Family ties, repaired with care
On Saturday morning, Mo Xiaoyu arrived early for the foundation's newly established "Parent-Child Heart-to-Heart Dialogue" workshop. As she opened the door to the activity room, she was surprised to find Li Xiaoyu already setting up the venue.
"Teacher, why are you here so early?" Li Xiaoyu was arranging the chairs into a warm circle.
"I'd like to take another look at the case files." Mo Xiaoyu took out a folder from his bag. "The situation of this mother and son today is quite special."
The folder contains the case of Ms. Wang and her 16-year-old son, Xiaojie. Xiaojie, once an excellent student, saw his grades plummet after entering a key high school, and recently he has refused to communicate with his parents. Ms. Wang wrote in a letter seeking help: "It feels like there's an invisible wall between my son and me."
At nine o'clock sharp, the participating families began to arrive. Mo Xiaoyu noticed that Ms. Wang and Xiaojie—the mother looked anxious, constantly adjusting her clothes, while the son, wearing headphones, kept his head down at his phone, maintaining a clear distance between them.
The workshop began with the counselor guiding each family to share their most recent happy family moment. When it was Ms. Wang's turn, she choked up and said, "I can't remember the last time our family was happy... I can't remember."
Xiaojie suddenly took off his headphones: "Because in your eyes, only grades can make you happy!"
The room fell silent. Mo Xiaoyu slowly walked to the center of the circle and said, "I understand how you feel right now. But please believe that this is a place where you can speak your mind."
Under professional guidance, the mother and son finally began a conversation. Ms. Wang tearfully expressed her anxiety: "Your father and I are ordinary workers. We just hope you can get into a good university..."
"So I have to shoulder all your hopes?" Xiao Jie retorted with red eyes, "Every exam is like going to the execution ground. If I don't do well, I will have to face your face!"
After the workshop, Mo Xiaoyu deliberately kept the mother and son. She asked them to sit side by side and handed each of them a notebook.
"Now, please write down what you want to say and then read it to each other."
Ms. Wang wrote in her notebook, "Mom is just worried that you'll have a hard time in the future." When Xiaojie saw this, tears finally fell: "But every day is hard for me now."
This scene reminded Mo Xiaoyu of a father and daughter he met at a community service station last week. The father was a delivery driver, and the daughter wanted to study art, which led to a heated conflict. Volunteers used a similar method, asking both parties to write down their true feelings. They discovered that the father's objection stemmed from concerns about the difficulty of finding a job for art students, while the daughter's opposition stemmed from her father's hard work and a desire to earn money to help support the family.
"Many times, conflicts arise from problems in the way love is expressed," Mo Xiaoyu said to Li Xiaoyu.
To help more families, Mo Xiaoyu decided to systematize the "parent-child spiritual dialogue" model. She led her team to develop the "Four-Step Family Spiritual Communication Method":
Step One: Create a Safe Space
Make sure the conversation takes place in a neutral, safe environment and avoid emotional arguments.
Step 2: Listen attentively
Ask each family member to remain silent and not interrupt when the other is speaking.
Step 3: Express your feelings
Avoid accusatory language by saying "I feel..." instead of "You always..."
Step 4: Seek consensus
Find a solution that is acceptable to both parties, rather than just one side compromising.
"This method seems simple, but it is very challenging to put into practice," said Li Xiaoyu during the first training session.
As expected, in subsequent workshops, the team encountered various difficulties. There were fathers who adhered to the traditional belief that "a good son is made under the stick," mothers who had emotional breakdowns because their children were addicted to their phones, and the unique conflicts brought about by grandparents raising their children.
The family that impressed Mo Xiaoyu the most was Lao Zhou, a rural family. Lao Zhou and his wife worked away from home year-round, leaving their son, Xiaoqiang, to be raised by his grandparents. Now that Xiaoqiang has graduated from junior high school and refused to continue his education, the relationship between father and son has become a distant one.
"Who am I working so hard for? Isn't it just to give him a good life?" Lao Zhou said excitedly in the workshop.
