Qi Yan stared into Luan Yining's eyes, and this time he asked, "Why?"
Why is it that even though he is so awful, Luan Yining can still tolerate him without complaint, give him a chance to make amends, and say that it's not his fault?
Luan Yining touched the red mark at the corner of Qi Yan's eye with her fingertip, then moved it to his cheek and wiped away the tear stains that Qi Yan himself had ignored: "Don't cry."
Qi Yan gave a low, muffled "hmm," but as he finished speaking, a tear fell onto Luan Yining's hand.
The more he wiped away the tears, the more they flowed, almost like a flood. Luan Yining patiently wiped them clean.
"I'm not pretending to be pitiful."
"I know."
Qi Yan stared intently at Luan Yining, waiting for his answer, but did not urge him.
Although he didn't speak, his thoughts were completely conveyed to Luan Yining through his eyes.
Luan Yining was all too familiar with that look in his eyes. Qi Yan always looked at him like that whenever they argued, but now it held less anger and more pleading.
Luan Yining felt a pang of guilt; he didn't like this change.
In the early days of their marriage, Luan Yining wanted to change their situation, but the guilt and awkwardness brought about by the unpleasant beginning, along with the misunderstandings that lasted for two years, shrouded both of them in a heavy shell.
New misunderstandings become thorns on a hard shell, and every "communication" pricks both of them until they bleed profusely, with neither escaping unscathed.
Later on, whenever they met, it was like a conditioned reflex. The more Qi Yan wanted him to be jealous and prove his concern, the more indifferent he became. Even if he prepared to communicate properly, he was eventually overwhelmed by his pent-up emotions and neither of them was willing to take the first step to be honest about their feelings. They went further and further down the path of being anxious and insecure.
Qi Yan's behavior was more obvious, while Luan Yining's concealment wasn't particularly good either; she just happened to be able to fool Qi Yan, who wasn't very good at handling emotions.
By the time Luan Yining realized that his mindset was irreversible, a year had passed since their marriage. Qi Yan had become extremely sensitive, and the slightest disturbance would make him furious, and he would do anything to attract Luan Yining's attention.
Luan Yining was angry but didn't think it was too much. It was his responsibility; he hadn't given Qi Yan the feedback he wanted. But at the same time, he was incredibly conflicted, resenting himself while continuing to say things he didn't mean.
It felt as if his heart had been pierced by thorns; the slightest movement caused the old, grotesque wounds to throb with pain. So he rekindled his interest in learning to race.
Even after learning this, I still didn't have a chance to have a proper chat with Qi Yan.
After half a year of madness, Qi Yan gradually became despondent and became cautious towards him. He abandoned his former friends and revolved around him. The young master had to watch his mood every day, adapt to his lifestyle, and even gave up his former social activities, admitting defeat first.
He gave up trying to prove that Luan Yining loved him, admitting that there might never have been any feelings between them. He felt humble and desperate, yet stubbornly refused to give up on this failed marriage.
But he wasn't the only one unwilling to divorce. Why wouldn't he divorce? Luan Yining asked him that question in the car, and she was also asking herself that question.
This marriage should have ended long ago; it was consuming his lover, and he was becoming more terrifying than he had imagined. He was watching helplessly as his lover sank into this state, like watching a drowning person without offering any help.
The older man should have been more mature and guided his younger partner to cultivate a healthy relationship, but because of his mindset, the two of them have tormented each other to this point, and that is his fault.
But it was too late; the marriage had already become abnormal, and he could only try to cut his losses before things spiraled out of control.
But Qi Yan persisted. He was far more sincere and passionate than he had imagined, and he proved to him with his actions that he was wrong. It was never too late.
Luan Yining had a gentle expression, but her voice was firm and strong as she looked at the young man before her and said, "I love you."
Qi Yan's breath caught in his throat for a moment.
At this moment, his long-held wish came true. In Luan Yining's eyes, there was truly only him, and no other person or thing could be accommodated.
It was a little difficult for Luan Yining to reveal his feelings. He didn't know how to make Qi Yan feel safe, so he simply repeated, "Because I love you."
Qi Yan gave him an apology that was four years overdue, and he should return the feelings he had withdrawn back then because of his awkwardness.
His mind went blank. Luan Yining in front of Qi Yan seemed to split into many parts, each little person opening and closing their mouths, saying "I love you." The scene before him was mottled and fragmented, suddenly shattered by the continuous stream of tears.
"Don't cry, we won't get a divorce." Luan Yining helplessly hugged the emotionally distraught Alpha, unsure of what else to say. Finally, she placed a kiss on Qi Yan's forehead: "I'm sorry, Qi Yan, I've kept you waiting for too long."
After a long pause, Qi Yan sniffed, "It's not late, but..."
He recovered very quickly, and after confirming the truth of Luan Yining's words, he immediately straightened his back: "Then can I ask a few more questions?"
