Chapter 67 I hope he has never cried like this before
Inside the bedchamber, the candlelight was dim.
The flickering flame on the table could not illuminate the dejection in Bai Lian's eyes.
The imperial decree to "make her empress" felt like a slap in the face, burning her cheek, while the life quietly growing inside her... Bai Lian didn't know how to describe this feeling.
She felt as if she were standing on a cliff, with the blood and tears of her father and brothers on one side, and her unborn child who depended entirely on her on the other.
This unexpected child, like a sudden burst of bright light, disrupted her original resolve.
Mechanically, she picked up a piece of clothing, silently folded it, then unfolded it again, until she crumpled it up and tossed it aside, just like her chaotic heart.
Where should she go? Should she return to the Bai family mansion, carrying the bloodline of the Jia royal family in her womb, to see the heartbroken eyes of her parents?
Should she remain in Phoenix Dance City and, before her brother's coffin is even laid to rest, don the phoenix crown that she obtained through the family tragedy?
She gripped the edge of the table, her head throbbing, and a strong feeling of nausea rose in her throat again.
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Meanwhile, inside the Imperial Study.
Jialuolinping stood alone in front of the huge window, lost in thought. The silver moon outside the window, like his current mood, exuded an indescribable loneliness.
Bai Moyuan's resolute figure in the imperial court was like a thorn, deeply embedded in his heart.
He couldn't understand why the highest honor he bestowed upon her had been met with a betrayal and alienation in return.
"Your Majesty," said De Shun, the old eunuch who had served him for many years, carefully offering a cup of ginseng tea and standing aside to observe his expression.
He hesitated for a moment before speaking, his voice carrying a sense of world-weariness, "Forgive this old servant for speaking out of turn... the Bai residence is currently... adorned with white banners."
Upon hearing this, Galorin turned to look at him.
De Shun continued, "To Bai Xiang, your decree of establishing an empress seems... less like a grace and more like..."
“What does it look like?” Galorin asked in a hoarse voice.
"It's like accusing them... of being ungrateful."
Using the joyous occasion of the imperial family to suppress the lamentations of the subjects… De Shun’s reminder was like a thunderbolt that cleaved through the fog in Jia Luolin’s mind.
He turned around abruptly, his face drained of color.
Yes, he was only thinking about how to keep Bai Lian and how to keep the Bai family firmly by his side, but he forgot that Bai Ziyuan's body was not cold yet!
His urgent, coercive declaration of establishing an empress, set against the backdrop of the Bai family's profound grief, appeared utterly selfish, cold-blooded, and even... cruel!
But he didn't want to humiliate them; he was just... just afraid.
He feared that Bai Moyuan's departure would take away a pillar of the court, and even more so that Bai Lian would disappear from his life along with her family. That sense of panic weighed on his heart, causing him to lose his usual composure and make the most foolish decision.
"I...I actually..." he murmured to himself, an unprecedented sense of regret overwhelming him like a tidal wave.
The night was as dark as ink, swallowing up the glazed tiles of the palace.
A figure in black, without any servants, hurriedly crossed the silent palace path and arrived outside the palace where Bai Lian was temporarily residing.
Galo Lin waved away the palace servants who wanted to report, and then pushed open the slightly ajar door herself.
Inside the hall, by candlelight, he saw Bai Lian placing a plain-colored dress into a chest.
This simple action was like a heavy hammer, striking Galorin's heart hard.
Is she really leaving?!
"Lian'er!" he cried out, his voice filled with a panic he himself was unaware of.
Bai Lian paused, but did not turn around; her back resembled a frozen stone statue.
He strode forward, attempting to explain, but his words were rapid and incoherent: "Lian'er, listen to me! My decision to become empress was not to force you, I just... just wanted to tell the world that the Bai family and the royal family are inseparable! I wanted to keep you, I..."
Upon hearing this, Bai Lian finally turned around slowly. There were no tears on her face, but she had an almost mocking coldness.
"So what?" she interrupted him, her voice as light as a feather, yet it struck Galo Lin's heart with the force of a thousand pounds: "To use a phoenix crown to show your imperial grace? To let me wear a wedding dress before my brother's memorial tablet, and joyfully thank the emperor for his great favor? Your Majesty, your grace..." She shook her head slightly, emphasizing each word, "is truly heart-wrenching."
"No!" Galo Lin cried out urgently, his eyes filled with pain. "I didn't mean it that way. I was just... I was just too anxious at the time..." But the more he tried to explain, the more he felt he was utterly unable to defend himself. "And the Southwest War, I never intended to harm Zi Yuan! My plan was..."
"But he still died!" Bai Lian's pent-up grief and anger erupted at this moment, tears streaming down her face. "He died in your 'grand scheme'! He died under your ingenious calculations! Now, my parents are in unbearable pain, and our Bai family is torn apart... Jia Luolin, tell me, just how far will the Bai family have to sacrifice for your 'grand scheme'?!"
Her questions were like the sharpest daggers, stabbing into Galorin's heart again and again.
He wanted to refute and defend himself, but found that all his words were pale and powerless in the face of the bloody reality.
