Chapter 17 Let's Go Forward

"I don't hate you. I said I appreciate you. It's true. I can even forgive you."

Qi Yu'an's eyes, which had been looking at Wen Yan, suddenly lit up.

Wen Yan tried her best to ignore the expectation in those eyes.

"As long as you don't show up all the time and don't disturb my life, we can be just ordinary old friends."

Wen Yan watched the light in Qi Yu'an's eyes gradually fade away as he spoke. Wen Yan felt a little sad, as he was so much like himself three years ago.

At that time, I was looking forward to seeing him, looking at him cautiously and pleadingly, and then I shattered my remaining self-esteem bit by bit with one harsh word after another.

Wen Yan could not forget that day, how the person in front of her looked at her indifferently as she bent down little by little, packed up her things one by one, and then walked out step by step from the place that she thought could shelter her from the wind and rain.

If Wen Yan is not having an easy time, then Qi Yu'an won't have an easy time either.

Wen Yan stared at Qi Yu'an and asked word by word: "Do you remember that day, I also begged you like this."

These words were undoubtedly a stab in Qi Yu'an's heart. To be honest, the moment these words came out, Qi Yu'an felt a fishy smell rising in his throat. He gritted his teeth and swallowed it back. He had no strength to hold his clenched fists and had to loosen them. If you look closely, you can find that his whole hand is shaking slightly.

What a pity, there are only two people here, and neither of them cares.

Wen Yan was still looking at him, his hands were shaking more obviously. He remembered how he had questioned Wen Yan coldly and ruthlessly, asking him "Do you know you are wrong?" He also remembered how Wen Yan's eyes changed from expectation to disappointment, and he remembered Wen Yan's back as he turned and walked into the rain.

These were scenes that had appeared in his dreams countless times over the past three years, and each time they woke him up in shock and he could never fall asleep again.

After having this dream many times, he realized it was a dream. He tried to change in his dream. He wanted to help Wen Yan and even wanted to slap himself in the dream for talking without thinking. However, apart from watching from a third-party perspective, he never changed anything.

Every time, he watched Wen Yan pack a few sets of clothes and walk decisively into the rain. He called Wen Yan's name in vain, but Wen Yan never turned back once.

Then I woke up again.

Wen Yan watched Qi Yu'an's face grow paler and paler until it was completely bloodless, and knew that this man must have remembered it.

"If you remember how you treated me then, I don't think you should come to me for another chance. I don't know what has stimulated you to suddenly think of me after such a long time. Wouldn't it be better if we didn't bother each other like we did in the past few years?"

"No, not good at all. I said, if I can accept that we don't disturb each other, I won't appear in front of you at all. I can't do it, Wen Yan." Qi Yu'an's voice was trembling as he gritted his teeth.

Wen Yan was so angry that she almost laughed: "What does that have to do with me? If you can't do it, I have to cooperate with you."

After hearing this, Qi Yu'an seemed to sober up a little. Yes, he couldn't leave her, so what did it have to do with Wen Yan? Should he be responsible for himself?

Seeing that people were no longer so excited, Wen Yan simply finished her words: "No one in this world is really inseparable from anyone else. At first, I also felt that I couldn't live without you, but you see, after really leaving you, I didn't die as I thought, and you are the same, so don't be trapped in the past, we should all look forward."

Qi Yu'an knew that Wen Yan had really let him go, so he could use himself as an example to persuade him to let go, but he couldn't do it.

The reason why Wen Yan is so carefree is simply because he has never owed anyone anything. He has loved sincerely and let go without talking about debts, and does not care about gains and losses. He is brave and open-minded.

And what about yourself? Do you have a clear conscience?

Oh, how can I have a clear conscience? If I didn't have any guilt, how could I be the one who can't see you every day and can't sleep every night?

Qi Yu'an controlled his emotions and tried to remain calm.

"Wen Yan, I know I am forcing you, but really, apart from that incident, we have always gotten along well, right? You can't completely deny me and our past."

Wen Yan looked at Qi Yu'an calmly, as if he was thinking about something and yet he was thinking about nothing. Qi Yu'an was nervously watching Wen Yan's expression, afraid that Wen Yan would say that she had forgotten. When he was about to say something, Wen Yan spoke.

"I won't deny the past, nor will I completely deny you. Like you said, it was a very good time. It's not an exaggeration to say that those three years were redemption for me. I was alone for a long time before I met you."

Wen Yan looked away, looking tired, and sighed softly.

But Qi Yu'an heard it, and it was like a dull punch to the body, and Qi Yu'an couldn't cry out in pain.

"I was so tired. More than once, I thought about giving up. Then you showed up and my life suddenly became simple and easy. Even if you had other intentions, I am still very grateful. You are much better than the sponsor I imagined. You are not bald or mean. On the contrary, you are gentle, affectionate, handsome and rich. To be frank, I fell in love with you very easily."

When hearing Wen Yan clearly say that she fell in love with him, Qi Yu'an originally thought that he must be very happy and excited, because this meant that he had meant a lot to Wen Yan's heart all those years, and this would give him more confidence to win Wen Yan back now.

However, Qi Yuan felt sad and didn't know what to do after hearing this. His Wen Yan loved him for three years even when he didn't care.

When Qi Yu'an thought about how those late-night hangover soups and early-morning stomach-nourishing porridge were all made out of love, and not as a way for his lover to please his financial sponsor as he thought, he wanted to kill himself.

Inappropriately, he understood a sentence: It turns out that you feel sorry for me, I didn't understand it at that time.

How dull does a person have to be to not be able to distinguish between sincerity and falsehood for three years, and even take another three years to recognize his own inner heart?

He suddenly wanted to cry, for the hard years before Wen Yan met him, and for the sad three years after Wen Yan met him.

Why didn’t I understand at that time?

He didn't cry because Wen Yan spoke again.

"At first, I thought, this person is so good, so good that I feel that my miserable half-life finally has hope. Even if you need to get married and have children in the future, I will wish you a long life and everything goes well."

Wen Yan smiled bitterly.

"Originally, it would have been fine. When the contract expired, we could both live our own lives. But you treated me so well, providing me with resources and protecting me. For many years, no one has protected me like you. I couldn't help but like you more and more. So I thought, if you don't mind, we can have a good relationship after the contract expires. I will leave when you want to get married."

The pain in Qi Yu'an's eyes seemed to be about to overflow. He didn't know, he had no idea at all, that Wen Yan's feelings for him were so brave and yet so humble.

He didn't dare to listen to Wen Yan anymore, but he couldn't bear to interrupt her.