Chapter 22 22.To be
Xie Kang turned around, and most of his face was bathed in a thin layer of red light. Zhuang Yongyuan stared at him blankly. It took him a while to react and said, "No need for that."
The light on Xie Kang's face turned from red to green. The car behind him honked its horn to urge them on. Before Zhuang Yongyuan could see Xie Kang's reaction, Xie Kang turned around and rode his bike onto the Yanjiang Bridge.
On the bridge, Xie Kang noticed one of his earphones had fallen out of his pocket. With both hands gripping the handlebars, it was too inconvenient to retrieve it. He'd downloaded new songs onto his MP3 player, which he'd brought with him to listen to with Zhuang Yongyuan, but he'd forgotten to take it out.
He saw Zhuang Yongyuan reach out and help him put his headphones back into his pocket. Beautiful hands, hands that had suffered so much from playing the piano, hands that were half-hidden by the long sleeves of his coat. He felt Zhuang Yongyuan's hands touch him through his clothes many times.
Xie Kang shuddered. Once they reached the other side of the bridge, the rain began to fall again, not heavily but annoyingly. The road to the outskirts of the city was in poor condition, with potholes everywhere. The rain splashed down their pants, staining them all.
He kept changing lanes, looking distracted, and I wondered if it was because of the rain. Everything was fine at the traffic light.
After arriving, Xie Kang parked his motorcycle by the roadside, got off, looked at Zhuang Yongyuan, then at himself, and said frustratedly and irritably, "I saw the weather forecast said it wouldn't rain today."
"It's okay, the rain isn't heavy." Zhuang Yongyuan looked around and muttered, "It's actually here."
Zhuang Yongyuan tugged at his trousers uncomfortably as he spoke. The damp fabric clung to his body, and the strong wind in the suburbs made him very cold and uncomfortable.
His actions were seen by Xie Kang. Xie Kang took out a tissue and squatted down to wipe the mud spots on Zhuang Yongyuan's pants.
Zhuang Yongyuan was startled and took two steps back. Xie Kang raised his head and said to him, "Let me wipe it for you."
His damp hair melted into the streetlight, like a ball of warm black mist.
"I, I can do it myself." Zhuang Yongyuan took the paper from his hand and squatted down. Xie Kang no longer insisted and just wiped his pants and shoes.
They wiped for a long time, but Xie Kang said little, clearly unhappy. Zhuang Yongyuan mustered up the courage to touch his arm and said, "I'm so hungry, let's go eat some big intestine cake."
"Yeah." Xie Kang crumpled the dirty tissue into a ball and threw it into a pile of garbage as he passed by.
They walked in silence for a while longer, Zhuang Yongyuan thinking over what he had just said, trying to figure out which sentence had angered Xie Kang. After the rain, the atmosphere between them became strange.
Was it because I wasn't very supportive and was timid when Xie Kang offered to give me a ride on his motorcycle? Or was it because I was very resistant when Xie Kang wiped my wet pants, making Xie Kang feel that I was difficult to please?
Or is it that I just can't be happy with someone like me? I've never been likable.
Xie Kang has a lot of friends, and many people want to be his friends. If he gets tired of playing with himself, he can just find a new friend.
Zhuang Yongyuan lowered his head. He should have thought of it earlier.
"We're here." Xie Kang finally took the initiative to speak.
They were standing at the door of an inconspicuous snack bar. The sign of the shop was still a tire advertisement. There was only a sign at the door with faded red letters saying "Large Intestine Cake, Rice Blood, Green Bean Cooler". There was a layer of fog on the glass door.
Zhuang Yongyuan didn't have the courage to eat at the same table with Xie Kang again, but since he was already there, he still gritted his teeth and went in with Xie Kang.
As soon as Xie Kang opened the door, a warm steam carrying the unique smell of large intestine wafted out.
There were six tables crowded together in the small store, all occupied. Xie Kang went to a table with only two people sitting there, negotiated with the people there about sharing a seat, then waved for Zhuang Yongyuan to come over. After Zhuang Yongyuan sat down, he ran to order food.
Zhuang Yongyuan didn't ask him what he ordered. There were only three dishes written on the sign at the door that could be ordered in this restaurant. Based on Xie Kang's personality, he would definitely order them all.
