Chapter 32 No one had a choice during the sweltering summer.
Since that day, although Shen Qingli didn't verbally agree to Lin Xiaqing's request, she truly stopped paying attention to his every move at school.
Habits are hard to break, but with enough determination, anything can be changed.
Getting used to someone's presence is like this, liking someone is like this, and forgetting someone is probably like this too.
-
Her high school career was progressing slowly, and Tao Huchen, that troublesome person, never bothered her and Luo Yiqiu again. When he returned to school, the injuries on his face seemed to be even more serious than before.
They were initially worried, but they wondered if he had truly reformed. During his apology before Monday's exercises, he apologized to them along with the entire school.
After the farce ended, she once again became a background figure in many rumors, slowly disappearing into the messy gossip, both true and false.
After they finished reading their self-criticisms, the teachers and leaders on stage finished their speeches. The scorching sun rose from behind, its heat making everyone feel hot. Summer had arrived again without us even realizing it, but this summer, it seemed there wouldn't be as much rain.
After the students left the playground, Luo Yiqiu took the time to go backstage to find Lin Xiaqing.
When we found him, he was holding the self-criticism he had just finished reading, and he looked rather pale.
When Luo Yiqiu walked up to him, she noticed several faint bruises on his face. She opened her mouth in surprise and quickly asked him, "What happened? Did your dad hit you like this?"
Hearing her exaggerated voice, Lin Xiaqing looked up, saw that it was her, glanced at her lightly, and explained calmly, "No."
"Oh, that's good. But you've been away from school for a week. Are you alright at home?" Hearing this, she breathed a sigh of relief and continued to ask.
"Don't you and I both know very well what the consequences of disobeying them are?" He lowered his head with a calm expression, found the trash bag next to him, and casually threw the piece of paper in his hand into it.
Luo Yiqiu witnessed his actions and knew exactly what he meant. Her face darkened, unwilling to recall those unpleasant things, and she changed the subject, saying, "Then since you knew, why did you still hit Tao Huchen?"
"..."
Seeing that he didn't speak, she continued to press, "You don't seem like the kind of person who would act on impulse, Lin Xiaqing. You don't actually like me, like what the other people at school say, do you?"
Seeing that she was about to say something even more outrageous, Lin Xiaqing finally raised his head. He glanced at her with a speechless expression, as if warning her not to talk nonsense.
Receiving his gaze, Luo Yiqiu saw that he finally showed some expression and laughed, waving her hand and quickly explaining, "Hey, I was just joking. You can't even take a joke anymore. But I heard from my dad that you were locked up at home by your dad for those few days. Although you wouldn't say why you hit Tao Huchen, thank you anyway."
"...It's not as exaggerated as you say." He didn't want to talk about these things, so he casually said it, but then he seemed to remember something and added, "But don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to know."
Luo Yiqiu didn't understand who he was referring to as "other people," and asked curiously, "What's wrong? Are you afraid someone will find out?"
Seeing her playful and gossipy demeanor, Lin Xiaqing ignored her. However, to Luo Yiqiu's surprise, Lin Xiaqing was unusually stubborn on this matter. He wouldn't answer her questions but insisted that Luo Yiqiu agree to his request, forcing her to make repeated promises before he would give up.
She didn't understand what the other person was doing. She couldn't figure out who she could tell. She wasn't exactly a blabbermouth, was she? At most, she'd tell Chen Chaoxi and Shen Qingli about it. Who else could she tell...?
The more she thought about it, the stranger it seemed. She felt there was some gossip to dig out, but after she finished talking about it, Lin Xiaqing stopped talking. Judging from his expression, she figured she wouldn't ask him anything unless something unexpected happened.
So, although she was still very puzzled, Luo Yiqiu had no choice but to agree to keep the secret for him, considering that he had helped her before.
Just as she was about to leave, she bumped into Zhao Yixiao at the door. She didn't know when he had arrived, but he was standing at the door staring at her without moving, his eyes swirling with emotions she couldn't quite understand. Looking back, she saw Shen Qingli standing right behind him.
She then remembered that she had told her to come find her backstage after the party ended. Seeing this, she quickly walked past Zhao Yixiao and pulled Shen Qingli, saying, "Qingli, you're here. Let's go."
“…Okay.” Shen Qingli nodded. She looked at Zhao Yixiao standing not far away, and then glanced at Lin Xiaqing sitting inside.
Even from this distance, her eyes met the other person's slightly flustered gaze upon hearing her voice, but only for a moment before she quickly looked away.
As Luo Yiqiu pulled her away, walking along the road, she asked herself, "When did you get here?"
“Just now.” She lowered her head, staring at the tips of her shoes, and answered in an ambiguous tone. But Shen Qingli knew very well that the answer the other party wanted was not her, so she added without saying anything, “When I came, Senior Zhao had already been standing there for a while.”
"Who asked him..." she muttered, turning her head away after her thoughts were exposed.
Luo Yiqiu wasn't sure if Zhao Yixiao would hear their conversation, but even if he did, what could he do? She was secretly hoping he would misunderstand and be as heartbroken as she was; only then would it be fair.
