The Victim and the Confessor (4)
For the next two days, Zhao Shihua stayed in her sister's dorm, getting a taste of the freedom of university life. However, she only managed a few exercises from the workbooks she'd painstakingly carried. Seeing she might never finish her homework, she decided to return to school early on the third day to catch up on her work.
Although Zhao Shihua had only been with her family for a short time, she felt a sense of relief from the tangled knots in her heart. Over the past two days, the two sisters had shared many intimate conversations, and little knots in their hearts had been untangled, one by one. She couldn't help but think that if Zhao Shuhua became a relationship counselor, she would be able to solve countless interpersonal problems. It was a pity that he was majoring in finance, which meant he would be dealing more with emotionless numbers.
For example, regarding Zhuo Siqi, Zhao Shuhua told her not to dwell on trivial matters like whether her deskmate waited for her. People don't have to be inseparable to be friends. Furthermore, they were just classmates, not friends. Zhao Shihua must have read too many comics and novels to be so constrained by the idea that a deskmate equates to a close friend.
My sister also said that true friends are found by oneself, not by waiting for them. If everyone could easily find a confidant, then the story of Boya and Zhong Ziqi would not have been passed down through the ages.
After the advice of the expert, Zhao Shihua finally stopped worrying. Besides, she was usually surrounded by Zhu Miaoyan and the others, so she wouldn't be left alone.
But once she simply considered Zhuo Siqi a classmate, she was practically perfect. Zhuo Siqi invisibly spurred her to study diligently almost every day. Whenever Zhao Shihua slacked off, she simply turned around and glanced at her deskmate to perk up again. After all, she didn't want to lose. She couldn't be frightened into surrendering before even going to the battlefield after a few training sessions. While she might have had some luck on the high school entrance exam, she was still one of the top 30 students in the area and couldn't afford to lose face.
The thought of Zhuo Siqi ignited Zhao Shihua's competitive spirit, and on the way back, he was so excited that he almost started doing his homework on the subway. When he got back to school, the dorm was still empty. His other roommates all lived nearby and had gone home for the long holiday, so they weren't expected to return until that evening.
Zhao Shihua had just put down her backpack when she spotted a beautifully wrapped mooncake on her bedside table. She looked around and realized no one else had one; she was the only one to receive such a special gift. She rarely received surprises; the last time was during the summer break between elementary school and middle school, when a few other girls secretly ordered a cake for her twelfth birthday.
Could it be that the dorm manager was giving some comfort to the students who stayed on campus? But that was impossible. She hadn't signed the list of students who stayed on campus originally, but had changed her mind and returned early. Furthermore, these were lava custard mooncakes, something he had never tasted before. They looked incredibly expensive. Even the most generous school couldn't possibly afford to give such expensive mooncakes to so many students who stayed on campus.
Who could it be? Zhao Shihua went through the classmates roughly, but still had no idea.
The sweetness of receiving the gift in her heart couldn't help but be shrouded in a layer of haze. Although she was not Snow White and didn't have to worry about the evil queen poisoning her, she still put the mooncake in the cupboard for the time being, even though she couldn't help swallowing her saliva with greed. Anyway, it couldn't be sent by Prince Charming, because princes couldn't enter the girls' dormitory.
Zhao Shihua assumed everyone in the class had gone home. Since she didn't have a key to the classroom, she decided to go in and see if it was locked. She'd go to the library. Unexpectedly, there were three or four students studying inside, and one of them was Zhuo Siqi. But didn't Zhuo Siqi live in Guangzhou?
Zhao Shihua gently pulled out her chair and waited for Zhuo Siqi to look up at her before asking, "Why are you back so early?"
“It’s very efficient to do homework at school.”
It was a straightforward answer, not hiding his effort at all, unlike some classmates who feigned laziness and then stayed up late studying after returning home. Zhao Shihua admired his self-discipline from the bottom of her heart, but seeing Zhuo Siqi buried in his textbook again, she felt embarrassed to interrupt him. She spent several minutes tidying her desk. After thinking about it, she felt a strong connection between the mooncake and Zhuo Siqi, but she didn't know where to start. She wet the tissue and twirled it on the table, but the words still remained on her lips.
