The Man of Wind and the Man of Earth (2)
In Zhao Shihua's eyes, Pei Nachuan, like Zhuo Siqi, was an exceptional person. Although it is said that "happy people are all alike," Zhao Shihua believed that their excellence was different.
Zhuo Siqi was a uniquely outstanding individual, embracing the principle of "follow your own path and let others talk." Despite her aloofness, she relied on her excellent grades in high school, where academics were paramount, earning her respect.
However, Zhao Shihua still couldn't fully understand her persistence. Seeing her deskmate often alone, she felt as if she were seeing herself in junior high school, and she felt a little sorry for her. But every time her report card came out, she felt that such worries were unnecessary and that she should focus on herself first.
Pei Nachuan, on the other hand, was the type of student with excellent character and academic performance, a guaranteed winner in any school or city ranking. Not only was he academically proficient, but his interpersonal skills were also impeccable. He didn't have the aura of a genius like Li Xuping, who was both wise and foolish, yet also felt lonely and at the top. Nor did he, like Zhou Xin, constantly misinterpret boredom and tell unfunny jokes.
Although he was outstanding yet approachable, Zhao Shihua vaguely felt that there was a transparent glass between Pei Nachuan and others. She had once accidentally seen a crack in this glass during a parent-teacher conference, but the crack was later glued back together perfectly.
On the way back to the classroom, the topic of conversation somehow came to her, and as expected, it turned to the embarrassing photo from last time. Pei Nachuan did not participate in the discussion at first, but listened to everyone's conversation from the side.
Zhao Shihua, fearing a dull moment, took the initiative to self-deprecately claim that she used to look quite menacing. Zhu Miaoyan and Xu Jiamei refuted this in unison, saying it wasn't true. One said she looked like Red Boy, the other Nezha. It wasn't clear if they were trying to comfort her or joke. The boys at either end of the group remained silent, and Zhu Miaoyan, seeing the quiet atmosphere, politely asked for their opinions.
For some reason, Shao Yifu suddenly became mute and hesitated, finally saying that he had no recollection of the photo after deleting it. Pei Nachuan saw that the three girls' eyes were then cast towards him and asked in confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"We were talking about the Shihua Primary School performance. Didn't you see that photo last time? It was on Shao Yifu's phone."
What kind of answer was Zhao Shihua expecting? Would he politely retort, "No, it's fine," even though it sounded perfunctory? Or would he take the other side and couldn't help but laugh, "She was indeed quite quirky when she was little"?
Suddenly, she didn't want to know anything anymore. She would rather the dream remain in the hazy mist forever and never wake up. When she thought of this, she suddenly became panicked and shouted anxiously, "Let's not talk about that—"
All I heard was a quiet voice from my left, like a stone thrown into a lake, which only made the evening seem even more desolate: "Sorry, I forgot."
“…Stop talking.”
It was a one-way perspective glass. Zhao Shihua could see Pei Nachuan clearly, but the other party could only see his own reflection.
And once, Zhao Shihua thought she was the one Pei Nachuan had seen. Whether it was the dim evening of the first day of school when she couldn't find her class, or when she nearly fell behind during a group outing to go to the bathroom, it was Pei Nachuan who first noticed her absence.
If it weren't for Pei Nachuan, she would have disappeared like a drop of water in the ocean, without a sound or a trace. She really thought she had been rescued from the vast sea of people.
I remember when I first started writing essays in elementary school and learned about writing about people, I would always start with a summary describing the main character, such as "My mother is a very hardworking person," "My brother is a very naughty person," etc. My deskmate at the time wrote, "My deskmate Zhao Shihua is a very powerful person," of course, referring to her powerful fists.
Everyone was labeling and categorizing people, like dictionary editors, and starting to define the people around them. Some were categorized as smart, some as cute, and Zhao Shihua was categorized as "brave" because of his martial arts skills.
Indeed, as a child, she had naively believed that one day she would be illuminated by a beam of light, and then be tasked with saving the world. When everyone fell asleep and all was quiet, she would don a shining battle suit to the accompaniment of the stirring theme song and fly down from a height to defeat a giant monster.
As she grew older, Zhao Shihua belatedly realized that those so-called "smart" or "lovable" gradually became "ordinary" and "common." Only a few, blessed by fate, could truly retain their intelligence and loveliness. Forced to shed her martial arts affiliation, she realized she was truly ordinary, with plain looks and average talent. She could be described as kind and hardworking. But doesn't everyone have a "good guy card" like this?
Her life story was all too ordinary, nothing more than diligent study and daily progress. Luckily, landing in the top 30 in the city's entrance exam was indeed one of her life's highlights, but her grades, when compared to the crowd, were like stars fading in the daylight, completely insignificant.
