Chapter 17 The Bitter Summer Will Never Come Again
Xia Qing was indeed a very competent listener. He listened quietly and patiently to Shen Qingli finish speaking, nodding in response to her from time to time.
His gentle yet encouraging gaze fell upon her, making her feel for the first time that having a friend to confide in was a pretty good thing.
That summer, the Xia Qing she met was just like that.
Later, when Chen Chaoxi casually asked them about their impressions of Lin Xiaqing, Luo Yiqiu's first word was "cold," and Chen Chaoxi was no exception.
But……
In the past, Xia Qing was clearly a very good and gentle person in her eyes, and that remains true even now.
She always felt that the person they knew was different. But she didn't want to admit that Lin Xiaqing and Xiaqing were the same person.
She couldn't bring herself to say it, because she knew all too well that the Lin Xiaqing she knew now was not the same person she had known before.
What happened later proved to her that people do change, and that was the only way she could comfort herself.
She couldn't demand that anyone not change, nor did she have the right to use the past to "coerce" him into always being exactly the same as when she first met him.
All she could do was remember Xia Qing during this summer, nothing more, and that was all she could do.
-
"So, you're worried about going out with your sister and her family next week?"
Xia Qing listened to her words silently and summarized the reasons that were currently aggravating her anxiety.
Shen Qingli nodded, and said with distress, "Yes, I really don't know my parents at all. I don't really want to go out with them, but my grandfather doesn't agree to me coming back and says I have to go."
She didn't understand why her grandfather insisted on forcing her to do things she didn't want to do. She really dreaded the trip next week.
Hearing her words, Xia Qing did not answer immediately.
She immediately noticed the other person's silence, and as if realizing something, she quickly made an excuse for her words, saying, "Don't you think my worries are a bit strange? Feeling resistant and nervous about going out with my parents."
She knew what she had said sounded absurd. How could a child not be familiar with his or her parents? It was utterly ridiculous.
Perhaps in the hearts of Shen's parents, this matter also sounds very unbelievable. After all, in their eyes as parents, no matter what mistakes they have made or what they have wronged their children, the children should not have any resentment or feelings.
Because she is their child.
As Xia Qing listened to her flimsy attempts to explain, perhaps Shen Qingli herself didn't realize that she looked particularly nervous as she tried to open up and talk to him.
At this moment, because he did not respond in time, the sadness and helplessness she had shown were quickly covered up by her forced smile. The person in front of her had to pretend to be indifferent again, as if she would force a smile and tell him that the matter was not that serious, and then lie and skip the topic.
During this time, Shen Qingli discovered a side of him that no one else knew, while he also unexpectedly realized that beneath the cold and indifferent exterior, there was a sensitive heart.
Xia Qing remained silent for a few seconds, thinking. He could see the sadness beneath her feigned expression, and before Shen Qingli could speak, he said, "Not everyone can be close to their parents."
"What?" Shen Qingli was not expected to hear him say that, and the words she was about to say to skip over the topic were stuck in her throat.
“My dad, or more accurately, my biological father, isn’t very close to me.” He hesitated when he mentioned this, his gaze shifting unnaturally. He was clearly uneasy, his voice becoming much softer: “He divorced my mom many years ago, and I’ve hardly seen him in all these years. I only saw him once in… junior high school, and when he greeted me, it was incredibly awkward.”
Thinking of this, he couldn't help but chuckle, as if laughing at himself: "But his embarrassment is probably because I ignored him. But... I think I can understand a little bit of what you're saying."
As soon as he finished speaking, Shen Qingli was stunned for several seconds. She had not expected Xia Qing's family to be like this, and she had never heard anything about Xia Lin's family from her grandparents.
Xia Lin once mentioned that Xia Qing's father had passed away a long time ago, and afterwards, no one dared to ask about it again.
Seeing that the boy in front of her looked normal, she realized that she had been too immersed in her own emotions and had said the wrong thing without realizing it.
