Chapter 24 24. Quiet Alley, Confusion
Li Xiuyu paused the CD player, looked at Zhuang Yongyuan, who was sitting on the sofa with an electric guitar, and asked, "Shall we give it a try?"
Zhuang Yongyuan nodded, tightening the connector on the effects pedal. Xu Zhen counted down "three, two, one," then struck the drums in front of him. After two drum sections, Li Xiuyu's keyboards came in. They were practicing "Lonely Li" by Chong Chong Bai. A minute later, Zhuang Yongyuan joined in on electric guitar.
He'd only played a few notes when he misplayed a note, losing his composure and throwing off the rhythm for the rest of the song. After barely finishing the nearly two-minute piece, Zhuang Yongyuan put his guitar back on the stand and said, "Forget it."
Xu Zhen was puzzled: "It's just the first time, there's no need to be so demanding on yourself, right?"
Zhuang Yongyuan looked at his hands and said uninterestedly, "There's nothing to practice."
He opened the second-hand DVD player Xu Zhen had brought to the music store last week. Along with the DVD player came a large box of old discs, supposedly a replacement for a friend's move. Zhuang Yongyuan would come to the music store every day after school to watch movies.
He wasn't picky about movies; he'd watch anything. There was a long, empty shot on the screen, and Xu Zhen watched it for a while. Then, feeling sleepy, he looked around and saw the band poster on the wall that came with the magazine. He said, "You guys could actually form a band."
Zhuang Yongyuan was too lazy to speak. He knew that such a ridiculous proposal would be immediately rejected by Li Xiuyu. Xu Zhen could come up with more than a dozen fantastic and unrealistic ideas a day.
Unexpectedly, Li Xiuyu immediately agreed: "I think it's a good idea. What do you think, Zhuang Yongyuan? Let's form a band."
Zhuang Yongyuan glanced at him, then looked back at the TV and said, "You must be joking. There aren't even enough people here."
Seeing that Li Xiuyu was actually interested, Xu Zhen became even more excited and said, "How can it not be enough? I'll help you put it together now. You, Xiao Li, and then..." She looked at Du Jiahao, "Xiao Du can come too. Xiao Du's style is very suitable."
Du Jiahao was sitting in the corner reading Xu Zhen's comics. When she heard Xu Zhen calling her, she shuddered and looked up alertly: "What are you doing?"
Li Xiuyu asked him, "Can you sing?"
Du Jiahao folded the comic book in his hand, threw it to the ground, and said fiercely, "What do you think I am?"
Li Xiuyu looked innocent: "What are you thinking? Our band is short of someone. You can sing, so you can be the lead singer."
Du Jiahao turned his head away: "I don't want to. If people knew I was a street singer, how could I survive in Donghui?"
Li Xiuyu persuaded him kindly: "If our band becomes famous, you won't have to worry about hanging around anymore. You can make money without using any weapons."
Zhuang Yongyuan interrupted him: "You're exaggerating! We don't deserve to be famous."
"Even if you don't believe in yourself, you should believe in me. There's nothing I can't accomplish." Li Xiuyu whistled at Du Jiahao flirtatiously and said, "If you don't come, I'll go find Xiaolu. Xiaolu will definitely be willing."
Du Jiahao glared at him and said, "It's fine if you stole it behind my back, but if I find out, I'll send people to the school to stop you."
"Yeah, I want to play in a band with you too. It would be great if you could come."
Du Jiahao said with a cold face: "Anyway, I don't sing."
Zhuang Yongyuan couldn't help but ask him, "Is it because my singing is terrible that you mind so much?"
"What do you care? You little white face." Du Jiahao finished scolding, then looked at Zhuang Yongyuan suspiciously and said, "Are you and Li Xiuyu really just friends?"
Zhuang Yongyuan rolled his eyes: "I'm not you, who can't live without a man."
Du Jiahao didn't get angry when he heard this. He just laughed, his golden hair swaying proudly, and said, "That's because you haven't had good food."
Now it was Zhuang Yongyuan's turn to get angry. He had been in a bad mood recently, and Li Xiuyu always brought Du Jiahao to the music store to show off, which made him very annoyed.
Xu Zhen quickly tried to smooth things over, saying, "Xiao Zhuang should be the lead singer. He has the best voice. Xiao Du, you can play the drums. It's easier than hitting people. If you can hit people, you can definitely learn to play the drums."
Seeing Du Jiahao's noncommittal look, she said, "Then it's settled. Xiao Du will play the drums, and I'll give you this drum from the piano shop to practice on."
Seeing that she was speaking more and more seriously, Zhuang Yongyuan reminded her, "There are only three of us, or do you want to join us?"
Xu Zhen took a deep breath and said, "I'll just provide you with a venue and technical guidance. I haven't studied music for over twenty years just to form a band with three high school students, three gay men at that!"
Du Jiahao denied it, saying, "I'm not a high school student. I'm much more useful out here than in high school. I can eat and drink at any of the shops along Donghui Jiefang Road without paying a dime."
Zhuang Yongyuan also said: "I am not gay, I made a mistake before."
Xu Zhen ignored them and continued to search for candidates in his mind. He picked and chose among his piano students. This one is too stupid, and that straight guy is not a good match for him...
As she was thinking, she clapped her hands and said, "I forgot. You're looking for Xiao Xie, the student Xiaozhuang accepted this summer. Wasn't he here often a while ago? It's strange, I haven't seen him here recently."
