Platonic love
The closer the date got, the more uneasy Song Shuyang felt. But when the day finally came and he got on the plane, he actually calmed down.
Some things are not difficult to do, but we are afraid to do them, but we have to do them.
"It's been twelve years." He looked out the window and said.
Jin Zhou placed his hand on the back of his hand soothingly.
He had read psychology books specifically a long time ago, and after a long talk with Song Nian, he had a deeper understanding of the causes of Song Shuyang's avoidant attachment.
It can be said that 99% of it comes from his father.
Song Shuyang's father is a typical East Asian parent who believes in repressive education. During his childhood, Song Shuyang never received any positive emotional feedback from his father. He always had a serious expression.
If he was picky about food, his father would punish him by not allowing him to eat for the whole day; if he threw his toys around, his father would throw away all his toys at once; if he ranked second in the class, his father would sternly ask him why he couldn't get first place, ignoring all his progress and efforts.
Even if you really get first place in the class, all you will get is a light-hearted "keep up the good work."
For Song Shuyang, the real childhood nightmare was being locked up in a small dark room. Whenever he acted up at school, his father would lock him in the dusty, dark storage room at home, leaving his skin to become red, swollen and allergic, and would not let him out no matter how much he cried.
But at the same time, he would brave the heavy rain to rush home from the company to pick up his lost homework book, and then carefully escort it all the way to hand it to the teacher to prove to him that he really just forgot to bring it, not that he didn't write it; he would carefully study the recipes and try his best to make the dishes he didn't like more delicious; he would secretly write in his diary: Yangyang has improved three places this time, Dad is proud of you.
It was this kind of subtle influence that made Song Shuyang completely unable to respond properly to the love of others after he became an adult.
The whole reason why Song Nian was absent during the critical period of his personality formation was that she was sick and suffered from severe postpartum depression. She was unable to take care of Song Shuyang for a long time. Later, as soon as she recovered, she divorced him and returned to her hometown with her child to raise him alone.
Under Song Nian's careful care and Jin Zhou's company, Song Shuyang grew up to be a sunny and cheerful boy, but his childhood experiences laid the foundation for his avoidant personality, and the lack of fatherly love also more or less affected his view on choosing a spouse.
If the story were just like this, Song Shuyang could simply hate his father.
But the problem was that when he was eight years old, Song Shuyang's grandparents tried hard to invite him to spend the summer vacation in Beijing. He wanted to go, but he didn't know how to face his father and chose to escape.
He didn't expect his father to come to Jiang City to find him. At that time, his father had to support two elderly people and pay a large amount of child support to Song Shuyang every month. In order to save money, he took an irregular bus. An accident occurred on the Beijing Expressway. The vehicle was seriously overloaded and no one survived.
The traffic police who handled the accident said that when they found his father, he was still holding a large bag of fried sesame cakes tightly in his hands. His body was cold, but the cakes were still warm.
This was the shop where Song Shuyang would secretly use money to buy sesame seed buns when he was a picky eater and was punished by not being allowed to eat. They were 50 cents each, but because he was so pitiful, the owner would still sell them to him for 40 cents.
In the same year, his grandparents also died one after another due to excessive worry. After losing three family members in a row, Beijing became a place Song Shuyang never wanted to set foot in again.
"At that time, I was really afraid that you would die too." Song Shuyang lay in Jin Zhou's arms, crying breathlessly.
Jin Zhou fell ill in the second year. If Song Shuyang lost another family member, he might completely collapse.
Jin Zhou patted him on the back gently and waved to the flight attendant who passed by and silently asked him if he needed a tissue.
"It's okay, just cry, it will be better after crying."
After a flight to the subway, and then to the bus, we arrived at the alley where Song Shuyang lived as a child. Over a decade later, the alley's layout hadn't changed much. Beneath a plane tree, so thick it could be hugged, the pancake shop was still open.
Song Shuyang passed by and was recognized by the old lady who owned the shop. "Is that Yangyang? Yangyang from Old Yu's family?"
Song Shuyang was pleasantly surprised and said, "Grandma, you still remember me."
What surprised him even more was that the grandmother still looked radiant and didn't look old at all.
"Why don't I remember? You're the most mischievous kid in the whole alley, the one who climbs up the roofs and tears down the tiles."
Song Shuyang was embarrassed to be exposed in front of Jin Zhou, and quickly changed the subject: "Are sesame cakes still 50 cents each now?"
"Yes, we haven't raised prices in ten years. We have loyal customers, so why would we raise prices?"
Song Shuyang handed over the one-dollar coin he had prepared, "Then give me two."
"How could I ask for your money? Before your father left, he came to me and bought a big bag of it, saying he wanted to bring it to Yangyang. It's a pity that he never came back, and you didn't even get to eat the pancakes. All these years, grandma has been thinking about when you would come back, but she never gets to see you."
Song Shuyang took the two paper bags and gave one to Jin Zhou.
The old lady suddenly asked, "Is this...my boyfriend?"
Song Shuyang almost choked to death after inhaling a mouthful of biscuit crumbs.
No, is this grandma so open-minded?!
He hurriedly explained: "This is my brother."
"Oh, your mother remarried later, right?"
"No!" Song Shuyang almost got angry when he heard this, "She has always been single, this is, is..."
Oh no, he didn't know how to explain his relationship with Jin Zhou. If he said they were just brothers who grew up together, it didn't seem like their relationship was strong enough for them to return to their hometown together.
He simply stopped explaining and pushed Jin Zhou to sit under the sycamore tree.
