The Wind Man and the Earth Man (3)
A gentle breeze blew between them. Although winter had already arrived according to the astronomical seasons, Lingnan's true winter lasted only a dozen days, the rest of the year being a mild autumn or warm spring. Even sitting in the breeze, Zhao Shihua didn't feel the cold at all, as the sun on his back was a pleasant and relaxing sensation.
She glanced at Shao Yifu beside her, almost thinking the comfort she'd just felt was a case of her own nerves. Once upon a time, she'd been terrified whenever she saw him, hiding her feelings and feigning compliments. But once the window paper was broken, she no longer had to play dumb. Yet, despite the friction and even confrontation, the fact that she no longer had to feign warmth or continue to feel guilty instead gave her a genuine, open-minded satisfaction.
Zhao Shihua finally understood that not smiling was easier than pretending to smile, and that direct dislike was more refreshing than feigned friendliness. It felt so much easier not to have to pretend to be nice anymore. If only he could keep it that way forever.
She had wanted to quietly absorb the situation, but she couldn't help but be bothered by the annoying people around her. Shao Yifu was indeed a restless person. He hadn't been quiet for more than two minutes when he couldn't help but ask her if her foot was okay, if she needed help buying breakfast next week, if she planned to attend the New Year's Eve performance, and so on. He alone was equivalent to all the nagging of the aunts and uncles during the New Year holiday.
Zhao Shihua had been wondering how he had become a completely different person. No longer sarcastic, he was now a bit like the lapdog he had been at the beginning of the school year. He said bluntly, "My ankle is healed now. Don't worry too much about it. It's not your fault, after all. I was just careless."
The person who had been chattering a moment ago suddenly fell silent. Seeing him remain silent, Zhao Shihua thought he had hit the nail on the head, so he lifted his right leg and moved his ankle. "Look, there's nothing wrong. It's just that the school doctor won't let me run."
The boy next to her remained silent for some reason, which made her feel a little uncomfortable. Normally, Shao Yifu wasn't the most delicate and sensitive person, but today he acted like a child who had done something wrong, hanging his head and remaining silent. He wasn't like the pufferfish from a while ago, puffing up with thorns at the slightest provocation.
Zhao Shihua felt as if he were standing on the moral high ground. He stretched lazily and added, in the tone of "a great man forgets the faults of a small man," "Anyway, don't feel guilty. We're even. We owe each other nothing, understand?"
"That's not what I meant..." He kept his head down as he spoke, his fingers on both hands pressed against each other, almost bent at a 90-degree angle. After a long moment, he clenched his fists again and said, "I heard everything you said the other day."
"What day was that?" Zhao Shihua was confused. "What did I say?"
"I really didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just happened to be there at the time." After a long while, Shao Yifu finally took a breath and finished the second half of the sentence, "In the school infirmary..."
Zhao Shihua recounted each incident, piecing together historical events, and suddenly recalled the plastic bag containing bread, snacks, and drinks—Teacher Mei had mistakenly thought she had taken the school doctor's things. It was like a slap in the face, and she was so surprised that she couldn't say a word, just staring blankly at Shao Yifu. At the same time, in her mind, she quickly turned the clock counterclockwise to noon that day after physical education class—
At that time, anger and grievances broke through the embankment, and she couldn't help but confide everything in the past to Zhuo Siqi, including her envy of Wang Zitong, her guilt towards Guan Yifu, her hatred for her junior high school classmates, her suspicion and disgust towards herself, and her helpless endurance of the bitter fruit... That was the first time so far that she peeled off herself layer by layer like peeling an onion, until the bitter and spicy core pricked her and made her cry.
That was the part of herself she'd never dared to face, the part she'd never acknowledged. She'd been both the magnanimous gentleman and the sly villain; her elementary school self-righteousness was, frankly, just bluff; martial arts was just a cover for her own strength. From beginning to end, she'd been that cautious country girl, afraid of her parents abandoning her, worried about her classmates disliking her, terrified of herself... She couldn't think about it anymore.
