Chapter 26
Huang Ruoyu was unaware that Chengshi's smile was not actually from his heart.
In fact, Cheng Shi was tempted after hearing Huang Ruoyu's "perfect plan," but at this moment he could not help but hide his excitement—perhaps not just to hide it from Huang Ruoyu, but to hide it from himself, because Cheng Shi was afraid of this "perfect plan," a plan that made him feel terrified.
But what exactly is the source of her fear, Narumi couldn't explain either.
"Stop laughing! I'm very serious about this," Huang Ruoyu finally calmed down and asked Cheng Shi with a cold face, "What's so funny about this?"
"No, no, I know you're serious, and I'm listening very carefully." Cheng Shi immediately straightened his attitude. "However, I still have a few questions for you. First, while you're busy outside earning money to support the family, what exactly should I do?"
Huang Ruoyu shifted back, looking at Cheng Shi with a puzzled expression, and asked, "Didn't you understand what I said? You still don't understand my plan? You can do what you should have done 10 years ago! Go find yourself! You can read, study, exercise, or think. Then you'll have plenty of time. Haven't you always wanted to figure out what you really want to do? You can think about it. And once you figure it out, you'll have the time and freedom to do what you truly want to do!"
Although Huang Ruoyu said this, as if her plan was entirely for Cheng Shi's benefit, she hadn't actually been completely honest with Cheng Shi about herself. The reason Huang Ruoyu came up with this plan was actually more for herself—because she was fed up with her current life.
Everyone who knows Huang Ruoyu says she's "brave" and "lucky." She dropped out of school because of pregnancy and then married a poor young man. Even an ordinary college student, let alone someone with the potential to become a big star like her, probably wouldn't dare to be so "love-struck" and headstrong. She's considered "lucky" because Cheng Shi, seemingly a poor young man, is actually a real catch. After marrying Huang Ruoyu, he not only never made her work a single day, but also bought her a large villa, handed over his entire salary to her so she could spend it as she pleased, and let her live the life of a wealthy wife. Even retired big stars might not have Huang Ruoyu's good fortune!
So, is being a full-time housewife really a life of leisure? Huang Ruoyu has never figured this out. The reason she married Chengshi so early was actually twofold: first, to get rid of her grandmother; and second, because she desperately needed someone to love her, and like her mother, she was a member of the "appearance association," so Chengshi was the best choice.
But after being a housewife for 10 years and having two children who were finally older, Huang Ruoyu suddenly began to reflect on her current life. She felt an endless emptiness and loneliness: since Cheng Yusi started kindergarten, she was almost always alone at No. 5 Napa Valley from morning till night, with no one to talk to. Although she was reluctant to talk to Xiao Si before he started kindergarten, at least she had someone by her side. It is said that women have no friends after 30, but Huang Ruoyu is still almost a year away from turning 30, but she has already experienced the loneliness of having no friends: her classmates and best friends are either working hard in their careers or busy dating as they approach 30, and those who are married are either caught in mother-in-law wars or sighing with worry because of their young children... Huang Ruoyu found that at this age, it is difficult to even meet up with a friend for a chat.
Oh no, Huang Ruoyu actually had someone she could chat with, Suningna, who lived at No. 8 Palm Beach. But honestly, Huang Ruoyu was by no means that kind of country bumpkin, vulgar and hypocritical woman. Unless absolutely necessary—like asking her to pick up her child from school on her way—Huang Ruoyu would never contact her. So, sometimes, trapped alone at No. 5 Napa Valley, Huang Ruoyu would even miss that old, run-down apartment she used to live in—back then, Cheng Yushan was still little, and every time she took her downstairs for a walk, they would run into a few overly enthusiastic "morning aunties." Although Huang Ruoyu didn't like talking to them, at least they were living, breathing people she could talk to! But now?
So, feeling empty and bored, Huang Ruoyu could only focus her energy on shopping. However, what Huang Ruoyu didn't want to admit was that Chengshi was, after all, a wage earner. Although his salary wasn't small compared to his peers, maintaining Napa Valley No. 5 was a huge expense. The house had two floors and a yard, and the monthly electricity and water bills were considerable, not to mention the heating costs in winter. Therefore, even though Chengshi handed over all his salary to Huang Ruoyu, Huang Ruoyu didn't have much spare money to spend. She had a few luxury items, some designer clothes and bags, but those were just for show! Huang Ruoyu now mostly bought fake designer brands online. Anyway, when she wore them, even a burlap sack would look like a real designer brand, so even Chengshi thought she spent all her money on herself. But Huang Ruoyu could only swallow her pride and keep quiet about it; after all, she couldn't lose face.
But such a life was too stifling. Neither spiritual nor material needs could be met. Every few days, Cheng Shi would mock her, saying things like, "If you went to work, you wouldn't survive a day." Therefore, Huang Ruoyu's "perfect plan" was actually for herself. She wanted to go to work, she wanted to prove that she was capable of working, and she wanted to earn her own money. She wanted to meet new people and make new friends. She wanted to get out of Napa Valley No. 5!
But after hearing Huang Ruoyu's words, Chengshi shook his head and laughed. Because only now did Chengshi finally understand that Huang Ruoyu's words were precisely what terrified him most.
At the same time, a scene that drove Cheng Shi to the brink of madness flashed through his mind: Huang Ruoyu, wearing only a bra and panties, stood in front of her phone, constantly changing into similar outfits, much like her newly bought lace apron, while describing her gossamer-thin clothes in her dramatic voice—because this was the merchandise she was supposed to be promoting. Meanwhile, he himself lay lazily curled up in his food-scratched pajamas, listlessly scrolling through his phone on a bed piled high with books.