But she didn't notice Shen Qingli's increasingly unpleasant expression beside her.
-
With the arrival of summer, their first year of high school finally came to an end.
At this moment, staring at the arts and sciences subject selection chart on the table in front of them, Shen's father and mother sat on the sofa and discussed. Since the incident at school last time, whether they really realized their own problems or for other reasons, they have been more concerned about Shen Qingli.
Many times, she felt that her relationship with Mr. and Mrs. Shen was like a strange circle, sometimes good and sometimes bad, and only when they felt guilty and apologetic could they maintain a superficial peace.
As their child, she had to accept everything, good or bad; otherwise, if she showed the slightest reluctance, another big argument would break out at home.
Just then, her father looked up and asked her symbolically, "Xiao Li, do you have any thoughts on the matter of choosing between arts and sciences?"
Her thoughts? Shen Qingli scoffed inwardly, finding it all ironic.
Who cares about her thoughts, and who will really listen to them?
In fact, everyone present knew that everything was just a decision made by their adults, and her thoughts were not important at all. But they still asked themselves this question, as if only in this way could they appear to be "enlightened rulers".
Shen Qingli knew exactly what was going on, but on the surface she had to pretend to be nonchalant and obediently said, "I'll listen to Mom and Dad."
Hearing this, Chen's mother looked at her with satisfaction, and then decided in an uncompromising tone: "Then study literature, just like your sister. It's better for girls to study literature, and it will be easier for them to find a job in the future."
Just like Shen Qingyun, she numbly pursed her lips. Before she could even agree, she saw Shen's mother pick up a pen and start filling in the information and parent signature on the arts and sciences selection form without any explanation.
Witnessing everything, she lowered her head again, feeling helpless and powerless. She had known all along that this would happen.
She had expected this outcome, so she told herself not to struggle in vain, because it would be useless even if she objected.
For some inexplicable reason, Lin Xiaqing's words to her echoed in her mind again, inappropriately: "Give yourself a chance to choose." But it only lasted for a second. He completely denied everything from the past year. The person who said those words probably had no choice left after all that had happened. So... what could those words possibly represent?
What countless teachers consider a crucial matter related to her future college entrance exam is nothing more than a power grab by her parents in their home. She has never had a choice; she can only obediently comply.
Mr. Shen glanced at her and, seeing that she didn't seem to object, replied with a smile, "Humanities is good. If Xiaoli doesn't understand something in the future, she can ask Xiaoyun for help."
“What are you saying? Xiaoyun is about to enter her senior year of high school, a time when she shouldn’t be disturbed. Xiaoli, you shouldn’t bother your sister too much either.” Shen’s mother disagreed. She glared at Shen’s father, then signed her name on the paper and handed it to Shen Qingli, saying, “Do you understand? Did you hear me? Why aren’t you saying anything?”
"...Okay." Urged on by her, Shen Qingli lowered her head and took the things obediently like a wooden doll.
Shen Qingyun sat on the other side, watching her reactions with a mixture of emotions, wanting to say something but then being urged by her parents to go back to their room to study and do their homework.
When they stood at the door of their respective rooms, Shen Qingyun did not immediately open the door and go in. She paused, her hand on the doorknob, then withdrew it, turned around, and asked softly, "Ali, do you not want to study literature?"
Hearing this, Shen Qingli was surprised that she would ask so directly. She looked up at her with some surprise, then forced a smile and said, "No. Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"
"I just feel like you don't seem very happy." She said with some concern, looking at her younger sister's downcast eyes.
"No, actually I haven't decided whether to study humanities or sciences yet." Staring at her, Shen Qingli shook her head and said.
She wasn't lying; it was the truth from her heart.
From the moment she learned that she would have to choose between arts and sciences, unlike her classmates, she never considered her own choice. She knew that everything was just a matter of her parents' word, so since she had no choice, she simply didn't want to think about it.
"Listening to Mom and Dad is always the right thing to do, isn't it, sis?" After thinking for a moment, she clenched the paper in her hand, gave her another reassuring smile, and said, "Okay, sis, there are so many papers assigned today. I'm going to do my homework now. You should rest early after you finish yours."
After saying that, she went into the room first, glanced at Shen Qingyun, whispered "Goodnight" and closed the door.
Staring at the tightly closed door in front of her, Shen Qingyun stood there somewhat at a loss, and remained motionless for a very long time.
She couldn't tell if it was just her imagination; she felt her sister had changed, but she couldn't quite put her finger on what was wrong.
In the eyes of Shen's parents, she seemed to have finally grown up and become sensible in the past year because of what happened before. She would no longer cause trouble for the family or parents, and she would no longer disobey them. They were very satisfied with this.
Many times, they often say that Shen Qingli is becoming more and more like her older sister Shen Qingyun, and has become much more composed.
But... she always felt that Shen Qingli was not happy. In the eyes of her parents, Shen Qingli was just being obedient and sensible.
But she felt that all her edges were being slowly worn down by this family, and that she was being silently swallowed up by this family.
Shen Qingyun often wanted to do something for her younger sister, but she was helpless. They were like little birds trapped in a cage, neither of them could find the key, neither of them had a choice, and everyone was the same.
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