Qin Yan didn't say anything. He held an umbrella and looked at the person in front of him quietly.
Fu Changling was wearing his wedding gown, and for some reason, he suddenly thought of Fu Yushu in the illusion.
He didn't know if Fu Changling was looking at him with the same feeling as Fu Yushu when he saw Lin Chen leaving, knowing that he couldn't keep him, but still trying his best to keep him.
He could only hear the sound of rain hitting his umbrella, making it almost impossible for him to hear anything around him. He opened his mouth and uttered in a low, hoarse voice, "Sorry."
After hearing the apology, Fu Changling knew the result and he suddenly calmed down.
It seemed as if the worst had already happened. He suddenly felt calm as if everything had settled. He looked at Qin Yan, and the expression of the man opposite him was the same as always, neither happy nor sad.
The heavy rain became a silent curtain, separating the two people and blurring their faces.
"Why..." Fu Changling restrained his emotions and asked hoarsely, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"You always lie to me." Fu Changling couldn't help laughing. "In your last life, you tricked me into thinking you were a demon. I destroyed you, I killed you, and you took the entire responsibility. You suffered your whole life, and you deceived me your whole life."
"In this life," Fu Changling raised his head, clenching his fists and maintaining a smile, but his eyes felt blurry, "You are still the same."
"You obviously know everything, but you still don't say it."
"Look at me like a fool, telling you about the past, telling you about my pain, watching me think you were dead, living in pain and guilt. Every day, every night, I look forward to your return. I have nightmares all the time, dreaming that you died in front of me."
"These," Fu Changling finally lost his composure. He stared at Qin Yan. He no longer wanted to restrain himself or reason with him. He just stared at him and asked him, "Don't you know?"
"You know."
Fu Changling laughed. "At the Ten Thousand Bone Cliff, I cried and begged you to come back. At Taiping Town, I nearly became possessed by the devil. My desire for you to come back has become a psychological barrier. If you had just admitted it, I could have crawled out of hell and been redeemed. But you didn't. You just watched, ignoring everything and pretending not to know."
"And then you continued to lie to me."
"You lied to me that you liked me, you lied to me that you were attracted to me, you lied to me that you would marry me, you lied to me that you would be with me forever!"
"I thought this life had started over. I thought I had taken over the Jinguang Temple for you and accompanied you to the Wangu Cliff. I thought I had saved your master and Yunze, and I had reversed everything."
"I thought I had paid enough for my sins...so God gave me a chance."
"You are attracted to me, you love me, you care about me..." Fu Changling said, and he couldn't help but raise his hand to grab the clothes on his chest, as if cutting open his chest and squeezing his heart. The pain made him unable to breathe, "Qin Yan, you don't have to dislike me."
"But you can't lie to me."
As he spoke, he raised his voice and roared, "How could you lie to me like this!"
"I'm sorry," Qin Yan lowered his eyes, looking at the raindrops splashing on the ground, his tone a little dry, "I just... hope you can be okay."
"Have you asked me?!"
"Every time you say you're doing this for my own good. In my last life, you said nothing for my own good. In this life, you're also doing this for my own good, and you're saying nothing. Can you tell me the truth just once?! If you had told me the truth in my last life, how could I have let you go that far alone!"
"If you had told me the truth in this life..." Fu Changling said, he became a little dazed and slowly lowered his voice, "I'm not... not going to listen to you."
If he had said it earlier.
Even if it had been a month earlier, a few days earlier, before he thought he had been reborn, before he thought he deserved a lifetime of guilt, he might not have been in such pain.
The saddest thing in this world is not living in pain all your life.
But the beauty is within reach, but it is shattered before our eyes and we are powerless to do anything about it.
He could accept it whether Qin Yan disliked him, loved him, or hated him.
Just like in the previous life, she took all the pain on herself, and kept deceiving him, making him live in a beautiful dream.
All the mistakes were his, Fu Changling's, and all the rights were Qin Yan's. He, Fu Changling, could neither hate nor love. He was clearly in pain, but even blaming others was wrong.
Qin Yan is a saint.
But what he hated most was this considerate heart of a saint.
Even at this moment, when he was so rude and out of control, Qin Yan just stood there and looked at him quietly.
Fu Changling suddenly felt that he had lost all his strength, but he had to stand here. He mustered up all his courage and finally opened his mouth to ask.
Although Jiang Yebai had already given him the answer, he still wanted to hear Qin Yan's response in person.
He wanted to have a moment when at least he was not living in an illusion.
"I have one last question for you. You promised to be with me. You said you would try to like me. Is that true?"
