Chapter 23 The "Mute" of That Bitter Summer
"How many foolish things can one do for another before one is satisfied? Perhaps only that summer will know."
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Looking at the sentence she had written in her diary with a black ink pen, she sighed with a complicated expression. Her wrist accidentally touched something nearby, and she recoiled as if she had been electrocuted.
Her gaze fell upon the exercise book that should have been left outside, lying neatly beside her.
After she left the breakfast shop, Shen Qingli walked a long way home indignantly until her legs ached, at which point she finally slowed down.
Standing by the bus stop, she slowly turned around and saw the cold wind blowing up the fallen leaves on the ground, and the trees next to her withering. Winter in Suzhou always comes silently like this, and the temperature drops rapidly in a sudden downpour one night.
Lin Xiaqing did not chase after them. Looking at the empty space behind her, she once again felt that she was just indulging in wishful thinking.
She had only wanted to clear up the misunderstanding and have a proper talk with the other person, but she never expected it to turn out this way. The other person couldn't have been unaware of her angry outburst, but for Lin Xiaqing, perhaps none of that mattered.
Suddenly, Shen Qingli remembered the exercise book that had been left in the store. Since everything in the past seemed so unimportant to Lin Xiaqing, he probably wouldn't care about the things from the past anymore.
For some reason, thinking about this made her feel even sadder.
That workbook seemed to be the only evidence that that summer had ever existed, and she abandoned it.
So pitiful...
Yes, it's so pitiful. She didn't even know if she was talking about the workbook or herself. She felt a lump in her throat that she couldn't breathe out, making her feel uncomfortable.
How could she do this? She felt a little contemptuous of herself. Even if Lin Xiaqing no longer cared about the past, she could still preserve the memories she considered precious.
She can't become like the other person just because she's angry.
Yes, she told herself, then turned around and ran towards the breakfast shop again.
Unbeknownst to her, Shen Qingli had made a bet with herself: if she arrived too late and the workbook was lost, then it was fate, and everything between her and Lin Xiaqing was destined to end here.
But what if... what if...
When she arrived at the breakfast shop, panting, the owner was clearing the dishes from the tables outside. Upon seeing her, before she could say anything, he recognized her and called out to her.
Then, Shen Qingli watched as he took out the workbook that was so familiar to him from the store, and said to her, "Did you come looking for this? I saw that neither of you took it after you left, and I was afraid you would come looking for it. If it's something important, don't forget or leave it behind next time. What if you lose it?"
"Yes, thank you." She forced a smile, then nodded and took the things.
As she left, she was momentarily at a loss for words to describe her feelings. Should she be sad that Lin Xiaqing hadn't taken the workbook, or relieved that nothing had been lost?
Later, when Shen Qingli recalled the bet she made with herself, she felt that fate had been playing a cruel joke on her. That complicated relationship, just like this bet, had troubled her for far too long.
She didn't know if it was right or wrong, she only knew that this was probably what liking someone was like for her. Today she would declare that she would give up, but the next day she would regret it again. She was always indulging in fantasies and was swayed by her ever-changing emotions, which was both painful and helpless.
If you like someone, how could you possibly stop just because of a few heartbreaks?
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After much back and forth, the workbook bearing the name "Xia Qing" finally returned to her hands.
With mixed feelings, Shen Qingli walked to the bus stop. She sat down at the bus stop, opened her schoolbag to put the notebook back in, but suddenly remembered something. She noticed a box of packaged free-range eggs in her schoolbag. They were from chickens raised by her grandparents and had been specially packaged and sent from the countryside.
They were very worried after learning about Xia Lin's illness through her, and instructed Shen Qingli to visit Xia Lin frequently in the city.
She had a very unpleasant argument with Lin Xiaqing earlier, so much so that she almost forgot about it. These eggs are very nutritious and should be very helpful for Xia Lin's health.
Looking at the things in her arms, she sighed. No matter what happened between her and Lin Xiaqing, it had nothing to do with Xia Lin. Thinking of this, she turned back again.
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On the other side, Lin Xiaqing had just stepped into the hospital when he saw an uninvited guest at the door of the ward.
Hearing footsteps, the other person turned around and saw Lin Xiaqing. Wang Jing said with a sneer, "You're back? I just heard from the nurses at the nurses' station that you went out with a girl. What? Made a new friend?"
"No, they must have mistaken me for someone else." He hadn't expected to run into her here. He knew she was referring to Shen Qingli, so he frowned slightly and stared at her warily.
"Don't be so nervous. I'm still your mother in name only." She deliberately emphasized the last two words, and an unpleasant laugh came from her throat.
The other person's behavior and attitude were constantly pushing Lin Xiaqing's limits. His hands, hanging at his sides, clenched silently. The other person was deliberately trying to disgust him. He knew this better than anyone else, but for the sake of everything before him, he could only grit his teeth and endure it silently.
Wang Jing was perfectly aware of this; she had deliberately said those words to annoy Lin Xiaqing. Seeing his angry but speechless expression, she smiled with satisfaction.
"If there's nothing else, I'll go in first." He concealed the turmoil in his eyes and coldly dismissed him.
