sincere
After returning safely to the palace, she saw Cui Shenzhi and Qiao Siyu, who had been waiting for her for a long time. The two were chatting and laughing, and looked very well-matched.
Seeing this scene, Ping An suddenly felt a little depressed, but she didn't know why.
She composed herself, trying to ignore her discomfort, and pretended not to have seen anything, saying in a slightly coquettish voice, "Shenzhi, shouldn't you be handling government affairs at this time? What are you doing here?"
Thinking about what he had said to Qiao Siyu earlier, Cui Shenzhi walked up to Ping An and said sincerely, "Ping An, let's talk."
Ping An glanced at Qiao Siyu, feeling increasingly uncomfortable.
Although she brought Qiao Siyu into the palace to please Cui Shenzhi, Qiao Siyu's actions were a bit too fast. Cui Shenzhi, was it really necessary to be so eager to make Qiao Siyu's affair public in front of her?
Ping An lowered her eyes to look at the ground, her voice devoid of any emotion: "Okay."
After dismissing those around him, Cui Shenzhi naturally embraced Ping An as usual.
"Ping An, I'm sorry."
Ping An looked at the ground and said in as calm a tone as possible, "It's okay, you..."
"I'm sorry, I told you I wouldn't let you suffer, but I still made you suffer." Cui Shenzhi interrupted Ping An, his voice full of sincere apology: "I shouldn't have ignored those things because of my own selfishness, and I was so presumptuous to think that if I didn't say anything and you didn't ask, then it was none of my business, which is why you are so anxious and uneasy."
Ping An was a little confused.
What Choi Shin-ji said didn't seem to be the same thing she was thinking.
So she didn't continue speaking, but listened quietly, wanting to see what Choi Shin-ji had to say.
“I am your bedmate, enjoying the happiness and joy you bring me, but I have never thought about understanding you, let alone trying to enter your heart. As a result, I have no idea what you are thinking, which is why you are so afraid to return to the palace. It is my fault.”
"But don't worry, I've learned everything about you from Aunt Qingya. Now I'm not only facing my own heart, but I'm also certain of my feelings for you. I also know what you're worried about and what you're afraid of. I promise I'll never make the same mistake again. Do you still believe me?"
After Cui Shenzhi finished speaking, Ping An's heart began to pound uncontrollably, as if it would jump out of her chest at any moment. It was as if she was afraid, but it was not just fear, and she couldn't quite put her finger on what she was afraid of.
This unfamiliar feeling terrified her, so without saying a word, she gritted her teeth and pushed Cui Shenzhi away in a flustered manner, went to the corner of the bed far away from Cui Shenzhi, and curled up in a ball with her knees in a very defensive posture.
"Cui Shenzhi, you already know, what are you pretending for!" Ping An said somewhat urgently, "It's true that I'm a rotten person to the core, but you took my body! So you can't treat me like you treated Cui Sugong! Nor can you lock me up and make me live a life of coarse clothes like you did with Shen Meiwu!"
She looked up at Choi Shin-ji, her eyes brimming with panic and fear, and a hint of barely perceptible pleading.
“I can make mistakes! Any mistakes are fine, and then you can publicize my crimes as you did when you seized the throne. Plus, I have the blood of Choi Suk-gong, so the princes, ministers and common people will accept the fact that you will change the dynasty and divorce me without hesitation.”
“I know that no new dynasty would truly treat a princess of a fallen kingdom with genuine kindness, let alone the blood feud between Cui Sugong and your family. But I am innocent! I am also a victim! I have never enjoyed even the slightest benefit because of this identity! Yet you have enjoyed so many benefits by taking my place and even became emperor. I owe you nothing!”
"You can hold a grudge and prevent me from enjoying my current high position, but you can't give me nothing, and you certainly can't leave me struggling to even eat and wear in the future, otherwise the world will despise you!"
Seeing Ping An's terrified state, Choi Shin-ji panicked as well.
“Ping An, I’m not pretending, and I don’t want to harm you. I will never treat you like I did to the Emperor Emeritus or Shen Meiwu. Don’t be afraid.”
Ping An ignored him, simply huddled in the corner of the bed where the sun couldn't reach, watching Cui Shenzhi with suspicion.
Cui Shenzhi watched as the sunlight shining on him stopped in front of Ping An, and couldn't help but think of Qiao Siyu's words.
"You have never seen darkness, and she has never seen light."
Choi Shin-ji pursed his lips, his eyes slightly reddening as he felt heartbroken for Ping An and wanted to cry.
"Ping An, I know you don't believe me right now, but please let me explain, okay?"
Ping An neither said it was good nor bad, but simply remained vigilant.
Cui Shenzhi really wanted to pat her head and hug her to comfort her, but when he reached out halfway, he saw Ping An's figure and backed away, so he stopped.
“Previously, my life was perfect except for the early death of my mother.”
"Although my father doesn't like me, he values me. No matter how much he has opinions about me, he has never shaken my position and has never thought of deposing me. Although I don't have my mother's company, the gentleness and love of the Imperial Concubine and the thoughtful care of Lingxian make me feel less lonely. Not to mention that all the princes and ministers in the court take good care of me, as well as my teacher's careful teaching."