No one would specifically ask her to "tell her story," and even if she did, the audience would probably skip over it as a boring, clichéd segment. She was like a background figure in a movie, the camera panning past, her name on the leaderboard, but she wasn't the protagonist; she simply passed by in the brightly lit scene, leaving behind a faint silhouette.
Therefore, when someone remembered her name, or even noticed her existence, it was an invaluable affirmation. It was like a horse breeder had discovered a shining point that even she herself had not noticed, making her realize that she, too, had the potential to become a thousand-mile horse.
Only in the end did she realize it was all just an illusion. That so-called special existence was nothing more than her own wishful thinking. No matter where she was, she was still the one who was "accidentally" forgotten in group photos. The spotlight of the stage never shone on her.
——"I'm sorry, I forgot."
Then there was a "snap" sound, as if something broke.
Perhaps Pei Nachuan told a small lie for her self-esteem. He must have answered in this way to take everyone's feelings into consideration. Zhao Shihua tried to comfort herself afterwards, but it was impossible to confirm the facts.
After all, hadn't the squad leader always been so successful and able to get along with everyone because of his ability to talk? He was as perfect as a flawless piece of jade, translucent and lustrous, yet cold to the touch.
Yet, at that moment, she couldn't remain calm as the overwhelming frustration poured down on her like a torrential downpour. Seeing the dormitory entrance just ahead, Zhao Shihua hurriedly broke free from Zhu Miaoyan's hand, explained to Xu Jiamei, said a brief goodbye, and then limped away in a hurry.
In the real world, ordinary people are neither entrusted with the task of saving the earth nor receive the spotlight for no reason. She now fully understood this and woke up from her dream.
Late autumn clouds gathered behind the distant tall buildings, and overhead was a gray haze. The banyan trees lining the school road below were also covered in a layer of gray, dark and lifeless. Zhao Shihua opened the window, placed his hands on the windowsill, took a deep breath, and immediately felt the crisp air fill his lungs.
People often use air as a metaphor for a tenuous existence, but for Zhao Shihua, air is a vital and indispensable presence, something she can sense even after holding her breath for three seconds. So, does she wish to be ignored like air, so she can study and live in peace, like a mole in the depths of the unknown, living a diligent and down-to-earth life? Or does she yearn to shine like a diamond, a unique existence?
It seems that she has experienced both extremes, but unfortunately, everything has its limits, and neither extreme is good: if it is too special, people will talk about it every day, and even make up a series of gossip stories; if it is too ordinary, it will be easily forgotten. You may think it is a big deal and worry about it for most of the day, but in the eyes of others it is just a passing cloud and not worth writing down at all.
She closed her eyes and opened her mouth again to take a breath, trying to imagine an air diamond balanced between the two. But she heard a complaint from behind: "Who is that? Can you close the window? It's freezing!"
Zhao Shihua turned around when she heard the voice, and the student from the next group finally reacted and added, "Oh Shihua, it's you. I was wondering who it was."
But in the end, being ordinary is the norm. After being the "gossip heroine" for a while, she eventually returned to the status of a passerby who "forgot who she was".
"Excuse me..." Zhao Shihua hurriedly closed the window and sat down in the window seat. According to the rules, each group had to shift to the left once a month. From the first group at the beginning of the school year to the fourth group now, time's silent passage was reflected in the concrete displacement.
"You're fine now. You don't need to participate in long-distance running with an injured foot." The classmate huddled up in a ball with cold, rubbing his hands vigorously. "It's so cold out here. I'd rather just fall down the next morning."
She gave a shy laugh, flipped open her exercise book, and said nothing more. Those who wanted to run couldn't, while those who didn't wanted to run were full of energy.
It seems that it is normal for people to die from drought or floods.
This "flood" of long-distance running reached its peak on Friday. The playground was unusually lively in the afternoon, comparable to a replay of the school sports day.
The first and second year students were divided into classes, each gathering together, buzzing like a swarm of bees. Zhao Shihua stood at the school gate, just outside the swarm, holding two thin pieces of paper.
Although she believed her ankle had fully recovered, she still did not get the school doctor's approval. After hearing the other party's stern refusal, she somewhat understood Shao Yifu's disappointment in being banned from participating in the school sports meet.
Teacher Mei had asked me to help earlier, but right now, I couldn't find any place I could help. Each class had a homeroom teacher and two monitors leading the group. A physical education teacher designated waiting areas and departure times for each class. The student union president and Jian Tingting, the vice president of the cultural and sports department, took photos and documented the process. Ultimately, all I was left with was a useless form: a check mark next to each departing and arriving class. Wasn't that superfluous? How could an entire class be absent?
