Chapter 61: No one else can decide my life
Zhu Zhifeng was as anxious as an ant on a hot pan, pacing back and forth in the room.
"This is terrible. You don't know how decisive my grandmother is. Even my mother wouldn't dare to confront her directly. I certainly don't have that ability."
Yu Wan comforted her, "Don't worry. Even if she wants to force you to get married, she can't rush you into marriage in just a few days. They care a lot about their reputation, and a hasty wedding will cause a lot of people to gossip. Even if you stay, they will still have to find suitable candidates for you, get engaged, prepare your dowry, and choose an auspicious date. It will take at least half a year."
Zhu Zhifeng, however, was not as optimistic. "What about six months from now? No, are you really prepared to make me stay? You're my best friend, and I want to go to the capital with you to see the autumn leaves!"
During breakfast, Zhu Zhifeng still clung to Yu Wan, insisting that she come up with a specific and foolproof method.
Only when Yu Wan promised to take her with her when she left did they finally finish the meal properly.
Xue Xiujun pondered, "Why does Old Madam Jin want to see the proprietress? I feel there's something fishy about this."
He noticed something amiss, but didn't directly voice his suspicions, because he knew that what he said next might hurt Yu Wan's pride.
That's the head of a large family, wielding absolute power.
Even a minor county magistrate couldn't easily get an audience with her; only a provincial governor could.
But the proprietress's identity...
Zhu Zhifeng felt a sense of security after receiving Yu Wan's assurance.
"What do you mean? Why can't my grandmother see Awan? My cousin and I kept praising Awan last night, and my grandmother wants to meet her too. Isn't that normal? Awan is such a good person, of course I want the whole world to know about her."
"Oh? So it's because of you and your cousin." Xue Xiujun glanced at He Jing, who lowered his eyes and ate his breakfast seriously, seemingly unaware of the meaningful look in his eyes.
Zhu Zhifeng raised her chin high, "Of course! Awan is no ordinary guest. I didn't have a chance to introduce them at last night's banquet, so I have to meet them today. Besides, the Jin family is big and powerful, and they might be able to help Awan's business."
Xue Xiujun curled his lip, "You think you're helping her, but little do you know... hehe..."
He didn't say anything more, but just glanced at He Jing again.
He Jing put down his chopsticks and said in a deep voice, "I have to go out for a while and won't be back for dinner."
Xue Xiujun hurriedly asked, "Where are you going? Take me with you! Isn't the landlady going shopping? Aren't you coming along?"
He Jing got up and left with a stern face.
Just as Xue Xiujun was about to chase after her, Zhu Zhifeng grabbed his clothes.
"What did you mean just now? It's like I'm going to harm Awan. Explain yourself, or you're not leaving!"
Xue Xiujun shook off her hand and hurriedly chased after him, but He Jing was nowhere to be seen. However, he also ran away in a flash.
Zhu Zhifeng returned to the house and saw Yu Wan about to come out.
“Wan, have you finished eating? Do you want to rest for a bit before going to see my grandmother? I’m a little scared. She’s very straightforward. If she says something that upsets you, please don’t take it to heart.”
Yu Wan took her hand and led her out of the courtyard. "When we were in Sui County, you were carefree every day. I thought you were just born that way. But ever since you left home, you've been preoccupied with worries, thinking about this and that. You haven't had any interest in sightseeing along the way. This won't do."
Zhu Zhifeng followed her slowly toward the location designated by Old Madam Jin.
"Yes, I used to think I was carefree, but now I realize I've never understood myself. It's all my mother's fault. If she hadn't been so determined to send me to Jiangnan, my grandmother wouldn't have cared about me. Of all her children and grandchildren, I'm the least outstanding one."
“You have so many family members; compared to many others, you are already very fortunate,” Yu Wan said with a smile.
Zhu Zhifeng sighed, "Do you think I'm really stupid? Don't be fooled by such a large family; it's just a facade. Deep down, it's rotten to the core. My father said that wherever there are people, conflict is inevitable. Everyone has many desires in life, whether it's for love or material possessions. Very few people can see through everything and transcend it. I don't want to stay here; this is a giant golden cage. A woman's marriage is just moving from one cage to another. Awan, teach me how to be like you, doing whatever I want?"
A bitter smile appeared on Yu Wan's face. "Don't make me sound so amazing. Every step I take may seem like I'm taking the initiative, but it's actually fate pushing me along. If I don't earn money, my whole family will starve to death."
"But at least you enjoy it, don't you? The things you did in Sui County, because of your own efforts, have gradually changed the people and things around you. You must be very happy, right?" Zhu Zhifeng looked on with envy. She also hoped to become such a person.
Yu Wan smiled, pursing her lips. "I am indeed happy."
Zhu Zhifeng pressed further, "Then how do you think I can become a woman like you?"
