Chapter 30: Sitting Under the Candle, the Final Confession
It is already very late at night.
All the sounds in the courtyard seemed to be swallowed up by the thick darkness of the night. There was no insect chirping, no wind blowing, and the silence was so unsettling.
In the room, there was a dim light.
The dim candlelight was the only source of light in this dead world. Burning diligently on the small table, it confined its warmth and light to this tiny space.
Su Qinghan and Shen Ye sat opposite each other.
No one spoke.
The flickering candlelight cast their shadows on the wall behind them, stretching very long, sometimes overlapping, sometimes separating, like two entangled souls.
There is a dull and oppressive atmosphere in the air, which is the unique smell of parting.
They all knew that this was their last time in this small courtyard.
At dawn tomorrow, Su Qinghan would embark on her journey, and the night would return to its sunless darkness. This small house, once filled with the aroma of crude cooking and the faint scent of herbs, would once again return to its original dead silence.
The stolen and short-lived warmth between them is about to come to an end.
Su Qinghan's gaze fell on the dancing flames before her. The flames reflected in her pupils, swaying along with them, like a lonely boat drifting in the wind and waves.
She has made up her mind.
Before she left, she had to tell him something.
It wasn't just because he saved her life, healed her wounds at all costs, and gave her the only peace she had during this period. It was also because of... a trust that even she couldn't explain.
She believed him.
Even if he is an assassin, a man from Tianji Pavilion who lives in darkness.
But she had seen him clumsily, had seen him blush, had seen his face turn pale from trying to save herself. These were far more real than any label.
She could no longer see him simply as a cold-blooded assassin.
Therefore, she couldn't just leave quietly like this. She had to give him an explanation, and also give herself an explanation for this wonderful encounter.
She took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling slightly with nervousness. It felt as if she had exhausted all her strength. In this extreme silence, even the subtle sound of her breathing seemed exceptionally clear.
Finally, she raised her head and looked at the silent figure opposite her, breaking the suffocating silence with a very light but unprecedentedly solemn voice.
"Chen Ye, I have something I must tell you."
Shen Ye's eyes, which had been lowered, slowly lifted at the sound. His gaze, piercing the flickering candlelight, fell on her face. In those eyes, as deep as an ancient well, there was no surprise, no inquiry, only a pure, all-embracing tranquility.
He didn't say anything, but just looked at her quietly, waiting for her next words with his silence.
His calmness gave Su Qinghan great courage.
She looked into his eyes and began to tell him, word by word, the story of "Su Qinghan" that she had buried deep in her heart.
"First of all, the name 'Feiyue' is fake," she said, a hint of self-deprecation in her voice. "It's just a code name, an identity I use when traveling the Jianghu."
"My real name is Su Qinghan. Jiangnan, Su from the Su family, Qing as in clear water, and Han as in cold."
She gave her name, as if completing an important ritual. From this moment on, the one standing here was no longer the assassin "Fei Yue", but Su Qinghan.
"I imagine you must be curious about why a weak woman like me, who looks... powerless," she paused, a complex smile playing on her lips, "why would I disguise myself as an assassin and infiltrate a place like 'Youquan' where all the good and evil meet."
"I'm not after fame. False reputation in the martial arts world means nothing to me. I'm also not after profit. I've possessed... a lot of gold, silver, and treasures before."
Her voice lowered, and her gaze turned to the flickering candlelight again. Her eyes became distant, as if they had penetrated time and space and returned to the past that she could never go back to.
"When I was very young, my family lived in the capital. My father was the Minister of Revenue in the imperial court. He was... a very old-fashioned, upright, and even somewhat unkind man. He always taught me that one should be like a pine or cypress, rather breaking than bending; and that an official should be like a mirror, honest and upright."
"At that time, I didn't understand these profound principles. I only knew that my father was the most powerful man in the world. He would lift me above his head, buy me the most beautiful lanterns, and after I got into trouble, he would scold me with a stern face while quietly pleading with my mother on my behalf."
"I thought that life like that would last forever. I thought I would grow up carefree under the wings of my father and mother, then marry into a good family of equal status, raise children, and live a simple life."
At this point, her voice began to tremble slightly, and tears flickered in her eyes. The tenderness and sadness that she had suppressed deep in her heart with hatred and strength finally flowed out uncontrollably in the warm and safe atmosphere of this night.
"But a sudden assassination destroyed everything."
Her nails dug deep into her palms, using the pain to keep her voice steady.
"It was the winter of my coming-of-age year. On a very cold, snowy night, as cold as the valley we'd been in when we parted. A group of assassins quietly sneaked into the mansion. Their target was only my father."
"I didn't even get to see him for the last time. When I rushed over after hearing the news, I saw him lying in a pool of blood. His eyes were still open until he died."
