Chapter 47 She Wants 100% Love
The living room windows were only covered by a thin curtain. At this moment, the fireworks in the sky, which were flashing in the sky, pierced through the thin curtain and landed on the man and woman next to the sofa. Their colors were filtered out and became very pale.
But it does exist, proving that this is a unique moment in time, and once missed, it will never come again.
Jiang Shiyan suddenly raised his left hand to hold the back of her head. The down jacket covering her body slipped off with the movement of his arm. His right hand was bent to support his body. The posture was a bit comical, but he caught the moment.
Both hills sank in, but Xu Yuewei's hill was completely turned into a valley. Her mask folded back inward, and she felt as if she had been stung.
Are you trying to get rid of me again?
Jiang Shiyan spoke at this moment, his voice so low it could hardly be lower, carrying a hint of post-awake languor, but his gaze fixed on her was filled with tension.
His breath passed through the fabric, warm and making her skin tingle.
Xu Yuewei said, "No, I'm afraid you'll catch a cold."
She answered through two layers of soft yet stiff fabric, as if responding to his kiss.
Thinking this, her cheeks suddenly flushed red, and she couldn't help but hope that the fireworks would be set off again so that she could hide in their vibrant light.
After a moment of stalemate, Xu Yuewei lowered her eyelids, her eyelashes trembling uncontrollably.
"Jiang Shiyan, do you think I'm very selfish?"
Jiang Shiyan released her without saying a word; he listened silently, just as he had yesterday.
"I think I shouldn't have come looking for you again, I..."
A wave of immense sorrow washed over her, and she closed her eyes.
"Do you remember when you asked me if I had ever loved anyone else? At that time, I thought to myself, I don't really know how to love others. I can't even say I love myself."
"I came to you tonight just to seek refuge, but I'm sorry to say that in the end, I was the one using you."
I saw your guilt, so I took advantage of it and acted recklessly.
I didn't want things to turn out this way. How did we end up like this?
Her eyes welled up with tears, and she blinked frantically, feeling as if the eyeliner gel that hadn't been completely removed had seeped into her eyes, making her eyes incredibly sore.
Jiang Shiyan got off the sofa and sat down on the carpet next to her, legs spread apart:
"So, did I provide you with shelter?"
She was taken aback. He then said, "This has nothing to do with whether a thief comes or not. Is there one, or not?"
He grabbed her forearm and forced her to turn around and face him.
In your heart, am I the 'safe' or the 'dangerous' one?
"...It's safe."
Jiang Shiyan smiled and let go of his hand: "Alright, that's enough. It wasn't a wasted trip."
Xu Yuewei didn't know if this trip referred to visiting her home that night or coming to Guangyang.
Suddenly, the word "trip" made her heart clench; it felt like a farewell, as if it were saying, "You always have to come back."
There was no other reason for them to meet again.
His mouth and nose were exposed to the air. He looked up in surprise and tried to wrest the mask from her, but she wouldn't let him put it back properly and even took off her own.
"Now, you are in 'danger'."
Jiang Shiyan's hand, which was vying for the item, stopped.
"Let's not wear masks anymore. If I get infected by you tomorrow, I'll just have to accept my fate."
Despite it being a gamble that was clearly disadvantageous to her, Xu Yuewei inexplicably smiled.
Jiang Shiyan retorted, "What fate are you accepting?"
"I don't know," she replied. "It's up to fate."
"Okay." He obediently took the mask straps off his ears, picked up his down jacket, and lay down on the sofa. "Go to sleep, I'll stay here and keep watch."
Xu Yuewei was a little confused.
God knows how much courage it took for her to pull down her mask just now, as if a second personality seized the opportunity when her rationality failed her and did this for her.
Isn't this exactly what he wanted? Shouldn't he have kept her talking from late at night until dawn to increase his chances of winning? Was it because he really didn't want to infect her, or did her sudden change of attitude yesterday and today deter him?
Xu Yuewei stretched out her index finger and poked the man's lower back through his down jacket.
Jiang Shiyan suddenly rolled over, turning from facing inwards to lying flat. The thin blanket on the sofa rubbed against him, wrinkling into a small waterfall.
"It's New Year's Eve, and I don't want to sleep. Let's chat."
Xu Yuewei hugged her legs, rested her chin on her knees, and stepped on her newly bought wool carpet, where she could still smell the lingering formaldehyde odor.
There are still viruses floating in the air. Her daytime personality would never put herself in such an unsafe environment, but the night always tempts people to go astray.
"Since you've listened to the recording, I have nothing to hide from you anymore. Ask me anything you want to ask."
