Wanqiu looked out the window; the white snow piled up by the roadside was already quite dirty.
In the city, which is still celebrating the Lunar New Year, beautiful and festive red decorations can be seen everywhere.
Wan Qiu saw himself in the car window. He was wearing a red scarf and a soft white down jacket, like the snowman he had built.
Wan Qiu took a selfie and sent it to Chu Zhang.
This was Wanqiu's first visit to the welfare home, which was located in a relatively open suburban area.
Wan Qiu felt that this place was very similar to the school he used to attend, surrounded by low buildings.
In a small, fenced-off yard, there are slides, seesaws, and merry-go-rounds...
The snow in the entire yard had been cleared away, and many trees had been planted along the wall, all bare and leafless.
It wasn't particularly luxurious; the house itself was quite ordinary, square and without any decorations, so you could see right through it at a glance.
At the door, a slightly plump woman waited, her face flushed slightly in the cold winter morning air.
The car stopped at the entrance of the welfare home, and the woman's gaze immediately fixed on the car window.
Chu Yigui got out of the car first, followed by Wan Qiu.
Chu Yigui stood in front of Wan Qiu, who turned his head to look at the street.
The road was straight and quiet, almost deserted, leading directly into the distance to the greyish-white sky.
Wan Qiu stepped forward and instinctively took Chu Yigui's hand, but Chu Yigui did not seem to move forward.
Wan Qiu withdrew his gaze and then noticed the woman with a gentle smile waiting at the door.
"Good morning, Dean. This is my brother, Chu Wanqiu. You can call him Wanqiu." Chu Yigui put his arm around Wanqiu's back slightly.
Wanqiu looked up and saw Chu Yigui.
Even though she had returned to her former home, Chu Yigui still didn't show a happy expression.
Even her smile now still doesn't seem real.
"Welcome, Wanqiu, welcome, Xiaochu! We also received the things you sent. The children are very happy. They thought we wouldn't come and said they wouldn't be able to thank you."
The dean's voice was very gentle, like a freshly baked, soft loaf of bread.
However, Wan Qiu was shy and unconsciously moved closer to Chu Yigui, secretly observing the woman in front of him.
The slightly plump woman was a complete stranger to him, and Chu Yigui didn't say a single word to him that he could trust her.
Wan Qiu could hear Chu Yigui and the director talking and laughing; they seemed to be discussing some trivial matters about the welfare home.
They talked about how the children worked together to shovel snow, how they had received a lot of care from people in the community these past few days, and about the lavish meals the children had enjoyed during the Lunar New Year...
Wanqiu's attention, however, was focused on the snowman that had been built not far away.
These snowmen were not chubby; they were pressed very firmly, and the decorations on them were also quite strange.
Using the dirt from the ground and the sculpted decorations, the snowman looks like it's wearing dirty clothes.
Wan Qiu noticed out of the corner of his eye that someone was looking out of a window not far away.
Wan Qiu met the child's gaze. His hands were pressed against the glass, his entire face completely in contact with it, distorting his features. His breath sprayed onto the glass, creating a small mist.
That's a very strange thing to do.
Before Wanqiu could take a closer look, he was led into the house.
The door was closed, and the warmth of the room enveloped them. Wanqiu pulled open her red scarf, unsure of where to put it.
"Wanqiu, Xiaochu, give me your luggage, I'll put it in the dorm for you, in the usual place. Wanqiu's bed is ready too."
The dean smiled and took the luggage from the two of them, and the driver who had come along immediately went to help.
"You guys go inside, they're having breakfast right now."
Chu Yigui took off Wan Qiu and his scarf and hat, put them in one of the cabinets next to him, locked it with a key, and took out the key.
Wan Qiu watched as Chu Yigui put the key into his shirt pocket, a place that was very difficult to be touched.
"Brother, don't leave my side." Chu Yigui reached out her hand to Wan Qiu, palm up. "Do you understand?"
Wanqiu, bewildered, placed his hand in Chu Yigui's palm.
But for some reason, he vaguely felt that his younger brother seemed more assertive than usual today.
Wan Qiu was led by Chu Yigui towards a certain place.
From afar, Wanqiu could hear a very chaotic commotion, interspersed with the voices of caregivers demanding quiet.
The chaotic, high and low tones of the voices became increasingly noticeable as one got closer.
This is... a spacious dining room.
There were many children of different ages sitting there, each with a half-eaten breakfast in front of them.
When Wan Qiu stepped into this place, his eyes slowly widened.
The air was filled with the smells of food and noise, and amidst it all, Wanqiu saw quite a few...unhealthy children.
Some were in wheelchairs, while others were focused on eating.
Some of the more active children suddenly turned around and looked towards the doorway.
"elder brother!!"
Suddenly, the children burst into excited shouts, and the relatively stable order was abruptly broken after the first child stood up.