"Later, the authorities investigated for a long time, and the files piled up like a mountain. But in the end, they concluded that it was a 'gang vendetta, the murderer is unknown.' And then, they hastily closed the case."
"A vendetta in the martial arts world?" Su Qinghan sneered, his laughter filled with endless sadness and resentment. "What a ridiculous excuse! My father was an official his entire life, always incorruptible and never harbored any grudges. The people he offended were never the wuss-men, but those powerful officials in the court...whom he had blocked!"
"After my father died, our family fell into ruin. When the tree falls, the monkeys scatter; when people leave, the tea becomes cold; the world is cruel. My mother fell ill because of it, and within two years, she also passed away. The huge Su family fell apart overnight."
She closed her eyes, and two lines of tears finally slid down her cheeks silently. The candlelight reflected a broken and sad light on the crystal tears.
Chen Ye's heart felt like it was being gripped by a large hand, a suffocating pain. He looked at her trembling shoulders, the tear marks on her face, and an unprecedented urge to hold her in his arms and wipe away all her tears crazily grew in his heart.
But he couldn't move. He could only sit there like a stone statue and listen.
Because, a name that made him feel as if he was falling into an icy cave was about to come out of her mouth. He had a premonition.
When Su Qinghan opened his eyes again, the fragility in his eyes had faded away, replaced by ice tempered by fire and hatred engraved in his bones.
"I don't believe in fate, and I don't believe in government files. They don't dare to investigate, they don't dare to ask, they don't dare to offend those bigwigs. It doesn't matter, I can do it myself!"
"Since they say the murderer is from the underworld, then fine, I'll go look for him there! The dirtiest, most chaotic places often hide the most authentic clues. So I spent all my family wealth, became a disciple, and then... disguised myself as the assassin 'Feiyue' and joined 'Youquan'."
"I believe that one day, I will find clues from those shady transactions and the words of those assassins. Even if it's just a tiny bit, I will dig it out and follow it to find the real culprit behind the scenes and make him pay with blood!"
"This is how I've lived these years. Wearing a mask, telling lies, and doing things against my will. Sometimes, I almost forgot who I was. Until... until I met you."
She raised her head and looked at Chen Ye with tears in her eyes. For the first time, there was a hint of confusion and dependence in her voice.
"Chen Ye, now you know everything. I'm not a cold-blooded killer, I'm just an orphan who only wants to avenge my father. In my world, there is only hatred. Getting involved with someone like me will only bring you endless trouble and danger."
"My...my father's name is Su Zhenting."
When the three words "Su Zhenting" were clearly uttered from Su Qinghan's mouth, Chen Ye felt that his entire world collapsed in an instant and then turned into dust.
boom!
His mind was blank.
Time seemed to stand still at this moment. He could not hear what Su Qinghan said next, nor could he feel the warmth of the candlelight. In his world, only those three words remained, echoing over and over again, madly.
Su Zhenting.
Su Zhenting!
A name buried deep in his memory, a "letter of surrender" that marked the starting point of his assassin career, and a life he ended with his own hands in order to prove himself!
That file, that piece of information, that face defined by the Tianji Pavilion as "corrupt and committing treason" now overlapped with the tearful and sad face in front of him.
He... is her sworn enemy who killed her father.
With his own hands, he transformed her from a carefree daughter of an official into an orphan burdened with a deep blood feud.
He destroyed her family and killed her father with his own hands.
Then, fate arranged for him to save her, take care of her, and even... fall in love with her when she was most desperate.
How ridiculous!
How cruel!
The bone-deep chill brought by the "Heart Sutra of No Light" was, at this moment, nothing compared to the coldness and despair in his heart that was enough to freeze his soul.
He looked at her, the woman he loved so deeply but who he had hurt the most. It felt like a red-hot iron was stuck in his throat, the burning pain making it impossible for him to breathe, let alone make any sound.
Did he want to tell her the truth?
No, he can't!
He understood Su Qinghan better than anyone. Revenge for her father's murder was the only thing that had kept her alive until now. If she knew that this pillar, this enemy she had desperately sought, was the man who had saved her and made her feel warmth for the first time... she would completely collapse, be utterly devastated!
He couldn't let her die.
Chen Ye's hands were clenched into fists under the table, his nails dug deep into his palms. Blood dripped from between his fingers, falling onto the ground and soaking into the dust silently.
He used this extreme pain to maintain the last bit of calmness in his expression.
He forced himself to suppress all the overwhelming shock, regret and pain back into the dark prison deep in his heart.
When Su Qinghan finally finished speaking and looked at him with eyes filled with anticipation and anxiety, Chen Ye slowly raised his head.
His face was paler than ever before, but it wasn't noticeable in the dim candlelight. His eyes were as deep as a black hole that swallowed up all light.
After a long while, he spoke.
The voice was extremely hoarse and heavy, which he himself had not noticed.
"Your revenge,"
"I'll help you register."
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