The down jacket rustled as Jiang Shiyan propped himself up on the sofa, his bangs disheveled and his eyes brimming with a chaotic emotion.
But the tide rises and falls again. He grabbed his hair with one hand, lowered his head, rolled his eyes and stared at her: "...If only I could always be by your side."
He was bent over, and Xu Yuewei could reach out and touch the top of his head. She really wanted to stroke it, but she didn't.
She shook her head: "Don't talk about such hypotheticals."
"...Before, I was 'dangerous' to you, wasn't I?" Jiang Shiyan slid off the sofa to sit next to her. "That's why you kept our relationship a secret from your family."
Xu Yuewei sat next to him and nodded: "It's a pity we still couldn't hide it."
During the summer vacation of her sophomore year, her cousin Qi Shuyan was about to enter her senior year of high school and also wanted to apply to Wuda University. She wanted to ask her to tutor her for free.
Xu Yuewei didn't have time, and even if she did, she was too lazy to waste it on such things. Fortunately, one of her roommates worked part-time as a tutor at an institution, so she connected the two of them and established a one-on-one tutoring relationship at a friend's price lower than the market rate.
As a result, Qi Shuyan forgot that by adding her roommate as a friend, she would be able to see the comments her roommate made on her WeChat Moments.
For example, under a tourist photo she posted of herself making a peace sign at the entrance of a scenic spot, her roommate commented: "[This was obviously taken by a straight guy. Did she ditch her girlfriends again to go out with a guy? (Disdain)]"
Xu Yuewei replied with a playful emoji of sticking out her tongue.
She also posted a photo of the moonlit night, to which her roommate commented: "While the entire 517 room is currently engaged in a battle of wits with cockroaches, you traitor who prioritizes romance over friendship and stays out all night (goodbye)."
These clues reached Ye Wanzhi's ears at lightning speed after Qi Shuyan clicked into her WeChat Moments.
If she had just had a boyfriend, there might still be room for maneuver, but living together off-campus was a death sentence for her.
“My parents are very angry. They think they’ve ruined me.” Xu Yuewei relaxed her body and slid down, resting her neck on the edge of the sofa. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back. “It’s funny, isn’t it? Two divorced people have united against each other because of me.”
Jiang Shiyan wanted to ask what happened next, but he couldn't bear to listen. He clenched his fists and remained silent, his empty gaze fixed on a flawed long hair on the carpet.
“But they were angry about different things. My mom was angry because… she got pregnant with me while she was in college. As for my dad, I only realized then how traditional and patriarchal he was. He thought I…”
The back of her hand, which was resting on her lap, was suddenly covered by warmth. Xu Yuewei didn't open her eyes, but felt his hand stiffly rubbing her.
"I understand." You don't need to say it.
“They wanted to put me on the ‘right track.’ I agreed.”
She felt the pressure on the back of her hand press down further, and curled her index finger at him: "I'm sorry, I thought this was a safe bet. I wanted to reassure them first, to make them believe that we had broken up, and that there would be room for maneuver later."
“…This isn’t called consent.” Jiang Shiyan pressed down on her restless index finger. The combination of his cool and warm body temperatures created a burning sensation. He corrected her, “This is called obedience.”
Xu Yuewei straightened her neck and turned to him: "Do you know that you are questioning the Chinese teacher's choice of words?"
Jiang Shiyan raised an eyebrow: "You, the Chinese teacher?"
She nodded: "I was unhappy with my first job after graduating from university. While working, I took all the certification exams I could get. Later, I happened to see a job posting for a newly built private primary school, so I gave it a try. At that time, the job market wasn't too competitive, and I'm also grateful for the reputation of Wuda University. I was lucky enough to get in."
"What's your name?" Jiang Shiyan took out his phone.
"Chinese-Italian bilingual".
Xu Yuewei turned her head to look at the screen together, her soft hair brushing against the man's earlobe. She seemed not to notice, but Jiang Shiyan paused with his thumb: "Which two words?"
The search results show that the subway goes directly from here.
Jiang Shiyan said, "Let's go here."
Under Xu Yuewei's puzzled gaze, he pointed to the door: "Since you don't want to sleep, are you really planning to wait for 'danger' to come knocking on your door tonight? Your luck on New Year's Eve will affect the whole year."
"But it's safe inside the house."
"Isn't it me who's safe?" Jiang Shiyan stood up and put on his down jacket. "Now that I'm about to leave, do you want to stay, or come with me?"