Qin Yan was silent. Fu Changling stared at him. After a long moment, Qin Yan said dryly, "Yes."
"Really?" Fu Changling smiled. "Then can you tell me that my senior brother has cut off the fourth soul's love root and will never love again in this life? What makes you like me?"
Qin Yan remained silent. Fu Changling looked up, seeming to find this ridiculous. He took a deep breath, trying hard to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes, and spoke for Qin Yan: "Let me tell you, Senior Brother."
"You know you can't like people, but you pity me."
"You pitied me, unable to obtain the love I wanted, a love that had no happy ending, calling a horse a zebra, confusing right and wrong. I worked hard my whole life, only to harm everyone I loved. You felt so sorry for such a person. Most importantly, this person was the future True Lord Huayang, and he couldn't take the evil path. So, when he turned to evil out of despair, you pitied him. You needed him to always stand on the right path, so you told him you would take him home and that you had him in your heart."
"Love doesn't matter to you anyway. Loving someone, liking someone, it's not important at all. What's important is that person is willing to listen to you, willing to be like your puppet, your doll, to follow your commands, and even risk their life for Yunze, for the common people."
"How great." Fu Changling couldn't help but laugh. He clapped his hands and chuckled softly. "For the sake of your people, and to make that person's life a little better, Sui Yanjun was willing to compromise and fall in love with someone he had no feelings for. What a saint."
"Changling..." Qin Yan's voice choked with sobs. Fu Changling smiled and shook his head, raising his hand to stop him, "Don't call me that."
"In your heart, I'm not Fu Changling." Fu Changling raised his head and looked at Qin Yan with a smile. "Perhaps you have some friendship with your fellow apprentices, but in your heart, I represent Huayang Zhenjun, right?"
Qin Yan was speechless. Fu Changling was not wrong, but he also knew that maybe it was not the case.
"If Sui Yanjun feels that he is not like that, then I would like to ask Sui Yanjun," Fu Changling said with some fatigue, "why did you keep me in Hongmeng Heavenly Palace in the first place?"
Qin Yan did not respond, and Fu Changling urged him with a low laugh: "At this point, I hope Sui Yanjun will not lie to me again."
"After the Xuanji Secret Realm is opened, someone wants to kill you. I'm afraid that something might happen to you and you'll be in danger in the future."
Qin Yan answered calmly. Fu Changling listened, lowering his head and chuckling, "I am the future leader of the Immortal Path. Sui Yanjun's concerns are well-founded. Then, what was Sui Yanjun's intention in giving me the jade pendant?"
"In my previous life, Qin Yan loved you." Qin Yan clenched his umbrella. He looked at Fu Changling, restraining his tone and emotions, trying not to let his mind wander. "For Qin Yan in my previous life, this jade pendant represented his feelings for you. When we first met in Hongmeng Heavenly Palace at the age of eight, he remembered you. When we met again in Xuanji Secret Realm at the age of seventeen, he fell in love with you. He used his heart's blood to refine the jade pendant, which was a symbol of all his feelings for you."
So in his previous life, he killed the entire Fu family and returned the jade pendant to him.
This life, Hongmeng Tiangong is a disciple——
"I am giving you this feeling on behalf of Qin Yan from my previous life."
Because he can't have it, and he would feel regretful for cherishing such a beautiful friendship.
So he quietly gave this feeling to that person on behalf of Qin Yan in the previous life. The moment the jade pendant was given away was the moment of decision between past and present life for Qin Yan in this life.
Fu Changling listened quietly, his heart aching.
But he had to stand and continue listening: "That Wan Gu Cliff, Sui Yanjun already knew I was there."
"Yes," Qin Yan said calmly, "When you opened the teleportation array, I saw the picture inside and knew you were at Wangu Cliff."
"You know that one year there is equal to one day in the outside world. Why did you rush over here to get the afterlife flower for me?"
"You saved Master," Qin Yan replied emotionlessly, "I owe you this. And since you're my junior fellow apprentice, I should have saved you. Plus, you're the True Lord Huayang. If you don't have the Golden Core, there's no hope of advancing. I'm afraid that if the Karma Prison can't be sealed in the future, something bad will happen in the Immortal Realm."
"Back then," Fu Changling lowered his eyes, "you came down from the Jinguang Temple, and why did you rush to Wangu Cliff to get the Rebirth Flower for me?"
"Because back then, he hoped you could go to Junzi Terrace. He knew you weren't having a good time in the Fu family, and he heard you were being bullied because you didn't have a Golden Core. He hoped you could fight and become famous at Junzi Terrace, so he hurried to get the Rebirth Flower for you."