There was no need to press him for the reason he'd eavesdropped; everyone was curious, and he'd come all the way to bring her food, so there was nothing to blame. It was just that she couldn't yet accept her true, humble, and ugly self, let alone the thought of it being seen by others. Her dark secret had been exposed in broad daylight, like the last veil had been ripped off in public, leaving her feeling humiliated and angry, unable to bear it any longer.
The illusion of a peaceful life vanished in the blink of an eye. Zhao Shihua stood up abruptly, the dull pain reminding her that her sprain hadn't fully healed yet. Some of the scars from her childhood would take even longer to heal.
She grew increasingly timid, learning so many martial arts techniques that she ultimately only remembered one military tactic: "Running is the best strategy." Furious, Zhao Shihua hurried to the other end of the school road. Her ankle ached, and she was easily caught up by the man behind her, who stood in front of her like an impenetrable wall. Whenever she tried to flee to the right, he stretched out his left hand to stop her; the same thing happened the other way. Finally, she simply turned and ran back.
"Hey—I hated you when I was a kid, and I hated a lot of other people too!" Shao Yifu's tone was very urgent, and he got straight to the point and tore her face off, frightening her so much that she suddenly dared not move. "But I've never thought that your knowledge of martial arts was a bad thing. Why do you have to hide it and not say it?"
Just as Zhao Shihua was about to turn around and retort, Shao Yifu walked around to her again and stretched his hands straight out to both sides, like a roadblock.
Did he really think that by revealing his martial arts secrets, he was helping her? Helping her with what? Helping her reveal her true self and then being hated by everyone? The more Zhao Shihua thought about it, the more absurd it seemed. "What? Who do you think you are? You know nothing, what qualifications do you have to tell me this?"
"What do I not understand? You, you used to beat me often!" She sounded determined and gave up everything.
"Right! I was ignorant and a bad kid when I was in elementary school! The problem is, I've already apologized to you, why are you still holding on to my mistakes? What else do you want?" Zhao Shihua glared at Shao Yifu fiercely, wishing he could use every trick he had learned on him to vent his anger. "Why did you tell others about my past? Why did you show my photos to others? If you have the guts, fight back! Do you have to use all kinds of tricks to make me look bad to make me feel funny?"
Shao Yifu's arms slowly dropped, his shoulders seemingly collapsing a little. He sighed softly, his voice barely audible. "I was just joking at the time, I didn't think too much about it... My mom also says I can be a bit clumsy sometimes."
"Are you kidding me? You're telling me you're kidding? Well, let me tell you, it's not funny at all!"
"I didn't know you had those experiences in junior high school. I'm sorry..."
"I've told you I'm sorry, but is that any use?" Zhao Shihua desperately tried to suppress her tears. She pushed him away with all her might, desperate to run forward, not knowing where to go.
So this is what the saying "spilt water cannot be undone, a broken mirror cannot be mended" means: Mistakes made and injuries sustained cannot be healed with a simple apology. The past is not a story written in pencil, easily erased with an eraser; it is a story written with a pen gripped so tightly that the force penetrates the paper, leaving even a blank page with traces of the past.
No one can simply shake off history. Although Zhao Shihua and Shao Yifu appear radically different from their childhoods, the threads of their past are intertwined. Their presents are shrouded in shadows and burdened by the weight of the past. Like Russian nesting dolls, layers stacked from the core outward. Some remain as they were in their childhood, while others gradually transform into something else.
Where had the daring Zhao Shihua and the timid Guan Yifu gone now? She could no longer find her former self, nor did she know where her former partner was hiding.
Later, Shao Yifu chased after Zhao Shihua and told her a story:
When he first arrived in Quebec, Canada, the language barrier meant he faced even more severe bullying and exclusion. Most new school children, like uneducated primitives, instinctively fear and reject outsiders. Just because he looked so different, he became a target.