*
A few minutes later, Xu Yuewei turned the key to lock the door. Jiang Shiyan turned on his flashlight and shone it on the wall. Under the beam of light, a locksmith's advertisement was pasted next to the Spring Festival couplets. It really looked like a thief lying in wait, deliberately stealing the festive atmosphere.
He tried to pick at the edges, but his nails were too short and he failed. He then turned his other wrist to illuminate her hand: "Don't you have long nails? Why don't you try?"
Xu Yuewei put away the keys and curled her five fingers into her palm: "I just got a haircut too."
"Don't you always hold back a little when you play the piano?"
It was late at night. Not everyone stays up all night on New Year's Day, so they didn't turn on the hallway lights and spoke in hushed tones, like two little animals whispering to each other.
Xu Yuewei zipped her down jacket all the way up, burying her lips in the collar: "The zither hasn't arrived yet, so I'll cut it up first."
Jiang Shiyan glanced at her, said nothing, and turned off the flashlight.
Having just caught up on their sleep, they weren't too tired. They changed into ordinary blue masks and blended into the carriage, which wasn't too crowded or too empty.
As Xu Yuewei swayed slightly from the inertia of the car stopping and regained her balance, she felt her soul slightly intoxicated when she saw the station name after the car doors opened.
Jiang Shiyan pulled her out of the car and led her away without checking the navigation, even though this stop was clearly her territory.
"Hey, do you know how to get there?"
Jiang Shiyan didn't say anything until they passed through the ticket gates. At the fork between AD and BC, he pointed to the BC side and asked, "Is this Exit B? I saw on the navigation that it's Exit B."
"right."
There weren't many tourist attractions near this station, and the New Year's Eve crowds hadn't spread here yet. They arrived at the fork in the road between B and C without any hindrance. Jiang Shiyan suddenly pointed to the C side and said, "I've walked this road before."
Xu Yuewei suddenly looked up at him.
Jiang Shiyan mimicked her expression, widening his eyes: "So surprised?"
"You...came to see me?"
"We still need to catch the last subway back, so let's not waste time talking nonsense."
"No, you knew I was in Guangyang all along?"
He nodded with a hint of pride: "I came across your video account, how could I not recognize your hand? And then... thanks to the social media IP display."
Xu Yuewei stood there blankly, while Jiang Shiyan, adhering to the principle of not wasting time, grabbed her and headed towards the exit.
"...Did you go to Jinlian Park?"
Near Exit C, this was the only park she could think of that was worth visiting.
Jiang Shiyan walked ahead, nodding vigorously so she could see him.
It was also winter. He traveled through the subway lines in Guangyang, visiting the stations that were mentioned in the travel guides, but he didn't explore them in detail. He would just glance at them and move on to the next station, which was even more perfunctory than checking off a list.
He hadn't originally planned to get off at this station, but the previous station was a major one, and the carriages were packed with so many people that he felt like a fish in a can. He was feeling unwell due to lack of oxygen, so he got off without a plan and randomly picked a place to go from the signs.
Unexpectedly, he was so close to her back then.
As the escalator slowly ascended, Jiang Shiyan suddenly turned around.
He thought, it's very close now.
They stood on the black escalator and ascended, while a cold wind rushed in from the exit, blowing down the cylindrical space. The darkness ahead and the sudden chill made his action resemble Orpheus turning his head.
So Xu Yuewei's words, "Look ahead," suddenly turned into, "Will you take me away?"
As the escalator reached the top, Jiang Shiyan stepped forward, his back to her, and said, "No way."
Once outside the station, the wind no longer blew in a concentrated manner, but instead enveloped her evenly. Xu Yuewei felt as if she had returned from hell to earth, and smiled easily: "Do you know what I mean?"
Jiang Shiyan simply replied, "I know."
After walking for about ten minutes, Xu Yuewei pointed to the Huayi Bilingual Primary School, which was surrounded by iron railings: "That's it."
She led him, starting from the first corner, acting as a tour guide along the wall, introducing the layout of the teaching building and which window her office was in.
She talked about how delicious the food in the cafeteria was, how the naughtiest kid in the class caused a bloody incident with a prank, how she hurriedly took the students to the hospital, and how useful the innovative teaching equipment, different from what they remembered, was.
As they reached another corner, Jiang Shiyan saw a bulletin board standing next to a railing: "What's that? Are there photos on it?"
"Ah... that's the Teachers' Profiles Wall."
Are you there?
"..."
"Then it exists."
He suddenly stepped onto the stone steps and climbed up, the railing height stopping him just below his chest.
"We can't get over it."