Many children excitedly gathered around Chu Yigui.
"Brother, brother!"
When the children saw Chu Yigui, they showed surprise and delight, and many of them grabbed Chu Yigui's clothes with their hands still stained with the grease from their breakfast.
"Everyone, go back to your seats and eat. Your brother needs to eat too. You can play again later. Come back quickly." The caregiver tried to lead the restless children back to their seats.
"Go back, everyone. You'll play for a while, so make sure you eat breakfast properly." Chu Yigui raised her voice, intentionally using a louder tone to suppress the children's noise.
This was the first time Wan Qiu had heard Chu Yigui raise his voice.
Chu Yigui, who is usually calm and quiet, seems to be different here.
Wan Qiu was led to a seat by Chu Yigui, where the caregiver prepared breakfast for them while chatting and laughing with them.
"Oh, it's Wan Qiu. Is he Xiao Chu's brother?" The caregiver smiled at Wan Qiu. "Welcome to come along too."
Wan Qiu also said, "Hello."
"Brother." Chu Yigui placed a bottle of milk in front of Wan Qiu. "Drink this too."
Wanqiu nodded and looked up to see that there was milk in front of all the children.
Breakfast time was noisy, and Wanqiu saw that the caregivers were trying their best to maintain order.
Wanqiu likes the taste of any food, but vaguely felt that the breakfast tasted bland and was rather cold.
Wanqiu looked up at the children who were also eating heartily; some of the younger ones would grab the food with their hands and put it in their mouths.
Caregivers would take the initiative to feed some children who couldn't eat on their own. Wan Qiu looked at the deformed child curled up in the wheelchair.
Not only here, but everywhere you look you can see children who are obviously different from others. Normal children are a minority, and there are more girls than boys.
“They’re just sick.” Chu Yigui had intended to take away the empty plate in front of Wan Qiu, but after thinking about it, she decided to let Wan Qiu cook for herself. “Most of the children in the orphanage are abandoned because of disease, deformity, or gender.”
Wan Qiu followed Chu Yigui closely, doing exactly what Chu Yigui did.
Chu Yigui seemed to be quite used to this place. While Chu Yigui was helping the caregivers feed some children who were unable to feed themselves, Wan Qiu stood by.
He saw twisted hands and feet, crooked eyes, and dark, lifeless pupils.
"Are you scared, brother?" Chu Yigui pulled Wan Qiu out when the caregiver was leading some able-bodied children to clean the restaurant.
Chu Yigui looked down at Wan Qiu.
"Why?" Wan Qiu asked, "What are you afraid of?"
“Because they are different,” Chu Yigui said.
The children here face discrimination even after leaving the orphanage.
Some children may even spend their entire lives in orphanages—their illnesses do not allow them to grow up.
"Different?" Wan Qiu looked up blankly at Chu Yigui.
Chu Yigui gazed at Wan Qiu, then finally reached out and hugged him, without saying anything more.
Chu Yigui did not see any disgust or fear in Wan Qiu's eyes.
However, what worried him was that he couldn't understand Wan Qiu's expression at that moment.
It is... much further away.
It's as if it's frozen in another world; I can't understand it.
Wanqiu knew what a welfare home was.
But when I actually got inside and saw some of the children...
In the vast expanse of autumn, it seemed as if I saw myself.
It was as if I could see his twisted hands and feet, his body unable to support itself, and his back unable to straighten.
In Chu Yigui's embrace, Wan Qiu unconsciously stretched out her arms and spread them out.
He encountered the air, the vast world.
Wan Qiu closed his arms and hugged Chu Yigui.
His taller brother's warm body temperature and faint fragrance emanated from him.
Wan Qiu didn't know what to do, so he could only follow Chu Yigui.
Fortunately, most of the time the caregivers are with the children, playing games together, even though they are not always very cooperative.
There was a lone child in a corner, playing with some building blocks by himself.
Wan Qiu also saw the child who was pressed against the glass, looking out the window, completely oblivious to everything around him.
Wan Qiu turned his head to look at Chu Yigui, whose smile was even more cheerful than usual.
The children seemed to really like Chu Yigui, getting close to him affectionately, and many of them wanted him to hug them.
Wan Qiu could see that Chu Yigui was always smiling, but as Wan Qiu watched, he gradually felt suffocated.
For some reason, Wan Qiu unconsciously tugged at the collar of her clothes, as if that would allow her to breathe more easily.
Suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed Wanqiu's bracelet.
Wan Qiu was stunned. His hand had been grabbed by the child, who seemed to want to remove the bracelet from his wrist.
Does he want it?
Wanqiu, who hadn't yet learned how to say no, was in a bit of a dilemma. The bracelet was a very important thing; it was something her mother had made her carry with her at all times.
However, at that moment, Chu Yigui reached out and patted the back of the child's hand that was holding Wanqiu's bracelet.