All twenty classes of Grade 2 have already set off. She turned a page and heard a teacher shout "Grade 1(2) Class set off." She knew that Pei Nachuan was leading the team, so she put a check mark behind her class without even looking up, and then glanced at the next class.
Ten minutes later, the entire first-year class had also departed. The homeroom teachers returned to their offices, and a few members of the Culture and Sports Department rode their bikes or took shortcuts to the next command post. The only ones left in the school were the seniors, still studying for their exams.
Zhao Shihua couldn't leave school early because she had to wait until everyone returned and every class monitor signed to confirm that everyone was back before she could finish her work. It was a tedious and thankless task. By the time the first class of the second grade came back, there was still about half an hour left, so she could go back to the classroom to do her homework or go to the library to read for a while.
Even after the last runner disappeared from sight, Zhao Shihua remained frozen in place. It wasn't her leg injury that stopped her from moving; instead, she felt like a deflated ball, unable to lift a foot. Her spirit seemed to have left her body as she clung to the last runner. Despite her best efforts, she gradually lost sight of him.
For some reason, perhaps because she was excluded from group activities, it felt like being expelled from the entire grade. A huge fear, like a lost child being abandoned, suddenly loomed over her, almost suffocating her.
She remembered how her parents would bring her sister back home for a quick get-together during the holidays, only to leave in a hurry after a few days. She also remembered how when she first started school in the city, she was left out because she couldn't understand some of the city people's accents, but to appear sociable, she would always fake a laugh along. Later, when she finally became a "martial arts hero," she thought she could conquer the world with one move, but she never expected that her unique characteristics would soon become the target of others' attacks...
She was like a goat, constantly worried about being ostracized and preyed upon by ferocious beasts. Yet, no matter how hard she tried to shave off her horns, she could never fully join the flock. Accidental fate would repeatedly push her out, forcing her to face the desolate world alone.
But the wilderness was so vast that she couldn't see the road or direction clearly.
Until a familiar figure gradually became clearer in the field of vision from far to near.
It turned out to be Shao Yifu, pushing his bicycle back. Seeing that she had been standing there without reacting, he exaggeratedly stretched out his hand and waved it in front of her eyes: "Hey! Why are you still here?"
After a long time, Zhao Shihua came back to his senses from his memories and asked, "...Then why did you come back?" But his eyes were still fixed on the empty distance.
"Don't mention it," Shao Yifu said, patting the seat of his bicycle. "You know what? I just rode to the gate of Guangdong University and the chain fell off. Don't you think I'm unlucky? Everyone was in a hurry and didn't have time to wait for me to fix it before leaving, so they drove me back. But anyway, I don't know how to fix it..."
Speaking of which, Shao Yifu has perfectly explained what it means to "drop the ball".
Last week, when they heard that Jian Tingting couldn't ride a bike, the gym committee members were vying to give her a ride. I don't know if it was a lottery or a private bidding process, but the plum job went to Shao Yifu. I remember him grinning so hard that his back teeth were showing. I guess the gym committee members from the other classes were pissed, cursing him for any trouble.
But today, Jian Tingting arrived on an electric scooter, donning a helmet and protective gear, looking as majestic as a general heading out to battle. Shao Yifu's daydream was instantly shattered. Although imagining the scene was hilarious, Zhao Shihua couldn't bring himself to smile.
"You haven't told me about yourself yet." Shao Yifu parked his bicycle aside and continued asking.
"Me? Nothing much." Zhao Shihua didn't want to talk to him for too long. She should have stopped asking. Seeing him approach, seemingly not intending to leave for the time being, she reluctantly waved the paper in her hand and said, "Waiting to sign out."
"Thousands of what?" He leaned over to take a look, and after a long while he finally understood what was going on, "Huh? It's so troublesome. You want to wait until everyone comes back? How long will that take?"
“It takes about a whole class period.”
"Five kilometers takes forty-five minutes? You must have miscalculated. Shouldn't it take at most half an hour?"
"Because some people walked back." Zhao Shihua became increasingly impatient after being asked several questions in succession. He felt that Shao Yifu was being too noisy. Finally, he couldn't help but complain, "Could you please stop asking so many questions?"
"I just saw that you were bored!" He was quite reasonable. "I'll wait with you for a while."
Zhao Shihua didn't mind being alone with Shao Yifu anymore. Firstly, there were no other classmates around to gossip about her, and secondly, the people she cared about didn't care about her anyway, so why should she worry about it?
It turns out that for all these years, I wasn't afraid of anything except being alone. As long as I wasn't alone, even if I was forced to stay with my enemies temporarily, it didn't matter.
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