Chapter 11: I Don't Like You
The three of them stood frozen on the stairs, the air seemingly solidified. Liu Chengxu was the first to feel a sense of suffocation, and breathing became difficult.
When the secret you dare not touch in your heart is suddenly exposed, the first thing you lose control of is your breathing, followed by a sharp pain in your heart, and finally your vision begins to blur, as if you are dizzy before a hypoglycemic attack. The world shakes and fades in front of you, almost swallowing you up.
She instinctively looked at Su Zhiluo, even though she knew perfectly well that Su Zhiluo could not possibly like her, she still clung to that tiny bit of hope.
Su Zhilu frowned, her voice low and hoarse, "What are you saying? You've misunderstood. We're family, we're quite close, like sisters."
Upon hearing this last sentence, Su Zhiluo felt a pang of guilt. She had an older sister, and her dependence on her sister was very straightforward. Every time their eyes met, it was clean and innocent, never ambiguous, always subtly hiding an indescribable meaning.
Yang Jie said, "You can ask her if that's true."
Su Zhiluo did not turn around to look at Liu Chengxu.
Yang Jie could tell she was upset. Liu Chengxu's identity was truly awkward; standing between them was the boundary drawn by societal norms and ethics. Such feelings shouldn't develop between them; saying more would only embarrass Su Zhiluo.
Whether out of personal motives or genuine wish for Su Zhiluo's well-being, Yang Jie still said, "Zhiluo, you're always trapped in the same place by a strange lie. It's very unfair to you. Zhiluo, you were almost over it before. Are you happy to go back now?"
Yang Jie had seen Su Zhiluo emerge from the shadows of her memories. At that time, she would smile from the bottom of her heart, her whole being facing the sunlight, her eyes seemingly filled with tiny golden light.
Yang Jie's words truly struck the softest spot in Su Zhiluo's heart. She hadn't thought of Liu Jinhuan for a long time; that person and those events had slowly sunk into the depths of her heart with time, gradually covered by dust. She almost thought she was about to emerge from the shadows and truly begin a new life.
But.
Lately, she keeps thinking about Liu Jinhuan, day and night, and even in her dreams.
She couldn't explain why, but her throat started to feel dry. She went downstairs with her head down and said, "Let me take you back, otherwise you'll miss the morning."
Yang Jie looked intently at Liu Chengxu.
Liu Chengxu was still a child at heart. Her affection was pure and passionate, but she also expressed her disappointment and the pain of waiting vividly and without any pretense. She stood there motionless, like an abandoned puppy in the snow, her eyes wet with tears, filled with helplessness and grievance.
Liu Chengxu actually wanted his sister-in-law to glance at him as she left, so that she could feel that Su Zhiluo had feelings for him.
Soon Su Zhiluo disappeared from the hallway. Liu Chengxu slowly squatted down, his little finger suddenly going numb.
The feeling of suffocation threatened to take her life at any moment. She rubbed her little finger, breathing slowly. She belatedly realized her mistake. When Yang Jie pointed out her secret, she shouldn't have remained silent; she should have retorted. That's what a proper sister-in-law should do.
When someone is "slandered," their first reaction is to clarify and feel indignant, but her clumsy silence surely reveals a look of expectation in her eyes.
I'm so stupid.
My sister-in-law probably knows my secret now.
She's definitely going to hate me now.
My nose tingled, and tears started falling.
Su Zhiluo escorted Yang Jie downstairs. Yang Jie asked her how she was feeling and if she wanted to go for a walk. Su Zhiluo shook her head and waved goodbye.
After Yang Jie left, Su Zhiluo closed her eyes. The cold wind whipped up snowflakes that hit her face, making her shiver all over, as if she had caught a giant cold in an instant.
The phone in my pocket vibrated again.
At this moment, she was afraid to look at her phone, a vague fear in her heart that it was a message from Liu Chengxu.
Su Zhiluo also knew that Liu Chengxu would never dare to contact her at this time.
The screen lit up, and the sender was still her parents. They remained persistent in inquiring about her life, and when insults proved ineffective, they changed tactics, beginning to reminisce about past affection.
Su Zhiluo looked at the words, a bitter smile curving her lips. She recalled yesterday's embrace and the soft, husky whispers in her ear. It was so warm, like a powerful safe haven where she could hide forever.
Liu Chengxu held her tightly, his hot breath brushing against her ear: "Sister-in-law, I'll give you a home."
This home is very tempting; she wants it.
At this moment, Su Zhiluo felt an intense hatred for her birth. Why were they so poor and so feudal? Why did they have to gnaw at her like locusts? If they had even the slightest bit of kindness, Liu Chengxu wouldn't have clung to this corrupted warmth.