With a loud snap, the force was great, and the child was stunned.
Chu Yigui's smile vanished, replaced by a serious expression that seemed to genuinely convey anger: "You can't take other people's things."
The child whose hand was slapped had red eyes and was clearly about to cry.
But he didn't cry.
With red eyes, she reached out and wiped them, trying to hold back the tears that were about to fall.
After a moment of restraint, he turned to Wan Qiu and said, "I'm sorry."
"It's alright," Wan Qiu blinked, replying with surprise.
Only after receiving Wan Qiu's forgiveness did the child tentatively look at Chu Yigui.
Chu Yigui smiled again, and the child's face immediately lit up with a smile.
Wanqiu watched quietly. Even though the children were playing around, fighting over toys, and even getting so excited that they started to hit each other, it seemed that most of the children knew to stop as soon as the caregiver put on a stern face.
Disorder was the only feeling Wanqiu had.
Order amidst the chaos is etched into the children's behavior like a conditioned reflex.
"If you do something wrong, you must let them know you are unhappy." Chu Yigui knew that Wan Qiu was still unable to accurately distinguish between good and bad, so this sentence was just to explain his behavior to Wan Qiu.
He kept Wanqiu by his side to take care of her and prevent the child, who was still too young to understand boundaries, from hurting her.
Wan Qiu stood up, and Chu Yigui immediately asked, "Brother?"
"I need to go to the restroom," Wan Qiu said.
Chu Yigui immediately said, "I'll go too."
Wan Qiu noticed that Chu Yigui stood up, and the children surrounding him immediately turned their attention to him.
It was as if a pet that had been being petted all along had suddenly been stopped being petted, looking bewildered and full of reluctance.
“I know where it is.” Wan Qiu saw the huge restroom sign as soon as she came in. “Can I go there by myself?”
Chu Yigui gazed at Wan Qiu and finally nodded: "Then brother must come back immediately."
After Wan Qiu left, the girl who had been clinging to Chu Yigui looked up and asked, "Is that brother my brother's brother?"
"Mm," Chu Yigui replied.
The girl tilted her head: "So small."
"Yes." Chu Yigui did not deny it.
The girl sat on the ground and asked Chu Yigui, "Will my brother take care of that brother?"
Chu Yigui thought for a moment and said, "It's my brother who takes care of me more."
The girl's eyes widened immediately: "Is that brother really that amazing?"
"Mm," Chu Yigui replied.
"It's so small?"
"Um."
The girl placed her hands on the blue and white children's foam board spread on the ground, blinked her eyes, and said, "That's great. If I were adopted, I would want a good older brother too."
Chu Yigui's eyes flickered slightly, and he reached out and patted the girl's head.
Wanqiu is getting familiar with this place.
As Wanqiu came out of the restroom, she passed by the orphanage and disabled care department, where caregivers were giving some children corrective exercises.
The caregiver was very gentle.
Wanqiu watched as the caregiver gently communicated with and encouraged the child.
An orphanage is for abandoned children.
Just like him.
Many of the children here are just like him.
It turns out he wasn't the only one.
Was he abandoned because of his deformity?
Wanqiu turned around and looked out the window behind him; outside was a vast expanse of white.
Why didn't his parents in his past life abandon him in an orphanage?
Was he killed on purpose?
Wanqiu interacted with the other children without feeling any awkwardness.
Everything the caregiver did reminded Wan Qiu of Jiang Chengfeng.
Sometimes Wanqiu would suddenly wonder, what if he hadn't died, but was still in the orphanage...
Will I receive the same gentle care as these children?
Wan Qiu and Chu Yigui were arranged to stay in the staff dormitory, where beds were specially made for them. Before going to bed, they went to the children's dormitory to tell them stories.
The children who were assigned to different dormitories were unhappy, but fortunately they would be staying here for a long time, and everyone would have the opportunity to hear Chu Yigui's bedtime stories.
Wan Qiu watched as all the children lay obediently in bed, and Chu Yigui's voice reading aloud in the deep night was like a gentle stream, quietly lulling each child to sleep.
Wan Qiu stared at Chu Yigui's profile, her gaze lingering.
By the time Chu Yigui closed the book, the children had already fallen asleep.
The caregiver on night watch smiled at them, and Wan Qiu and Chu Yigui tiptoed away, quietly closing the door behind them.
The dim yellow lights of the corridor illuminated the way, and Wan Qiu followed behind Chu Yigui, turning his head to look out the window.
It's probably because this place is too remote; you can hardly see any buildings.
The surrounding space was completely dark, with only a large lamp hanging high on the railing, illuminating the clean floor.
"Brother, how was your day?" Chu Yigui turned around and asked Wan Qiu.
Wanqiu didn't know how to answer that question.