“Alright,” Cheng Shi’s hand slid off Huang Ruoyu’s shoulder and then down to her chest, caressing her. “First of all, I must say that your plan is absolutely a ‘perfect plan.’ You truly have my best interests at heart…”
"This isn't about whether I'm thinking of you or not!" Huang Ruoyu shook off Cheng Shi's hand from her chest and angrily threw out a few words of truth, "What I'm doing doesn't mean I'm 'thinking of you'! I'm not going to make any great sacrifices for you, do you understand?"
"Okay, okay, you weren't really thinking of me. Don't be angry. I just wanted to say that this plan isn't very realistic..."
“I don’t think so,” Huang Ruoyu said. “I think your standard for ‘reality’ is strange. On the contrary, I think the current situation is unrealistic! I think it’s unrealistic to make a smart man work like a beast of burden day after day, year after year, doing a job he can’t stand, going back to a house he can’t stand, and living in a neighborhood he can’t stand! And! Don’t say anything! And this man’s wife, the wife waiting at home, can’t stand these things either! Can’t stand being with a bunch of fake middle-class people… Actually, you don’t need me to tell you, you know perfectly well how bad our environment is! Much of what I’m saying now is just repeating what you’ve already said. Like last night when Lao Sun and his wife were here, didn’t you say that people in Central Park never face reality and act like everything happening around them has nothing to do with them? You also said that everyone raises their children immersed in rampant hypocrisy, and you also said about decadence…”
“I remember what I said, no need to repeat myself. But I didn’t expect you to hear it; you seemed distracted at the time.”
"I was really upset at that time. To be honest, I've never felt as bad as I did last night. I felt depressed, frustrated, and like everything was hopeless. Do you know what I mean? Especially when we were talking about Grandma Xie's son, we were actually having such a good time! You know what? I looked at you then and just wanted to shut you up. Because every word you said was based on... based on the premise that we are superior to everyone in Central Park, that we are different. Actually, I really wanted to tell you then: We are not superior to anyone, we are just the kind of people you are mocking!"
Huang Ruoyu took a deep breath and continued in her theatrical voice, "I was a little... contemptuous of you back then, because you couldn't even see that it was a complete double standard! This morning when you left, I pretended not to notice you, but I was secretly observing you. I saw you glance at our yard when you were backing up the car, and that look in your eyes... like the yard was going to eat you up. Your expression was so sad, so I started crying, and then I felt incredibly lonely. So I thought, why did we end up in this situation? If none of this is your fault, then whose fault is it? How did we end up in this absurd world of Central Park? Oh right, and Sun Pengfei and Su Ningna too. I also figured something out today, that Sun Pengfei and Su Ningna have been draining us, they've wasted so much of our time so that we'd become as vulgar as they are. Then, standing in the kitchen, it suddenly dawned on me, and a thought appeared in my mind for the first time: It's all my fault! And it's always been my fault! I can even tell you clearly when this mistake started. Don't say anything, just listen to me!"
Cheng Shi knew, of course, that now was not the time to interrupt Huang Ruoyu. She must have spent the entire morning immersed in her painful emotions, pacing back and forth in this quiet, spotless house. Afterwards, she must have anxiously driven her little electric scooter on the Jingcheng Expressway, then excitedly weaved through the various shops at SKP, frantically swiping her card, rushing in and out just to buy biological gifts, cakes, and her new outfit; she probably even squeezed in time to get her hair done. She had spent the entire day fueling this aggressive, impassioned emotion, all for this moment of self-deprecation! Now that she had finally spoken, she certainly didn't want to be disturbed in the slightest.
"It all goes back to when we were still in Shucun," Huang Ruoyu continued, "When I first got pregnant with Shanshan, I told you my plan: I was going to abort her. Actually, at that time, you, like me, didn't want a child. How could you possibly want a child? But when I went to the hospital to schedule the surgery, I actually put all the pressure on you. It was like telling you: if you want this child, then you have to take responsibility, you have to completely change yourself to support us. No matter what kind of person you want to be, you have to give up your ideals, because you can only be a father. Brother Shitou, if you hadn't indulged me back then, if you had just disappeared, then you would have immediately realized that I was just bluffing. I didn't dare to have the surgery at all; I simply didn't have the courage. But you didn't treat me like that back then. You were too kind, and too young, and I know you were scared too. So you endured it, and that's how it all started. That's why we got caught up in such a huge mistake. A huge, ugly mistake! This mistake tells us all, everyone who has a family must..." To 'settle' away from real life and settle down. That's the most romantic lie you have to accept to become middle class! It's me who made you succumb to this worldly notion until today! I let you live in this lie, and later I even became addicted to it myself. I molded myself into the persona of a character in a mindless, low-brow drama, or perhaps it was precisely because of this that I understood the truth. I imagined myself as this woman: if I hadn't married and had children so early, I would definitely be a big star! But as you know, I'm actually not cut out to be an actress at all, and... I never even considered becoming a star. The only reason I went to the Beijing Film Academy was to leave my grandmother—that's something I know in my heart, and I've always known it; I won't stay at her house for another day! That's also why I dropped out without hesitation to marry you. Now you know how abnormal I am, right? I'm an extremely cunning person, so I hope the destruction is two-way. After I've ruined your life, I still don't feel it's enough; I want to do all these despicable things to the very end, so that you'll feel like you've ruined my life, and that way I can portray myself as the ultimate victim! Sounds scary, right? But it's true, really!"
With each "really," Huang Ruoyu pounded the mattress with her clenched fist. "Now you know why I apologized to you, right? You also know why we need to leave here and go to Dali as soon as possible, right? This isn't because I'm thinking of you or because I'm being generous. I haven't made any sacrifices for you. What I'm giving you now is just what you deserve. And I feel very sorry for you because it's taken so long to give this back to you."
"Okay, I understand what you mean. Can I speak now?"
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