Luan Yining paused for a moment, then chuckled, "Go ahead and ask."
"Did you like me the first time you tried racing?"
"You weren't even an adult back then—"
Qi Yan interrupted, pressing closer to him and saying, "Your lack of denial means you're admitting it?"
"……Um."
Qi Yan's red eyes couldn't stop the smile from widening: "So, which is more important, me or my work?"
"..." Having made all the preparations but not expecting to face this kind of problem, Luan Yining paused for a moment, then said helplessly, "You are important."
Qi Yan secretly retracted his fist: Yes!
The third question finally got to the point. With his "status" confirmed, Qi Yan seemed much more confident. He wiped his face, which had been covered in tears, and tried to pretend nothing had happened. He raised his chin and asked with more self-assurance than ever before: "Then why get a divorce?"
Luan Yining stared at him for a while: "The divorce is my problem. I failed in my responsibilities as a partner and misjudged our relationship."
No, that's not it. Qi Yan frowned. It was his own stupidity that he didn't pursue her properly and instead resorted to coercion. It was his own fault that Luan Yining was angry and didn't give him a good look. He kept doing some crazy things and even forced her to marry him. He didn't understand how Luan Yining could have fallen for him.
He went too far. There were still so many misunderstandings at the time, yet he still went on to provoke Luan Yining without any restraint, showing no consideration for Luan Yining's feelings.
It's even possible that Luan Yining wasn't entirely without jealousy, but he just hadn't realized it. He had forgotten about Qin Chong and the marriage proposal he had blurted out, but Luan Yining had remembered it for so long. Only today did he realize that Luan Yining could also act like a child, throwing a tantrum. Thinking back, he realized how wronged Luan Yining must have felt before...
He was the one who pushed Luan Yining to her breaking point; otherwise, why would someone as good as Luan Yining bring up divorce? He reaped what he sowed.
But how could Luan Yining think that the divorce was her fault? Qi Yan looked at Luan Yining, who had a serious expression, and suddenly remembered that he hadn't dared to ask on the first day of the show, but had kept it in his heart until now: "making peace with himself." He also remembered that Luan Yining had said last time that he needed time to "solve his own problems." All of this proved that Luan Yining had really taken all the responsibility onto himself.
Qi Yan clenched his fist: "What's wrong with you?"
“By agreeing to marry you, I have accepted you as my partner and should take on the responsibilities of a partner. But I have failed to do so and I still hold a grudge about what happened back then, causing you to suffer undue coldness. I feel very guilty.”
"It's clearly my own fault," Qi Yan retorted silently.
Luan Yining glanced at him, shook her head and said, "Since we got married, you've always been the one accommodating me. I can't fit into your circle of friends or your parties, so I always feel resistant."
"It just so happens that I don't really like it either, so let's not go together."
"My age..."
"What's wrong with age? Professor Luan's age doesn't stop netizens from calling him 'beautiful wife' every day. You clearly already have a family!" Qi Yan had been resentful for a long time.
Luan Yining suddenly laughed: "Do I need to say it again?"
Qi Yan immediately replied, "Yes!"
Did you have fun racing today?
"How did it become you asking me?" Qi Yan complained, but still answered, "Of course I'm happy. I'm happy doing anything when I'm on a date with you."
"Do you remember how long it's been since you last raced a car?"
"Not long, right? It seems like only a year?"
Two years ago, Qi Yan had an accident during a competition. It wasn't serious, but he broke two ribs. Luan Yining was very worried at the time. Qi Yan was even proud of himself for a while because of this. However, Luan Yining was busy taking care of him and didn't get enough rest, which caused her to faint in the ward due to low blood sugar.
Qi Yan hasn't run on a racetrack since that incident, but what does that have to do with the divorce?
Faced with Qi Yan's questioning, Luan Yining said softly, "I don't want you to give up your hobbies, friends, or even your childhood habits, and to wrong yourself just to accommodate me."
"? I didn't, I was willing!" Qi Yan wanted to refute, but Luan Yining gently pressed her index finger against the corner of her lips.
Luan Yining said, "You haven't gone out with friends alone for a long time. You no longer participate in the entertainment activities you used to be keen on. Even your lifestyle and daily routine are now the same as mine. You always carefully watch my expression when you speak. In order to please me, you are so skilled at cooking and housework that you don't seem like a young master. I can guess what you were like when you were in the Qi family. I don't want you to lower your standard of living and lose yourself because of me."
"For the past ten years or so, you were the center of attention, with a wide range of interests, many friends, and a more exciting and happier life. Our lives, social classes, and even personalities and ages are very different. I have done a terrible job as your partner, giving you a completely failed marriage. This marriage is draining you and dragging you down. Divorce may bring you a better life."
Luan Yining spoke slowly and earnestly.
While enjoying Luan Yining's unexpected level of care, Qi Yan also felt the real pain of the boomerang piercing his body.
What nonsense did he spout in front of Luan Yining that made her think this way?
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