"Don't rush, I'm here because I have something to tell you." Wang Jing stopped him from entering the ward, "kindly" reminding him, "Your dad invited Yi Qiu and his family over for dinner tonight. You missed the last one, and your dad asked me to remind you that you must be back early tonight. Otherwise..."
She paused for a moment, then changed her tone and continued, "If you make your dad angry, you should know what the consequences will be, right?"
Lin Xiaqing raised his eyes, looked coldly at Wang Jing, and remained silent for a while before saying, "I understand, I will go back as soon as possible."
“Alright, as long as you know what you're doing. But… as an elder, I still have to remind you, you're not the same person you used to be. Since you've chosen to be Lin Xiaqing, you need to cut ties with those shady friends from the past. You represent the Lin family now, so be mindful of your friendships. You don't want your father to find out anything, do you? If your father finds out…”
"I already said it, the nurse made a mistake."
"That would be for the best."
The woman in front of him wasn't annoyed by his cold interruption; instead, she nodded with a half-smile.
She naturally didn't believe Lin Xiaqing's story. Her "son" was acting very indifferent, like an emotionless machine. He rarely interrupted her so impatiently. Seeing this, she realized even more that something was wrong.
But she wasn't in a hurry to expose him, since she didn't intend to completely break ties with Lin Xiaqing. "I'm doing this for your own good. Don't forget what you promised me and your dad. Be obedient. As Lin Xiaqing, you know in your heart what kind of friends you should and shouldn't make, right? Don't end up causing trouble for your dad, that would probably be bad for other people too."
After saying that, she chuckled lightly, not caring how Lin Xiaqing would react to her obviously "threatening" words.
However, unsurprisingly, Lin Xiaqing won't give any answer. After all, saying anything would only give her away, wouldn't it?
If you care too much, it will seem even more suspicious; if you don't care too much, the lie will seem too fake.
Wang Jing glanced at him calmly, feeling as if she had caught her stepson red-handed.
Thinking of this, her mood unexpectedly improved a lot. So before leaving, she kindly leaned close to his ear and said in a teasing tone, each word clearly uttered in Lin Xiaqing's ear: "Besides, does your friend know about your past? If she knew, I wonder if she would hate you for becoming like this?"
With that, she strode away, laughing loudly, in her high heels.
Lin Xiaqing was completely stunned by her words. He ignored everyone else and stared blankly at the hospital's pale white tiles. The tile under his feet had a very obvious crack, which looked extremely unsightly on the white floor.
At this moment, he felt like a black crack on a white floor tile, a disaster that would fall on anyone's life.
He recalled Wang Jing's last question, which she had already asked knowingly. It seemed that he already had the answer to that question in his heart. From the moment he decided to become Lin Xiaqing, he knew that his life and Shen Qingli's life would never intersect again.
He knew she would be angry because of his reaction and attitude, but for some reason, he had imagined all of this countless times in his mind, but when someone bluntly brought it up in front of him, his previously calm heart suddenly felt a sharp pain again.
Will she hate him?
Yes, he knows.
He knew that the person Shen Qingli cared about and wanted to reconnect with was always the past him, the Xia Qing who had shared her innermost thoughts with her on countless summer nights, not the present him.
And it was that same person who, despite speaking of hatred and resentment, has now returned to the side of the person he once hated the most.
Perhaps in her eyes, he had long been a treacherous and hypocritical person.
But... isn't this how it should be? Lin Xiaqing?
He silently questioned himself: This is how it should be, and this is the only way, so why are you sad?
He lowered his head, leaned weakly against the ward door, and gave a self-deprecating laugh.
How can so many people say they are no longer from the same world? How can so many people come to me to expose this bloody truth?
For some reason, he suddenly remembered the clear eyes that had looked at him through the hazy steam at the breakfast shop. Before that, they hadn't sat down to have a proper meal together in a long time, and they hadn't spoken to each other in a long time.
But that rare conversation was not pleasant. Shen Qingli looked at herself and realized she was no longer the same as before. She was nervous and unnatural. He took in all the emotions in her eyes, which reminded Lin Xiaqing countless times that they could never go back to the past and become as close as they used to be.
But seeing her silent, he suddenly wanted to ask her if she was doing well living in the city, why she was late, why she got hurt for no reason, and why she always looked worried when he saw her at school.
These were all questions Xia Qing couldn't help but want to ask her. He wanted to tell her not to keep frowning and to smile more.
But as he looked at the name on the workbook, he knew he couldn't speak.
He could only be the "mute" of that summer, and that was all there was to it; only in this way could it be the best ending for them.
But reason can always succumb to emotion. He closed his eyes, knowing all this, yet the image of her leaving him couldn't help but float into his mind.
Lin Xiaqing thought with some sadness.
Being disliked by Shen Qingli must be a very sad thing.
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Author's note: The quote "How can love be stopped just because of a few heartbreaks?" is adapted from the song "Navigating the Heart," which says, "Love cannot be stopped just because of a few heartbreaks."
I check for typos every day and still find some TT. The typo king zj usually updates at midnight to correct typos, so don't worry about it.
The next chapter will be another 5000 words. I'm revising the text more and more like this. I'll update again tomorrow, but the update will be delayed until after 11 PM. Just this one chapter. The rest will be updated at the usual time.
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