He had his schoolbag thrown at him, was spat on, mocked, and insulted; he couldn't fight back, and even more tragically, initially, he didn't even understand what anyone was saying. The English greetings he'd learned in elementary school back home were completely useless in the French-speaking area. When he went to the teacher to complain, he was instead accused of being the first to hit him.
To make matters worse, even his parents were unable to help. His father's research was at a critical stage and he was often too busy to take time off; his mother had just started a language course and was barely able to take care of herself. She had trouble even going out to buy groceries, let alone going to school to communicate with teachers.
Zhao Shihua could only imagine Guan Yifu's pain and despair at that time. After all, she had also experienced the transition from rural to urban life. He hated going to school, but because he was timid, he didn't dare skip it. His aversion eventually became physical, with vomiting and diarrhea every morning. Doctors didn't help, and he even had to be hospitalized.
After being discharged from the hospital, Guan Yifu had to move to a new school to make his schooling easier. His new teacher, who happened to be quite interested in Asian culture, somehow brought up kung fu stars like Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan. When introducing Guan Yifu, he even used the then-popular Kung Fu Pandas as a reference. Encouraged by his teacher, Guan Yifu unknowingly performed a few Tai Chi moves in public, reminiscent of "cutting watermelon."
——If there is any major turning point in life, this must be one of them.
At that time, Guan Yifu was basically able to communicate normally with others. He took advantage of the popularity of martial arts and Kung Fu Panda, and was gradually accepted, supported and even loved by his classmates. He also slowly came out of his cowardly and closed self, becoming lively, proactive, optimistic... In short, more and more positive words began to appear about him.
——It is the exact opposite growth process of Zhao Shihua.
"That's why I think that photo is not ugly. It looks like a hero. Speaking of which, I have to thank you! Because the scene of you taking off your shoes on the stage is so unforgettable, hahaha. I remembered a few of the moves and scared them for a while. They all thought I was a martial arts master and didn't dare to bully me." At the end, Shao Yifu didn't forget to insult her.
Zhao Shihua was speechless after hearing this.
A scene that makes me so embarrassed I want to dig a hole and bury it can unexpectedly become a turning point in someone else's life. One man's honey is another man's poison—the very thing that once lifted her to the skies and then tore her down becomes the antidote to another's predicament. The human condition is truly uncanny.
"So I thought, what's wrong with martial arts? Why do you have to hide it?" Shao Yifu's face was full of self-righteousness, like a man who got something for nothing, which made Zhao Shihua feel annoyed.
"People like you are so easy to talk when you're not doing it. You've never been laughed at for something you enjoy, so how could you possibly understand?" Zhao Shihua spoke with a growing sense of self-deprecation. He lowered his head and muttered, "Besides, what's the point of me saying I know martial arts? No one will care anyway."
"What? What does it have to do with martial arts? Besides, even if you don't know martial arts, I think you would still beat me up. It was your fault that you bullied me before. Of course, I also had my faults. I shouldn't have... Well, we all have faults anyway, no one owes anyone anything. Haven't we memorized the ancient poem, 'When will the cycle of revenge end? How much do we know about the past?'"
"You're crazy. 'Forgive others when you can.'" Zhao Shihua said, but he didn't spare him in words.
"Okay, okay, I get it! But it's their fault they laughed at you. I mean your junior high school classmates. You don't have to take it to heart. But in the final analysis, all of this has nothing to do with martial arts itself."
"It's easy for you to say that. In the past, Wang Zitong was very popular because she could dance." Zhao Shihua was so busy retorting that she forgot that her kung fu was also popular in elementary school.
"But sometimes, no matter what you do, there will always be people who will say something. So, you really don't need to think too much." Shao Yifu looked like an old monk who had experienced many hardships and seen through the world. He was not like his usual self at all. "If someone doesn't like you, why bother about them so much? I actually didn't understand this principle until very late. So later on, I didn't care much about what others thought, and maybe sometimes I ignored other people's feelings..."
