Chapter 31: A Unique Love
Liu Chengxu refused to speak, and Meng Zhenyue didn't force her. She took a step forward, gently patted her shoulder, and asked, "Is it about your feelings?"
Liu Chengxu gritted his teeth and forced an awkward smile. "I'm just... under a lot of pressure."
Meng Zhenyue patted her shoulder, "If you want to cry, then cry. If you don't want to talk about it, I won't ask any further."
Liu Chengxu's smile looked very awkward.
No, that's not it.
You've misunderstood.
I can't cry.
“Your sister-in-law is very worried about you. Do you want to call her back?”
Liu Chengxu tried to force a smile, but the tears that had been welling up in his eyes instantly burst forth.
The more intense the familial love Su Zhiluo gave, the more it highlighted the paleness of romantic love. That disparity could not be bridged, and the cracks in her heart grew ever wider.
*
Liu Chengxu tried to adjust herself, just like before. If Su Zhiluo gave her a little sweetness, she would continue to love her. If Su Zhiluo didn't love her enough, she would accumulate love little by little, filling the wishing bottle until one day they became lovers.
But that unequal love was tormenting her to death.
As graduation approached, the busyness of her internship and the anxiety about the future intertwined with the pressure of her thesis defense, leaving her breathless.
Under immense pressure, her heart seemed to temporarily go numb. This time, she didn't wait foolishly like before when Su Zhiluo didn't reply to her messages, nor did she cling to her like a dog.
In mid-May, the weather in Guangzhou was already sweltering. Su Zhi was in the workshop watching the aunties rushing to produce new designs when her phone suddenly vibrated.
The message came from the landlord, informing them to prepare and that they should move out next month if all the paperwork is in order.
Fear became a reality at that moment. Her fingers trembled uncontrollably, and she abruptly pressed the screen off—so hard that the phone screen went completely black.
Chang Ruyin came over and asked her what was wrong. She shook her head, indicating that nothing was wrong, and did not tell her about the landlord.
After finishing her work for the day, Su Zhiluo returned to her room.
Su Zhiluo knew that this home was just a pipe dream. The shop was just starting out, and they didn't have that much money. If she impulsively bought a house, she would first and foremost be letting Chang Ruyin down, and if any problems arose later, all her previous efforts would be wasted.
That feeling of exhaustion weighed on her.
Tears fell onto the screen, and she carefully wiped them away, her fingers becoming wet.
Shouldn't we carry our memories with us as we move forward?
If you look closely, you'll notice that she said "want to buy," not "I want to buy."
She was rational from the very beginning.
She licked away the tears that fell to her lips.
After a few days of good times, she forgot that tears were salty.
Su Zhiluo couldn't bring herself to take all her funds and gamble everything.
Having died once before, and after being rescued, she knew that life had to move forward.
She replied to the landlord: "Okay, I'll pack my things this month."
Landlord: [Don't be sad.]
Humans are emotional beings. Su Zhiluo lived here for eight years, and the landlord remembered that another girl came to see the house. The girl was pretty and quiet, very polite and courteous, and looked like a highly educated person. At the time, she even asked Su Zhiluo if the house would be sold in the future.
The landlady smiled and replied that she would only rent, not sell, as this was a wish she and her husband had for each other.
Later, when she heard that the girl had died in a car accident, the landlady was saddened for a long time. She had thought that the girl didn't belong to their poor, humble place, but she never expected that the girl was not of this world.
Su Zhiluo bought a plane ticket to Taipei.
This was her first time on an airplane. As they ascended, she felt a tightness in her chest and waves of nausea. Looking out the window, she saw for the first time thick clouds, and further away, a dense, impenetrable golden hue—she guessed it was the sun's rays.
An endless sea of clouds swept past her, and the initial amazement faded, leaving only exhaustion. She began to consider which of her belongings she could take, and which she wanted to take. Those that belonged to her, those that belonged to Liu Jinhuan, and those that belonged to Liu Chengxu.
Su Zhi was tormented by the turbulence of the plane. She wanted to buy it, but then she thought: Why bother? People have to look forward. Everyone has to live. What's the use of buying a dead memory? To move yourself?
