Chapter 77 77. Die with a mixture of anxiety and happiness
Zhuang Yongyuan slowly lowered his hand, which had been suspended in mid-air. Countless eyes in the box were fixed on him. Even though he was a seasoned performer on stage, these glances still made him nervous and his throat tightened.
He blinked and backed toward the door. Xie Tao jumped up from his chair several times, trying to hit him, but luckily he was held down every time.
Zhuang Yongyuan thought to himself that Xie Kang's family was indeed of higher quality, unlike many families on Kaiping Street who were always fighting with each other.
"Then I'll be leaving first."
Zhuang Yongyuan retreated to the door and slipped out after saying this.
Someone followed him out. He turned around and saw that it was Yang Ruihui with messy hair and a slap mark on her face.
When Xie Kang held a birthday party here in high school, Zhuang Yongyuan felt that she looked superior, and her eyes were full of scrutiny. She made him feel inferior and didn't dare to face her. But now he felt that she looked a little pitiful.
There was still disdain and contempt in her expression when she looked at Zhuang Yongyuan. She stared at him strangely, pursed her lips and didn't say anything for a long time.
Zhuang Yongyuan looked at her for a while without saying a word. After a while, he was about to leave, and then Yang Ruihui called him.
"Classmate...you are Kangkang's high school classmate, right? I remember you."
Zhuang Yongyuan nodded.
"You, when did you start..." Yang Ruihui swallowed hard a few times and finally said, "When did you start having a premature love relationship?"
Zhuang Yongyuan didn't want to pay any attention to her, but she looked pale and had to hold on to the wall to steady herself. Seeing her like this, he couldn't say anything harsh, so he said vaguely, "In high school..."
Zhuang Yongyuan thought that saying this would be a big blow to Yang Ruihui. He had prepared himself mentally and stared at Yang Ruihui vigilantly to prevent her from suddenly falling down or rushing up to hit him.
But Yang Ruihui didn't collapse. On the contrary, her facial features, which had been twisted in pain, relaxed. She stood steady and calmly asked Zhuang Yongyuan, "Did you take the initiative?"
"I can't explain it."
Zhuang Yongyuan tugged at the hem of his uniform, which was too short for him. "Okay, I'm leaving now. I have to go find Xie Kang."
"Where are you going to find him? Do you know where he might be?"
Without waiting for Zhuang Yongyuan to answer, Yang Ruihui asked a series of questions in a loud and powerful voice.
"How long have you been like this?"
"He was willing to return to Pingnan at that time. Was it for you?"
"Has he ever told you about me?"
"Take me with you to find Kang Kang."
Zhuang Yongyuan said, "I really have to go."
He stopped listening to what Yang Ruihui was saying and turned his back to her as he walked towards the stairs. He never looked back, so he didn't see Yang Ruihui jog after him for a few seconds, then stop and look at his back as he left, looking thoughtful. Finally, she turned around and walked towards the other end of the corridor instead of returning to the box.
As he passed the seafood pond, Zhuang Yongyuan thought of his sixteen-year-old self, who had been exposed by Yan Xu in front of Xie Kang about his sexual orientation and had to flee from Xie Kang's birthday party. He had been hiding here, staring blankly at the fish and shrimp in the seafood pond.
More than a decade later, Zhuang Yongyuan stood in the same place, but this time it was different. He was not trying to escape from anyone, nor was he waiting for anyone to save him.
Zhuang Yongyuan, on the other hand, figured it out. During those hours of feeling sweltering and disoriented, hiding under the dining table, he figured it out.
It turns out that between him and Xie Kang, it wasn't just that he needed Xie Kang; Xie Kang needed him, too. Xie Kang wasn't perfect, and he wouldn't always be as brave as when he was sixteen, rushing into the music store with his tuition. He was vulnerable, and sometimes he wanted to escape, and he also wanted someone to help him.
The world is so big, accidents happen every day, and you will pass by tens of millions of people in your lifetime. What are the chances of meeting someone you need and who also needs you?
As Zhuang Yongyuan walked, he mentally blamed himself for his own stupidity and slowness. Why hadn't he noticed something so obvious sooner, hadn't he confidently extended his hand to Xie Kang sooner? Why had he been so timid, afraid that the love he offered would be a worthless waste for Xie Kang? Xie Kang wasn't that kind of person.
