The one who untied the bell and the one who tied it (2)
Although going back to see her sister was just an excuse, Zhao Shihua, who firmly believed that honesty was a virtue, actually subconsciously turned back to the teaching building.
The weekend seemed to have arrived early in the corridor, leaving it empty and desolate. Only the murmur of announcements from each classroom confirmed that the parent-teacher conference was still underway. Zhao Shihua turned a corner and realized Pei Nachuan and Xu Jiamei hadn't left yet. They were sitting at a table and chairs against the wall, busy as if handling urgent matters, passing papers back and forth. Before she could even think, her steps had already begun to move forward.
"Why are you back?" Xu Jiamei looked up and saw her first.
"Come back and wait for my sister." Zhao Shihua nodded towards the classroom. Although it was the truth, the main reason was not that. Then, her eyes pretended to naturally wander to the stack of file bags next to Pei Nachuan. "What are you doing?"
"He's copying names." Xu Jiamei was the one to answer again. She rolled her eyes, her face full of impatience. "The school said that everyone's grades and information must be put in a sealed file bag, probably to make it easier for parents to carry. But it turns out that Teacher Rong forgot about it and didn't give us the file bag until after school, so now we have to hurry and write everyone's names on it." After she finished speaking, she read out the name of the next classmate to Pei Nachuan. After the latter wrote it with a pen, he handed the file bag to Xu Jiamei, and she put the materials in.
Although the two of them worked together seamlessly like a factory assembly line and didn't seem to need anyone else's help, Zhao Shihua still politely asked if he needed help.
"It's okay, no need." Xu Jiamei smiled and handed a list from the corner of the table to Zhao Shihua. "By the way, we were just sorting out the parents' sign-in sheet and found some of the parents' names were quite funny. Hahaha! You're just in time to take a look. Song Fengya's mother's surname is Qian. Doesn't her father being with her mother mean 'giving money'?"
Zhao Shihua sincerely admired Xu Jiamei's ability to find fun everywhere. In the dormitory, she was the one who played the funny role, and the other three people were all listeners without any supporting role.
"And this is even funnier. Mai Mai's father's name is Mai Yicai, but the previous list actually said Mai Tiecai. I'm dying of laughter. I don't know who made a typo and made her father an ironmonger. It's so tragic, hahaha!"
"Shh—" Pei Nachuan reminded from the side, pointing in the direction of the classroom with the tip of his pen.
"I'm sorry." Zhao Shihua, who didn't say much, apologized first.
Xu Jiamei curled her lips, and after a while, she whispered, "Zhao Shihua."
"What's wrong?" Zhao Shihua suddenly felt a little uncomfortable as he rarely heard others call him by his full name.
"I'm not asking you," Xu Jiamei picked up a document and shook it, "I'm asking him to write your name."
Pei Nachuan quickly wrote down three words and handed it to Xu Jiamei to seal. Zhao Shihua stood aside until the next student's information packet came up. She couldn't help but pull out her own and asked, "Can I see what's inside?"
But she probably knew what was inside: nothing more than a shocking report card and ranking, her midterm exam summary, and an overview of the class exams. Zhao Shihua actually just wanted to see what her name looked like. She stuffed a few sheets of paper back into the file, her fingers inadvertently touching the handwriting on the file bag.
Xu Jiamei remained silent for less than a minute, as if to be perfunctory. Then she nudged Zhao Shihua's elbow and asked, "Zhao Shuhua is your sister? Why is your sister here?"
Which brings us back to family matters. But Pei Nachuan was nearby, and she was too embarrassed to tell him that his parents couldn't come because they were busy with their business and the distance. It would make her look like a poor, unloved child. She mimicked Xu Jiamei's playfulness and said casually, "I didn't do well on the midterm exam, so I didn't dare ask my parents to come."
"Is it really that scary?" Xu Jiamei's finger traced down the class ranking list. As soon as she turned to the second page, she found Zhao Shihua's name at the top. "You call this a bad test? You at least passed the average score, right? I was the one who was completely burned, okay?"
