Chapter 68 68. Where is the distance?
"Go ahead."
On the sofa in Zhuang Yongyuan's house, Adian said to Zhuang Yongyuan, who had been lying on the sofa motionless all morning.
Zhuang Yongyuan turned over, turned his back to Ah Dian and said, "He's already thought it through. What's the point of me going? I won't go."
Ah Dian turned Zhuang Yongyuan over and said, "Maybe Xie Kang sent the text message to your phone on purpose so you can see it."
"You've watched too much TV drama." Zhuang Yongyuan said sullenly, took out his cell phone and read the text message from Adian again.
This is a ticket booking text message, but the ticket is not for Zhuang Yongyuan, but for Xie Kang. The flight is from Shanghai Hongqiao to Xiamen Gaoqi at 3:30 pm. It is obviously Xie Kang's ticket back to Pingnan.
Zhuang Yongyuan was stunned for a moment when he saw the message, then he remembered that Xie Kang had booked his ticket for a trip to Beijing to meet a producer. Perhaps Xie Kang had changed his personal number on the booking platform to Zhuang Yongyuan's, and had forgotten to change it back this time.
The Beijing producer was not interested in Lily Xin's music, but was interested in Zhuang Yongyuan himself and wanted to introduce him to an idol group, so the meeting ended in nothing.
Zhuang Yongyuan stared at the time in the text message for a long time. Including the early boarding time, if he could arrive at the airport within two hours, he would still have a chance to meet Xie Kang.
But what was the point of this meeting? Xie Kang had already decided to leave. He was smart and rational, and he must have considered the decision carefully and arrived at the optimal solution.
He shouldn't be a stumbling block in Xie Kang's life. From the first time they met, Zhuang Yongyuan knew that they were not from the same world. He should be satisfied that he could have a dream that lasted for almost six years.
But no matter how much he tried to console himself, Zhuang Yongyuan still wanted to see Xie Kang. He didn't want too much; at that point, he hadn't truly felt separated from Xie Kang. He just hadn't seen him in so long that he missed him. He hadn't seen enough of him at McDonald's last night and wanted to go to the airport to see him again. He missed Xie Kang, his eyes, his nose, his bangs that felt softer than they looked, his brows tensed when he was upset, the way he'd shaken his head while strumming guitar on stage and suddenly winked at him, the way his arms had held him tightly after their intimacy. Xie Kang's fragments rustled and fell to the floor, landing in the room they'd lived in together. Zhuang Yongyuan could barely breathe.
When did Xie Kang start wanting to leave? This thought was like a needle, suddenly piercing Zhuang Yongyuan.
Zhuang Yongyuan put his phone aside and said, "Maybe he doesn't want to see me right now."
He lowered his head and continued, "I really can't help him with anything. He handles all the big and small matters of the band, he writes the songs, and he even earns money by working part-time."
He covered his face and sobbed, "Adian, I feel so useless."
"If I'm useful, will he stay?"
He continued in a voice only he could hear: "They won't leave."
This time, Ah Dian rarely made any jokes, such as "Xie Kang's family has so much money, why not spend it?" or "He sleeps all day, so what if you work more?" She placed the tissue in front of Zhuang Yongyuan, was silent for a moment, and said, "The overpass is prone to traffic jams at this time."
At the time, taxi apps had just become popular, so Ah Dian, unskilled, called a car for Zhuang Yongyuan, showed him the license plate number, and said, "We'll be downstairs in five minutes."
Seeing Zhuang Yongyuan didn't move, Ah Dian said, "Maybe Xie Kang doesn't want to go back home either, and needs your help."
Zhuang Yongyuan shook his head: "He is not that kind of person."
"Wouldn't you know if he is that kind of person if you went there?"
While Zhuang Yongyuan was still hesitating, the driver called and asked impatiently where Zhuang Yongyuan was.
He reluctantly got into the car that Adian called for him, put on his headphones, and tried to switch between songs but couldn't find a suitable song.
What Adian said was right. There was indeed a traffic jam on the overpass. It was very severe. At the beginning, we could still move forward a few meters in ten minutes, but now we can't move at all.