The landlady is bringing people to see the apartment, so she needs to tidy it up beforehand and not let her relationship with Liu Chengxu be kept secret.
Upon landing, Su Zhiluo deactivated airplane mode and immediately received a message: [The two people you asked me to keep an eye on recently resigned, and they've been bragging to people that their daughter graduated from University A.]
Su Zhiluo's heart sank suddenly.
A bad thought popped into my head uncontrollably.
When Su Zhiluo returned from Foshan last time, she spent some money to have someone from their factory keep an eye on Liu Chengxu's parents, just in case they caused trouble.
The reason these two have been hiding all these years isn't because they don't want Liu Chengxu, but because they're thinking that once Liu Chengxu graduates from university, they'll immediately come back and leech off him.
A wave of nausea surged up her throat, and Su Zhiluo quickly pulled out a vomit bag, leaning against the cold wall to steady herself.
Su Zhiluo was afraid of getting dizzy, so she took the subway home.
When she got home and opened the door, the house was very clean, without a trace of mold from the winter. She saw moisture-proof bags and mouse traps in the house. Su Zhiluo simply tidied up. The landlord and real estate agent arrived with the buyer.
The landlord was taken aback when he came in and saw how neat and clean the house was.
The couple who came to the house spoke with an accent. They were buying the house for their child, but they couldn't get into the better places, so they were hoping to find a place nearby. They had used all their savings to buy it.
Liu Chengxu had kept his home spotless. The buyer, who had been hesitant, suddenly felt that the several dozen square meters of space were excellent value for money after seeing how clean it was.
The man who bought the house happened to be a carpenter. He planned to turn Liu Chengxu's wooden bed into a desk, and also said he wanted to tear down the certificates of merit on the wall and re-paste mathematical formulas.
At that moment, Su Zhiluo almost blurted out, "Don't sell it, I'll buy it."
She bit her lip hard, retreated into the corridor, and turned her back. A strong pang of sorrow welled up in her heart.
Cheng Xu, are you willing to completely give up all of this?
The landlady brought Su Zhiluo some fruit and thanked her.
Su Zhilu smiled stiffly, indicating that she was fine.
The landlady said that if the other party signs the papers, they will be notified to move out next month. The family said they liked everything inside and could get it back at a second-hand price if they didn't want it.
Su Zhilu listened numbly.
"Sister Zhiluo."
Su Zhiluo looked up and saw Mingming. Mingming had grown much taller than before; she was now in junior high school.
The landlady left the fruit and left. Su Zhiluo was about to get the gift box for her when Mingming said, "By the way, Zhiluo, we might be going back to our hometown soon."
"Why?"
Mingming said, "My parents are in Guangzhou, and they pay my social security there. Under the current policy, I can't take the college entrance exam. I have to go back to my registered residence. My parents are worried that I won't be able to keep up and won't adapt to the college entrance exam system there. They want me to transfer back first, so I can get into a good high school there. I'll take the exam here again after high school!"
Su Zhiluo felt a pang of sadness and asked, "Is your grandma going back?"
“My aunt gave birth, and my grandma is going to go and help take care of her. I’m going back to stay with my grandpa. My grandma is going to help today.”
Su Zhiluo saw that she was holding a scallion pancake and said, "I'll cook later, come and eat."
"Are you coming back and not leaving again?" Mingming asked.
Su Zhiluo let her in, took the food out of the refrigerator, and made her claypot rice, a dish she learned to make in Guangzhou.
At the end of the month, Liu Chengxu School held a graduation ceremony. The graduation ceremony was not mandatory for everyone. Some students left the school for internships and asked their counselors to send their graduation certificates to them by express mail.
Liu Chengxu didn't want to participate, but Cha Baomei felt that this was an opportunity she couldn't miss, as the three of them might end up in different parts of the world.
Liu Chengxu hadn't told them that he hadn't contacted Su Zhiluo for two months.
They put on their graduation gowns and went to the ceremony, with Cha Baomei grabbing her camera to grab a good spot.
After the graduation ceremony, the graduates went to the gymnasium, where school leaders conferred degrees and tassels to each graduate.
Liu Chengxu turned around and saw Su Zhiluo.