"But then everything changed."
"The Consort's gentleness and kindness were fake. She went from being a respected elder to the culprit who caused my mother a lifetime of suffering, and may even be my mother's killer. I don't want to wrong anyone. I want to get evidence before avenging my mother, but I was surprised to find out that things are not so simple."
"What father, what mother, what crown prince, it's all fake, it's all fake. My existence is nothing but a long-planned conspiracy. I am not some crown prince who needs to be careful with my words and actions and see the big picture from small details. I am Cui Chenzhi, whose secrets are known only to Cui Sugong and Shen Meiwu. I am Cui Chenzhi, the orphan whose entire family was wiped out by them."
"I was on the verge of a breakdown."
"At that time, I was surprised to find that I had developed feelings for you without knowing when. But at that time, I was facing an abyss. I had lost the courage to live and only wanted to fight with my life. I was worried about being a burden to you, so I thought of arranging for you to leave the palace. But people's hearts are uncontrollable. I got drunk and went to offend you."
“No matter what you did to deceive me back then, you did pull me back from the edge of the cliff and gave me a reason to live. I can die for the crime of confusing the royal bloodline, but I can’t let you be ridiculed by the world because of me. I wanted to make sure that I could still protect you after those things were made public, which is why I decided to seize the throne.”
"When I heard what you said to the late Empress, I was hurt but also relieved. Although you lied to me, I didn't really hurt you. That day, I wanted to take advantage of the alcohol to ask you how you felt. If you didn't like me, I..."
Cui Shenzhi exhaled a breath of stale air, lowered his head, and said with a hint of guilt, "At the time, I thought I would let go and find a way to restore your princess status. But now that I think about it, I may have already made a decision when I chose to go to you while I was drunk. No matter whether you like me or not, I will not let go."
"But I really didn't expect things to develop to that point. I was a bit at a loss. It was Ling Xian and Feng Ping who reminded me that since I am just an ordinary person, why can't I marry into the family of the girl I love like an ordinary person? That's why I announced everything to the world, but instead of choosing to change the dynasty, I sat on the dragon throne as a son-in-law."
"I don't want anyone to say that you are a powerless princess of a fallen kingdom who can only depend on me for survival; I don't want anyone to look down on you or say that you are not good enough for me; and I don't want anyone to interfere between us, sow discord between us, and ruin our relationship."
"Ping An, I just didn't want you to suffer, but I think I messed up, didn't I?"
Ping An looked at Cui Shenzhi's face, feeling somewhat at a loss.
Her mind was telling her that, whether she believed it or not, since Choi Shin-ji had said so much, she should pretend to believe and be moved and move closer to him. But her heart was screaming for her to stay away from Choi Shin-ji, to stay as far away as possible, or she would get hurt, she was sure she would get hurt.
Ping An felt as if two little people had appeared inside her body, arguing incessantly, making her head ache, but she couldn't come to any conclusions.
Just then, the scene of Qiao Siyu talking to Cui Shenzhi earlier suddenly appeared in her mind.
In an instant, the two little figures inside Ping An's body disappeared, leaving only a mess.
Indeed, Qiao Siyu is so amazing that even a young girl like her couldn't help but be moved. So it's not surprising that Cui Shenzhi was so infatuated with her in such a short time that he even said such outrageous things.
Ping An lowered her head, but her emotions were still not calm. She couldn't pretend to like Cui Shenzhi, nor could she smile. She could only say in a muffled voice, "Shenzhi, my mind is a bit of a mess. Give me some time to think about it."
Hearing this, Choi Shin-ji smiled happily.
"Okay, take your time thinking about it. I need to take care of some official business first. We can have dinner together tonight and then talk about it, or you can talk about it whenever you want. I won't rush you or pressure you. If you don't want to have dinner with me, I won't bother you, okay?"
Ping An nodded almost imperceptibly.
Cui Shenzhi was relieved and left lightly, not forgetting to express his gratitude when he saw Qiao Siyu.
Qiao Siyu felt something was off. If Ping An believed Cui Shenzhi as soon as he said it, then why did Ping An doubt what Cui Shenzhi said earlier?
She decided to observe Ping An's situation first before making any further decisions.
*****
After Cui Shenzhi left, Ping An raised his head and looked outside the hall, his expression inscrutable.
"Qiu Yan".
"This servant is here."
"Go and call Qiao Siyu here."
Qiu Yan responded and left. A short while later, she appeared outside the palace gate with Qiao Siyu. Both of them shone brightly in the sunlight.
—Just like Choi Shin-ji just now.
An indescribable emotion flickered in Ping An's eyes. She shifted her body slightly, reaching out cautiously as if trying to grasp some precious treasure. But the next moment, a gust of wind blew the bed curtains down, plunging the entire bed into darkness.
She lowered her head, looked at her empty hands, and chuckled softly a few times. Her eyelashes trembled, and her eyes struggled for a moment before returning to silence.
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