Su Zhiluo's initial idea was simple: to expose Liu Chengxu so that he could live his own life and not have to go through hardship with her again. She never thought of asking Liu Chengxu to repay her.
Now, she is afraid of that cold house and feels sad.
Su Zhiluo looked up and saw the wind swirling around the snowflakes, preventing them from falling, which looked troubled and sad.
She walked around downstairs. Cars came and went, and the streets were filled with the sound of horns. Despite the liveliness, there was a sense of desolation.
Text message: [Sister-in-law, I've cooked the dishes. Are you coming home for dinner?]
Su Zhiluo wiped her face: "I'll buy some eggs, you eat first."
Liu Chengxu: [I'm waiting for you.]
Liu Chengxu couldn't stop her tears from falling. She opened the refrigerator and saw that there were indeed no eggs left. She took out a jar from the cupboard; she had pickled a few duck eggs. She had learned how to make them online after discovering that Su Zhiluo liked them. Also, knowing that her sister-in-law loved fish, she would say fish hot pot when her sister-in-law asked her what kind of hot pot she wanted.
Actually, she also pays close attention to Su Zhiluo. She's just young. If given the same opportunity, she could also give Su Zhiluo intense and passionate love. She could also say "I love you" and "I'm good to you" a lot.
Liu Chengxu washed the mud off the duck eggs, his fingers turning red from the cold.
Sister-in-law, love at 18 is intense and sincere. If you can, please look at me too.
The duck eggs were cooked, and Su Zhiluo returned.
Su Zhiluo saw Liu Chengxu's red eyes, still wet with tears. She didn't say anything or ask anything. Liu Chengxu took a towel to wipe the snow off her clothes and then went to get the hot pot from the kitchen.
Liu Chengxu handed the boiled duck eggs to Su Zhiluo, who tapped a hole in one and ate it. The saltiness was just right, and she exclaimed in surprise, "This tastes really good! Did you make it yourself?"
Liu Chengxu looked up at her, his eyes glistening with bright tears.
Liu Chengxu nodded: "I'm glad you like it. I bought it at the supermarket before and marinated it for a week. If you like it, I'll make it again next time. I originally wanted to make fermented bean curd, but I couldn't find any firm tofu."
Su Zhiluo picked up another duck egg, cracked it open, made a hole about the size of a thumb, and handed it to her, saying, "You should try one too."
After the meal, Su Zhiluo copied Yang Jie's phone number to Alipay, transferred 300 yuan to her account, and then blocked her Alipay account. Yang Jie couldn't transfer the money back no matter what she tried, so she could only contact her on WeChat.
In that instant, Su Zhiluo really wanted to block Yang Jie as well. She couldn't explain why, but she felt that Yang Jie had crossed the line, and she felt suffocated.
Liu Chengxu was in the bedroom, while Su Zhi stood on the balcony for a while. After returning to the bedroom, she held her phone, unsure of what to do. The mental stress was too great, causing her back shoulder to ache.
The phone was bought for her by Liu Chengxu. She cherished it and put a little bear sticker on it. When she first brought it to her workstation, people would ask her if her sister-in-law bought it for her, and some would even envy her, saying that Liu Chengxu was successful.
Her relationship with Liu Chengxu used to be distant, but now it's completely different; she considers him family. She didn't think about what to do if he liked her; instead, she wrapped herself up in a cocoon, pretending not to know.
Liu Chengxu stood quietly at the door, holding a blanket. Su Zhiluo lay on the sofa watching her sister's video. Liu Chengxu had watched this video countless times. Her sister took Su Zhiluo to the bridge to see the scenery. They rented a bicycle and put a bunch of sunflowers in the basket.
The bleak autumn wind blew the tassels on Su Zhiluo's plaid scarf.
The older sister gazed into the distance and said softly, "Do you know? I've heard that there are countless lifetimes in this world. When the universe exploded, everyone came from the depths of the stars. Even if the body disappears, the soul will not perish... and will be reborn simultaneously in a certain year."
Su Zhiluo spoke in a low voice with a hint of coquetry, "I don't know, I haven't read as many books as you."
My sister said, "What I mean is that we once loved each other, and we will meet again someday. I don't care about the knowledge you mentioned; it only limits people's horizons and makes them hesitant. I just want to be with you. The first time I saw you, I thought your eyes were so clear, and I knew I liked you."
Su Zhiluo glanced at her secretly; her eyes were shy yet bright. Her sister placed her hand on the back of her hand and said, "I'm not saying sweet words; every word is from the bottom of my heart."
Su Zhiluo believed her. She nodded and then placed her hand on the back of Su Zhiluo's hand, shyly making an excuse for her behavior, "This way you won't be cold."
The stars weren't bright enough that night, and the wind was blowing in gusts, so the two of them could only see darkness on the bridge, but they stood there for a long time.