She was bringing up something irrelevant. Li Xiuyu and Du Jiahao exchanged glances, unsure how to explain. Zhuang Yongyuan remained silent. After watching the movie for a while, he stood up and said, "I'm going home to do my homework."
After he finished speaking, he went out with his schoolbag on his back, but he saw the light coming from the house a few steps up in the distance, and he felt annoyed.
There was no place to go, so Zhuang Yongyuan simply walked towards the intersection and wanted to take a walk along the street.
As soon as he stepped down the last step, Zhuang Yongyuan ran into Xie Kang head-on. He pretended not to see Xie Kang and walked straight ahead. Even when Xie Kang called his name from behind, he did not stop.
Xie Kang simply ran up to him, stretched out his hand to stop him, and said, "I just went to your house to look for you, and your father said you were not at home."
He continued, "I greeted you at school this afternoon, why did you ignore me?"
"I didn't see you." Zhuang Yongyuan shrugged and tried to walk around Xie Kang and continue forward.
Xie Kang didn't let him go. He grabbed Zhuang Yongyuan's arm and stopped him from leaving. He said, "Why have you been so cold to me recently?"
Zhuang Yongyuan waved his hands: "We weren't familiar with each other, were we?"
Xie Kang persisted and said, "You weren't like this before."
"What's that like?"
"Aren't we happy when we hang out together? Aren't we friends?"
"Friend?" Zhuang Yongyuan laughed self-deprecatingly and said, "Go home soon."
"Give me an explanation and I'll leave."
"You have so many friends, and I'm one of them."
"I..." Xie Kang didn't know what to say. Zhuang Yongyuan left him and continued walking forward. He chased after him and said, "It's not my fault that I have so many friends. If I knew about you and Yan Xu, I wouldn't have invited him on my birthday."
"Don't mention Yan Xu!" Zhuang Yongyuan suddenly lost control of his emotions and almost yelled.
Xie Kang was startled and his voice became soft: "I don't want you to hate me because of him."
"I don't hate you." Zhuang Yongyuan shook his head. He heard his useless self-esteem breaking apart bit by bit and falling to the ground.
Any bystander would think that he is ungrateful. Someone like Xie Kang, who is good at everything, is willing to play with him, but he ignores him.
But he didn't have much in front of Xie Kang, just a guitar and a bit of self-respect, which he didn't want to lose. He also didn't want Xie Kang to become Yan Xu one day.
"If you don't hate me, why are you ignoring me?"
Under the street light, Xie Kang looked depressed and stubborn. Zhuang Yongyuan thought to himself that he might be like Li Xiuyu, who had never lost anything.
He had to say something to get rid of Xie Kang, but what could he say? How I didn't fit in at your birthday party, how your parents looked at me and how it still hurts, or how the look on your face when I confessed to you that I was gay, how much he wanted to forget it, yet how easily he remembered it?
He kept watching movies, filling all his free time, just to avoid thinking about Xie Kang's birthday, but it was no use. Sitting in the closet was no use, and playing the guitar was no use. The time it took for his fingers to shift from one string to another was enough for Zhuang Yongyuan to think of Xie Kang three times.
Zhuang Yongyuan didn't say anything, so Xie Kang kept waiting, and finally waited until he spoke.
"You know I'm at the piano store, right? Why don't you dare go find me there?"
"Because you knew Li Xiuyu and her boyfriend were inside, you felt..." Zhuang Yongyuan's lips trembled slightly: "You felt disgusted."
Xie Kang's expression from that day reappeared, one of shock and resistance. Li Xiuyu had told Zhuang Yongyuan that when he asked Xie Kang to go with him to find Zhuang Yongyuan, Xie Kang had run away. Zhuang Yongyuan couldn't understand why Xie Kang endured the nausea to continue looking for him. He briefly indulged in the most outrageous fantasy, but he knew early on that fantasy would only lead to greater loss.
Zhuang Yongyuan forced himself to continue, "But I'm that kind of person too. Sooner or later, you'll disgust me too. We can't be friends."
He finished speaking, but did not walk away. He looked at the straps hanging from Xie Kang's backpack fluttering in the wind, as if he was waiting for something.
Xie Kang said, "Can we not talk about this? It's not important."
“That’s the most important thing.”
Zhuang Yongyuan thought of the toffee, cola, and French fries dipped in ice cream again, and suddenly felt that these were all things that happened a long time ago and summer was over.
He suddenly felt very cold and sneezed immediately. Winter had been coming for so long and he was finally feeling cold.
But he still didn't leave, as if he was competing with Xie Kang. If the dead leaves of the mango trees on the roadside were not still floating down, Zhuang Yongyuan would have mistakenly thought that time had stopped.
Xie Kang lost the match and walked away. Zhuang Yongyuan watched his steps, which were no longer as brisk as usual, and wondered why he always became a stain in other people's lives.
Xie Kang suddenly ran back, took off his schoolbag, took off his coat and stuffed it into Zhuang Yongyuan's hands, saying as he took it off, "If you're afraid of the cold, put on more clothes."
He stuffed his clothes in and immediately ran off, his footsteps loud on the night street. Zhuang Yongyuan, clutching his coat, stood there for a long time before slowly walking forward, cars speeding past him one after another.
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