Realizing this, she immediately lowered her head and hurriedly apologized, "Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't know about this... I shouldn't have told you this."
He watched as she lowered her head, looking very remorseful. The reaction he had expected did not occur, and he secretly breathed a sigh of relief.
Revealing your pain to anyone is like a high-stakes gamble.
After thinking for a few seconds, he smiled helplessly and said, "Why are you apologizing to me? Wasn't it me who asked you about this first?"
Hearing him say that, Shen Qingli nervously looked up. She carefully observed his expression, and seeing that he really didn't blame her, she secretly breathed a sigh of relief. "I've never heard Aunt Xia say anything like that. Aunt Xia just said..."
"We said he's dead, right?"
"Hmm." She nodded hesitantly.
Hearing this, he slowly nodded and sneered, "It's not exactly wrong. A woman who cheats on her husband during pregnancy is no different from someone who is dead."
"What?"
Meeting Shen Qingli's surprised gaze, he slowly shifted his eyes and looked up at the movie playing in front of him. Many movies always have a story of earth-shattering, tear-jerking true love. People love to sing praises of true love and say that true love is invincible. Unfortunately, that's just a movie, not reality.
The movie in front of him was no exception. With the sound of the movie playing, his eyes glazed over for a moment before he continued, "Back when my mother was pregnant with my younger sister, she discovered that he was having an affair. She was so angry that she went into premature labor. And my sister, who was born, did not live past the age of one because of insufficient fetal development."
As she spoke, Xia Qing's voice sounded the same as before, remaining calm and devoid of any emotion.
But the cold light from the movie shone on his face, and Shen Qingli turned her head, only able to barely see his profile. For the first time, she actually felt that the expressionless man in front of her was actually revealing a tearing pain on his face.
Perhaps the greatest pain is silence, and so is hatred.
She listened in disbelief to the words he was about to say; in just a few words, he summarized their painful first half of life.
Shen Qingli and he remained silent for a very long time, until the movie on the TV finished playing, the last credits were credited, the playback paused, and the screen gradually dimmed until no light could be seen anymore.
The room suddenly went dark. She looked at the person beside her with worry, and in the darkness, she pressed her lips together, calling out anxiously, "Xia Qing..."
Hearing her voice, Xia Qing seemed to wake up from a dream. He realized the current situation, struggled to pull himself out of those painful emotions, and silently stood up to turn on the wall light.
Shen Qingli squinted when the light suddenly came on, and when she opened her eyes again, she saw him walk to her side and stand in front of her.
He took a deep breath, composed himself, and refused to continue the previous topic.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked to you about such heavy things." He lowered his eyes, his voice filled with apology: "It's just that for so many years, neither my mother nor I have mentioned what happened back then to each other. Today, I suddenly remembered it and couldn't help but say a few more words."
Some pain may never be truly erased, even with a lifetime of effort. Therefore, they can only force themselves to stop mentioning it and tell themselves that they will eventually forget.
"It's okay..." She shook her head, looking at his restrained expression, her heart also heavy.
Because she suddenly realized that indifference and gentleness were not Xia Qing's true nature; his true nature was actually sadness.
"I haven't told anyone about this yet..."
Hearing him say that, Shen Qingli clearly misunderstood him and quickly assured him, "Don't worry! I will definitely not tell anyone."
"No, what I mean is, thank you for telling me so many of my secrets today. Maybe it's because of you that I feel a little lighter after talking about these things that I've been keeping inside." He expressed his gratitude sincerely. Some things have been kept inside for too long, and it's actually much better to talk about them.
Thinking it over, he forced a smile and said, "So, consider today as us exchanging our innermost thoughts. Now that we know each other's secrets, let's make today's events a secret that belongs only to us, okay?"
The secret between them.
She murmured these words to herself, then looked up at Xia Qing, who stood under the lamplight with a faint smile on his face, gently asking her a question.