Qin Yan did not use "I". Fu Changling knew that Qin Yan was distinguishing himself from his previous life and his current self.
Fu Changling didn't dare to think about it too much. He just mechanically asked, "In the Cliff of Ten Thousand Bones, you know everything I saw in this life in your previous life."
"Know."
“So you fell into the devil’s ways.”
"That's not the case." Qin Yan lowered his eyes. "After coming out of the Ten Thousand Bone Cliff, although he had a demon in his heart, Qin Yan didn't dare to abandon his Taoism and returned to Hongmeng Heavenly Palace on his own to suppress the demon in his heart."
"So he sent me the flowers for my afterlife and left in a hurry without showing up. He wanted to rush back to suppress his inner demons."
"yes."
"What about Taiping Town?" Fu Changling continued, "Does he know about the things happening in Taiping Town?"
"I know part of it."
Qin Yan answered seriously: "In his previous life, after his master died, he was framed as the master's murderer. Hongmeng Heavenly Palace said that he had a demon in his heart and colluded with the Prison of Karma. In order to find out the truth about his master's death, he escaped from Hongmeng Heavenly Palace, and then he met a person."
"That person told him that the demonic cultivators had infiltrated Yunze, and the immortal world needed someone to act as an undercover agent among the demonic cultivators. Otherwise, Yunze would definitely lose the battle between the immortals and demons. So he chose to betray the sect and join the demon world."
"Not long after he became a demon, the head of the Fu family approached him and told him about the relationship between the Fu family and Fu Changling, hoping that one day he would completely sever the relationship between the Fu family and Fu Changling. Later, when the Fu family formed the Immortal Alliance and the Demon Lord among the demon cultivators appeared, he volunteered to be the vanguard and participated in the battle to wipe out the Fu family."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Fu Changling's tears rolled down his cheeks: "Back then, he killed me in order to let me go, right?"
Qin Yan was silent for a moment, then he said slowly, "What's the point of telling you?"
"Are you going to turn against the faith and become a demon, or are you going to save him?"
Qin Yan said, seeming to find it amusing: "At that time, the Immortal Path needed an undercover agent to find out what the Karma Prison really is. If it wasn't Qin Yan, it could have been someone else. He has nothing anyway, so why not take a step forward?"
"He placed all his life's hopes on you."
Qin Yan stared at Fu Changling: "Actually, you don't have to feel too guilty or sorry for him. He didn't have a bad life in his previous life either. He had many happy things."
"He's very happy that you became famous in the Junzitai battle."
"He's happy that you survived."
"He's very happy that you became the True Lord of Huayang and helped the weak and suppressed the strong."
"Later, you were clean and pure, covered in white snow, deified and enlightened, admired and respected by all the people in the world. He then had no regrets and could not be happier."
"You've said sorry many times in your life, but Fu Changling, you've never been sorry for him." Qin Yan looked at the man in front of him and said calmly, "He's not possessed by demons because of you, and he's not driven to despair. On the contrary, you are the light of his life."
In the most painful and darkest moment, when he was struggling in the mud, the young man named Fu Changling was the only starlight when he looked up at the darkness.
At the age of seventeen, Fu Changling was the blind boy who followed him in the Xuanji Secret Realm. He used his life to get him out of the Xuanji Secret Realm and let him know how to love someone.
When he was twenty years old, Fu Changling was the person he wanted to protect. He killed his entire family and secretly followed Fu Changling who was being hunted, watching him stand up again and again in desperate situations. So the twenty-year-old Qin Yan also learned to stand up again and again in desperate situations.
At thirty, Fu Changling was his only source of comfort. Back then, Fu Changling had achieved a breakthrough to the Spiritual Transformation stage, becoming the first person since Yunze to transcend the tribulation and earning the name Huayang Zhenjun. When he opened his Daoist temple, the masses flocked to pay their respects. That day, thirty-year-old Qin Yan blended in with the crowd, gazing up at that untouchable figure, and finally felt his sword take on a new lease of life. His efforts hadn't been in vain. See, there was someone else in this world who had done everything he'd wanted to do, becoming the person he'd dreamed of becoming as a young man.
At forty, Fu Changling was his man. By then, the war between immortals and demons was in its final decade, and Fu Changling had formed the Immortal Alliance and become its leader. He built the Wuque Palace, and he and Fu Changling each held their own side. Sometimes he would gaze towards the Hongmeng Palace, his homeland, and there Fu Changling was.