Asking directly, "Did you give me a mooncake?" wouldn't work. What if it wasn't her? That would be embarrassing. Saying, "I don't know who gave me a mooncake," wouldn't work either; it would sound like she was showing off. She was just overthinking, which made her life so tiring. But it wasn't her fault; she'd been ignored for so long that she didn't want to miss even the slightest hint of friendship.
"I thought you didn't go home." Zhuo Siqi suddenly stopped writing again.
"I didn't go back, but I went to the university town to visit my sister," Zhao Shihua said with a simple smile, "otherwise it would be too pitiful to spend the Mid-Autumn Festival alone."
"Oh, that mooncake—"
"It's from you, right? I guessed it was you! Thank you!" She hugged her deskmate excitedly, but unexpectedly, because she hugged too hard, the pen in Zhuo Siqi's hand drew a long line on the book.
The two of them stayed in silence for a few seconds. Zhao Shihua wanted to swallow the page of paper and pretend nothing had happened.
"...My mother asked me to bring it to you." Zhuo Siqi barely finished what he had just said.
"Sorry! I used correction fluid to erase it for you!" Zhao Shihua hurriedly grabbed his schoolbag and searched for his pencil case.
"Okay," Zhuo Siqi's face couldn't tell whether he was angry or not. Seeing that Zhao Shihua hadn't found the correction fluid for a long time, he handed his over and said, "Just don't erase my notes." After saying that, he took out the draft paper and started calculating something.
Although it was quite embarrassing at the moment, Zhao Shihua even worried for a moment that she had stepped on Zhuo Siqi's trap, but when she thought of the small mooncake, she felt relieved. Even if it wasn't his intention, Zhuo Siqi had at least brought it to her. She meticulously painted over the black line like a craftsman, almost humming a song.
It turns out that Zhuo Siqi, who had been frozen for a thousand years, was not ignorant of the ways of the world. Zhao Shihua had just tried to draw the line between classmates and friends when he realized that there was no such thing as a clear-cut 38th parallel between people.
Also, my sister is such a prophet!
This good mood lasted all day, and even his homework speed increased significantly. By the evening, Zhao Shihua had finished 80% to 90% of the homework, and several difficult points were also clarified with Zhuo Siqi's explanations.
She stretched, her stomach growling with hunger, and then she remembered that she hadn't bought fruit and snacks for next week. Because the school dormitory is under closed management, residents are not allowed to leave the campus without permission from Monday to Friday.
Like many people, Zhao Shihua is a glutton who can't stop eating snacks. Perhaps it's because her family owns a restaurant, but she's never extravagant with her money, except when it comes to food.
After leaving the supermarket, she not only stuffed her schoolbag with snacks, but also carried two bags of fruit in her left hand and a carton of fruit-flavored milk in her right hand. Although the school canteen also had milk, it was not as affordable or as abundant as the supermarket.
Although his shoulders and hands were heavy, almost making it difficult to walk, Zhao Shihua felt a sense of fulfillment. It was like buying a freshly baked sweet bread when he was hungry, the warmth still radiating from his hands; or like a table filled with ingredients on a winter's day, the steam bubbling from the hot pot—this was the yearning and happiness that food brings.
Zhao Shihua couldn't wait to get back, thinking she could mix the spicy tofu with dinner later and eat the mooncakes afterwards. It would be even better if there was also mango pudding; the sour and sweet combination was perfect. The delicious memories of Shangxiajiu were still fresh on her tongue, and she couldn't help but feel like a true gourmet.
The more Zhao Shihua thought about it, the more greedy she became. She had intended to quicken her pace to catch the traffic light ahead, but before her shoe could even touch the first crosswalk, the light on the other side of the road flashed red. Even though someone was running behind her, she obediently stopped and waited.
Yangcheng Middle School is not far from the bustling downtown area, so the road in front of the school is quite busy. As the sky darkened, Zhao Shihua's gaze shifted from the setting sun in the west to the gradually brightening lights of the tall buildings, then to the colorful signs of the businesses below and the noisy traffic on the road, and finally back to the traffic light. It was still red.
