The Victim and the Confessor (3)
Despite some minor setbacks, the past three days were still quite enjoyable. Zhao Shihua felt as if she had joined a tour group. Not only did it refresh her impression of Guangzhou from a few years ago, but she also felt closer to her fellow tour group members.
Perhaps she was so engrossed in her play that she almost completely forgot that school was about to start. So when the first few days of school came with several placement tests, Zhao Shihua was like a warrior who forgot to put on armor and was frequently hit by enemy arrows.
Of course, she didn't review any lessons during the summer vacation. After all, she had won the lottery by getting into a key provincial university, and she couldn't wait to celebrate every day. Her daily schedule consisted almost entirely of watching TV, surfing the internet, playing games, and reading novels. She finally had a chance to relax. She obviously didn't study for the exam after the military training either...
She might have gotten away with a score around 80, but due to lack of practice, she'd dropped to the 60s in the blink of an eye. Zhao Shihua stared at the red mark on the test paper. The bright red crosses burned directly into her heart like a branding iron, causing her to cry out in pain. It had been a long time since she'd scored this low on a test. Furthermore, these tests had been based on a 100-point scale, not a 150-point scale. The last time she'd scored this low was probably when she took her final exam in elementary school, running a high fever.
She didn't want to face it again, so she quickly folded the test paper and stuffed it into the drawer. Then she secretly glanced at Zhuo Siqi and found that she was recalculating a wrong question. There was a big 95 written in the upper left corner of the test paper, with two underlines below. Zhao Shihua could almost see the satisfied smile on the teacher's lips, and she felt more and more ashamed.
As for Shao Yifu's score, she had seen it when the papers were passed around earlier. It was a failing grade, the exact opposite of Zhuo Siqi's. Zhao Shihua felt a subtle comfort at the thought that she had fallen and there was someone to cushion her fall, but suddenly she heard a few laughs from behind. How could she laugh after failing?
"How did you score on the test?" Zhou Xin heard them from across the aisle. "Oh, Old Li, you don't need to say anything. Uncle Shao, did you do well on the test? You're smiling like a bright and cheerful Pigsy."
"How should I put it? At least it's good enough to win an award!" Shao Yifu said shamelessly, which scared Zhou Xin.
"Really? When did you become so awesome?"
"I didn't say it was the first prize. Lao Li just said that with my score at the end of the semester, I should have a chance to win the class's most improved award!" After saying that, the two of them burst into laughter.
Zhao Shihua was not blessed with this perfect optimism, but she couldn't help but smile silently. She didn't remember Guan Yifu's grades in elementary school, but judging by his personality at the time, he would probably burst into tears upon seeing this score.
However, things have changed over the years, and now she is the one crying silently in her heart. In addition to the setbacks of the placement test, the situations in the classroom often make her feel even more tormented.
For example, in math class, while she was still carefully digesting the teacher's explanation, several classmates would raise their hands to suggest better solutions. Zhao Shihua had never taken the Mathematical Olympiad; her math skills were essentially conditioned reflexes, honed through a sea of practice problems. Therefore, whenever she heard others' clever problem-solving ideas, she would instantly feel a sudden realization and a sense of utter stupidity.
For example, in English class, some students spoke English naturally and confidently, as if they had learned it abroad. Meanwhile, she had a distinctly Chinese accent, and once or twice, when Teacher Rong asked her to read aloud in class, she couldn't help but read softly. Even Shao Yifu, whose test scores were even worse than hers, seemed to have made a comeback in English: as a genuine returned overseas student, his English grammar was riddled with errors, and even his pronunciation and intonation weren't necessarily more authentic than others, with occasional oddly backward stress placement, but he didn't stumble over it out of fear of making a mistake or embarrassing himself.
Would things have been better if she had stayed in her local, key high school? At least her grades would have been higher, and she wouldn't have fallen from a top student to struggling just to pass. Her academic achievements, once a source of pride, were practically worthless in her new environment. She had once been a prized commodity in the eyes of her teachers, believing she was truly precious, but in her new country, gold was everywhere. In a key high school teeming with talent, everyone was once a top student in their junior high school. But once they entered a new arena, some would inevitably fall from grace.
Zhao Shihua sighed deeply, but it didn't relieve the immense weight of the stone weighing on her heart. She stared at the water pouring from the faucet until it overflowed the washtub, only then reacting and turning it off. No more foam could be seen on the surface of the water. She had been lost in thought and had forgotten how many times she had washed her school uniform.
