he wanted to be an actor, it was not as chaotic as it is now - an angry father and a tearful mother.

But unfortunately, Xu Yan felt that he was already upset to a certain extent, perhaps even more upset than Wei Yuan in the script, but the tobacco did not calm him down, let alone fascinate him. He repeatedly checked the time -

seven o'clock, seven twenty-two, seven thirty-one, seven thirty-seven, seven thirty-eight...

His WeChat finally "ding dong" rang - "

How was your sleep?"

Xu Yan suddenly let out a sigh of relief, as if he had been trying to hold on just now. In front of him was a huge sandbag. He wore red and black boxing gloves and was exhausted but still forcing himself to punch.

Now he was finally able to take off his gloves, and replied to Liang Yisheng: "Good morning, I slept well, how about you?"