Chapter 36 36. Still Can't Help But Care What Others Think
When the clock on the classroom wall pointed to "4", Zhuang Yongyuan began to feel restless. The chair was hard and he didn't know where to put his hands and feet.
The clock continued to tick forward, and the shadows on the gray ground shifted. Zhuang Yongyuan felt like a string that was getting tighter and tighter, not knowing when it would break. He kept coughing nervously.
The bell rang for the end of get out of class. He looked out the window while packing his schoolbag, but Xie Kang was not waiting for him at his usual place.
Zhuang Yongyuan shouldered his bag. He hadn't taken the initiative to go upstairs to look for Xie Kang, and today he wasn't in the mood to go. He simply waited for Xie Kang in the hallway. He clutched the railing, his heart pounding like a drum, his stomach curling into a ball.
"Zhuang Yongyuan!"
Someone called him. It was Xie Kang's voice. Zhuang Yongyuan looked around but didn't see Xie Kang.
"Zhuang Yongyuan, I'm on top!"
Zhuang Yongyuan looked up and saw Xie Kang's arm stretched out from the railing, wagging at him. For no reason, he thought of the big yellow dog raised by Grandma Chen in the tailor shop on Kaiping Street, which would raise its tail and wag its tail when it saw people.
He laughed, and a gust of spring breeze blew by. The banyan leaves not far away rustled non-stop, and Xie Kang's drooping hair also fluttered with it.
"Wait for me!" After Xie Kang said that, he disappeared from upstairs and appeared at the stairs after a while.
As soon as he saw Xie Kang, Zhuang Yongyuan curled his lips and said, "I don't want to go."
Xie Kang's eyes widened in surprise and he asked him, "Why? Are you feeling unwell?"
Zhuang Yongyuan scratched his hair irritably: "I just don't want to go."
He nervously scratched the railing with his nails and said, "I don't want to perform in front of so many people."
"Don't we practice well?"
"Do I have to perform in front of others just because I practice well?" Zhuang Yongyuan said, feeling inexplicably aggrieved. "I only like playing the piano and singing, not performing in front of others. Is that not okay?"
"Sure, sure. Of course." Xie Kang agreed with him earnestly, and then asked, "Then let's go for a walk on Wuhe Road."
"Didn't you just go there a few days ago?"
"I want to drink winter melon green tea again."
"Now?"
"Yeah, don't you want to perform?"
"I..." Zhuang Yongyuan was a little surprised and asked Xie Kang, "We've been rehearsing for two months. Can you just not go?"
Xie Kang said nonchalantly, "What's the big deal? Xu Zhen won't blame you."
Zhuang Yongyuan said anxiously, "Even if Xu Zhen isn't angry, Li Xiuyu came back from Beijing specifically to rehearse with us, and Du Jiahao also said that he hasn't had time to beat anyone up lately because he's been practicing drums. If we don't perform, their time will be wasted."
"But you don't want to act."
The campus radio started to play in the evening. Xie Kang listened for a while and said disdainfully, "The people at the radio station today have poor taste."
Zhuang Yongyuan hesitated and said, "Actually, I..."
"What’s wrong with you?"
"It's not impossible..." Zhuang Yongyuan suddenly realized something as he was speaking. He slapped Xie Kang hard and said angrily, "I get it. You're just trying to provoke me."
"Not entirely." Xie Kang turned his head and looked at Zhuang Yongyuan seriously, saying inexplicably, "Did you know that eyes like yours are called peach blossom eyes? They say people like you are very fickle."
"Don't change the subject!"
"Will you fall in love with someone else too quickly?" Xie Kang muttered, "Okay, I'm a bit provocative, but I don't want you to feel wronged. If performing on stage is painful for you, then forget it."
"I don't know." Zhuang Yongyuan shook his head.
Xie Kang nudged him and said, "How about you and I perform together in front of the whole school at the New Year's Eve party?"
"That time was different," Zhuang Yongyuan said shyly, "I couldn't think about anything else that time."
"Oh, because you were thinking about me."
As the sky grew darker, Zhuang Yongyuan lowered his eyes and whispered, "I'm scared."
"What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid something might happen mid-performance. A string might break, I might not be able to hit a note, Du Jiahao might keep missing the beat, or Li Xiuyu might play too fast. The audience might not like us."
"It's just the opening performance of the bar, and we're not seeing any very professional people coming. Even if something went wrong, they wouldn't necessarily be able to hear it, right?"
Zhuang Yongyuan didn't say anything.