As darkness passed, he returned to being Xia Qing. She stared at him, mesmerized, and finally, as he called her name, she heard her own voice: "Okay. Let's bury this secret together."
-
After the tutoring session, the two were back to their usual selves. Xia Qing saw her downstairs, and just before she left, a sudden downpour began.
Summer weather is so unpredictable. Standing at the doorway of the living room, he familiarly took out the umbrella from the top of the shoe cabinet and handed it to her, saying, "Here you go."
"Thanks."
Just before she left, the person behind her called out to her. He seemed to remember something and said to her, "By the way, about what happened next week, I actually have a way to resolve it. I was just about to tell you, do you still want to hear it now?"
"What method?" Looking at the sun shower outside, her emotions had calmed down considerably, and she asked.
After saying that, she watched as the person behind her took a step and walked to her side, whispering two words in her ear.
"Pretending to be sick?!" She turned her head sharply, looking at him in disbelief, her voice rising considerably.
"Um."
Hearing his answer, Shen Qingli realized that she hadn't misheard. She couldn't believe that Xia Qing could say such a thing.
Seeing her surprised expression, Xia Qing explained, "Once before, I didn't want to see that man, so I used this method."
At this point, he paused for a moment, then said casually, "Later I found that although running away is shameful, it's actually quite useful."
"..."
Shen Qingli listened to his words, looked at him in disbelief for several moments, and then laughed: "I really can't refute your twisted logic. But... even you good students pretend to be sick."
Seeing her obviously teasing tone, Xia Qing wasn't annoyed. He looked at the torrential rain outside, as if to forget the unpleasant things from earlier. He also laughed and joked with her, saying, "Even good students aren't saints. There are always things they don't want to do. So... when you encounter something you really don't want to do, there's nothing wrong with using a little trick."
That's a good point.
She nodded upon hearing this, as if confirming his statement.
"Okay, I'm just giving you a suggestion. As for how to choose, I think you should follow your heart."
"Yes. Thank you."
She understood his joking reassurance, and seeing that the rain outside was getting heavier, she could only thank the person in front of her and say goodbye.
She opened her umbrella and walked in the heavy rain. Raindrops splashed on the ground, and dust rose up, creating a sultry atmosphere. She walked slowly away, but then suddenly turned her head as if possessed, and just then saw Xia Qing's back as she turned around and walked into the house.
A few months ago, she would never have imagined that she would be talking to this person she thought she would never cross paths with, about the most unspeakable parts of her past.
They shared a rain shower, and fate bound them together.
They talked about their most secret past under the dim light, and the sound of rain created the biggest secret between them.
...
The rain drizzled down, splashing mud from the roadside onto her white trouser legs. Shen Qingli looked up at the sun overhead and suddenly realized that it was already the end of July.
Summer is almost over, and the beginning of autumn is just around the corner. Soon, this tutoring program will end, and they will be parting ways.
She met him in the sweltering summer, and for some reason, she felt a strange melancholy, realizing for the first time how short summer was.
She suddenly remembered a sentence she had read in a book.
There will be other summers in the future, but none will be like this one. Never.
Yes, this sweltering summer, filled with rain and tears, will never come again.
-----------------------
Author's Note: 1. "Escape is shameful, but it's still quite useful." This is a modification of the original Hungarian proverb, "Escape is shameful, but it's useful."
2. "There will be other summers, but none like this one. Never." — Neil Gaiman, *Good Omens*
3. "To confide your pain to anyone is like a gamble." (Modified from the internet.)
As an aside: Revealing one's pain is actually a very brave thing. They all treated each other as trustworthy friends. Pear's uncontrollable sense of comparison and Xia Qing's silent hatred are the biggest secrets of this summer.
Alright, Xia Qing's secret is almost over, and it's time for them to say goodbye.
Saying goodbye to the limited edition Xia Qing TvT
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com