At that moment, her heart was pounding.
She had told Su Zhiluo a long time ago that she wanted Cha Baomei and Meng Zhenyue to help her grab tickets for friends and family, and she also hinted that Su Zhiluo should come and watch.
The leaves on both sides swayed gently, and a tender breeze carried the refreshing fragrance of flowers. Liu Chengxu couldn't help but be moved by her, and his feet involuntarily moved toward her.
She suppressed her emotions and asked, "Are you looking at the house, or are you coming back to see me?"
The simplest answer is "come see her," which is the easiest question to answer.
Su Zhiluo answered truthfully, "Regarding the house, the landlord said..."
Liu Chengxu was completely devastated by the contrast, and she said, "Can't it all be for me?"
She had actually seen the listed price of the house, and it wasn't at all as reasonable as Su Zhiluo had described.
She took a deep breath, constantly reminding herself that she should be content and not be so greedy, but she just couldn't help herself.
"Okay, I understand. I know what I am. I am my sister's keepsake. But I am very different from other keepsakes, right? Unlike those inanimate objects, which you can keep in your pocket and not want to throw away, set as your screensaver, or take with you wherever you go, you can ignore me, a living person."
"That's enough." Su Zhiluo's eyes reddened. She said, "Can't I come to see you? Don't I want you to be happy and witness your most important moment? I do want to buy that house. Did I say I wouldn't buy a new house in the future?"
What about love?
Liu Chengxu wiped away his tears. "Su Zhiluo, I said I love you, the kind of love you have for me. Can you give me a share of that love? Let's have a new love together!"
Liu Chengxu knew better than anyone that he had no right to stop Su Zhiluo. Su Zhiluo earned the money herself, and she was raised by Su Zhiluo. Su Zhiluo had the right to control and use the money.
But she was unwilling to accept it; she was unwilling to be just her sister's younger sister, just an unwanted relic.
"Don't you know why I want a new house? Am I someone who can't endure hardship? It's because I feel you don't love me. I sensed it, that's why I want it."
Su Zhiluo couldn't answer her, and instinctively wanted to refute her, but she started to stammer, "I'm not..."
“Su Zhiluo, I know that no matter how hard I try, it will be the same.” Liu Chengxu was incoherent. “No matter how many years pass, when I get old… you still won’t love me very much.”
Su Zhiluo knew she couldn't say anything more, or it would only lead to mutual harm. She said, "I'm going back now."
She lowered her head and reached out to wipe away her tears.
When she looked up again, Liu Chengxu held her neck and pressed a kiss to it.
This kiss was completely different from before; it was no longer a careful savoring, but pure possession. She bit Su Zhiluo's lips with an invading force, as if trying to steal all her oxygen.
Su Zhiluo felt suffocated. She had never experienced such a rough kiss before; it was almost like a robbery and possession.
She pushed him away forcefully, glaring at Liu Chengxu.
Liu Chengxu bit her lip, afraid that Su Zhiluo would get so angry that she would abandon her completely.
She endured the pain and coaxed Su Zhiluo softly, "What are you afraid of? Do you think anyone will look at us and recognize that you are my sister-in-law? They will only think that we are some kind of unhappy couple."
People passed by, and many people looked at them. Su Zhilu felt ashamed and stepped back, turning her head and walking away. Liu Chengxu did not chase after her. She turned and walked towards the gymnasium.
Not long after, she looked back and saw Su Zhiluo walking back, wiping away her tears and holding a bouquet of flowers in her arms. The two of them kept a distance that was neither too close nor too far.
The sun was very bright that day, so bright that people couldn't open their eyes.
Liu Chengxu stood next to the principal, bowing slightly as the principal turned her tassel. At that moment, she was radiant and dazzling, receiving applause from the entire audience.
Su Zhiluo sat on the chair holding the flowers to watch the ceremony. It was too dazzling. Her fingers silently clenched the bouquet in her arms. She couldn't look directly at it, but she couldn't bear to turn her head away.
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[Crying uncontrollably][Crying uncontrollably][Crying uncontrollably] I'm sobbing, I just want to fuck him all at once! [Crying uncontrollably][Crying uncontrollably]
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