Zhuang Yongyuan looked up and around the store. There were dim light strips, fortune cats, perpetual calendars, shrines shrouded in dark red light, and the screen of the small wall-mounted TV seemed to always be covered with a layer of oil stains... Several years had passed, and this place was still the same as before.
Xie Kang took out a pair of disposable chopsticks, broke them apart and sharpened them a few times, scraped off the burrs on them, and then handed them to Zhuang Yongyuan.
Zhuang Yongyuan was stunned for a moment before taking the chopsticks.
Two bowls of large intestine cakes were served first. Xie Kang stirred the brown sticky paste in the bowl, still without saying a word, and took a long time to take a bite.
Zhuang Yongyuan couldn't stand the sticky atmosphere and put down his chopsticks and wanted to leave. Xie Kang suddenly said, "I can't even do such a small thing."
"What little thing?"
"I brought you here to eat big intestine cake, but ended up getting you caught in the rain."
This was the only reason Xie Kang could find for his unhappiness.
Zhuang Yongyuan breathed a sigh of relief, then became nervous again and said, "It's okay, I like the rain."
"You're trying to comfort me, I know." Xie Kang touched his nose in annoyance. "You must not be used to this big intestine cake either. You won't eat a single bite."
Zhuang Yongyuan laughed and said, "How could I not be used to it?"
"What do you mean?" Xie Kang asked in confusion.
Zhuang Yongyuan looked at the food in the bowl and whispered, "I used to eat here often."
As he spoke, he immediately took a few bites and the taste was pretty much the same as he remembered.
Xie Kang asked him, "Have you been here before?"
"It happened when I was a kid."
"Then why didn't you tell me at first?"
"I forgot too." Zhuang Yongyuan shook his head and said, "My grandma often brought me here to eat when I was a child. It's been so long, I really forgot. I didn't mean to hide it from you."
"What a coincidence?"
"Yeah, what a coincidence."
Zhuang Yongyuan didn't tell Xie Kang that his grandmother used to scrape the burrs off his chopsticks, just like Xie Kang did. It was so long ago, so long ago, that when Xie Kang handed him the chopsticks, he remembered that he had lived this kind of life before. His grandmother was still alive, and his parents worked in the battery factory next door. He had never considered himself superfluous.
When the mung bean soup arrived, Zhuang Yongyuan added three spoonfuls of sugar. Xie Kang was so surprised by this that he asked, "You like sweet food so much?"
Zhuang Yongyuan smiled embarrassedly and stirred the mung bean soup to dissolve the sugar.
The sugar grains were coarse, so he didn't even eat the large intestine cake. He concentrated on dealing with the sugar grains that sank to the bottom of the bowl, stirring it mechanically over and over again.
Xie Kang suddenly pulled out a tissue and handed it to him, hesitatingly asking, "You, what's wrong with you?"
Zhuang Yongyuan took the tissue and said strangely, "I'm fine, right?"
Only after he finished speaking did he realize his nose was sore, and drops of warm water were sliding down his cheeks. He touched his eyes, they were so wet.
"You look like my grandma..." Zhuang Yongyuan said, feeling something was wrong. Wiping away tears, he explained, "No... but when I added sugar before, grandma looked at me like that too. She said I'd eat so much sugar that my teeth would rot."
Xie Kang laughed out loud, then panicked and said without thinking, "If you like sugar, add more. How about I order you another bowl?"
"I have a cousin who loves sweets too. She went to get a cavity filled last week. Do you have a cavity?"
"Oh, right, I went to the newsstand and subscribed to Contemporary Pop Music. The owner told me that only about a dozen people in Pingnan subscribed to it. Did Xu Zhen and Li Xiuyu also subscribe?"
He cursed himself in his heart after he finished speaking, saying all sorts of nonsense. He calmed down and thought carefully before speaking again: "If you miss your grandma, I'll go with you to see her after dinner. She should live nearby, right?"
Zhuang Yongyuan didn't react much to the previous words. After he finished speaking, he first looked up at Xie Kang, then covered his face with his hands and burst into tears.
He didn't want to lose his composure in front of Xie Kang, but he really couldn't control himself.