But the more he tried to prove himself, the more hypocritical he appeared.
As Galo Lin watched the light in Bai Lian's eyes gradually fade, before he could even try to stop her, he sensed that Bai Lian was already keeping him at arm's length, like a stagnant pool of water, unwilling to give him any further response.
In this suffocating stalemate, both of them fell silent.
Perhaps due to the extreme emotional fluctuations, Bai Lian suddenly felt a violent wave of dizziness. Her vision went black, her body swayed uncontrollably, and she collapsed backward.
"Lian'er!"
Galo rushed forward and pulled her into a tight embrace with all her might.
At that moment, all imperial majesty and composure vanished. The force was so great that it felt as if the white lotus was about to be crushed into one's very bones.
As Galo Lin held Bai Lian in his arms, feeling the lightness of her body and the icy coldness of her hands, he panicked completely and roared towards the outside of the hall, "Summon the imperial physician! Summon the imperial physician at once!!"
Bai Lian struggled in his arms, but his arms were like iron hoops, holding her tightly, making it almost impossible for her to move.
Through the slightly cool dragon-patterned brocade he wore, she could clearly feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest, like a drumbeat, each beat striking her eardrums.
His slight trembling and the fear in his voice were not feigned. Bai Lian suddenly realized that he cared about her far more than his empire, his schemes, or anything else.
Her strength to struggle suddenly vanished.
The hall quickly quieted down. The imperial physician rushed over, about to take his pulse, but was deterred by Bai Lian's cold gaze. "Go down, I'm fine."
Once again, only the two of them remained, facing off against the lingering grief in the air.
Bai Lian slowly pushed away from Jia Luolin's embrace, turned her back to him, and stood there for a moment.
Then, in a calm tone without any fluctuation, she slowly said, "I'm fine. There's no need to trouble the imperial physician any further."
Galo Lin's words and actions shook her resolve. Bai Lian seemed to have exhausted all her strength, and with inner turmoil, she revealed the secret she had wanted to hide from him: "Not long ago, the imperial physician said... I am just pregnant."
Time seemed to freeze at that moment.
Galorin stood frozen in place, her expression instantly blank.
Shock, disbelief, ecstasy... He stared blankly at Bai Lian, wanting to hug her again, but afraid of hurting her, and was at a loss for what to do.
This child arrived at such an inopportune time, yet it was like a tender sprout unexpectedly emerging from boundless ruins, bearing the marks of blood and tears, but also carrying new hope.
Looking at her frail figure, all his imperial scheming and planning crumbled at that moment.
He staggered and almost collapsed to one knee.
This man, who always stood tall in front of his thousands of officials in the court, this emperor who commanded thousands of troops and pointed out the direction of the country, now gently pressed his forehead against her cold hand, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
There was no sound, only scalding tears, silently soaking her skirt.
Galorin had never cried like this before. He didn't know whether it was because he was saddened by the broken relationship between them or because he was overjoyed by this small and fragile hope that had quietly descended upon him in despair.
Bai Lian's cold heart softened almost imperceptibly as she was soaked in his tears.
She could sense his silent remorse and immense sorrow, as well as the helplessness between them.
For a long time, the only sound in the hall was the soft crackling of candle flames bursting open.
Bai Lian took a deep breath, ultimately unable to truly harden her heart. She didn't pull her hand away, but simply gazed at the flickering candlelight, her voice hoarse with weariness: "I want to go back to the Bai family mansion to be with my parents. My brother... is gone, and my parents need me."
"Regarding this child... I need some more time to think. In the meantime, please do not disturb our family's peace with any 'favors.' This is my only request right now." She lowered her head, looking at Galorin who was still kneeling on the ground, her tone carrying a calmness that came with the passage of time.
Galorin raised his head, his eyes red-rimmed and his face still bearing traces of tears. He stared at her intently, as if trying to etch her image into the depths of his soul.
After a short while, he nodded with difficulty, his voice hoarse and his tone solemn: "Okay, I will withdraw all unnecessary attention and give you... absolute peace and quiet." He knew that any inappropriate request at this moment would only push her further away. "But I only ask one thing of you: let Cuizhu occasionally... send me a message so I know you are safe." He said cautiously, with a hint of humble pleading.
Bai Lian closed her eyes, which could be considered tacit consent.
Galorin slowly stood up, gave her one last deep look, then turned and left the palace with somewhat unsteady steps.
That figure in black was no longer the emperor who looked down upon the world, but a husband who had lost his way and was at a loss, and a father who was filled with anxiety.
The palace doors closed gently, isolating Bai Lian from everything outside.
She remained standing there for a long time, until her legs were somewhat numb, before slowly sitting down. She then raised her hand and gently covered her still flat stomach, lost in thought.
There, something seemed to throb slightly, like a seed buried beneath the ice field quietly pushing open a crack.
She held back her scalding tears all night, and they quietly streamed down her face.
At that moment, she suddenly knew how to describe this feeling. Throughout her long life, amidst the inescapable twists of fate, she had always carried a heavy burden. But now, she was nurturing hope, which might become her new strength.
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