Yu Wan thought for a moment and said, "I shouldn't be spouting grand principles. You've read a lot of books since you were little, and your parents have told you many life lessons. But you're my good friend, and since you asked, I'll share my thoughts. If you think it's right, listen; if you think it's wrong, just pretend I didn't say anything."
Zhu Zhifeng took her arm and pressed her cheek against her shoulder, acting coquettishly, "How could you be wrong? Even my father, who is well-read, admires you."
Yu Wan's smile was gentle and encouraging. "I don't have any long-winded words to say. I just want to say that if a person wants to save himself, he must first learn to save himself. Others can only help you temporarily. Only when you have the will to save yourself can you avoid being controlled by others."
Zhu Zhifeng suddenly realized, "Oh! No wonder I kept begging you for help, but you never gave me a solution. You were waiting for me to figure it out myself!"
Yu Wan smiled and said, "I'm waiting for you to make a choice. As long as you stick to your choice, I will help you no matter which path you choose. If you haven't made a choice, I can't make any decisions for you."
“But I’ve already made up my mind. Before we set off, I said I wouldn’t stay in Jiangnan,” Zhu Zhifeng said.
Yu Wan shook her head. "Not firm enough. You must have thought a lot about it last night, right?"
Zhu Zhifeng's eyes showed even more admiration. "You're amazing! I didn't sleep a wink last night, going through everything from my earliest memories until now. I've never felt this strongly before—that my life has never truly been joyful! From childhood to adulthood, I've had everything—eating, drinking, playing—but those were just fleeting moments of happiness. Until I met you, I watched you achieve your goals step by step, even when others said war could break out at any moment, you didn't waver. I've never had anything like this that I'm willing to spend such a long, long time completing."
They walked around the long corridor and passed through two small gardens, but had not yet reached Madam Jin's courtyard.
Yu Wan asked with a smile, "Isn't opening a shop your goal?"
Zhu Zhifeng said, "Yes, but I didn't have your determination before. I thought about many possible failures, including my parents stopping me, forcing me to get married, and making me a stay-at-home wife and mother. I thought about so many impossible endings, but rarely imagined the ending where I did achieve it! Last night when I couldn't sleep, I thought about how I'm always at my little shop, with many customers buying my things and giving me good reviews, and that makes me very happy! So, Awan, I've made up my mind, and no one can stop me. I must make it happen!"
Yu Wan said, "You see, you don't actually need my help. As long as you have something you want, you will do everything you can to get it."
Zhu Zhifeng's mind opened up, and she suddenly felt enlightened.
"No, I still need your guidance! No one else can decide my life. I don't want my parents and grandmother to control my destiny. I shouldn't hand over that power to others. What I need to do is first determine my goals, and then work hard to achieve them!"
She became more and more excited as she spoke, and her whole being radiated an unusual glow in the morning light.
"I understand! I finally know what I need to do!"
At the same time, she realized that she had almost made an irreparable mistake. If Yu Wan really stood up to help, then Yu Wan would become an enemy of the Jin family.
How could she possibly harm her own good friend like that?
"I'm sorry, A-Wan, I shouldn't have kept asking you to stand up for me. This shouldn't have been your responsibility."
Yu Wan was happy for her and praised her, "You are very smart. No matter what choice you make, I will support you. However, the path you have chosen may be very difficult."
Zhu Zhifeng smiled and said, "I know, thank you, Awan!"
Looking back on her past, Yu Wan realized that her actions were all driven by circumstances, forcing her to make choices that were more advantageous to herself.
Ultimately, it all comes down to the issue of having enough to eat. Even though she has earned a lot of money now, the driving force deep down for her is still the problem of food.
Zhu Zhifeng has a choice, and no matter what she chooses, she doesn't have to worry about food.
Her current struggle is to fulfill her spiritual needs.
"We've arrived. Are you ready?" Yu Wan asked with a smile.
Zhu Zhifeng looked into the doorway, took a deep breath, and said, "Ready! Let's go!"
Even the smallest ornaments in Madam Jin's courtyard are exquisite, and the flowers, plants, and lotus pond are arranged according to a certain pattern.
It wasn't just this small courtyard; the whole house was like this, but the mystical atmosphere was even stronger in this small courtyard.
It's clear that Madam Jin is a believer in feng shui.
"Grandmother!" Zhu Zhifeng called sweetly to the old woman who was watering the flowers.
"Grandma, my mother said your back isn't good, how can you do all the work by yourself? Let me help you!"
Madam Jin chuckled and refused, "You're just a little girl, you don't know anything. I'll do it myself. Ah Feng, sometimes watering flowers is the same as the principles of life. Everyone knows that flowers and plants need water, but they only have so much capacity. If you give them too much, they can't handle it and will drown themselves."
Yu Wan smelled a familiar scent.
The grandmother and grandson chatted about everyday things, and before she could speak, she remained silent and listened quietly.
Zhu Zhifeng introduced, "This is my best friend Yu Wan, we all call her A Wan."
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