It's better to be the head of a chicken than the tail of an ox, and she's currently the tail of an ox chasing away flies. But this question has no definitive answer. While being at the head of a chicken is certainly glorious, it can also easily lead to becoming a frog in a well. High school student Zhao Shihua's dialectical thinking is still immature. Although she understands the principle of having her cake and eating it too, she still wants it all.
"I'll go to the classroom first." Zhuo Siqi, who wanted to have the best of both worlds, suddenly appeared from behind her, said hello, and left.
"Okay, see you later."
The sound of laughter drifting from the balcony of the neighboring dormitory only served to accentuate Zhao Shihua's loneliness in the dormitory. Her other roommates, Xu Jiamei and Qiao Xiaoling, seemed to be in a choir and often had to rehearse after school. Xu Jiamei also served as deputy class monitor. Zhuo Siqi, known for his decisiveness, was certainly not going to wait for her to finish her laundry before returning to the classroom for evening study.
So between 5pm and 7pm, Zhao Shihua often found herself alone. If she hadn't been able to eat lunch with Zhu Miaoyan and the others, she would have wondered if she had become a marginalized person again, just like she had been in junior high.
Oranges grown south of the Huai River are oranges, while those grown north of the Huai River are tangerines. Zhao Shihua didn't know how long this period of acclimatization would last. If this continued, she would write a letter to her close sister to complain.
For Zhao Shihua, the intimate sister is not a column in the newspaper, but her own sister Zhao Shuhua.
After finally waiting for the Mid-Autumn Festival, Zhao Shihua was finally able to relax and breathe from the crushing blow of the reshuffle. Since the bus ride from Guangzhou to Meizhou took four or five hours, and the round trip only allowed her to spend a full day at home, she decided not to go back and instead went to the university town to reunite with her sister.
On the subway to University City, Zhao Shihua felt like a warrior swimming upstream. Most people were leaving university to return home for family reunions, leaving her alone in a car with a vacant seat. Gazing across the platform at the packed train heading in the opposite direction, she felt a sudden sense of loneliness. This was the first year she'd spent Mid-Autumn Festival away from home.
Fortunately, the disappointment vanished the moment she saw Zhao Shuhua. She felt as if she had returned home, as her sister was the closest person to her. Her parents and grandmother were usually busy running the fast food restaurant, leaving early and returning late every day, rarely having time for her. She remembered her sister raising her when she returned to the city from the countryside to study.
Although they hadn't seen each other for almost a month, so many new things had happened in that time that it felt like a long time had passed. Zhao Shihua had prepared a lot of things to talk about on the way to the meeting, but when they met, she didn't know where to start. Instead, she was craving for it. The only thing on her mind was a round Cantonese mooncake. Although it was extremely sweet, it seemed rare because it only came once a year. When she saw her sister at the subway entrance, she asked directly, "Sister, did you buy mooncakes?"
"I saved one for you. They're also sold at the cafeteria's canteen," Zhao Shuhua weighed his sister's schoolbag. "But you should put it in my dormitory first. Did you put any rocks in it?"
"It's okay, just a few books." Zhao Shihua said, taking the other person's hand. "I'm hungry, let's go eat first! I haven't tried your university cafeteria yet!"
Overwhelmed by the festive joy, the two sisters ordered three servings of food. Of course, this was largely due to Zhao Shihua, who, having spent years in the university town, must have grown tired of the school food. Adding a double-yolk lotus seed mooncake, the two sisters were so full they couldn't help but stroll around campus.
Zhao Shihua hadn't expected so many people to stay on campus in the university town. Unlike high school, where the feeling of desolation was particularly pronounced on weekends, the gymnasium was still bustling with activity, and inseparable couples or groups of friends could often be seen walking side by side on the campus roads.
Zhao Shihua knew Zhao Shuhua didn't have a boyfriend, otherwise she wouldn't have come over here to be a third wheel. But she didn't dare ask too much, perhaps because of the huge age difference. She had always considered her older sister an adult. Not only did she never fight with her for toys, but she also cared for her like a mother and was even more patient with her than her teacher when it came to tutoring. And how could a child just pry into adult matters?
Instead, Zhao Shuhua kept asking questions, caring about her eating, drinking, defecating, urinating, and sleeping like an elder. He also asked about her academic performance and how she got along with her classmates.