Liu Chengxu knew clearly that there were many things he couldn't compare to. His sister was Su Zhiluo's first love, and she was also Su Zhiluo's older sister. She was gentle and older. His sister would always generously offer Su Zhiluo her shoulder to lean on, and she would not hesitate to sever ties with her family and give Su Zhiluo a home.
During the time when his sister was having a major falling out with the family, Liu Chengxu once asked his sister if she absolutely had to have Su Zhiluo.
Her older sister lay in bed looking at her, her eyes shining brightly. She said, "Xiaoxu, you know, when I first pursued her, she was very shy. She didn't dare to date me because she was afraid of getting hurt. I swore in my heart that if I were with her, no matter what, she would always be my first choice. She was also very brave. Despite being so timid, she still came to my house. So, I know she loves me very, very much. How could I let down someone who loves me so much?"
She didn't quite understand what she was hearing, and was a little jealous, so she asked, "What about me?"
My sister said, "I love you too. If you could love my girlfriend, I would love you even more. But you used love to commit violence and forced me to choose. That's why I love Luo Luo even more, because she never made me choose. She's absolutely wonderful."
She was heartbroken, feeling that her sister had changed her mind, and angrily ignored her. Her sister poked her back with her finger and said, "You're too young to understand. You'll feel the same way when you have someone you like. Trust me."
Now she understands and believes it; her sister was right.
Su Zhiluo was incredibly kind; she directly adopted her sister's younger sister and treated her exceptionally well.
After watching the video, Su Zhiluo looked at the photos, silently zooming in and out. Hearing a sound, she closed her eyes. Liu Chengxu carefully walked over and covered her with the blanket.
It was cold at home, so she didn't dare to hug Su Zhiluo to warm her up.
At night, Su Zhiluo made up her wooden bed and specially brought her two quilts. She hunched over and tucked the edges in. Liu Chengxu really wanted to hug her waist.
The clutter that had previously been piled on Liu Chengxu's wooden bed has now all been moved to the corner. The already cramped space has become even more confined, and one has to squeeze through the doorway sideways, making it even more crowded than before.
Liu Chengxu lay on his bed, which was chilly. He wanted to call out to Su Zhiluo, but his voice came out low and hoarse. He shrank back under the covers, feeling somewhat deflated.
After a while, Su Zhiluo finally spoke: "Your throat is sore, would you like some water?"
Liu Chengxu propped himself up on his arm and asked, "Sister-in-law, are you able to sleep? Want to play games together?"
Su Zhiluo was silent for a while before saying, "I didn't sleep well last night, I'm sleepy, will you come during the day tomorrow?"
Liu Chengxu gave a soft "hmm," and Su Zhiluo turned over to go to sleep. Liu Chengxu wanted to sneak up and take another look at her, but in the end he didn't dare, afraid of disturbing the peace.
The two didn't talk much during the day. Liu Chengxu originally planned to play games with his sister-in-law. The two of them would hide under the covers and watch movies when they got tired of playing.
The room was so quiet you could hear the wind outside the window. Only a thin layer of air separated them, yet it felt like an invisible wall. This silence made her heart pound, as if she were performing a secret, immoral prayer.
Even if someone likes me a little bit, is that not allowed?
*
The next day, Liu Chengxu was still asleep when she heard her sister-in-law get up. She was about to get up too when Su Zhiluo said, "You sleep well, I have something to do and need to go out."
Su Zhiluo left early, and Liu Chengxu got up at eight o'clock to make breakfast, but she hadn't returned yet. During this time, Su Zhiluo's friend came over. Chang Ruyin and another female colleague sat awkwardly, unsure what to say.
Just as the two were about to leave, Su Zhiluo returned. They were about to ask her where she had been when a breeze blew in, carrying with it the faint scent of incense emanating from her.
The three people had different guesses. Kang He thought she went to the temple to burn incense, while the other two guessed that she went to pay respects to Liu Jinhuan.
Su Zhiluo washed her hands and apologized.
Kang He, carrying a mahjong set, said, "There's not much people in the dorm. Ru Yin and I were bored, so we borrowed the mahjong set to play cards and maybe get a free meal."
They even brought fruit, milk, and biscuits when they arrived; they were quite hospitable.
Liu Chengxu helped set up the card table. When they started playing, she sat and watched. Half an hour later, she went back to her bedroom, and Liu Chengxu glanced at her.
Chang Ruyin asked softly, "Did you two have a fight?"
Su Zhilu shook her head.
Kang He glanced at his phone. "Engineer Yang saw my post on WeChat Moments and said he wanted to come too. We're just one person short."
Liu Chengxu lay on the bed, her nose stinging with tears, and buried her face in the pillow.
