no way
"You came dressed so plainly today, Peacock?" Mom's face was displeased, and she glanced at Su Yu.
We held our breath and walked up to them one after the other.
The long silence was broken by no one, and it was clear that dragging things out like this was not going to work, but Dad just kept his head down and didn't say anything.
Su Yu looked up and met her mother's eyes.
"It's exactly what you think."
My heart pounded the moment I heard Su Yu confess. His eyes were filled with determination, but his hands behind his back were clenching his clothes so tightly they were wrinkled.
There was another silence; no one responded to him.
My parents were calmer than I expected, without any hysteria or cursing, but the cold air blowing from the air conditioner in the corner was colder than any winter.
Su pulled me to sit on one of the two small sofas that were placed separately.
"I always felt that you two should be together for life," Mom said, without opening her eyes.
“You are brothers, blood is thicker than water, Yu Yu, you are no different from the child I carried for ten months and gave birth to.”
...
My mother's voice choked with sobs as she hugged her arms, and my father handed her his coat.
“That day, your mother and I came home, but you had already gone to school. You know there were security cameras installed in the house…”
Dad wanted to continue, but Mom held his hand down. He pulled it away and took a sip of tea.
"You two, at home, in the living room, two men, sigh."
"sorry……"
Su Yu bowed her head and apologized to them.
“We are still not prepared to face this kind of thing… Yu Yu, when we went to your new house that day, you told us at dinner that you love your brother, and it turns out there was something else going on.”
"I wanted to see your reaction." Even though I had a thousand words in my mind, I couldn't say a single one. Now that I'm sitting here, I can no longer hurt them with lighthearted jokes.
"How far have things progressed for you two?"
...
"Forget it, don't tell us."
Mom got up and went back to her room, Dad followed closely behind, leaving Su Yu and me in the living room.
The camera, with its mechanical and cold electronic cigarette flashing a blood-red light, recorded everything that happened inside the room.
Tonight, we naturally went back to our respective rooms, tossed and turned, and ultimately couldn't sleep all night.
Hearing soft sobbing coming from the next room, I got out of bed to look. My mother was sitting on the edge of the bed, making noodles and crying, while my father was standing by the window looking at his phone. The light from the screen and the faint breathing of the lamp were the only signs of relaxation in the house.
When my mom saw me outside the door, she waved for me to come in.
I pushed open the door, and my dad put down his phone and gestured for me to turn on the main light.
The room was suddenly as bright as day. My mother's swollen eyes were filled with tears, and there were wads of paper in the trash can.
"Come here, sit here, let Mom take a good look at you."
I pulled out the stool, and the jarring sound startled me. I lifted it up and put it back before sitting down.
"Look how scared the child is." My mother laughed through her tears and took my hand that I was fiddling with.
"Sigh... I should have just left you there!" She reached out and tapped my forehead, forcing me to look at her.
My mind suddenly went blank, followed by a flood of tears that warmed my dry, chapped cheeks.
Remembering the toner and face cream Su Yu bought for me, I can't disobey him. I'll be using them every day when I get back.
"Why are you still crying, silly boy? I was just kidding. How old are you to still be fooled? You're nothing like your brother."
Seeing that I looked dazed and like an idiot, my mom got up, patted me on the back, and told me to stop fooling around.
"I was planning to work hard with your father for the rest of my life to get you both a house, and then watch you two get married in style."
“We have two cards, and we’ve been depositing five thousand into them every month since you were still drinking milk, no matter how hard or difficult it is, we’ve never stopped.”
"Later, the economy couldn't keep up, so it was reduced to 4,500."
The person by the window put down their phone, sat on the bed, and joined us.
"We don't even know how much money is inside. If you had found out sooner, I would have used the money to go fishing, hiking, and traveling around with your mother."
"Get lost, or I'll teach you a lesson if you dare touch me."
The atmosphere in the room eased, but the night was already deep and unfathomable.
"Even when we're both eighty, we still might not be able to accept your relationship."
Those weathered eyes reflected a glistening love through her tears, and my mother's change of tone made me lower my head again.
“Say a few words too, I want to hear how you and your brother got to this point.”
Upon hearing this, Dad said he was going to the restroom and left.
After calming myself down, I looked anxiously at my mother. She no longer had her usual radiant spirit, and the gray hairs sprouting at her temples seemed to want to know how the two brothers had ended up like this.
“Brother Su... he has taken good care of me since I was a child.”
“He is very gentle, and I like being with him. I don’t know when my feelings for him changed, but by the time I realized it, it was too late.”
“I am his brother, and he is your son. This relationship is wrong. But I have no choice.”
My tone calmed down, and instead of letting my tears flow, I told you how much I love my brother.
"Su Yu likes me too, we've tried..."
"What have you tried?" Mom became wary.
"No, it's that we've tried to let go of our feelings for each other, and even shift them elsewhere."
"Haven't you ever thought about getting along with girls?"
"Mom, that's so irresponsible of you to other people."
"We don't want to force ourselves into relationships with others just to let go of the other person."
"We've failed, it still doesn't work. We only have each other in our hearts. Even if we have other friends, they're just friends."
"I don't like boys either, I just like Su Yu."
“If he weren’t my brother, I would still fall in love with him.”