Hearing Zhao Shihua complain about the fierce competition, Zhao Shuhua reassured her that she could just adapt. After all, she had been a latecomer in junior high, climbing from a place in the top 100 in her first year to the very top of her class in her third year. This reassurance immediately reassured her, and the effect was immediate. Truth is, personal experience is more convincing than mere theory.
Zhao Shihua also heard that Zhuo Siqi, despite being top of the class and a rare role model, seemed to be aloof from others. She wondered if she had accidentally offended him. Zhao Shuhua explained that her deskmate wasn't necessarily aloof or unwilling to interact with others, but perhaps just too strict with his schedule.
"Why do you think others hate you?" Zhao Shuhua pinched his sister's cheek to comfort her. "Didn't you just say that she was willing to be with you several times when the timing was right?"
"But she walks so fast, even when she eats, no one can catch up with her. She looks so impatient."
"Did you know that you were like this when you were preparing for the high school entrance exam? I remember when I went home for Spring Festival this year, I found that you finished a meal in just five minutes. I was so scared."
Zhao Shihua was speechless, but the sting in her heart gradually softened under Zhao Shuhua's rational analysis. The elder sister knew her younger sister too well, knowing exactly how to speak to her in order to make her accept these obvious truths. Everything Zhao Shuhua said was like a gentle stroke of her hair, so comfortable that she snored.
"So, don't take it too seriously. Didn't you used to be disgusted by girls having to go to the bathroom together?" Zhao Shuhua said with a smile, patted her shoulder, and paused to take a picture of the full moon in the night sky with his phone. They quietly admired the bright moonlight against the dim streetlights for a while, and then her sister mentioned, "When we get back to the dorm later, it's a good time to call home."
"Well, I don't think anyone will come today."
"I guess so. By the way, what about the other students? Go on."
"Oh! I even ran into a classmate from elementary school."
"Tell me your name, maybe I can remember it." Although the two sisters, who are seven years apart in age, had never been to the same school, Zhao Shihua always liked to tell Zhao Shuhua all the gossip in the class when they were young.
"You definitely don't remember, and he even changed his name," Zhao Shihua recalled the foolish things he had done a while ago in an attempt to find out the truth. "To be precise, he changed his last name."
"Change your surname? Usually, it means your parents are getting divorced, right?"
It wasn't that Zhao Shihua hadn't considered this, but she was so consumed by anxiety at the time that she didn't dwell on it too much. Besides, what did someone else's family affairs have to do with her? Strangely enough, Shao Yifu was cheerful all day long, showing no trace of the shadow of a single-parent family.
"Did he recognize you?" Zhao Shuhua's mind was probably playing out a bloody drama of childhood sweethearts reuniting after a long separation. He was so excited that even the tone of his voice rose several degrees.
"No, he doesn't remember me." Fortunately, he forgot, otherwise Zhao Shihua would not know how to face his dark history.
"Ah? Then just tell him directly."
"Forget it. I didn't get along well with that guy before." Zhao Shihua couldn't help feeling a little guilty. She was no longer as bold as she was in elementary school. Even if she had ten times the courage, she might not dare to admit to her sister that she had spoken ill of others or even beaten them.
"Are there any conflicts between you two? But what kind of grudges can't be resolved between children?" Zhao Shuhua seemed to have thought of something. "Oh, is it that he deliberately bullies you to get your attention? But you were so powerful when you were little, who would dare to bully you?"
"Hmph! Take my hit!" Zhao Shihua only retained some of his early mischief in front of his family.
Zhao Shuhua quickly blocked Zhao Shihua's hand that was stretched out to tickle him, and deliberately put on a stern face: "Hey, serious sister, if there is a misunderstanding, just talk it out. Besides, it's been so many years, it will be more uncomfortable if you hold it in."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it." Zhao Shihua laughed and fooled it away.
If it were just some minor conflict or misunderstanding, she wouldn't have cared much. After all, reuniting with elementary school classmates after a long separation is such a rare opportunity. The problem is that the past is such a mess, no one can clearly distinguish who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. Zhao Shihua even briefly interpreted the isolation she experienced in junior high school as retribution for bullying in elementary school. Otherwise, she couldn't understand what she had done wrong to deserve such dislike.
Before they knew it, they were already downstairs at the dormitory. The older sister dug out her home phone number and, before pressing the call button, suddenly looked up and asked, "Oh, by the way, the most important question I haven't asked yet: was your elementary school classmate a boy or a girl?"
Zhao Shihua suddenly changed his mind, chuckled twice, made a face at his sister and said, "Female."
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