Chapter 49 I Can't Forget Her
"Move back a bit."
"so?"
"...Did you withdraw?"
"Didn't you notice?"
"I feel like you're still pressing down on my hair."
Jiang Shiyan chuckled sullenly, then tilted his body to the side, turning into a supine position, like a city wall slowly collapsing.
Squeezed against the wall, Xu Yuewei quickly straightened her blanket, covering herself with half of it and piling the other half into a low embankment, filling the gap between herself and the man.
In the pitch-black room, her vision was impaired, but all she could hear was his breathing and the rustling of fabric, and she could smell his deep winter scent on her skin from time to time.
That bastard Jiang Shiyan kidnapped her beloved current boyfriend, demanding a ransom of sleeping with him.
The moment that thing was discovered, Xu Yuewei inevitably curled her toes, but then she thought, without Xingyu, would she still be human? So she stiffened her neck and coughed lightly, saying, "What's wrong? Don't you use this kind of thing?"
Jiang Shiyan expressionlessly extended his right hand: "I usually use my hand."
"What...what's the difference..."
Then the person pressed the switch directly. The toy, which had just been charged, was in full power, and the whole house started to shake. Xu Yuewei dove into the quilt, trying to cover her ears with a scream.
Jiang Shiyan laughed, as if adding harmony to this symphony, and finally shut it off: "Confiscate it."
Now that Xu Yuewei has agreed to let him sleep in her bed, it's not really to get the toy back, but the shameful vibrations have shattered that private threshold, forcing her to abandon her reserve.
Besides, the living room does get cold at night, so she thought it best not to mistreat someone who is recovering from a serious illness.
But the walls of the bedroom seemed to still echo with a shameful buzzing, making her mind wander. Under the camouflage of darkness, Xu Yuewei felt her ears suddenly burning uncontrollably, and she gripped the edge of the quilt even tighter.
However, after lying down, Jiang Shiyan turned over again, put his arm around her, closed his eyes and fell asleep, as if he had just been adjusting the distance.
He didn't open his eyes again, a slight upturn at the corner of his mouth hidden in the darkness.
As her breathing grew longer and longer, Xu Yuewei gradually fell asleep.
*
The following afternoon, Xu Yuewei's body temperature gradually returned to normal. After another day, she felt much better and was basically fine.
The first thing Xu Yuewei did after regaining her energy was to quickly feed the stray tabby cat.
She had tried two or three recipes following online tutorials. The one the kitten ate the cleanest was a recipe that involved mashing chicken breast and an egg yolk into a paste, steaming it, and then sprinkling it with milk powder.
But when she went downstairs with the plastic box to the usual spot, she saw two food bowls, one white and one yellow, on the dry, cracked, and sparsely vegetated ground. There were some food scraps left in the bowls, and half a bowl of water, but no sign of the cat.
Xu Yuewei walked over, poured her cat food into the yellow bowl, and turned to instruct Jiang Shiyan: "Help me throw this away."
Jiang Shiyan took the black plastic bowl: "Not keeping it?"
This is a takeout box she specially kept to feed the cat, and she specifically told him not to throw it away.
"Hmm, it seems the kitten has someone to take care of it."
"Didn't you want to keep it? Let's snatch it home before it gets caught."
Xu Yuewei shook her head: "I will go back to Wuqiao sooner or later. It can stay with a more stable family, so I won't force it."
Jiang Shiyan's gaze, which had been fixed on her, froze for a moment: "What did you say?"
“…I don’t want a long-distance relationship,” she said softly, glancing to one side. “What’s the big deal?”
Without looking at him, she turned up the hood of her coat and jogged towards the stairwell. Her heavy snow boots made her stumble, and the hood quickly fell to the back. Jiang Shiyan appeared beside her as if he had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, grabbing her hand without a word. She shook him off, but he came back to her.
"My hands are dirty, don't you mind?"
"I'm not clean either."
His fingertips also got some oil from the cat food.
If only one of them had oil on their hands, it would just feel slippery. But the coincidence was that neither of them was clean, so they held hands carefully and firmly.
As the elevator ascended, Xu Yuewei asked somewhat forlornly:
"Tell me, how is Mibao now? Is she still alive?"
"It's so fierce, no cat should be able to bully it." Jiang Shiyan's thoughts also jumped back to the past, and the place on his arm where it had scratched him seemed to itch slightly. "I hope the humans it met later were not bad."
Upon reaching the eighth floor, Xu Yuewei used her free hand to retrieve her keys and open the door, while Kapibala swayed and wobbled below as the keys spun around.
