Fu Changling listened to his words, staring at him blankly, and repeated in disbelief, "You will never like me in your entire life?"
Qin Yan looked at his expression and hesitated for a moment. He didn't repeat what he said. He turned his head and looked out the window. "Now I am your senior brother. I am not the Qin Yan you know. If the Qin Yan in your previous life knew what you said to me."
Qin Yan sighed, "He must be very sad."
"Why should you be sad?" Fu Changling couldn't understand.
"Aren't you sad?"
Qin Yan turned his head, looked at him quietly and said, "If it's really as you said, then he was the one who suffered in the last life, and he was the one who loved you. But in both past and present lives, you never said sorry to him, nor did you treat him well in the slightest. Now that you've been reborn, you're repaying your guilt for him to someone who has never experienced it before. If he knew, wouldn't he be sad?"
"But you are him?"
Fu Changling cried out excitedly, and Qin Yan looked up, his expression calm. Fu Changling had seen this look countless times, and Qin Yan had said these words countless times since they met. But he had never dared to face it, nor did he want to. He had never been willing to dwell on it, and had always felt comfortable letting it go. But now, for the first time, he realized that Qin Yan, once convinced, would not brush aside a matter simply because you didn't mention it.
Fu Changling looked into his eyes. He was so determined, so determined that Fu Changling didn't even know whether he was right or wrong.
"Do you remember what you told me when you came out of the Xuanji Secret Realm?"
Qin Yan reminded him, Fu Changling looked dazed, and then he heard him say, "You said he's dead."
He is dead.
He is dead.
Qin Yan's words made Fu Changling almost breathless. Qin Yan looked at him quietly. "Why do you change your mind now?"
Fu Changling opened his mouth, but he couldn't answer.
Qin Yan's appearance and figure flashed through his mind. He handed the jade pendant to him at the apprenticeship ceremony, walked in front of him with a big flower flying sword, tied the hairband for him at the foot of Wangu Cliff, and put on the wedding dress in Baiyu City.
As scenes flashed through his mind, his breathing became heavy. Qin Yan said calmly, "It's just that we've been together for a long time, and you're just looking for someone to rely on."
"no!"
Fu Changling roared, staring at Qin Yan in front of him like a wounded beast. He panted rapidly and argued, "You and he are the same person. This is not a sustenance. You are him!"
As he spoke, Fu Changling stood up from the bed. He stood up, stopped in front of Qin Yan, and looked down at him. "You and he have the same temperament, the same preferences, the same beliefs, and the same principles. You will experience everything he has experienced, including..."
He said in a low voice, "I like me."
"Qin Yan," he raised his hand, grasped his, and placed it on his chest. "Listen to your heart. Tell me, in all these days together, haven't you ever felt a moment, not even a single moment..." He paused. Qin Yan looked up at him, his eyes clear and frank. Fu Changling hesitated in his tone, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. "Not even a single moment, have you ever felt moved?"
Qin Yan looked at him quietly, his eyes calm and without any emotion.
He didn't say anything, but Fu Changling saw the answer in his eyes. He couldn't help but grab his shoulders and choked up, "Tell me in person."
"say what?"
Qin Yan asked calmly. Fu Changling squeezed his thin shoulders and asked hurriedly, "You said you don't like me?"
"Do you want to listen?"
Qin Yan's tone was steady, with a hint of pity. Fu Changling stared at him and didn't dare to speak for a moment.
He knew clearly that as long as he agreed, this person would say it out loud. The reason why he didn't say it was simply because this person knew deep down that it would be too hurtful to say it out loud.
"If you don't like me," Fu Changling's voice trembled, "when the Jinguang Temple came to hold you accountable, why didn't you tell everyone that it was me who destroyed the Xuanji Secret Realm and that you were to take full responsibility for it?"
"You are in the Xuanji Secret Realm, and there are many doubts about your identity. I am afraid that you are the one who has taken over another's body. If I involve you in this, you won't be able to save your life." Qin Yan's tone was calm and without any emotion.
"In that Ten Thousand Bones Cliff," Fu Changling felt his vision blurry, but he still stared at the person in front of him, "Why did you risk your life to get this Rebirth Flower for me?"
Hearing this, Qin Yan was silent for a moment, and Fu Changling growled, "Speak!"
"I owe you."
Qin Yan looked up at him, but his overly calm eyes made Fu Changling feel as if he was being looked down upon.
He seemed to be high above, and in the face of his pain, his anger, his unwillingness, and his despair, he only had pity and love. It was as if gods and Buddhas were watching the suffering beings and listening to their wailing, with nothing but compassion in their hearts.
"In Xuanji Secret Realm, you damaged your golden elixir while trying to save me. In Hongmeng Heavenly Palace, you fought against the Jinguang Temple for me. Finally, you fell into the Ten Thousand Bone Cliff, your golden elixir completely shattered, all to save Master. This is what I owe you, and I owe you back, both emotionally and logically."
Fu Changling listened quietly. Every word he said hurt his heart, but he still listened.
He was reluctant to miss any of Qin Yan's words, even if they hurt him.
"These words may hurt you," Qin Yan lowered his eyes, "but I can't lie to you."
"I am not the Qin Yan you knew in your previous life. Perhaps our paths may seem similar, but there is one thing I know clearly: I am different from him."
"Junior brother," he enunciated clearly, "I have no feelings for you."
As Fu Changling listened to Qin Yan's words, he suddenly felt that all his strength was gone.
He let go of Qin Yan, took a step back, and fell onto the bed.