Xiao Qiang lowered his head and spoke in a low voice: "You only know how to give money... Do you know when I need you?"
Mo Xiaoyu asked them to complete a special exercise - to draw "the home in my heart". Lao Zhou drew a magnificent building, while Xiaoqiang drew a simple house where the whole family could gather.
Looking at the two completely different paintings, Lao Zhou was stunned: "I thought...giving him the best material conditions would be enough."
"What children need is not only material things, but also emotional companionship." Mo Xiaoyu said softly.
This experience made Mo Xiaoyu realize that many family problems stem from a gap in understanding between generations. She decided to upgrade the workshop to include a special "intergenerational dialogue" session.
Meanwhile, Li Xiaoyu came up with an innovative idea: "Can we expand this model to the community? So we can improve communication between neighbors?"
This suggestion was supported by the team. The first community pilot was chosen in an old residential area with a large elderly population and frequent neighborhood conflicts.
At the first community dialogue meeting, Grandma Wang, who lived alone on the second floor, complained about the noises of the young people upstairs, while the young couple upstairs thought the elderly were overly sensitive. With guidance from volunteers, both sides realized that Grandma Wang's sensitivity to noise stemmed from loneliness, while the young couple's irregular work schedule stemmed from their busy schedules.
"If we had known about Grandma Wang's condition earlier, we could have spent more time with her," the young couple said guiltily.
"I should also understand that it's not easy for young people to work hard." Grandma Wang expressed her understanding.
This successful community dialogue opened Mo Xiaoyu's eyes to broader possibilities. She began training community workers to become "spiritual mediators," fostering healthy communication models at the grassroots level.
However, challenges arose one after another. In one urban village, the team encountered stubborn resistance. Several elderly residents insisted that "family disgrace should not be aired in public" and refused to participate in any family communication activities.
"This is our own family matter, no outsiders should interfere." An old man said firmly.
Faced with this situation, Mo Xiaoyu did not force the issue, but instead adopted a "silent and subtle" approach. She asked volunteers to first provide other services to the community, such as health checks and legal advice, to gradually build trust.
A month later, a turning point appeared. A couple in the community who had been constantly arguing improved their relationship with the indirect help of volunteers, a change that was noticed by other residents. The elderly man, who had initially been the most determined, approached Mo Xiaoyu and asked, "My son and his wife are always arguing too... Can you help them?"
Meanwhile, the "Parent-Child Heart-to-Heart Dialogue" workshops have yielded encouraging results. Xiaojie's relationship with his mother, Ms. Wang, has significantly improved after participating in the series of courses. During a recent follow-up visit, Xiaojie told Mo Xiaoyu, "Mom now asks me about interesting things that happened at school, not just my grades."
What is even more touching is that Ms. Wang took the initiative to sign up as a volunteer for the workshop, using her own experience to help other families.
"I once felt like the sky was falling," Ms. Wang said at the sharing session. "Now I understand that as long as we communicate with our hearts, there is no knot that cannot be untied."
At the end-of-term summary meeting, Li Xiaoyu reported on the achievements of this phase: "We have implemented family communication projects in eight communities, directly serving over 200 families. Most importantly, we have trained a group of local 'spiritual mediators' who will continue to play a role in their communities."
Mo Xiaoyu added: "The real change is not how many families we help, but how each family learns to help themselves and each other."
That night, Mo Xiaoyu wrote in his diary:
"Seeing the light in Ms. Wang's eyes today as she volunteered to help other parents, I deeply realized that the process of repairing family ties is actually repairing the capillaries of society as a whole. Only when every family learns to communicate with their hearts and when generations achieve mutual understanding can our society truly be harmonious. Perhaps this is the deepest meaning of our work."
Late at night, Mo Xiaoyu received a message from Xiaojie: "Aunt Mo, I improved 30 places on the midterm exam! Mom said she's proud of me, but she loves me no matter how I do."
Looking at this message, Mo Xiaoyu smiled and turned off the desk lamp. She knew that in countless families in this city, the seeds of understanding were quietly sprouting.
Understanding is another name for love, and listening is the best communication
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