After opening the door, Jiang Shiyan's gaze remained fixed on the keychain, his tone carrying a hint of regret for her taste: "You like this cartoon animal image?"
"Ah, this..." Xu Yuewei hung it on the wall, "This is a derivative product of an anime, I got it from a blind box. Actually, it's a Kapibal figurine of a character, didn't you see it has a human face on it?"
"You like collecting blind boxes?"
"No, I just thought it was quite useful, so I bought it."
"You don't usually buy those ordinary decorative blind boxes?"
He suddenly started questioning her about everything, big and small. Xu Yuewei found it strange. When she was changing her shoes, she looked down and saw the ginger-yellow snow boots. She finally remembered that she had seen an orange-packaged blind box in his lounge.
"So you like collecting blind boxes? I saw one on your bookshelf," she asked. "Speaking of which, you seemed to really treasure it back then."
Jiang Shiyan turned his eyes away: "Because it was a gift for you."
She turned sharply to look at him and saw her own stunned reflection in his clear eyes:
"What did you say?"
"Didn't hear you? Never mind then."
The person who tried to gain her sympathy by using a crying puppy emoji a few days ago has suddenly revealed his cynical nature.
Xu Yuewei had just changed into slippers on one foot, and the difference in height between her two feet caused her to lean slightly to one side. The man's words and the force of his fingertips combined to press heavily down on her.
How annoying.
So she didn't indulge him, and gestured with her chin toward the sofa: "Then pack your things and start sleeping there tonight!"
She pretended to be angry, continuing to take off her shoes and coat as she spoke, but the man hugged her from behind.
His hands moved up and down, crossing his waist and slightly below his chest. Xu Yuewei shuddered and instinctively bent her legs to kick him.
Jiang Shiyan acted shamelessly, saying no, but still wouldn't let go with his hands, almost turning her around. He narrowed his eyes as if to kiss her, but Xu Yuewei tilted her head and dodged.
Jiang Shiyan leaned against her shoulder and buried his face in her cool down jacket.
Xu Yuewei shrugged his shoulder and nudged him, saying, "Explain yourself clearly."
"...I'm sorry." He bowed, then after a moment tilted his head to reveal half his face, and said lightly.
I'm sorry to admit that even though I know you don't love me anymore, I still love you.
Xu Yuewei's heart started pounding, and a tingling sensation ran through her lower abdomen, as if several penguins' soft webbed feet were stepping on her belly at the same time.
In a flash, she remembered the sticky note on top of the blind box packaging, with the word "Do Not" peeking out from the corner of the paper. She didn't understand it at the time and didn't think about it much.
The last character might not be "勿" (wù), but rather "物" (wù), the "物" in "gift".
The preceding words might be...
As her thoughts stirred, Jiang Shiyan leaned close to her ear and slowly unveiled a foreshadowing that had been buried for many years:
"That's a birthday present for you."
Xu Yuewei's eyes were red. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him slowly straighten up. Her shoulders were free again, but she felt a sense of loss. It turned out that she wanted his weight to fall on her; she needed his presence.
But she was also embarrassed, so she quickly flapped her eyelids:
"It's that simple?"
Jiang Shiyan rolled his eyes upwards and recalled for a moment:
"You must have been twenty-two years old then. That was the year blind boxes started to become popular, and they were quite novel. I think you would probably enjoy playing with them."
What he didn't say was that his love in those years was wrapped in a shell of hatred; he couldn't forget her birthday, but he couldn't truly commemorate it.
He clicked on the screen on a whim after seeing a couple buy one from a self-service machine.
After taking it in his hand, he gave a self-deprecating smile, not understanding what he was doing. So he didn't take it home. Since the studio had just rented that villa, he put it in that room and left it unused.
To prevent anyone from taking it down, he put up a note that read: "Don't take it down, this is a birthday present that I can't give away."
Did he ever dream of such a day? He actually told her about it so calmly.
Jiang Shiyan's gaze fell on Xu Yuewei's face, which was trying hard to maintain her composure: "Your snot is almost running down your face."
One sentence broke Xu Yuewei's composure. She reached out and pulled open his coat, burying her face in his broad, warm chest.
Jiang Shiyan gently stroked the hair at the back of her head. She had used a floral-scented shampoo, which smelled wonderful and made her hair smooth. The scent permeated her heart, as if she were standing in a field of roses.
"Every year after that, there will be a gift for you to open."
He rested his chin on her head.
"Does the Fog Bridge hold any hope for you? If you want to go back, it must be from your own heart. Don't force yourself because of others... not even me."