Xie Kang stared at Zhuang Yongyuan blankly, and the people sharing the table also looked at him frequently.
"Are you, are you okay?" After a while, he asked Zhuang Yongyuan hesitantly.
Zhuang Yongyuan calmed down a bit, took a few deep breaths, and said, "My grandma is gone."
"Then I'll accompany you to visit the graves."
This time, Zhuang Yongyuan looked at him with less sadness than before, and surprise prevailed.
Xie Kang regretted his words the moment he finished speaking. He didn't know why he kept blurting out such incoherent things in front of Zhuang Yongyuan. He had never done that before. Growing up, many relatives had praised him for his sensibility and eloquence, even specifically calling him up to speak at dinner parties. He even hosted several school parties.
Why does he always fail to do things properly in front of Zhuang Yongyuan?
Xie Kang's mind was in turmoil. He apologized repeatedly and lost interest in his meal. He felt regretful and asked Zhuang Yongyuan carefully, "How about we go for a walk together to relax?"
He prepared himself mentally to be rejected by Zhuang Yongyuan. Who would want to take a walk with someone who was so bad at speaking?
Unexpectedly, Zhuang Yongyuan hesitated for a moment and nodded.
It was still drizzling outside. Xie Kang wanted to buy an umbrella, but then he remembered that Zhuang Yongyuan said he liked rain. Would it ruin the mood if he held an umbrella?
Xie Kang, fearing he might say something wrong, remained silent. Zhuang Yongyuan also remained silent. They walked slowly and quietly along the road, occasionally accompanied by the rumbling of large trucks. The distance between them fluctuated.
"Zhuang Yongyuan?" someone suddenly called out from a distance.
Zhuang Yongyuan stopped and looked around in confusion, and saw Li Xiuyu standing at the entrance of the alley next to him, looking at him and Xie Kang with a smile.
Xie Kang thought that he was extremely unlucky today. Just before going home, he met Li Xiuyu so far away from the school.
Sure enough, when Li Xiuyu saw Xie Kang, he said maliciously, "Xie Kang, why are you walking on the street at night? Your parents will be angry if they know."
He deliberately emphasized the words "Mom and Dad".
Zhuang Yongyuan became nervous and asked Xie Kang, "Do you have anything to do tonight? Did I delay you?"
Xie Kang first comforted Zhuang Yongyuan, "No, don't listen to Li Xiuyu's nonsense." Then he turned to Li Xiuyu in a harsh tone, "Whether my parents are angry or not is none of your business. Why did you run all this way?"
Li Xiuyu shrugged and said, "I'm honest. If you asked me, I'd tell you I'm here for a date."
"Date? With whom?" Xie Kang pressed. "Aren't you alone?"
Li Xiuyu glanced into the alley and shouted, "Come out! You're all my classmates. Don't hide."
Zhuang Yongyuan and Xie Kang both peered into the alleyway curiously. A moment later, a thug-like figure emerged from the pitch-black alley. His hair was dyed light blond, and a dazzling string of rivets hung around his neck. A cigarette, smoke curling from its lips, clung to his face. He looked menacing, and a large tattoo could be vaguely seen on his arms and neck.
He threw the cigarette under his feet and stomped it out. He looked up and met Zhuang Yongyuan's curious eyes. He cursed, "Fuck, are you looking at Sanxiao? Aren't you going back to see your mother?"
Xie Kang took a step forward, placing himself between the thug and Zhuang Yongyuan, and cursed back angrily, "What do you mean? If you don't know how to speak, then don't speak."
Li Xiuyu was watching with great amusement from the side, and said to Xie Kang, "You've never cursed before, have you? How about I teach you?"
Xie Kang frowned: "Why are you hanging out with people like this?"
"Fuck, what kind of person am I?" The gangster was so angry that he wanted to pull Xie Kang's collar, but was stopped by Li Xiuyu, who also stroked his head like stroking a dog's fur.
The gesture was too intimate, and Xie Kang only then remembered that Li Xiuyu had just used the word "date." Li Xiuyu and the gangster's hair were both messy, and there were suspicious marks on their necks. Li Xiuyu's shirt, which was worn under his sweater, was unbuttoned.