Xu Jiamei, the vice-class monitor, wasn't doing very well in the exam, which surprised Zhao Shihua. But her self-deprecation amused her. Seeing her joke had an audience, Xu Jiamei quickly chimed in, "I hate it when you guys, the top students, pretend to be slackers. Just now, Pei Nachuan also said he didn't do well on the test, but he was clearly third in the class and in the top ten in the grade... I see you all planning on going to Tsinghua or Peking University! So, Pei Nachuan, are you planning on applying to Tsinghua or Peking University?"
Xu Jiamei's voice grew louder and louder, and the mention of "Tsinghua University and Peking University" even gave Zhao Shihua the illusion that her voice echoed through the empty hallway. Pei Nachuan, teased, remained silent, his head lowered, concentrating on writing his name, only to embarrass the person making the joke. Zhao Shihua felt as if he were watching a curling stone approach the center of a circle, only to slide further and further away, eventually going out of bounds.
Realizing she'd accidentally stepped on a landmine, Xu Jiamei seemed uneasy, her smile faltering as if the thread of her sweater had been snagged. She grabbed the parent sign-in sheet and waved it in front of the other person, trying to save her own skin. "I'll take this to the prefect's office first. Shihua, can you help me finish the rest?" She stuck her tongue out at Zhao Shihua and walked away.
In the blink of an eye, she and Pei Nachuan were the only ones left at this end of the corridor, but the awkward atmosphere still lingered in the air. The latter continued to sit quietly, leaving Zhao Shihua feeling at a loss.
"Who's next?" Seeing that she hadn't moved for a long time, Pei Nachuan pointed with the tip of his pen at the materials placed on Xu Jiamei's empty seat.
"Ah? The next one... is, Zhong Yiming." Zhao Shihua sat down, her accelerated heartbeat making her stutter a little.
Less than half a meter away, there was no fresh, fresh scent of laundry detergent, nor the usual odor of sweat from a boy's workout. Although there was no distinctive scent, the other person's presence was so strong that it almost took her breath away.
Just moments before, Zhao Shihua had dodged Shao Yifu's tea party, a long-awaited reunion and a chance to reminisce about the past. Now, she was faced with a once-in-a-lifetime moment of one-on-one time with Pei Nachuan. Was today the day to "speak your truth"? Zhao Shihua almost felt like she was about to be crowned the idol, but the next second, she found herself halfway ready to flee the scene—the microphone was handed to her, and she was so nervous she didn't know what to say to Pei Nachuan.
If she counted on her fingers, the last time Pei Nachuan helped her carry her things back to the dormitory was half a semester ago. Zhao Shihua lamented in her heart how quickly time passed. When she thought about it, she couldn't come up with any interesting topics.
And for some reason, Pei Nachuan was particularly serious today, completely losing his usual kindness, which only exacerbated her panic. She opened and closed her mouth several times, but apart from mumbling a classmate's name, no other words came out. She didn't even dare to look, so she could only glance back and forth at her fingers that were tugging on the information bag, from left to right, and from right to left.
"You did quite well on the test, actually. Coming to a new environment always requires some re-adaptation." Pei Nachuan paused, flexing his right wrist. His voice was as gentle as ever, and even though the teacher had explained the truth a million times, Zhao Shihua still found it particularly useful when he said it.
"No, no—" After all, Pei Nachuan had misunderstood that she was worried about her grades, and Zhao Shihua denied it repeatedly. But then she was immediately stuck. She couldn't just say that she was nervous because of him, so she explained hypocritically, "You all have such high scores, you wouldn't understand the mentality of people like us."
Zhao Shihua regretted his words before he even finished them. Why did he blurt out his thoughts when he was so flustered? He wasn't so tongue-tied. He clearly wanted to say, "You have such good grades, Peking University and Tsinghua University are a no-brainer. As for me, I'm a million miles away from that." But out of the blue, it came out as sour jealousy.
Just as she tried to correct herself, the classroom erupted in applause. They both turned around to see Zhuo Siqi and Li Xuping stepping down from the stage, presumably after the student representatives had finished their speeches. Zhuo Siqi's expression remained as calm as ever, a look of indifference to fame and fortune; Li Xuping, on the other hand, looked like someone who had unexpectedly won five million yuan, still completely bewildered. Zhao Shihua's thoughts were likely due to the fact that someone somewhat naive had suddenly become a "genius."