Zhuang Yongyuan checked the clock: only forty minutes remained. He asked the driver how long it would take to get to the airport. The driver calmly turned off the air conditioning, opened the window for some fresh air, and said, "With this traffic jam, there must have been an accident up ahead. We'll probably have to wait an hour or two."
Zhuang Yongyuan's heart tightened. Now that he was here, he wasn't as scared as he had been at home. In a flash of impulse, he made a decision, opened the door, jumped out of the car, and ran across the overpass. The road ahead was surrounded by high-rise office buildings, and all kinds of cars were left behind. He kept running forward, not daring to stop for a moment.
By the time he could clearly see the four big red words "Hongqiao Airport", an airplane had just finished taxiing and soared headfirst into the sky.
Zhuang Yongyuan stopped and looked up, watching the plane grow smaller and smaller until it slowly disappeared from his sight, leaving only a trail of light that gradually dissolved. His phone showed it was 3:40 p.m. He had no idea how many planes took off daily from an airport the size of Hongqiao, but the plane Xie Kang was taking wouldn't stop for him alone.
If only he had gotten here earlier, if he had hesitated less, if he hadn't been afraid, Zhuang Yongyuan would have arrived before the overpass accident. He would have found Xie Kang in the terminal. He would have called him, and if Xie Kang didn't answer, he would have asked the radio to help him find someone. If he had been determined enough, if he had been capable enough, he would have been able to see Xie Kang. If he had gotten up earlier on the day his mother passed away, if he had realized Li Xiuyu was seriously ill before she jumped from the building.
The six years with Xie Kang were like the run he had just taken, intense and exciting, the sweat dripping into his eyes without even hurting. But the plane would take off on time, and he would also have to face the emptiness of his life.
It was almost dark, and planes were taking off and landing outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. The status of Xie Kang's flight was updated on the big screen to ready for boarding.
Xie Kang hesitated for a moment, then stood up again, found the counter, and said to the staff, "Hello, I want to change my ticket."
The staff member recognized his face and said in surprise, "Sir, this is the third time you've requested a change."
Xie Kang touched his nose and said, "Sorry, I'm waiting for someone."
The staff member gave him a strange look, clicked the mouse a few times, and said, "There's only one flight to Takasaki today, leaving at 9:50. If you're sure, I can help you change your flight."
Xie Kang nodded: "Thank you for your help."
After paying the handling fee, the money he spent on the change was more than the airfare itself. It was around 2:00 a.m., about to board his flight, that he was bored and looked at the phone number he had entered on the booking app, only to discover that the number he had previously entered for Zhuang Yongyuan had not been changed.
Xie Kang immediately realized that Zhuang Yongyuan now knew his flight number. He turned to look at the terminal entrance, then realized that Zhuang Yongyuan didn't have a ticket and couldn't enter the terminal, so he picked up his bag and ran to the hall.
He sat in the hall all afternoon, waiting for something, he didn't know. Of course Zhuang Yongyuan wouldn't come, he would just delete the text message. He hated himself for what he had to do; he had lied to Zhuang Yongyuan, promised to take him away, then broke the promise.
Xie Kang himself didn't understand why he was still looking forward to it. If Zhuang Yongyuan appeared in front of him now, he would follow Zhuang Yongyuan without hesitation.
A message came in on his phone. His father had sent him a WeChat profile, claiming it was from a director at No. 1 Middle School. He asked him to add him and say hello. Xie Kang took a deep breath and returned to his seat. There were still three hours until 9:50, enough time for a lot to happen.
After picking up his checked suitcase at the carousel, Xie Kang dragged it out slowly. His parents had come to pick him up, with Xie Tao driving and Yang Ruihui sitting in the passenger seat. As soon as they got in, Xie Tao blamed Xie Kang for not being clear about the time, which had made them wait for several hours.
"I'm sorry." Xie Kang said with his head lowered.
His voice sounded strange. Yang Ruihui noticed it and looked at him through the rearview mirror for a while. Then she started to smooth things over between Xie Kang and Xie Tao: "Kang Kang, you must be very tired after the flight. Come home quickly. There's beef noodles to eat."