*
For the next few days, their lives were uneventful, and they gradually shifted from preparing their own meals to relying on takeout. However, they didn't run into that suspicious deliveryman again, and Jiang Shiyan had also scraped off the small advertisements at the door.
The colder the weather, the less people want to go out; they prefer to watch movies or play games by projecting their phones onto their screens.
The two of them share a key, and most of the time they go out together. However, when Jiang Shiyan goes out alone, Xu Yuewei lets him go. When Xu Yuewei goes out alone, Jiang Shiyan will definitely follow, walking in the cold and solemn streets, their shadows overlapping.
The city quiets down in winter.
Life is the same.
But there was one thing that couldn't be hidden from him at all.
Xu Yuewei had long been used to covering the tattoo on her wrist with tape when she went out, but she didn't do it at home. Even though she wore long sleeves and long coats in winter, it would still show at times.
For example, rolling up your sleeves when washing dishes, rolling up your sleeves when playing games, or having someone bring your towel to the door after taking a shower so you can reach for it.
But in these moments, Jiang Shiyan merely glanced at them indifferently and said nothing.
Xu Yuewei was unsure whether she should put her sleeves down again.
Until one night, before going to sleep, Jiang Shiyan went to turn off the lights. After darkness fell, Xu Yuewei heard him get into bed with her eyes closed, and her body no longer stiffened subconsciously.
A few seconds later, she felt a warm sensation on her wrist and immediately opened her eyes, fully waking up.
"Does it hurt here?"
Jiang Shiyan gently stroked that spot; it was naturally impossible to see clearly in the darkness, but he found the exact location.
He asked, and Xu Yuewei felt relieved, recalling the sting of the tattoo needle on her skin:
"It's alright. I knew before I got the tattoo that the inside of my wrist would be more painful, so it's not too bad."
Jiang Shiyan was silent for a few seconds: "No, I mean..."
"Did you think I cut my wrists?" She leaned in and rubbed her forehead against his hand. "I fooled you."
Then she said, "It's my mother."
In the darkness, Xu Yuewei's eyes were slightly dazed.
“After that incident, my dad came to confront me, and they had a huge argument, but my mom actually defended me… She was the one who said the phrase ‘mad dog bites’.”
"But then she locked me in the house. It was summer vacation, so I didn't have to go to school, and my phone was confiscated, so I couldn't contact you. I secretly wrote a note asking for help and threw it out the window, but she found it before anyone else could."
“She was very angry. She slapped me, grabbed my hair and cursed at me. Then she grabbed her own hair and cried. I couldn’t do anything or say anything. I just stood there. Later, she sent me to a mental hospital.”
The pressure on her wrist loosened carefully, and in the darkness, she sensed his helplessness and instead comforted him by hugging him.
They lay side by side on the pillow, bridging the height difference they had when standing, and Xu Yuewei unintentionally touched his hair.
His hair was neither too soft nor too hard, and it tickled her palm. She couldn't help but move her hand upwards and ruffle the top of his head.
He used to always shake her hand off; it was as important as a tiger's backside.
But Jiang Shiyan was motionless, his eyes darker than the night, suppressing his breathing.
Xu Yuewei touched him a few times, then leaned in and pressed her nose against his.
“I didn’t stay long, about a week, before my dad came to rescue me. He told me that my mom had committed suicide, but thankfully she still had the will to survive and called 120 herself.”
She spoke slowly, her voice growing softer and softer, as if she were about to fall asleep, yet becoming increasingly awake. The snow-white ceiling in her memory merged with the dark room at this moment, painting her in a hazy gray.
Jiang Shiyan tensed up completely.
“I think it’s all my fault, so I got this tattoo. I guess we’re destined to be intertwined for life.”
Jiang Shiyan then spoke up, “...No.”
It's not your fault.
"But it's not your fault either."
Xu Yuewei smiled and said, "Don't be sad, it's all in the past."
Jiang Shiyan's arm passed under her and met his other hand, embracing her tightly.
It's so hot.
“Anyway, I always felt I had to take responsibility for this, so I thought I should just die once, then I'd be even with everyone. But I'm a coward, so I got this symbolic tattoo.” She asked softly, “It’s stupid, isn’t it?”
Jiang Shiyan also said softly, "Yeah, it's stupid."
Time flows silently.
If it weren't for the fact that his chest was still rising and falling with his breathing, Xu Yuewei would have thought he was asleep.
Just as she was about to lose her eyelids, she heard a gust of wind blow past her ear.
"Luckily, you're a coward."
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Author's Note: The main text will end in the next chapter.
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