In a sense, they did have a common experience: they had both been pushed to the margins of the group, but because they envied the hustle and bustle of the center, they tried hard to fit in, only to be pushed even further away. It was just that she was still at the bottom of the well, while he had already climbed out.
Zhao Shihua actually understood all those incredibly sound life lessons. Who hasn't heard the saying, "If you don't work hard when you're young, you'll regret it when you're old"? Yet, there are still so many lazy people in the world. Everyone knows that optimism and positivity are good things, but does Shao Yifu realize how fortunate fate is to have blessed him with such confidence and cheerfulness? It wasn't because he still remembered a few martial arts moves, but because he met a kind and wonderful teacher.
In comparison, she seemed much more unlucky. Every person she thought would come to her rescue ended up pushing her deeper into the trap. The one who said she looked like a boy, the one who said she didn't even remember...
So how could Zhao Shihua possibly let go of her feelings with just a few casual words from someone who'd experienced it all? Seeing him so nonchalant, she felt even more repulsed and repelled by his bright, clean smile. What right did he have to stand on the mountaintop and offer advice to someone stuck in the valley of life?
Even though, deep down, Zhao Shihua knew that Shao Yifu had revealed so much of his past secrets because he wanted to help her, and even for him, revealing his scars to others took immense courage, Zhao Shihua couldn't help but feel disgusted. She angrily said, "Don't act so great and teach people a lesson. You're just lucky. You know, a tangerine in the south doesn't grow taller than a tangerine in the north."
"What? Oh, you mean the oranges from the south? But the thing is, people aren't fruits. It's true that the teacher was really nice. Without him, I definitely wouldn't have made new friends so quickly. But I feel like I've always been myself—at least, I didn't change much when I got to the new school—it's just that no one wanted me in my old place, but people wanted me in the new one. But don't you always meet people you like and people you hate wherever you go? Then why not just ignore the people you hate and just hang out with people who want to play with you?"
At that time, they were sitting on the stairs leading to the library, one high and one low. Zhao Shihua was at the bottom, and Shao Yifu was sitting two steps away from her. At first, the two of them were standing face to face, pulling each other. Soon, she got tired of standing, and he said he was tired too, so they sat down together.
Because of their position, Shao Yifu couldn't see Zhao Shihua's face. Precisely because she couldn't see, she let herself say the following words. The expression on her face must have been dark and ugly, filled with resentment towards the outside world, even if someone offered an olive branch, she would ruthlessly throw it back.
"You have so many friends around you, so of course you don't have to worry about it. No matter what you do, you have people supporting you. Like me," Zhao Shihua's heart suddenly sank, and he fell and collapsed as if weightless, turning into a puddle of mud, "someone without a single friend—"
She finally spoke out the reality that she feared most and was unwilling to face. But the moment she spoke out this reality that she had been avoiding, it materialized into a devil's withered hand, strangling her throat and making her unable to speak again.
I'm sorry, Zhao Shihua could only continue to silently confide in her heart, not knowing to whom. I'm sorry, it turns out I'm not that brave, I can't fight alone, it turns out I need others to comfort me so much. And yet, because I was too impulsive, too proud, and too low in self-esteem, I made you lose your friend.
Wang Zitong's face surfaced in her mind, and later, those of Zhu Miaoyan and Zhuo Siqi. Some walked further and further away, some suddenly turned and left without saying goodbye, and some watched from a distance... But not one person was right beside her at this moment. The brightness and vividness of the scenery before her seemed to have been reduced to zero, as deep and heavy as a river in the darkness of the night.
"Who said you have no friends? I am your friend."
The boy behind her suddenly patted her head, like a piece of bird down, very light, but warm enough. She saw in the dark scene, a magician poked a small hole with his wand, and then pulled in a thin rainbow.
With a click, two or three ink-colored flowers bloomed at Zhao Shihua's feet.
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