At the age of fifty, Fu Changling was the one who killed him. By this time, Fu Changling had already closed the gates of the Karma Prison and wiped out the demonic cultivators. His mission was complete, and Fu Changling had become the person he had once longed to be.
He thought that Fu Changling would live a good life after his death.
He will look down upon all living beings, protect Yunze, and then one day he will break through and ascend to become a fairy.
But he never thought that lies could not last forever, and one day, Fu Changling would know the truth.
What he never thought of was that even under the lies, Fu Changling would still like Qin Yan.
"If there are two of you, one of you must say sorry."
Qin Yan paused. He looked at the young man in wedding robes in the rain. After a long moment, he spoke with difficulty, "I'm sorry."
This word "I'm sorry" instantly spanned two lifetimes. Fu Changling looked at the person in front of him and opened his trembling lips.
He wanted to say something, but couldn't.
How could it be that easy?
This person always spoke only good things, always showing the best in others. If he was truly so happy, without a single complaint, why would he have fallen in love with her? Why would he have torn that love away?
If he was not extremely desperate about this relationship, if he did not feel that there was no hope at all, how could he not reveal his feelings until the last moment of his life?
Fu Changling said nothing. He pushed aside the curtain, stepping through the wind and rain until he reached Qin Yan. Then he stopped, standing outside the umbrella, half an arm's length away from Qin Yan, quietly looking at the young man in white under the umbrella.
Fu Changling wanted to reach out and touch Qin Yan's face, but he didn't dare.
I didn't know Qin Yan's intentions, so touching him was unintentional.
Now that he knows that Qin Yan will never like him, he still relies on that person's pity to do things that he doesn't like. This is disgusting.
He looked at Qin Yan quietly. After a long time, he reached out, untied his belt, and took off his outer wedding gown.
He threw his wedding gown into the mud, leaving only his white shirt, and then he knelt down and kowtowed in front of Qin Yan.
"In my past life, I was unforgiving and failed your grace. Now that we meet, I don't know the law of cause and effect, and I have offended many times. I hope that Sui Yan will be magnanimous and do not take your words of love to heart. In the future, I am willing to be your dog and horse, and I will never let you down, even in life or death."
Qin Yan didn't say anything. He looked at Fu Changling. He felt like something was blocking his heart, and it hurt.
"I am willing to become your Taoist partner."
Qin Yan said with difficulty: "I don't... mean to use you."
Fu Changling knelt on the ground, silent for a long time. After a long while, he spoke in a low voice: "I understand, but Senior Brother, I am not worthy."
"Senior Brother has long since given up on love and doesn't understand worldly desires. Marrying me is mostly just a way to appease me. But Senior Brother has already given enough and doesn't need to be so considerate of others. At least, he doesn't need to be so considerate of me."
As Fu Changling spoke, he slowly raised his head and stood up. "The one who killed Senior Brother was Hua Yang. The one who forced Senior Brother to cut open his love root was also Hua Yang. What is Hua Yang's status that earned Senior Brother's favor?"
"I am willing."
Qin Yan clenched his umbrella tightly, feeling something pressing against his chest. Looking at Fu Changling like this, he couldn't help but change his tone: "I'm very happy to marry you. Seeing you happy, I'm also happy."
Fu Changling listened to this, he raised his head and looked up at Qin Yan: "Then do you like me?"
Qin Yan stood there in a daze, unable to answer.
Fu Changling smiled, and his tone softened: "If you don't like me, marrying me would be a compromise. You're not happy about marrying me, but simply because I'm living a good life and you're happy."
"But brother, you have been good to me for two lifetimes. I am content, that is enough."
"The next ten, twenty, one hundred, one thousand years."
The rain fell on Fu Changling's face, washing away his tears. He knelt on the ground, looked up at Qin Yan, and smiled: "Let me be good to Senior Brother, let me think about Senior Brother, let all Senior Brother's happiness be for himself, not for others."
"Brother, don't worry about me being sad." Fu Changling's smile became even brighter. "I'm already very happy knowing that you've returned, that I can atone for my sins, and that I can be good to you."
"As long as Senior Brother lives a good life, Changling will have no regrets. There is no need for marriage, and I don't need Senior Brother's response. Changling only needs Senior Brother to promise me one thing."
Fu Changling's voice fell silent. Qin Yan's hand, which was holding the umbrella, trembled. He stared at the young man kneeling in front of him, and heard him laugh like crying: "Don't lie to me."
"In this life, I want to make all the choices myself."
“No matter how painful or desperate it is, I want to walk my own path.”
"Brother," Fu Changling pleaded in his eyes, "Live for yourself and let me wake up."
"Is it okay?"
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