Su Zhiluo played two rounds and then secretly peeked over. Liu Chengxu was lying on her bed, his face buried in her pillow. As Su Zhiluo turned around, she heard a few sobs, and her heart felt like it was being squeezed hard, a mixture of pain and tightness.
Three days after the Spring Festival, the two maintained this polite relationship, as if the matter was over, but in reality, there was still something unresolved.
Liu Chengxu was in so much pain that he sent several messages to Meng Zhenyue, but she couldn't say it was her own problem. Each time, she beat around the bush and said it was her friend's experience.
Meng Zhenyue replied: "The other person knows you like her, but she's consistently using this attitude. It's quite obvious; it's a silent rejection."
Liu Chengxu said: "I want to go back to the past, back to when we were doing well. Now it's all so cold."
Another message: [I never intended to be with her.]
Meng Zhenyue: [How could that be? Everyone knows you like her. If you wanted that, you should have made it clear from the beginning.]
[Also, was your last sentence the truth?]
*
On the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, Liu Chengxu, as usual, drove her sister-in-law to work. She caught a gust of wind and shivered as soon as she got off.
Everyone came here to check the schedule.
Liu Chengxu spotted Yang Jie's car immediately. Yang Jie got out of the car to talk to Su Zhiluo, and her eyes also turned to Liu Chengxu.
Su Zhiluo said, "Go home early, drink some hot water, and warm yourself up in bed. Don't catch a cold."
Liu Chengxu said, "It's nothing." She had already prepared herself; she was going to do it to show Yang Jie that she couldn't be looked down upon.
"Sister-in-law, I have something to say."
The moment Su Zhiluo looked at her, Liu Chengxu's voice went hoarse, and after taking several gulps of cold air, he was instantly speechless.
Su Zhiluo was also somewhat flustered.
The sky was already bright, but it appeared somewhat gloomy due to the snow.
Su Zhiluo noticed that the corners of her eyes were glistening and looked somewhat moist.
Liu Chengxu's words caught in her throat, terribly bitter. As Su Zhiluo went inside, she pulled Su Zhiluo back, turning to Yang Jie and saying, "I need to explain. Your nonsense last time caused us trouble and affected my sister-in-law."
"Hmm?" Yang Jie looked at her in confusion.
Liu Chengxu's breathing became labored, and she felt suffocated even before she started. Feeling very uncomfortable, she clutched her chest, trying to overcome the language barrier, and said earnestly, "It's not that kind of liking, it's not love, I just... just like family likes me, that's all I like about my sister-in-law."
These past few days, Liu Chengxu has been thinking and wondering if it was her kicking Yang Jie that caused the fall. She didn't mean to let Yang Jie into her house, she didn't want Yang Jie to fall, but Yang Jie revealed her secret.
People always have to take responsibility for their evil deeds. She covered her face, not daring to cry out. She tightly covered her mouth, almost unable to breathe. She wanted to put her fingers down her throat and pry those words out.
"I don't like you, I don't like you." Liu Chengxu said with difficulty, "It's not love, I don't... I don't like you at all."
In a fleeting moment, Liu Chengxu's breath caught in her throat; she couldn't breathe. She gasped for air, clutching her chest, and began to gag, half-squatting down. She wanted to explain clearly, she had to make it clear, "I just like my sister-in-law, like family..."
Yang Jie was also startled and quickly got out of the car.
"Cheng Xu, Cheng Xu, what's wrong?" Su Zhiluo supported her, patting her back. Yang Jie took two steps forward, and Liu Chengxu's retching worsened, her eyes reddening and her eyelashes wet. "Ugh... Sister-in-law..."
Liu Chengxu retched until her face turned pale. She couldn't straighten up, her knees slammed heavily on the ground, and she knelt down. Her chest felt tight, and she kept retching. Her eyes were bloodshot. She grabbed Su Zhiluo's hand, tears streaming down her face. This was completely different from what she had imagined. It was just a few simple words. She had thought about it all night and thought it would be easy. Even if it was painful, it would only be a few tears.
"Sister-in-law, you have to believe me..."
Su Zhiluo's eyes reddened with worry, fearing something might happen to her. She hugged her tightly, patting her back repeatedly, "Chengxu, it's okay, it's okay... Don't talk. I'll take you to the hospital to see a doctor."
The gagging finally stopped, but Liu Chengxu's heart was still aching, her breathing was rapid, and her face was pale. She clutched her chest tightly, feeling like her heart was about to explode, as if she was about to die.
How could this be? I clearly polished it myself; it was just a few simple sentences.
Why does it feel like I'm dying?
"Do you understand?" She lowered her head, tears streaming down her face. "I don't love you, not that kind of love..."
The drops that fell seemed not to be tears, but drops of blood.
Yang Jie was the first to react, "Zhiluo, she seems to be overbreathing, alkaline poisoning."
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