“The orphanage is just a place like this.” Chu Yigui didn’t seem surprised by Wan Qiu’s silence. He turned his head and looked out the window. “It’s a place where people are abandoned and taken away.”
Wan Qiu remembers that the children here would call the director "Mom".
It was as if they were brothers and sisters.
When young children are together, the sensible ones take care of the less sensible ones, and they learn to help each other.
“It’s a very good place,” Wan Qiu said.
However, Chu Yigui's eyes flickered slightly, and his gaze shifted from the solitary lamplight to Wan Qiu.
Wan Qiu smiled when he saw Chu Yigui.
However, Wanqiu could not understand such a smile.
It's not about being happy or unhappy.
It felt strange, like leaving the warm stairwell and standing in the lonely, cold light, wearing only thin clothes.
"Brother?" Chu Yigui asked, "After seeing all this today, do you also think this is a good place?"
The cool words felt like tiny needles piercing flesh, causing a stinging pain, yet leaving no visible wound.
Wanqiu didn't know why he had this feeling.
They were standing together under the lights, but Chu Yigui seemed to be in the shadows.
Wan Qiu stepped forward, but Chu Yigui did not back down.
The distance between the two was closing, and Wan Qiu's hand grabbed Chu Yigui's clothes.
“Because even if you’re abandoned, there are still places to go.” Wan Qiu looked up, her voice earnest and heartfelt. “There are warm places, blankets and beds, delicious food, clean rooms, companions, and a mother…”
Countless things that could only be found here flashed through Wan Qiu's mind.
"People will come to see them, there will be new clothes, toys..."
There are so many things that are incredibly precious to Wanqiu.
"It's so good that my brother is here." Wan Qiu hugged Chu Yigui. "My brother is here, and he's survived."
A warm body temperature, a strong physique, a gentle smile—these are things you only have after you've survived.
"It's really good that my little brother was able to wait for Mom and Dad here."
Only in this way can Wanqiu meet her outstanding younger brother.
Only then can I hug my younger brother so intimately, hold his hand, study with him, and spend time with him.
Chu Yigui lowered her head and looked at the top of Wan Qiu's head.
His older brother suffered from long-term malnutrition and was unable to develop properly.
Thin and frail, like a snowflake, it could melt easily.
"Yes, you're right," Chu Yigui said with a light laugh.
There was no forced laughter in that laugh, nor was there anything hidden.
While most people were preoccupied with what they had, Wanqiu was thinking about what she had.
Chu Yigui gently pinched Wan Qiu's hair; it was very soft and delicate, and a subtle sensation came through her fingers.
"Brother, do you hate me?" Chu Yigui's voice seemed to echo from a more distant place.
Chu Yigui wondered if Wan Qiu could hear his voice.
"I love my younger brother."
Wanqiu didn't know why Chu Yigui would say he hated her.
But he truly loved his younger brother.
Chu Yigui's expression finally changed.
Chu Yigui didn't know that Wan Qiu still didn't understand.
Does he know he's taking away his life?
Does he know that he only has everything he has now because of his abandonment?
Did Wan Qiu know that his suffering was actually shaping Chu Yigui in the orphanage?
Chu Yigui couldn't bring himself to say these words.
Wanqiu's existence is like wrapping all absurdity and lies in a sweet sugar coating, layer upon layer.
It's as if this way, the bitter taste can be buried forever.
Chu Yigui sometimes wondered why he had survived.
Why not just die unconsciously when you're discarded?
Is there anything he absolutely needs to do to survive?
He stood in the pitch-black world, becoming a shadow.
But as Wan Qiu embraced him, Chu Yigui suddenly saw a thin line shimmering with light.
It traversed the pitch-black world, passed by him, and stretched out in an unknown direction.
He couldn't tell where the line led.
In the pitch-black world, devoid of any direction, he had no choice.
We can only follow this single, fragmented ray of light, which has been ground into thin lines, and move forward slowly.
Wan Qiu lay on his bed in the dormitory, but couldn't close his eyes.
It wasn't pitch black; the moonlight streaming in through the window illuminated the room, making most things vaguely discernible.
This was the first time Wanqiu had been unable to sleep.
Those children who were deformed like him, who were born sick, were abandoned here.
If he was abandoned by Ning Qiaozhen and Ning Hai and did not return to his parents' side, would he be in an orphanage now?
Does he always have somewhere to go, no matter what?
My brother said that many people here are sponsoring orphans in need.
This is a place where goodwill gathers.
There is so much kindness.
This world must be a world of only happiness.
Wanqiu stretched his hands out from under the covers and raised them high. This feeling of grasping freedom seemed to have become an unconscious habit.
Wanqiu wanted to tell another version of herself deep in her memories.
I wanted him to know that no matter what happens, they can live well.
Wanqiu clasped his hands together and placed them over his heart.
I hope that the other self in my memory, who is different from him, can also understand the same feelings he had.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