Then another middle-aged man in a suit stood up and walked towards the podium. It must be the parents' turn to speak. Because of the glass, Zhao Shihua couldn't tell exactly which row or seat he was sitting in, but he just felt a sense of familiarity.
"Whose parent is that?" She leaned out to take a look, then turned back and asked herself in a low voice.
Zhao Shihua hadn't expected Pei Nachuan to know the answer, but after a moment, he heard the person beside him respond calmly. For some reason, his tone lacked any pride, instead seeming to be tinged with helplessness: "...That's my dad."
"Huh?" The answer was so unexpected that Zhao Shihua suddenly raised her head and immediately met Pei Nachuan's gaze. She remembered that he had ranked third in the class, and then thought of Zhuo Siqi, who ranked second, and Li Xuping, who ranked first. She wondered why the homeroom teacher hadn't invited the parents of the first two.
But no matter what, parents who can speak on stage must be amazing. Even if I were to top my grade, my parents wouldn't necessarily have the guts to speak on stage. They'd probably be so nervous they'd stutter, and then end up using their experiences running a restaurant or buying lottery tickets to talk about family education. If that were to happen, I might as well just drop out of school.
Zhao Shihua thought it was outrageous, and she began to admire the man and his family even more. Suddenly realizing she had been staring at him too closely for too long, she quickly looked away, continuing to gaze towards the classroom. Pei Nachuan's father was already standing on the stage with his head held high. His voice was like a bell, so clear that even from outside, it sounded familiar. She had the impression that she had heard it before at a league meeting.
"Your father... is a teacher in the Youth League Committee?" No wonder I saw him walking out of the school during the holidays one day.
Pei Nachuan simply nodded, and after writing the last name, he slowly put the cap back on the pen, without showing any of the arrogance that some children of school workers might have because they had power to rely on.
"Your father is so awesome!" she said with genuine envy.
"Really? It's not like he got first place in the school."
"Ah? Hahaha, that's not what I meant." Zhao Shihua didn't expect Pei Nachuan to come up with such a cold joke. "I mean, if my parents were on stage, they would be so scared that they wouldn't be able to say a word."
"He can't necessarily come up with anything useful."
Zhao Shihua recalled the League members' meeting at the beginning of the semester. Several League teachers repeatedly emphasized the so-called spiritual outlook and ideal pursuits. It was indeed a bit too abstract, so the following argument seemed almost unconvincing: "But at least your father is not stage-frightened."
Perhaps even Pei Nachuan noticed the strangeness of their positions. He smiled politely, but his tone remained cold: "Even if he goes on stage to give a speech, it doesn't mean he is a role model for his parents."
That being said, Zhao Shihua thought Pei Nachuan was nitpicking. After all, he was not a harsh person. He could even keep a good temper when dealing with a troublemaker like Shao Yifu. Why would he be so cold to his own father?
"But, but..." Zhao Shihua didn't know what to say in her defense. She was just not used to the cold Pei Nachuan. She immediately understood why Xu Jiamei was scared away just now.
If she thought about it carefully, the relationship between parents and children was mutual. If the son was confronting his father, then his father must not be a very tolerant person. She explained this to herself in her heart. If Pei Nachuan and Teacher Pei were placed on opposite ends of the scale, she would naturally side with Pei Nachuan. Therefore, Zhao Shihua immediately gave up her opposition and turned to cheering for him.
"You just said," Pei Nachuan cleared his throat and asked her, "because you didn't do well on the exam, you didn't dare ask your parents to come over?"
"Not entirely..." Zhao Shihua's casual excuse was taken as a genuine hardship, and she realized once again that she couldn't just say anything. But she couldn't let the other person think she was a liar, so she reluctantly agreed.
"Actually, I'm in almost the same situation..." Pei Nachuan's gaze was fixed on nowhere. Like the exaggerated technique in a cartoon, the opaque lens reflected the blue-purple outline of the teaching building opposite.