He lowered his head and said nothing. Qin Yan looked at him quietly. The wind blew in from the window, bringing with it the night rain and a hint of chill. Qin Yan looked at Fu Changling like this, and for some reason, he felt a little depressed.
He had never seen Fu Changling like this.
Whether it was the memories of his previous life or the cognition of this life, the Fu Changling he knew was always tough and bright.
Even on the day when the Fu family was exterminated, he was still in the blood, looking up at him, with a pair of eyes filled with a heart-throbbing vitality, as if no one and nothing in this world could completely destroy him.
But now he was sitting here, hunched over. Even though he looked like a young man, Qin Yan still felt an endless sense of desolation and loneliness radiating from him at that moment.
He seemed like an old man who had reached the end of his road, with nothing and full of despair.
For the first time, Qin Yan realized that this was truly the reincarnation of Fu Changling.
He has experienced a long time, polished and kneaded by time. His passion has long been buried, leaving only a body disguised as a youth, wrapping up the old age in his heart.
Throughout his life, he had never been as afraid as he was in his youth, nor had he ever been as panicked as he was in his youth. He always had a smile on his face, as if filled with endless energy, handling everything with ease.
Even if you lose your composure occasionally, you can still adjust in an instant and stay calm. Even if you have a nightmare the night before, you can still smile and talk to everyone the next day.
When such a person showed such a loss of composure, Qin Yan felt at a loss as to what to do.
He realized that Fu Changling had always been the one maintaining the balance in their relationship. He used his smoothness to make their relationship appear easy and pleasant, but when he stopped maintaining this balance, they discovered that between them, there were countless chasms and an abyss that could not be crossed.
Qin Yan was silent for a long time, then he slowly said, "Changling."
Fu Changling lowered his head and said nothing. Qin Yan took a deep breath and finally said, "Why don't you learn the Way of Ruthlessness from me?"
Fu Changling was stunned. After a moment, he slowly raised his head, looked at Qin Yan in shock, and said hoarsely, "What did you say?"
"Senior Sister Xie and I both learned the Way of Ruthlessness," Qin Yan explained, looking at Fu Changling. "After practicing the Way of Ruthlessness, one becomes indifferent and pure-hearted, and perhaps no longer cares about many things. I know you have your own skills, but if you really can't forget the past, why not..."
"Get out!"
Fu Changling raised his hand, pointed to the door, and shouted urgently.
Qin Yan was stunned. Fu Changling lowered his head and didn't look at him. Qin Yan fell silent, holding the sword, and whispered, "I'm sorry."
After saying that, he turned around, walked to the window, closed it, and sighed softly, "Go to bed early."
He walked out, but before he reached the door, he heard someone behind him say, "I know you're not him."
Fu Changling's voice was as hoarse as if it had been crushed by stones. "The person in my memory would never trample on someone's feelings even if he didn't like them."
"I know you don't like my feelings, and maybe even think I'm disgusting. But I keep it in my heart. I haven't hurt you. I can stay away from you in the future. Why do you have to do this?"
"Practicing the ruthless way?"
Fu Changling laughed sarcastically, "My feelings are bothering you so much, do you need to use this method to make my feelings disappear?"
Qin Yan had his back to him. He gripped his sword tightly and whispered, "I just hope you can find peace of mind."
"I feel uneasy because I have an obsession in my heart." Fu Changling looked up at the front, his expression calm, and said in a long tone, "You think the ruthless way is to let go, but I think the ruthless way is to escape."
"I will eliminate my obsession with my own actions. I will repay those I owe; I will protect those I love; I will kill those I hate. In this life," he turned to look at Qin Yan and said in a loud voice, "I will never let go of my love or hate."
"Liking Qin Yan is not something I should regret or feel ashamed of, and certainly not something I should let go of."
"But he's dead."
"I'm still alive." Fu Changling quietly watched his back. "As long as I live, I will remember him and love him. He will live in my heart forever."
"You're right, Qin Yan."
Fu Changling looked at the drizzling rain outside the door, a little dazed. "You are you, he is him. My love for him and my guilt towards him are all things from the last life."
"You two shouldn't be involved with each other. I'm sorry for all this time. You can rest assured in the future," Fu Changling smiled. "From now on, you are my senior brother, and I will not overstep the boundaries in any way."
Qin Yan listened to his words, and he couldn't tell what he felt.
It felt like something was falling from my heart slowly, heavily, and gently to the ground.
Dust flew up, covering up the true emotions in people's hearts. Qin Yan looked at the drizzle and said calmly, "I meant what I said at the beginning."
"You are Shen Xiufan. You came to Hongmeng Heavenly Palace. You have a heart to save the world and are willing to do something for the world. I am very happy."
"I don't have the heart to save the world."
Fu Changling said calmly, "I became the leader of the Immortal Alliance for revenge. Saving Yunze is my only wish in life. I am just an ordinary person. All I want to protect is my own world and my family and friends."
"I was the one who offended you." Qin Yan apologized.
"But he has the heart to save the world." Fu Changling turned his head and looked at the shadows of swaying branches outside the window not far away.
"If he has it, I'm willing to follow his path."
"He is a gentleman, so I will be a gentleman; he wants to save Yunze, so I will save Yunze; he wants to use his sword to protect the people, so I will use my sword to protect the people."
"He's dead," Fu Changling paused for a moment before speaking slowly, "but I can live the way he wanted."
"If one day, he could open his eyes and see the world and me somewhere, he would not regret it."
"He would think that Qin Yan had never loved the wrong person in his life."
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