Fortunately, he is now in Pingnan with Xie Kang, so it is not too late.
Zhuang Yongyuan stopped the receptionist at the door, showed him a photo of Xie Kang, and asked him if he had seen anyone who looked like Xie Kang.
The receptionist knew it at a glance and said that the man had left on a motorcycle more than ten minutes ago.
The reason why he was so impressed was that the man stepped on the accelerator to the bottom as soon as he got on the road, and drove as fast as he could without caring about his life. If it weren't for the fact that today was New Year's Eve and there were fewer cars on the road, he would have seen videos on Douyin in the evening showing people speeding and getting into car accidents on New Year's Eve.
Zhuang Yongyuan interrupted him: "Which direction did he go on his motorcycle?"
"Here." The receptionist pointed to the right to Zhuang Yongyuan.
Zhuang Yongyuan couldn't wait to thank him and ran out onto the street. He had no idea where Xie Kang was going, but he felt an inexplicable confidence that he would eventually run into him. Tired of walking, he scanned for a shared bike and rode it at a moderate pace.
Pingnan is only this big. As long as he doesn't stop, he will meet Xie Kang sooner or later.
Occasionally, Zhuang Yongyuan would find tracks on the ground left by a motorcycle braking suddenly, and he wondered if they were made by Xie Kang.
People in Pingnan don’t like to go shopping after the New Year’s Eve dinner. At most, they will go to relatives’ and friends’ homes to sit together. The streets are very empty. Zhuang Yongyuan couldn’t help singing loudly. Besides the sound of fireworks exploding, there seemed to be an echo of his singing in the air.
The city built on the mountain was brighter than usual. On the top of Nanfeng Mountain, the fireworks were becoming more and more dense. Zhuang Yongyuan stopped and watched for a while before continuing to ride his bicycle.
Zhuang Yongyuan saw the familiar motorcycle under the Yanjiang Bridge. He parked his bicycle next to it and touched the exhaust pipe.
It was still hot there, and Xie Kang had just arrived.
Zhuang Yongyuan walked onto the sidewalk on the bridge and immediately saw Xie Kang sitting on the railing in the middle of the bridge, facing the river, motionless. His coat was unzipped, and it was bulging in the wind.
Zhuang Yongyuan grabbed the railing and climbed up to sit next to Xie Kang. Xie Kang turned his head and glanced at him without saying a word, staring blankly at the river, which reflected the fireworks in the sky, flickering.
Zhuang Yongyuan touched Xie Kang's shoulder. Seeing that Xie Kang still didn't respond, he explained, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop under the table. I went to Haiyuan for a part-time job last week. I didn't even know your family was having New Year's Eve dinner there."
"I heard from the manager that table 666 was reserved by an old customer named Xie, so I went in to take a look out of curiosity. After I had been inside for a while, I suddenly heard someone trying to come in. I... I was a little nervous, so I didn't think too much and just crawled under the table."
Zhuang Yongyuan breathed a sigh of relief. It was dark under the table, but not pitch black. There was a distance of two hands' lengths between the hanging tablecloth and the ground. The light from the box leaked in from there, and some light also came through the tablecloth. The tablecloth was red, so the area under the table was a dark red. Zhuang Yongyuan sat in the middle with his legs hugged, surrounded by more than a dozen pairs of legs.
Xie Kang was wearing dark jeans and a pair of white Dexterity trainers, and Zhuang Yongyuan recognized him immediately. His legs were always twisted together, and his feet pressed hard on the carpet, as if he was carrying an unbearable burden and hoped that others would share it.
Zhuang Yongyuan would occasionally twiddle Xie Kang's shoelaces, touch his shoes with his fingertips. Whenever someone turned the turntable on the table, Zhuang Yongyuan's world would tremble slightly.
The place is common, but if you look at it from a different perspective, it's like falling into an upside-down world.
Normally, when you meet someone, you see their face first and see the expression formed by their facial features, but under the table, Zhuang Yongyuan could only see their legs and feet, tucked into their trouser legs and put into their shoes, which would sway, separate or cross, like an expression, making the deep meaning hidden in the words sound even clearer.