Xie Tao was driving and said, "It's all because of you that he spoiled himself."
He spun the steering wheel impatiently, driving unusually fast: "After all this time, I'm still back to work. I don't know what I've been doing with my life."
Xie Kang still said, "I'm sorry."
Xie Tao sneered, and Yang Ruihui said, "Okay, Kangkang, this time things really have to change. It can't be the same as before. You have to promise your parents."
"What was I like before?" Xie Kang suddenly looked up and asked.
Yang Ruihui seemed frightened by him. After a moment's pause, she said, "That's it. Just know it in your heart. Don't forget my colleague's son. A good child turned out like that. It's a waste of life for his parents."
Xie Tao echoed, "Having a child like this is retribution. His parents kindly sent him to get medical treatment, but he risked his life to anger them."
Xie Kang was about to say something when Yang Ruihui suddenly turned on the car radio, turning up the volume. A cheesy guava song filled the car, a flawlessly sweet female voice singing, "You are my little apple, and I can never love you enough." Xie Kang looked up at the moon and thought of his first trip to Shanghai, when he passed a cross-sea bridge and saw the skyscrapers and the Oriental Pearl Tower.
I wonder what Zhuang Yongyuan is doing now?
In the week after Xie Kang left, Zhuang Yongyuan rarely appeared when his friends came to visit. Zhuang Yongyuan was very busy. He found himself a lot of work, teaching guitar at several music stores and taking on a lot of random performances, singing the guava songs that he despised the most.
That wasn't enough, so he also delivered food, worked in a supermarket, and did all sorts of odd jobs. As long as he could make money and as long as his time outside of songwriting could be filled with work, he was afraid of the void.
While delivering food to an office building in Lujiazui, Zhuang Yongyuan looked at the gleaming glass curtain wall and suddenly thought of Xie Kang. If he hadn't been there, would Xie Kang have been one of them?
What is Xie Kang doing now?
The sunlight reflecting off the glass curtain wall was blinding. In the CBD at the height of summer, he couldn't find much shade, leaving him with streaks of sweat. He wore headphones, listening non-stop to last year's song, "Adults." Only when he looked up did he realize that the tears streaming down his face were giving up on him.
Working from sunrise to sunset, day after day, my once sincere heart gradually becomes coarse. I reluctantly swallow countless frustrations. The wine is astringent, the cigarettes bitter. Eating cheap fast food makes me feel like a car being refueled. In a suite in Pingnan, a home-cooked meal beneath an outdated crystal chandelier tastes like eating the colorful artificial flowers in the nearby vase, so warm. Time only flows forward, never backward, leaving scratches beneath my body. Neither Zhuang Yongyuan nor Xie Kang can ever be the fearless teenagers they once were. One day, my skin will become unfamiliar. It's said that human cells are completely renewed every five years. Will I still be the same person then? I cut the person who occupied a large part of my life out of my heart. When I meet new people, I often think of the one who died young. Every day feels more like an adult than the day before. And then what?
When will the reunion be?
I don't know, and neither do you. Yet, we all dare to believe that it exists.
"Leave."
Zhuang Yongyuan took the initiative to end the hug with Xie Kang, said goodbye to Xie Kang at the door of the waiting room, and took out the boarding pass from his pocket.
Xie Kang remained silent, his head bowed. Zhuang Yongyuan touched the back of his hand and said, "Don't be sad. Think about when you graduated from college and returned to Pingnan, you didn't even say a few words to me, let alone a hug and kiss goodbye."
Xie Kang said, "I'm sorry."
"I'm not angry." Zhuang Yongyuan said, "I'm really leaving. I'll see you again someday."
Xie Kang looked at Zhuang Yongyuan's half-smile and asked him, "Did you receive the text message at that time?"
"What text message?" Zhuang Yongyuan kept smiling.
Xie Kang was silent for a moment, then said, "Nothing. Have a safe journey."
He put his hands in his coat pockets to keep warm and walked out of the airport without looking back.
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