Wait, there seems to be someone waving at me from the other side of the zebra crossing. Zhao Shihua narrowed his eyes and looked closely, and saw Pei Nachuan on the other side, holding his bicycle with one hand and waving at me with the other. Isn't class tomorrow? Why would he come out of school? And I didn't see him in the classroom during the day.
But before she could come up with a reasonable explanation, Zhao Shihua had already automatically raised her hand in response. It wasn't because they were particularly familiar with each other; after all, they had only exchanged a few words that time on Baiyun Mountain. It was a conditioned reflex, more like someone saying "thank you" and then responding with "you're welcome."
Unfortunately, even though Zhao Shihua had decent arm strength, and could easily carry a load of ten pounds up to the fifth floor, she had overestimated the plastic bag's strength. Perhaps because she lifted it up so suddenly and with such force, the bag couldn't withstand the weight, and it suddenly cracked from the bottom, releasing the mangoes she'd saved for tonight, the bananas she'd eat tomorrow, and the apples she'd eat the day after tomorrow. She was stunned, frozen for two or three seconds before she reacted and squatted down to pick up the fruit.
Zhao Shihua didn't know whether she should be thankful that the crosswalk light had turned green at that exact moment. If the light had remained red, she could have blamed the speeding cars in front of her for crushing her fruit. But now, it seemed as if the cars had stopped specifically for her, and she could only rescue the fruit from under their wheels, blushing. A few kind people helped pick it up and handed it to her, but she simply took it, lowered her head, and kept saying thank you. That was until the front wheel of a bicycle appeared above her vision: "Let me help you get it."
Zhao Shihua was too embarrassed to look up. Because one of the plastic bags was broken, she had to put all the fruit into another bag, but there was still a bunch of bananas that couldn't fit in. Furthermore, the bag looked precarious, ready to break at any moment. If that happened, she would be left with no tears.
In front of Pei Nachuan, I always seem to be embarrassing myself. Last time, I was late with disheveled hair, this time, I dropped some fruit, and next time, who knows what will happen? Maybe I'll fall flat on my face while running? Pah.
Zhao Shihua recalled the metaphor often used in elementary school essays: "I wish I could dig a hole in the ground and crawl into it." Unfortunately, she wasn't a mole, nor could she immediately transform into a stone statue and squat in the middle of the street forever. In the end, she had no choice but to stand up unsteadily, clutching a large bag, and forcing a fake smile to mask her embarrassment.
"Uh... why did you come to school today? Is there something wrong?"
After saying this, Zhao Shihua wanted to slap himself twice. Someone wanted to help, but he turned around and questioned them. He was so clumsy with words that he thought it would be best to just shut up.
Pei Nachuan didn't seem to care. He pushed his bicycle closer and said, "Put some fruit in my basket."
"No, I can do it myself."
However, the facts proved that she couldn't. Just after Zhao Shihua finished speaking, the car next to her suddenly honked twice. Because it was right in front of her, Zhao Shihua shuddered and the apple in her arms fell out again.
Pei Nachuan smiled helplessly, quickly bent down and picked up the apple on the ground: "The light is red, let's go back first."
At that time, Zhao Shihua was probably completely frightened by the horn. He even forgot to turn around and walked back directly, like an undeveloped primary robot.
"Hey, be careful of the steps behind!" Pei Nachuan quickly used the back of his hand holding the apple to press against Zhao Shihua's elbow, signaling her not to retreat any further.
The point of contact on her elbow suddenly felt like it was burning, its presence becoming more pronounced with unprecedented intensity. Perhaps adolescent girls are extremely sensitive to physical contact from the opposite sex. Pei Nachuan had only touched her lightly, like a bird's feather brushing against calm waters, yet somehow it instantly stirred up a raging storm.
Before Zhao Shihua recovered from her dizziness, Pei Nachuan took the fruit bag from her arms and reluctantly stuffed it into the bicycle basket.
"Come on, I'll take you back to the dormitory."
What kind of road is that?