Zhuang Yongyuan saw a lot of interesting things and wanted to tell them all to Xie Kang now, but he had to get down to business.
"Luckily, the dining table is wide enough underneath. Once your family is all here, there's plenty of room for me down there."
"Hey, let me tell you, your uncle is wearing fake shoes! I think their life abroad is just average, not as good as they say."
Zhuang Yongyuan flicked Xie Kang's ear and asked him, "Are you listening to me?"
Xie Kang nodded and finally spoke: "Did you hear everything we said clearly under the table?"
"Some people speak too fast and I can't hear clearly. I also can't hear a lot of arguments."
"You heard everything, and you still come to me?"
"That's why I came to find you because I heard it."
"Are you afraid that I will be upset?"
"Because I missed you."
Zhuang Yongyuan grabbed Xie Kang's hand and rubbed it on his face a few times. Xie Kang clenched his fist loosely.
Xie Kang didn't say anything. Zhuang Yongyuan didn't know what to say for a moment, so he just looked at the river with Xie Kang.
Although he had seen the Yanjiang River tens of thousands of times since childhood, this was the first time Zhuang Yongyuan had seen it from this angle, his gaze level with the water. From this new perspective, the Yanjiang River seemed both unfamiliar and vast.
Zhuang Yongyuan said, "We learned in geography class that the Yanjiang River leads to the sea."
Xie Kang nodded, and Zhuang Yongyuan asked him again, "Do you want to jump?"
"I don't know either." Xie Kang's breath smelled faintly of alcohol. "Just now, I thought it would be a good idea to jump, but then I thought again. I didn't expect you to come back."
"I didn't expect that I would come back." Zhuang Yongyuan took a deep breath. Thinking about this, he still got a headache from anger.
Half a month ago, he received a call from his mother using someone else's mobile phone. His mother told him hesitantly that she had been diagnosed with cancer and wanted to spend the New Year with Zhuang Yongyuan for the last time.
Zhuang Yongyuan thought about it and asked friends for advice. After all, he only had one biological mother, so he decided to put aside the past and spend Aying's last days with her.
So on the first day of this year, two weeks after leaving Pingnan in a carefree manner, Zhuang Yongyuan returned dejectedly.
The building of Zhenbao Barber Shop was too old and not suitable for the patient to recuperate, so Zhuang Yongyuan rented a brand new two-bedroom, one-living room apartment at a high price and took Aying there to take care of her.
Perhaps because the disease was in the early stages, Aying's ability to take care of herself was not affected. Zhuang Yongyuan looked at her medical records and wanted to take her to Shanghai for treatment, but Aying insisted on waiting until after the Chinese New Year.
Initially, their relationship was harmonious, with Aying actively preparing three meals a day for Zhuang Yongyuan. Zhuang Yongyuan hadn't had home-cooked meals in a while, and their arguments became less frequent. After meals, Zhuang Yongyuan would even take her for a walk.
Such good days only lasted for a week. One night, Aying was taking a shower when her phone rang. Zhuang Yongyuan didn't answer it. The other party called again. Zhuang Yongyuan was worried that the other party had something urgent to tell him, so he answered the phone.
As soon as the call was connected, the middle-aged man on the other end said anxiously, "Aying, is the medical record I prepared for you last time okay? Did your son believe it?"
It took Zhuang Yongyuan a while to understand the other party's meaning. The blood in his body ran cold. He stood at the bathroom door and wanted to knock on the door and go in to question Aying. He raised his hand and then fell down weakly, leaving the house he rented specifically to take care of his mother.
He originally wanted to go back to Shanghai directly, but the tickets before the Spring Festival were sold out long ago. In addition, he had nothing to do in Shanghai, so he just spent his time in Mengtong and pinky pinky. He found a hotel and booked a room for a week, planning to leave on the first day of the Lunar New Year.
He couldn't stand staying in the hotel every day, so he just resorted to the same old trick and went to the hotel to work part-time to pass the time.
After Zhuang Yongyuan told Xie Kang the whole story, Xie Kang was silent for a while and asked Zhuang Yongyuan, "Which hotel are you staying in?"
"Yado, next to the station."
Xie Kang took a deep breath: "I lived there last week too."
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The background music for this riverside section is "Group Portrait" by Mixiu Group
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