Pregnant
Six months later, in January of the second year of Jianzhao, Ping An was more than two months pregnant.
After learning about this from the imperial physician, Ping An remained calm. After all, she and Cui Shenzhi were both healthy and had not taken any contraceptive medicine. With Lu Fengping taking care of her health, pregnancy was only a matter of time, so there was nothing to be surprised about.
Cui Shenzhi, however, thought otherwise.
He first loudly announced that all palace servants would be granted half a year's salary, then he hugged Ping An and wept with joy. Next, he shouted for Qi Kang to summon the Imperial Observatory, saying that he wanted to find an auspicious day to grant a general amnesty and celebrate with the whole world.
—If Ping An hadn't stopped him.
Cui Shenzhi was, after all, the emperor, and it was somewhat inappropriate to reprimand him in front of the palace servants. So, while Ping An pinched Cui Shenzhi's waist with one hand, she softly ordered everyone to leave.
This had happened many times before. Qiu Yan and Si Wei skillfully withdrew and closed the door behind them, and even consciously kept their distance from the door.
*****
After the palace doors closed, Ping An waited a moment before grabbing Cui Shenzhi's ear and angrily saying, "Why did you give so much silver? That's all money! My money!"
Unable to contain his excitement, Cui Shenzhi replied, "But Ping An, I'm so happy, I can't contain myself, I want everyone to be happy for this child with me!"
Ping An gritted his teeth and tightened his grip even more.
"And then what? What's the use of them being happy for this child? Does it mean that if more people are happy, the child will be able to run, jump, and talk from birth? You'd be better off finding Lu Fengping and having him prescribe some medicine to help stabilize the pregnancy."
Upon hearing this, Cui Shenzhi's eyes lit up.
"You're right, I'll go and fetch Fengping right now!"
Cui Shenzhi ignored Ping An's hand pinching his ear, told Qiu Yan and Si Wei to take good care of Ping An, and then hurriedly ran out of the palace.
Seeing that Cui Shenzhi didn't understand what she was saying, Ping An angrily grabbed the cushion next to her and threw it at his back, but she couldn't help but smile.
What a fool! If the imperial physician didn't say anything after taking your pulse, then there's no problem. Why bother calling Lu Fengping, this medical expert, into the palace? Besides, all medicines have some toxicity. If there's no problem, why take any pregnancy-stabilizing medicine? What if you end up with problems instead of a healthy pregnancy?
*****
In the days that followed, Choi Shin-ji completely turned into a foolish father. Even though Ping An's belly wasn't showing yet and there was no fetal movement, he would talk to Ping An's belly all day long.
He talked during the day and at night, while eating and reviewing memorials. Even when some ministers raised their voices during court sessions, he would whisper a few words to soothe Ping An's belly.
Not only that, he would also measure Ping An's waist every morning, and if it was even a fraction thicker, he would happily praise it for a long time.
Ping An endured it again and again, but finally couldn't hold back and kicked Cui Shenzhi off the bed on a day when there was no morning court session.
The palace servants exchanged glances and tactfully withdrew, leaving behind only Cui Shenzhi, who lay bewildered on the ground, and Ping An, who was lying on the bed, furious.
"Ping An, what's wrong?"
Ping An didn't answer Cui Shenzhi's question. Instead, she glared at Cui Shenzhi and said angrily, "I'm not having the baby! Get Lu Fengping to prescribe me some abortion medicine!"
Choi Shin-ji hesitated for a moment, but still answered decisively, "Okay."
Ping An was furious at the unexpected answer and threw the pillow at Cui Shenzhi.
"Cui! Shen! Zhi! How could you say such a thing! This is my child! If you don't want my child... then I don't want you either. From now on, we'll go our separate ways!"
Cui Shenzhi quickly stepped forward to explain, "Ping An, this child is someone I've been longing for, how could I not want him?"
"Then why did you ask Lu Fengping to get me abortion pills?!"
"Because you want to..."
Ping An picked up another pillow and threw it at Cui Shenzhi.
"I want it, you give it to me. I want your life, will you give it to me? I want your empire, will you give it to me?"
“Give it to me,” Huo Anjin replied decisively, “If you want my life, I’ll give it to you. As for the empire… it was originally yours.”
Ping An gritted his teeth, pulled Cui Shenzhi back onto the bed from the floor, and then grabbed his ear.
"Why can't you tell the difference between good and bad advice? I said I wanted abortion pills, and you didn't even ask me why? What kind of nonsense is it to just give them to me?"
Cui Shenzhi looked enlightened and carefully held Ping An in his arms, saying softly, "Ping An, why don't you want this child?"
"What do you think!" Ping An released Cui Shenzhi's hand, leaned into Cui Shenzhi's arms, and said with a frustrated expression, "Ever since we had this child, all you talk about is the child, the child, the child... as if I'm just a tool for having children."
"No, Ping An, how could I see you like that?" Cui Shenzhi explained in a flustered manner, "I asked those women who had given birth before. They said that although the baby is in the womb, it can hear the sounds outside. As long as you say nice things to the baby, the baby will be more obedient and won't make you cry, and your pregnancy will be easier."
Ping An felt a little better after that, but his imposing manner remained unchanged.
"Come on! If that were true, why didn't you do that when Qiao Siyu and the others lied to us about me being pregnant?"
“At that time, Fengping kept saying that your pregnancy was not good. I was full of worries and had to arrange your return as soon as possible. I didn’t have time to ask about these things.”
That's true.
Ping An pouted, and his momentum weakened.