He looked at Li Xiuyu in disbelief. Li Xiuyu, as if to provoke him, grabbed the gangster's hand affectionately, but the gangster shook it off in dissatisfaction.
Xie Kang hesitantly asked Li Xiuyu: "Did you get into some trouble?"
Li Xiuyu laughed sarcastically and said, "Xie Kang, stop playing dumb. I'm gay, I like men. Did I explain it clearly enough?"
He added, "Oh, but don't worry, I'm not interested in you."
Xie Kang's face flushed and his heart beat rapidly.
Li Xiuyu looked at Xie Kang with a teasing look and boldly kissed the punk on the face. Xie Kang took two steps back, thinking of the vase girl performance he had seen when he was traveling as a child.
He turned his head away, not wanting to look at the distorted and weird scene in front of him, but he also wanted to turn back and see clearly, to see the two boys holding hands, feeling uncomfortable and curious.
Although this road is located in the suburbs, people and cars pass by from time to time, and some passers-by have already looked back at Li Xiuyu.
The thug also seemed dissatisfied with Li Xiuyu's behavior and kept cursing. Li Xiuyu then went even further, lifting his chin and kissing him on the mouth. He glanced at Xie Kang several times while kissing him, and then said, "Du Jiahao, apologize to my friend."
He then introduced Zhuang Yongyuan, "This is the little thug I told you about before."
Du Jiahao sneered and asked Li Xiuyu, "Did you pick this up at school?"
"He and I are just friends." Zhuang Yongyuan explained quickly.
"Du Jiahao, apologize. Don't scold my friends." Li Xiuyu refused to give in.
"Fuck you, you care so much?"
"Apologize."
They repeated this conversation over and over again several times. Finally, Du Jiahao gave in first. Zhuang Yongyuan reluctantly said sorry and was forced to bow by Li Xiuyu.
He said to Li Xiuyu in a sarcastic tone, "I can't believe you like this innocent little boy."
"I'm not..." Zhuang Yongyuan wanted to explain again, but was interrupted by Xie Kang. Xie Kang said, "Zhuang Yongyuan is not gay, don't talk nonsense."
Zhuang Yongyuan was stunned. He glanced at Xie Kang, who looked very bad with his brows furrowed.
"I..." Zhuang Yongyuan hesitated to speak.
Xie Kang then said to Zhuang Yongyuan, "It's late. Let's go back quickly. It's not safe to travel at night."
As he spoke, his eyes were fixed on Zhuang Yongyuan. Zhuang Yongyuan felt uncomfortable being stared at. He had originally wanted to stay with Li Xiuyu for a while longer, but now it seemed impossible. He said reluctantly, "Okay, okay."
Xie Kang turned his head away again, not looking at Li Xiuyu and Du Jiahao, whose shoulders were pressed together. He also stood a little further away from Zhuang Yongyuan and said to Li Xiuyu, "I'll go first. I won't tell anyone."
"It's okay if you tell others," Li Xiuyu said nonchalantly. He then said to Zhuang Yongyuan, "Zhuang Yongyuan, I'll go to the music store tomorrow and bring some new albums."
"Okay, I'll go there after school." Zhuang Yongyuan glanced at Xie Kang. He didn't say he wanted to go together, but just hurriedly urged Zhuang Yongyuan to hurry up.
Zhuang Yongyuan had no choice but to say goodbye to Li Xiuyu in a hurry.
On the way back, there was a dead silence between them. Xie Kang walked Zhuang Yongyuan to the intersection of Kaiping Street. Zhuang Yongyuan jumped off the motorcycle and climbed a few steps. Instead of hearing the sound of the motorcycle starting, he heard Xie Kang calling his name.
His voice was a little hoarse than usual, and he said to Zhuang Yongyuan, "I just forgot to tell you, my birthday is next week at the Haiyuan Hotel. Are you coming?"
Seeing that Zhuang Yongyuan didn't answer immediately, he added, "Li Xiuyu will be here too."
Zhuang Yongyuan wanted to refuse, but somehow he nodded in agreement. After Xie Kang rode away on his motorcycle, Zhuang Yongyuan remembered that he was still wearing Xie Kang's coat.
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