Xie Kang continued, "Besides, you sing so beautifully. It would be a shame if you only sang for a few of us."
"Don't comfort me."
"I'm not trying to comfort..."
Zhuang Yongyuan interrupted him, pushed him, and urged, "Okay, stop talking. Let's go quickly. We only have an hour."
Xie Kang was stunned for a moment, then laughed again, and followed Zhuang Yongyuan down the stairs with brisk steps. When he turned a corner and saw no one around, he secretly kissed Zhuang Yongyuan on the face. His face was very hot.
The Starlight Music Bar is located on Jianshe Avenue near Xinding City. Along the road are clubs, KTVs and restaurants. It is one of the few nightlife gathering places in Pingnan.
The bar owner, Yang Haining, is the same age as Xu Zhen. It is said that they met each other when they were learning piano from the same teacher in kindergarten. However, unlike Xu Zhen, he did not choose a professional path. He just became a music enthusiast who liked to collect films and audio equipment. During his college years, he started an audio equipment business.
This circle is not big, and she entered the industry early. Although she did not become rich overnight, she earned a lot of money. In addition, her family was already well-off. At the urging of her friends, she spent some money and opened this music bar in a prime location in Pingnan.
The bar needed a band to perform to support its opening. When Xu Zhen heard about it, he introduced Zhuang Yongyuan and the others to Yang Haining. Yang Haining was quite interested and arranged for them to perform at the busiest time between 8 and 9 o'clock.
The bar has provided all the equipment and musical instruments needed for the performance. Zhuang Yongyuan and the others just need to show up.
Xie Kang parked his motorcycle on the side of the road and, as Xu Zhen had instructed, did not enter through the main entrance. Instead, he went around to the back of the bar and knocked on the door.
Moments after knocking, the heavy security door was opened from the inside. It was Du Jiahao, still playing with drumsticks. Upon seeing Zhuang Yongyuan and Xie Kang, he complained, "You're so late!"
"The traffic jam is very serious on Friday night." Xie Kang explained, and walked through the utility room and kitchen under the guidance of Du Jiahao.
Du Jiahao rolled his eyes: "You ride an electric scooter, but you talk like you're driving a car."
Xie Kang also got angry when he heard this and said, "I was riding a motorcycle."
The bar was not big to begin with, and there was even less space left backstage. While they were arguing for a few words, they had already reached the backstage to prepare for the performance.
Seeing them, Xu Zhen waved enthusiastically and introduced a tall, thin woman with a buzz cut next to him, "This is the band formed by the students from No. 1 Middle School."
"Is everything here?"
"Yes, all four of you are here." Xu Zhen introduced the woman with a crew cut to them: "This is Boss Yang, she'll pay you your wages tonight."
Xie Kang stepped forward and shook hands with Yang Haining enthusiastically. Zhuang Yongyuan also smiled at her, turned around, picked up the electric guitar on the shelf and tested the sound.
Li Xiuyu looked up from the mixing console and said to Zhuang Yongyuan, "I've done a simple adjustment. Take a look."
I don’t know if it’s because the competition training is too tiring, but Zhuang Yongyuan always feels that Li Xiuyu looks listless this time after coming back, and he talks much less than before. Sometimes when Xie Kang deliberately provokes him, he doesn’t react at all.
Zhuang Yongyuan listened carefully to the piano music and said, "It's a bit dull."
The two of them were working on tuning the instrument together. Halfway through, Yang Haining suddenly clapped his hands and asked, "Do you have any costumes?"
"Performance costume?" Zhuang Yongyuan was stunned. He didn't expect this. He was even wearing a school uniform jacket.
He tugged at the hem of his school uniform awkwardly and said, "What kind of clothes do you want? I'll go home and change now."
Yang Haining came over and looked at him closely. Zhuang Yongyuan was nervous and turned his head away. He was afraid that Yang Haining would dislike their clothes and ask them to go back.
Unexpectedly, Yang Haining said with great satisfaction: "This is very good, very touching, I will add some decorations for you."
After she finished speaking, she ran to the utility room, brought back a cardboard box, and placed it on the floor. Zhuang Yongyuan and the others all looked inside the box, which was filled to the brim with gleaming metal ornaments.
Yang Haining waved his hand cheerfully and said, "Use whatever you like, pick the one you like!"
Du Jiahao was the most excited. Soon, he was decked out in rivets and skulls, sticking out his tongue and giving the middle finger, asking Li Xiuyu to take his picture. Li Xiuyu was more reserved, wearing a thorn-shaped necklace. His right ear was pierced, and he added a cross earring and a floor-length, distressed leather belt. He was already wearing ripped jeans and a black T-shirt with a bloody eyeball printed on it. With this attire, he looked nothing like a competitive student, but a typical underground musician.