"No way?! You obviously did very well in the exam, what are you afraid to say?" Zhao Shihua tried to ease the atmosphere again, but to no avail.
"Some parents simply demand their children always get first place in exams." The person next to him sighed and tapped the table a few times with the tip of his pen. "First, first, first. Where can there be so many firsts... Ridiculous, isn't it?"
From beginning to end, Pei Nachuan only called the person in the classroom "my dad" at the very beginning, and the rest were "he", "he", "he", which sounded like there was a distance between them where they couldn't communicate.
Despite having a name that held high hopes for their daughters, Zhao Shihua's parents never set strict standards for their children's academics. "Just passing the exams is enough, and not repeating a grade in school is enough," Zhao's father once said. He reportedly rarely passed his classes as a child, so with his two daughters so motivated, he had no expectations.
She knew that some of her classmates' parents were extremely strict with their children. If a child scored 99 points on a test, their first reaction wasn't to praise them for the high score, but to dwell on the missing point. While striving for excellence is certainly a valuable quality, for most children, encouragement and praise are the essential soil, the water and sunshine, while criticism is more like fertilizer, applied according to the specific situation.
For a moment, Zhao Shihua vaguely understood why Xu Jiamei's teasing with the words "Tsinghua University" had stung Pei Nachuan. That feeling of powerlessness, of never being recognized no matter how hard you tried: first in class, first in grade, first in school, first in the province, and probably never stopping until you're first in the world...
Just like Sisyphus in the myth, every time the boulder was about to be pushed to the top of the mountain, he could only watch it roll down the mountain; knowing that the same tragedy would happen again and again, he still tried to push the boulder up again and again - "Tsinghua University and Peking University" is not the top of the mountain, the recognition of parents is the top of the mountain that can never be reached.
Pei Nachuan didn't say much. All of this was just Zhao Shihua's guesswork and imagination. At one point, she even felt like she understood him. However, this sudden realization was fleeting. The person before her seemed to be shrouded in a thick fog, making it difficult to understand.
At the same time, another emotion crept into her heart. Zhao Shihua was delighted to have gotten a glimpse of the squad leader's hidden side. She couldn't truly understand the psychological pressure he was under, so she could only cautiously guess his current mood.
Because the single phrase, "We're all the same," trapped her and him in the same place, connected by an invisible thread. It was like being punished for being late and standing in the corner together. Though their reasons were different, there was a touch of sweetness mingled with the bitterness. Though their commonality was based, in part, on a small lie, Zhao Shihua chose to ignore it for now, reveling in the moment of shared understanding.
The slightly cool autumn breeze brought the bell for the end of class. The head teacher greeted him at the classroom door, signaling him to bring in the materials and distribute them. Pei Nachuan instantly returned to his class leader's role, stacking dozens of file envelopes and aligning the corners.
"Let me help you carry it over." Seeing that he couldn't hold it alone, Zhao Shihua pulled out more than ten file bags from the top. But for some reason, Xu Jiamei didn't come back for a long time.
"Okay, thank you." Pei Nachuan had completely put away his previous depression and turned back into the polite and considerate person he was. "I can handle the rest by myself."
Zhao Shihua temporarily replaced Xu Jiamei to distribute the materials. Except for Teacher Rong and Zhuo Siqi and Li Xuping who were present, the rest of the parents took it for granted that she was the class leader, including Zhao Shuhua.
After the meeting, she didn't talk to the class teacher alone like most parents would. Instead, she dragged her sister towards the bathroom, constantly trying to find out the latest information along the way: "So you're the deputy class monitor?"
"No, the deputy monitor went to submit a form." Zhao Shihua waved and said goodbye to the other classmates. Pei Nachuan smiled back at her, which brightened her mood instantly.
"Is that boy the class monitor?" Zhao Shuhua also turned around to take a look. "He looks quite gentle! And the other one is the legendary Zhuo Siqi, right? She doesn't look as cold as you say. I think she's a pretty well-behaved girl. Hey, I haven't finished yet. What about your elementary school classmate? Didn't you say she was a girl?"
"I was just kidding!" Zhao Shihua pushed her sister forward a few steps. "Hurry up and go, or there'll be a long queue for the restroom."
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