I took a bite of the pancake and it tasted the same as before, fresh, fragrant and crispy, with all the sesame seeds in it.
Jin Zhou also took a small bite and asked him, "Don't you want Aunt Song to find another companion?"
"No, I support her pursuit of happiness. Just don't bring her to me and don't force me to call her dad."
"What if he also has a son and asks you to call him brother?"
Song Shuyang shuddered, "No, I can't bear the thought of it."
After saying that, she didn't know what was going on in her head. She blushed and bumped into Jin Zhou's shoulder, whispering, "I already have a brother."
Jin Zhou chewed the pancake absentmindedly, his mouth feeling both bitter and sweet.
Time was tight, so Song Shuyang went to take a look at the tombstone, placed his and Song Nian's flowers there, and bowed again. He also went to his grandparents' grave and talked for a while, and his wish was fulfilled.
Jin Zhou thought he would cry, but he didn't expect that he was much stronger than he thought. After he cried all his tears on the plane, he really didn't shed a single tear.
"Zi Zi, go back. You have to catch a flight tonight." He took Song Shuyang's hand.
"Thank you, brother." He said sincerely.
Jin Zhou rubbed his head and said, "Why do you become so cheesy after just one trip home?"
"Get lost! You don't like to hear nice things, you just like to hear people scold you."
Jin Zhou was also a bit of a jerk, so he said with a smile, "That's perfect."
Song Shuyang shook off his hand, "You are really sick!"
After returning from Beijing, Jin Zhou could clearly feel that Song Shuyang had become even more restless, for example, now.
"Please film it, Jin Zhou. I beg you. It will definitely become a hit if you film it."
"I don't really want to show my face," he said, his whole body swaying as Song Shuyang shook him. "Besides, the dance you chose is really embarrassing."
Song Shuyang saw the male anchor dancing an inappropriate dance from somewhere and insisted that Jin Zhou take a picture of him as well.
"Then I'll get you something to cover your face later so you won't be recognized by acquaintances."
Jin Zhou took off his glasses and squinted at Song Shuyang.
He asked, "Do you want to film it, or do you want to watch it yourself?"
The little pervert who just wanted to feast his eyes was exposed without any mercy!
Song Shuyang smiled guiltily.
He still didn't give up, clinging to him like a dog-skin plaster, "Dance for me, brother, you have a much better figure than that male anchor, and you're more handsome than him, just satisfy me."
Jin Zhou put his glasses back on and stopped looking at him. "Don't jump, lest you, Lao Xiao, miss my □□. Go watch your male anchor."
Song Shuyang's eyes widened, and he asked in disbelief, "Who is chasing whom between us?"
Jin Zhou said with a sad face: "A relationship based on beauty is unstable. I hope you can see my inner self."
“…”
Song Shuyang was so angry that he threw the pillow on the bed at him, "Get lost! Why are you pretending to be a serious person? If you didn't have that kind of beauty, I would have run away a long time ago."
Jin Zhou caught the pillow steadily and shook his head in a condescending manner, looking like an old father who looked down on his promising son.
Song Shuyang was so angry that his head was dizzy, and he said fiercely: "Okay, then I will watch the male anchor's edge, and I won't watch it even if you beg me to!"
"Wait a minute," Jin Zhou turned around and hooked his finger at him, "Come here."
He quickly lifted up his shirt, and before Song Shuyang could react, he put it down again, hiding his abdominal muscles tightly, and continued to work on his creation seriously.
“…”
Song Shuyang was very suspicious that her future relationship with Jin Zhou would still be a platonic one.
Song Shuyang still slept at his house that night. Jin Zhou went to take a shower, and the computer was idle. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. He got up from the bed and wanted to find a male anchor who was not very good at live streaming and hang out in his live broadcast room, waiting for Jin Zhou to come out to see his reaction.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been looking at Jin Zhou for too long, or because he himself has superior looks, but after flipping through several pages, there’s not a single person I like. They’re either ugly or greasy, or both ugly and greasy. Watching them dance isn’t as good as watching himself dance in front of the mirror.
When he heard the water in the bathroom stop running, he was afraid that Jin Zhou would come in at this time, so he quickly opened a live broadcast room, then leaned back in the chair with his arms folded, putting on a lecherous look.
He posed for a long time but Jin Zhou still didn't come in. Song Shuyang was getting angry and bored waiting, so he opened the web and searched: [How do boys show they like someone?]
The results of the search were all mixed up, none of which was what he wanted. He scrolled to the bottom and saw another entry: [Does my boyfriend not touch me because he doesn’t like me?]
Let me make it clear first, he clicked in not because he was dissatisfied with Jin Zhou, but simply out of curiosity.
The first article that popped up said: [Every man has a lower body. If a man has no sexual interest in you, it's either because he doesn't love you or because your body is not attractive to him.]
Song Shuyang lifted up the hem of her clothes and looked at her belly.
He is the one with the extraordinary child-like figure.
He closed the webpage, feeling a little depressed.
This cannot be blamed on him. He has a big appetite, but he just eats a lot and doesn't gain weight. Fitness also requires innate conditions, and not everyone can develop muscles as beautiful as Jin Zhou's.
Jin Zhou's voice came from outside: "Song Shuyang, I'm going to sleep, you should go to bed early too."
It turned out that he had no intention of coming in again.
Song Shuyang awkwardly closed the live broadcast room of the male anchor who was skirting the line, and lay back on the bed with an unhappy look on his face.
Maybe, in fact, I didn’t love him that much.
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