I expressed my seriousness towards Su Yu in a muddled way. The young boy seemed insignificant in front of the adults. The straightforward and simple confession in my words was strange but sincere.
"You really can't let go?"
"I really can't let go."
"What about your brother? Does he love you just as much?"
I lowered my eyes and nodded.
“I love him just as much, Mom.”
The door opened again, and it wasn't Dad who came in, but Su Yu.
Su Yu looked sleepy, her dark circles barely concealing the exhaustion that seemed to droop down to her chin.
My mother rubbed her forehead and chuckled helplessly, "Another one who stays up all night."
"Come in and have a seat. Welcome to 'Mom's Interview'."
Her footsteps were firm yet incredibly quiet. Su Yu sat at the foot of the bed, fidgeting with her hands.
“Yu Yu has grown up a lot; I can’t treat him like a child anymore.”
Then, as Su Yu recounted his genuine and heartfelt transformation of his attitude towards me, I was already as red as a tomato grown in the most nutrient-rich soil.
Similarly, Mom was speechless.
"I thought you were just making those videos every day for fun, but you've actually improved your speaking skills."
"Mom, I remember I set some of them so you couldn't see them."
"You little brat, you know something. If your second aunt hadn't shown me the video, I would still be in the dark. Are you satisfied now?"
The room was no longer oppressive, and Dad finally came in. "Oh, a meeting? Count me in."
Just when we thought the matter would be over with a laugh, Dad urged us to go back to our rooms and rest.
As we left, we didn't leave immediately but stood by the wall, where soft sighs could still be heard.
When Mom said she still didn't want to put so much pressure on us, Dad retorted that this was no joke.
no way.
There's nothing we can do.
Su Yu looked dejected, and I knew in my heart that he still blamed himself for leading me down this path of no return as my older brother. He had become even thinner, so thin that I had to take the burden off his shoulders, not just share it from time to time, but take it all on.
Even without our family's approval, we two will go to the end, even if we're blind.
In my dream, my family of four went out to play like we did when we were kids, amidst blue skies, white clouds, and green grasslands.
I walked further and further ahead, and the space around me became a blurry blank. I looked at my parents, repeatedly asking them where we were going, but no one paid any attention to me. A huge fear enveloped me, and my parents let go of my hands, gradually fading into nothingness.
I cried loudly. In the illusion, I was the only one. I stopped and sat down on the ground with a thud.
Crying won't help; all I can do is cry.
Through the thick fog, a figure, just as thin as mine, ran towards me. I couldn't make out the dark shadow, but the person seemed to be in a hurry.
From a sprint, it gradually became a jog, until it stood in front of me, and the child's figure transformed into Su Yu's current appearance.
He was very tall and reliable. He picked me up and let me cry in his arms.
They picked me up and kept walking, but I still didn't know where we were going.
That was the farthest distance and the longest time I'd ever traveled, and Su Yu held me tightly the whole time. Never mind, anywhere is fine.
...
I woke up from the dream; the door had been kicked open.
"Get up and eat!"
The blinding sun outside the window made it hard for me to open my eyes, and the fine dust made me instinctively pull the blanket up to cover my face.
"mom……"
"Don't call me Mom, I don't have two kids as capable as you two."
"So, am I not going to eat?"
"When friends come from afar, of course we should invite them to dinner. Comrade Su Yu, get up quickly and make sure the meal is ready."
I couldn't hear what he was mumbling, it seemed like he didn't recognize me and Su Yu anymore, then we really can only stick together for warmth.
"Shrink together for warmth..." I muttered to myself, then suddenly sat up and shouted, "You can do without me, but don't abandon my brother!"
The group of people at the table were eating when they saw me shouting and yelling like a monkey. They had no interest in watching an animal performance, so they went back to eating.
After all that commotion yesterday, my parents left right after dinner, saying they felt suffocated in the house any longer. They even kicked us out so the security cameras wouldn't record anything bad.
I felt incredibly happy when I left home. I called Xiaoxing to come out, but the guy in black was the same as before. He coldly carried us to the restaurant.
After telling Xiaoxing about his family situation, he was speechless.
"That's all? What are you all so upset about?"
"Your parents have treated you like this, so be good to them from now on."
He downed the wine in one gulp and began to vividly recount the tumultuous time he had spent fighting with his family back then.
The man in black listened and laughed as Xiao Xing talked about everything from being abandoned by everyone to starting her own business, and then to all sorts of messy things like romantic relationships.
We listened in stunned silence and had no choice but to admit defeat.
The guy in black paid the bill and then took us to another place to play.
During that time, my parents messaged us to ask what we were doing and sent us a photo. They seemed relieved.
Although it's unclear whether they're truly at ease, because they're now somewhat wary and suspicious of our male friends.
When we got home, no one was there, so we were able to fall asleep separately without staying up all night or sharing a bed.
Hearing the click of the door lock opening, I pressed myself against the door, trying to hear what they were saying.
In summary: After attending lectures, consulting experts, and communicating with numerous parents, we still haven't found a solution. Every family has its own problems, and this is the first time they've realized how many homosexuals, and especially how many gay men, exist in the world.
But there are almost no others in the same situation as us.
Quietly, Su Yu messaged me to ask if I was asleep; he had booked a train ticket to go back in the early morning.
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