"It would be a problem if you could even get over it!" Xu Yuewei grabbed his coat. "Don't do anything reckless. There are 24-hour surveillance cameras on campus."
Jiang Shiyan jumped down and leaned against the railing with her, their backs to the wall of honor, which was also facing away from them.
Her past and present are separated by a clear line.
Xu Yuewei suddenly began to hum a song slowly.
"A hundred miles, A hundred miles..."
Jiang Shiyan recognized the song as "Five Hundred Miles." He listened quietly as she sang softly:
"I'm five hundred miles away from home.
Away from home, away from home..."
This song was originally intended to be a duet with alternating male and female vocals, but Jiang Shiyan took over the verses with his raspy voice:
"If you missed the train I'm on, you will know that I am gone, you can hear the whistle blow, a hundred miles"*
Is Guangyang a hundred miles from Wuqiao?
Jiang Shiyan was still humming the melody, the last notes melting into the winter night. He said, "Who cares?"
Xu Yuewei suddenly asked again, "When did you come to Guangyang?"
Jiang Shiyan fell silent instantly.
"It couldn't have been more than once, could it?"
At this point, remaining silent would practically be tantamount to acquiescence. Her heart pounded erratically in the quiet night. Turning to him, she asked rather solemnly:
"So, your appearance here now wasn't something we decided after we reunited; you are..."
Even after breaking up, you still can't let me go?
She hesitated to say the second half of her sentence.
Jiang Shiyan's eyes held a hint of resentment: "At this point, do you still want me to explain myself any more clearly?"
“…I need to be absolutely certain,” she said evasively.
I need 100% love, and not even a fraction of a second of hate.
Not even a little bit, I can't take any more.
Xu Yuewei lowered her head: "I'm sorry, my personality is terrible."
Jiang Shiyan sighed: "I'd rather you were a little selfish."
He turned to the side and cleared his throat: "I didn't answer all your questions at the subway station. When I said I wouldn't take you with me, I meant I guarantee you can leave anytime."
Xu Yuewei's brow twitched as she gazed at him.
"I found the sword by marking the boat, but the sword was stained with my blood and floated away again. I must be an idiot to repeat the same mistake."
"So, it's better to wander with Jian Liu."
In the early hours of the morning, a few bright lights illuminated the long night, but there were no streetlights on the street where they were. The brightest thing they could see was each other's glistening eyes.
Jiang Shiyan's face gradually blurred in her vision. Xu Yuewei raised her hand, but instead of wiping away her tears, she pointed to her mask: "But what can we do? I'm afraid you won't be able to infect me by dawn."
She kept bringing up the bet, but he said, "Being sick is very uncomfortable."
Xu Yuewei blinked, and tears still fell. Her vision cleared considerably after the tears were washed away.
"But I think only in this way can I have a reason to keep you in my house."
"You're the one who made me sick, so you have to take care of me."
Jiang Shiyan was stunned for a moment.
The next second, Xu Yuewei's mask was ripped off. The man used restrained force, but her nose and lips still felt a little painful as the strip of cloth rubbed against her.
Jiang Shiyan's mask also fell to the ground.
"You really don't learn your lesson. Have you forgotten that I was the mad dog back then?" His hand dug deep into her hair, his eyes fixed on her intently. "You deliberately provoked me, and you really do bite."
The mad dog protected its owner in its own way, and now, no one can kill them anymore.
When noses meet, the exhaled white breath bursts forth, creating a localized mist that, when gathered, can rain in one's heart, but ultimately dissipates and never returns.
Because they were both so nervous, they instinctively forgot to breathe while kissing.
-----------------------
Author's Note: *Lyrics translation (from NetEase Cloud Music):
If that train departs and I don't have time to see you...
That means I've already left alone in sorrow.
Listen to those steam whistles stretching for miles, a hundred miles...
The classic "Five Hundred Miles" seems quite fitting here.
Personally, I'd recommend rereading chapters 45 and 46 before reading this chapter. The previous version felt a bit off in terms of the male lead's character and emotional dynamics.
I know that update speed and word count are more important for online novels, but I'm sorry, I have an artistic temperament and a perfectionist streak. When I find something wrong, I want to fix it. The more I fix it, the more flaws I feel. I had a lot of internal struggle and did my best to fix it. I'm sorry that the rest period was longer than I expected.
And, we're entering the final stages now. Although this book hasn't achieved much, I won't give up on it. I've put in all my effort and sincerity, how could I possibly abandon it? So please don't worry about abandoning it, although updates will be a little slower TT.
I think I will write better and better, I will definitely write better and better.
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