Only a desk lamp was on in the study, casting a warm, eye-friendly yellow light. Pei Ruoyun sat calmly under the lamp, her body casting a shadow on the desk.
Pei Xi almost doubted that what he was seeing was a hallucination.
"Mother...?"
She murmured, with a hint of hesitation.
Pei Ruoyun looked up, her eyebrows curving slightly, "You're back?"
For some reason, her voice was a little hoarse, slightly different from her usual cool and crisp tone.
Pei Xi took two steps forward in a daze.
Only then did she notice an open photo album on the desk.
Pei Xi looked away and subconsciously cracked her knuckles. "Mom, when did you get back?"
Pei Ruoyun raised her hand and glanced at her watch. "About three hours ago."
She turned to look out the window, seemingly belatedly realizing, "It's already pitch black outside."
Pei Xi walked to her side, stood close behind her, placed his hands on her shoulders, and gently massaged them with his fingers.
For a moment, only the faint sound of fabric rubbing together filled the air.
"Have you been looking at the photo album the whole time?" Pei Xi asked softly as he rubbed his hands.
Pei Ruoyun hummed in response, her voice slightly muffled.
Pei Xi looked over and saw a family photo of the four of them in the album.
It was taken at a resort in the countryside. They went fishing by a pond, and the dad asked a tourist nearby to take this picture for them.
Pei Xi still remembers that when she was little, she accidentally stepped into the mud and couldn't even find her shoes, which made Pei Zhi laugh out loud.
Later, her father carried her back home.
She remembered that her father's shoulders were very broad and his walking was very steady. There was also a faint scent of grass in the air. She lay on her father's back and fell asleep the whole way without realizing it.
Speaking of which, Dad is someone who really enjoys taking photos.
He was gentle and refined, with a scholarly air about him. His favorite things to do were reading and playing with them.
From childhood to adulthood, he took many photos of her and Pei Zhi, carefully recording every little detail of their growth.
These photos filled several thick albums.
But since his death, no more photos have been added to the album.
The only thing they had was the exquisite and formal group photo they took with Pei Ruoyun at the photo studio every year, so they could show it to their father at his grave.
Pei Ruoyun takes a picture every year during the Spring Festival without fail.
Perhaps it was because the atmosphere in the room was too quiet and the dim light too warm, Pei Ruoyun gently stroked a photograph with her fingertips, a look of reminiscence on her face, and then she said softly to Pei Xi, "I remember when you were born, your father was overjoyed."
Pei Xi was taken aback. Pei Ruoyun's voice had a soft, gentle quality, not cold at all.
She heard her continue, "I have a strong personality, and I even made a plan for having children, aiming to have two children within three years. After your brother was born, I hoped that it would be a boy and a girl. When you were born, it turned out to be a girl. Your father was so happy and said that God had blessed me and that my wish had actually come true."
After saying that, Pei Ruoyun let out a snort of laughter, as if recalling the scene from that time.
“He told me back then, ‘Ayun, you can work hard outside without worry. I’ll take care of things at home. You don’t need to worry about anything.’ He patted his chest and assured me that he would take good care of the two of you and raise you to be very good children.”
"He did a really good job. There won't be another man in the world who did it as well as him."
Pei Ruoyun let out a long sigh of relief.
Pei Xi stopped rubbing his shoulder and rested his palm on it quietly.
She saw Pei Ruoyun lower her head and sniffle.
“Your father was a man of his word, and he never lied in his life. Even on his deathbed, he was apologizing to me, saying that he had not been able to keep his promise and had to leave before he could raise you all.”
“He told me that no matter what I do in the future, he will support me, and that he is the one who should apologize.”
At the end, Pei Ruoyun's voice choked, as if she had struggled to overcome some obstacle before she could finish speaking.
Pei Xi's eyes were already wet.
This was the first time she had heard Pei Ruoyun say these words.
Every sentence omits the mention of longing, yet every sentence expresses thoughts of him.
The mother before me is no longer the invincible superhero, but simply a woman longing for her lover.
Pei Xi blinked quickly to stop the tears from falling.
“He couldn’t let you go, and he talked to me a lot.”
He said that his sister looks quiet and gentle, but she can actually take everything in stride and can always find a way to make herself feel at peace. His brother looks carefree, but he has a very strong sense of responsibility and self-esteem, and is most prone to stubbornness.
"He specifically told me to remember this."
"But I forgot."
“When you were injured, I rushed back overnight to make sure you were alright. I focused all my attention on you, but I neglected Pei Zhi.”
"Later, I thought that all his coldness towards me was just because he was annoyed that I was too busy with work and didn't come home often, so he was throwing a tantrum and venting his dissatisfaction on me."
"But two hours before boarding the plane today, I suddenly remembered something your father said..."
Pei Ruoyun paused for a few seconds, and although she was trying to control herself, her voice still trembled slightly, which was rare for her. "I just realized that when he got angry and accused me of dereliction of duty, he just wanted me to comfort him."
Her voice was very low, almost hoarse, and Pei Xi could feel the muscles under his palm trembling slightly.
Suddenly, the sound of slippers rubbing came from the doorway, and the two of them looked up at the same time.
The door wasn't closed properly; the crack was dark, and a deep breathing sound could be heard coming from the narrow gap.
Pei Ruoyun stood up from the chair.
She walked to the door, opened it, and Pei Zhi was standing quietly outside in his pajamas, having listened for an unknown amount of time.
His eyebrows were downcast, his eyelashes concealed his emotions, and only his chest could be seen rising and falling.
Pei Ruoyun took a small step forward and cupped his face in her hands.
Pei Zhi seemed to freeze for a moment. He hadn't had such physical contact in many years, and it felt so unfamiliar that his muscles stiffened.
"Xiao Zhi," Pei Ruoyun called him softly, "There's something I think I forgot to tell you all these years."
Pei Zhi's eyelashes began to blink rapidly, and his breathing became heavier.
Pei Ruoyun continued, "You've worked so hard all this time. You're a very good older brother. You've protected your younger sister very well while Mom and Dad were away."
"You're great, baby."
Thud.
Something dripped into Pei Ruoyun's palm.
Plop, another drop.
Warm water droplets slowly slid down the lifeline of her palm, moistening the mottled lines.
The part of Pei Zhi that remained at age thirteen finally returned to the body of Pei Zhi at age eighteen.
That guilt, which I shouldn't have had to bear, finally vanished.
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