“…Okay, I guess I misunderstood you, but please don’t do this anymore, I don’t like it.” Ping An looked at her lower abdomen and said with some dissatisfaction, “Ever since I had this child, everyone you’ve talked to me about is the child, as if having this child has made me not myself anymore, but just the mother of this child.”
"Qiuyan followed me closely, constantly reminding me to be careful and not to hurt the child. The imperial physician and Lu Fengping also said all they wanted to say after taking my pulse was that this food was good for the child and that food was good for the child. My mother also told me several times to be more careful with my words and actions in the future, so as not to frighten the child."
"But why? I'm the one who's pregnant, I'm the one carrying the child, I'm the one suffering and toiling away. Why is everyone only concerned about the child, and nobody cares about me?"
As he was talking, Ping An poked his lower abdomen twice with a resentful look on his face, and Cui Shenzhi quickly stopped him.
“Ping An, it’s not that they don’t care about you, it’s just that they care more about the baby. After all, compared to you, who is lively and energetic, the baby in your belly is too fragile. Something could happen if you’re not careful. It’s human nature to care about the weak. And you’re not the kind of person who would compromise yourself, so they accidentally overlooked you.”
Ping An clicked his tongue.
"I don't care, I just don't like it."
"Then I'll go talk to them and ask them to pay less attention to the baby in your belly and more attention to you, okay?"
"No, I don't need that kind of concern."
Cui Shenzhi was somewhat troubled, but he didn't know what else to say. He could only hold Ping An tightly and gently stroke her soft hair, trying to soothe her unhappiness in this way.
The two stayed close together until Qingya rushed over.
Qiu Yan noticed that Ping An and Cui Shenzhi hadn't come out for a while and was afraid they might do something out of control, so she quickly went to find Qing Ya.
Qingya was Ping'an's adoptive mother, and her status was incomparable to that of the other palace servants. So when she arrived at the bedchamber, she pushed open the door and saw that Ping'an and Cui Shenzhi were just sticking together, both dressed properly. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that there was nothing wrong in the bedchamber.
Cui Shenzhi could tell at a glance what Qingya was worried about, and couldn't help but blush.
Ping An merely raised an eyebrow: "Mother, this is my and Shenzhi's bedroom. You should at least knock on the door and ask first. It would be so inappropriate if Shenzhi and I were seen by someone."
“I’m just worried about you two having an affair,” Qingya stepped forward to separate the two, directing Qi Kang and Siwei to help Cui Shenzhi wash and change, while she pulled Qiuyan to help Ping An get ready: “The baby in your belly is far from safe. If you two do something reckless, losing the baby is a small matter, but what if it damages your body? I asked Doctor Lu, and he said that abortion is just as damaging to a woman’s body as childbirth. If not handled properly, it can leave lasting health problems.”
Ping An then realized that Qing Ya was talking about the child, but was actually worried about her. She breathed a sigh of relief and said with a clear mind, "Don't worry, Mother. Shen Zhi and I know what we're doing and won't act impulsively."
Qingya was somewhat skeptical, but she didn't say anything. She just made up her mind to come and check every day, just in case.
*****
It's unclear whether it was because Cui Shenzhi didn't talk to Ping An's belly, but the baby inside Ping An became irritable. In any case, three months later, Ping An experienced morning sickness.
She was enjoying her favorite bird's nest when she felt nauseous after only a couple of bites. She turned around and vomited it all up. But even after vomiting, she still felt nauseous until Qiu Yan covered the bird's nest and took it far away. Only then did she feel a little better.
Ping An calmed herself down, rinsed her mouth, and then shouted loudly at her stomach, "Hey you, you've been fine for the past few months, why are you suddenly acting up now? There are only about three months left, you can bear with it and I can bear with it too, can't we just part amicably?"
Cui Shenzhi quickly stepped forward to comfort him.
—To appease Ping An is also to appease Ping An's stomach.
He gently stroked Ping An's back to help her catch her breath, while speaking softly to her stomach.
"Good boy, don't bother your mother, okay? It wasn't easy for your mother to carry you. She suffered a lot and endured a lot of pain. Be a little more sensible and obedient, okay? As long as you behave, whatever you want after you're born, Daddy will get it for you, okay?"
The child's response was a kick from inside Ping An's belly.
Cui Shenzhi immediately said with great joy, "Ping An, the child agrees with what I said!"
Ping An, however, remained speechless.
"What do you mean 'agree'? You're clearly kicking me to vent your anger," Ping An poked his stomach. "I did say a few things to you, but I didn't say anything wrong. Why are you so angry?"
"I've been eating bird's nest without any problems, but suddenly I can't even smell it anymore. Are you throwing a tantrum or am I?"
This time, the child did not respond.
Ping An wanted to poke it again, but Cui Shenzhi had to persuade her to stop. As for the bird's nest? She could only enjoy it after giving birth.
But neither Ping An nor Cui Shenzhi expected that this was just the beginning.
In the days that followed, Ping An's morning sickness worsened, and she could not eat, smell, or even look at many things, which caused her to become increasingly thin. At the same time, she had to go to the toilet more and more often, which forced her to give up her plans to attend court with Cui Shenzhi. She also frequently experienced leg cramps at night.
Cui Shenzhi saw it all and felt heartbroken. He wished he could take Ping An's suffering upon himself, but he couldn't. All he could do was try to be there for Ping An and share her joys and sorrows.
Ping An doesn't eat anything he can't eat. He accompanies Ping An to the outhouse. When Ping An gets a leg cramp, he massages it until Ping An recovers and falls asleep.
Until the day of safe delivery arrives.
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