Across the street was the school's front gate. After entering, walk along the circular path for about a third of the way to the dormitory gate, a leisurely five-minute walk. The road was lined with lush evergreen trees, and the streetlights weren't on yet, making it seem a bit eerie.
But in Zhao Shihua's eyes, this path was brighter and clearer than noon in midsummer. Tiny spots of light sprinkled on the road, a soft breeze blew on his face, cicadas chirped, birds sang, the boy pushed his bicycle slowly forward, and the girl talked about something funny, and they both laughed heartily.
Of course, the above is purely an imaginary image, embellished by Zhao Shihua herself. She turned her head casually, glancing at the other man's profile. Even though the dim sky threatened to swallow him into the background, Zhao Shihua had etched every line into her mind.
The camera suddenly zoomed out, and she seemed to glimpse the distant future. Two people were on their way home from work. One was carrying fish filleted at the market, the other's cart basket was filled with tender white tofu and emerald green onions. They talked about work troubles and their cat at home.
No, no, that's too far-fetched. Zhao Shihua shook her head hastily, trying to recapture her uncontrolled thoughts like a kite on a windy day. She concentrated on the situation at hand, but once again, her nervousness nearly caused her to blurt out something, as if she were deliberately bringing up something irrelevant.
For example, when I first interrogated him, "Have you also applied to live on campus? Why are you in school today?" I had the impression that he was a local student from Guangzhou, and his answer was "I'm helping the Youth League Committee with some errands." He was indeed a very busy monitor.
A silence followed.
Fortunately, Pei Nachuan cleverly redirected the conversation to interesting anecdotes from their previous trip. For example, when they climbed Baiyun Mountain, the summit was shrouded in a white mist due to recent rain, but the group marched majestically upwards, joking about ascending to heaven. Another example was when they visited Shangxiajiu, where there were more than a dozen people in the group and several snack shops were overcrowded, so they had to split up and each group went their own way, following Pei Nachuan's recommendations.
In the blink of an eye, they were at the dormitory door. Zhao Shihua had wanted to give him an apple as a token of gratitude, but when she looked down, she saw that the previously bright red apple had turned brown in spots, like a wrestler's face covered in bruises. So she gave up. To express her gratitude, she said thank you more than ten times, even bowing respectfully, but it still felt not enough.
"You're welcome. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah! See you tomorrow!"
Pei Nachuan waved goodbye, got on his bike and headed home. Zhao Shihua had wanted to take a few more glances at his back, but because of the constant flow of people in the dormitory, she knew she would have to explain herself if her classmates saw her.
This was only the third time she'd spoken to him alone, but in Zhao Shihua's heart, Pei Nachuan had become a unique individual with his own radiance. Pei Nachuan was truly wonderful; that was the only simple phrase Zhao Shihua could come up with to describe him. Kind and thoughtful, he must have had the best parents to raise him well.
Perhaps after a few years, when she meets more people, she'll realize that this warm and refreshing way of speaking is likely a product of upbringing, not any special sentiment. But at the time, Zhao Shihua, having been treated coldly by her junior high classmates for nearly two years, instinctively sought warmth. She'd been frozen for so long that even the normal warmth of human interaction seemed a luxury to her.
Zhao Shihua genuinely felt blessed by luck. Today, she'd been cared for by her cold-outwardly warm-hearted deskmate and thoughtful monitor. She wondered if she'd been crowned the heroine, afraid to hope for more. Even with the dark cloud of Shao Yifu hanging over her head, she felt vaguely less worried.
Because she felt the warmth from others in her palms, she no longer feared the cold winter, and even felt that she could shine and give warmth in return for the kindness shown to her by others. Earlier, she had been struggling with how to explain this to Shao Yifu, even worrying about his revenge like a paranoid maniac.
However, influenced by Zhuo Siqi and Pei Nachuan, or perhaps even inspired by them, Zhao Shihua suddenly realized that actions weren't necessary to atone for past mistakes made due to innocence. After all, if apologies worked, why would the police be needed? It was better to make amends in a tangible way.
She suddenly felt a little impatient to see her former friend as soon as possible.
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