Zhuang Yongyuan and Xie Kang stared at each other for a long time. Xie Kang spoke first, "Help me choose."
Zhuang Yongyuan squatted down and rummaged through the box, and found a black collar with a dog bone-shaped bell hanging on it. Thinking of the way Xie Kang waved his hands in the afternoon, he laughed out loud, picked out the collar and gave it to Xie Kang.
Xie Kang took a look at the collar and instead of getting angry, he raised his face with some pride and said, "Put it on me."
Zhuang Yongyuan hesitated for a moment, then stood up to put the collar on Xie Kang. His hands, usually quite nimble, became incredibly clumsy and even trembled slightly.
He placed his arms on Xie Kang's shoulders and wrapped the collar around his neck. Xie Kang's Adam's apple moved up and down, causing the small bell on the collar to move with it. The bell rang softly, and Zhuang Yongyuan heard it, and his throat began to itch.
"Is it too tight?" He asked Xie Kang while carefully adjusting the length of the collar.
Xie Kang closed his eyes and directed: "It can be tighter."
Zhuang Yongyuan gave him a finger's width and went to fasten the collar. The collar was constructed similarly to a belt, and he poked it several times before he got the needle into the hole and fastened it.
After putting on the collar, Xie Kang also went to search in the box and found another collar. He gave it to Zhuang Yongyuan and said, "Here, you wear this."
Zhuang Yongyuan took it and looked at it, blushing. The collar Xie Kang gave him was similar in style to the one he had given Xie Kang, except the bone pendant was now in the shape of a cat's paw.
He didn't let Xie Kang put it on for him, so he went to the mirror and put it on himself. The cat's paw gently swayed in front of his collar. His blue and white school uniform jacket was accessorized with all sorts of exaggerated accessories. Zhuang Yongyuan stared at himself in the mirror for a long time. There was a sense of strangeness, yet also a sense of familiarity after a long absence. These two conflicting feelings collided, making him dizzy.
The previous band's performance ended. Two college-looking boys wearing white T-shirts and jeans walked backstage, saw Zhuang Yongyuan and the others, and greeted them.
Xie Kang asked them with great interest, "What are you acting in?"
The taller college student scratched his head sheepishly and said, "Folk music." He glanced at Li Xiuyu's keyboard with envy and said, "There are four of you. That's great. Who's the lead singer?"
Du Jiahao poked Zhuang Yongyuan with his drumstick, and Zhuang Yongyuan was pushed forward by Xie Kang.
"Is this school uniform real or fake?"
Yang Haining said: "It's true, they are all high school students. Compared to them, you are old guys."
"That's awesome! He was in a band in high school."
Zhuang Yongyuan touched his nose and said, "It's only been two months..."
"What's the name of your band?"
Xu Zhen patted his head and exclaimed, "Yes, you don't have a name yet."
Several people looked at each other. Du Jiahao took a green guava from somewhere and started chewing it. The unique smell of guava overwhelmed the faint smell of smoke in the room.
He said excitedly, "How about calling it guava seeds?"
Li Xiuyu looked at him and said, "When it comes to guava seeds, there are actually two kinds of people in the world."
"Which two types of people? Tell me now, don't keep me in suspense."
"One type of person eats guava by digging out the seeds first, while the other type eats it whole with the seeds."
Du Jiahao said disdainfully: "You just want to say that you and I are not the same kind of people? You look like the kind of person who dug it out first."
He looked at Zhuang Yongyuan and asked, "What about you? How do you usually eat guava?"
"Dig it out."
Xie Kang said, "Me too."
"I like to chew it up before eating," Li Xiuyu suddenly said. His eyes fixed on Du Jiahao, who turned his head away, not looking at him. Something was clearly wrong between them, a departure from their previous state. Zhuang Yongyuan and Xie Kang didn't know what to say, and the backstage area fell silent for a moment until Yang Haining spoke.
"We can come up with a name later. It's almost time. Let's get ready to go on stage."
It was dark both on and off the stage. The moment he stepped onto the stage, Zhuang Yongyuan felt as if he was in a cave at night.
The expected embarrassment did not come. On the contrary, he felt more comfortable than ever before. Here, he was a completely new existence, different from any of his previous selves. Moreover, Xie Kang was one meter away from him on the left. He was going to accompany him and sing harmony for him.
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