Chapter 68
Huang Ruoyu unexpectedly told Sun Pengfei her secret, which was completely unexpected by Sun Pengfei. So he tried his best to control himself and not ask the question that was hidden in his heart.
But this question had been obsessively plaguing Sun Pengfei ever since the day he first met Huang Ruoyu in Central Park. It wasn't a particularly big problem; he simply wanted to know if Huang Ruoyu had dated anyone else before meeting Cheng Shi. Although whether Huang Ruoyu had dated anyone else was a blow to Sun Pengfei, but…
Here's the thing: Sun Pengfei always felt that if Huang Ruoyu wasn't a virgin before she met Chengshi, then his jealousy of Chengshi would be a little less; but if Huang Ruoyu was still a virgin when she met Chengshi and Chengshi was her first love, then Sun Pengfei's jealousy of Chengshi would be so intense that he couldn't bear it.
For some reason, when Sun Pengfei first met Huang Ruoyu, a complete stranger, he was suddenly struck by a terrifying obsession with virginity. Back when he started dating Su Ningna, he had never considered whether she was a virgin. He was young and rebellious then, and thought it best if Su Ningna was more experienced than him. But now, looking back, Sun Pengfei had to confess to himself that it was because he didn't care about Su Ningna; he just wanted to marry her to spite his mother.
So, after all this aimless thinking, Sun Pengfei was now in immense anguish. Only this one question remained in his mind, and he desperately wanted to ask Huang Ruoyu it. Sun Pengfei felt that he hadn't found the opportunity to ask before, but now, if he could just casually ask it, he could get the answer he'd been longing for. But at that very moment, Sun Pengfei's mind began a desperate, automatic search, but it couldn't find a single suitable word to ask the question. Therefore, he knew he would never know the answer.
“We were actually quite happy in Shucun. I sometimes recall those happy and joyful times. Back then, we spent every day together, didn’t go to class, but went to see performances, exhibitions, and ate at street food stalls late at night… but…” As she spoke, Huang Ruoyu’s tone became less calm, “but I still feel… I don’t know how to say it.”
Do you still feel that real life is leaving you?
"Hmm... I kind of feel that way. I still think there are many outstanding people in this world who far surpass me, like the girls who lived in the same alley as me when I was little. They were naturally smart and lovable. They could control their lives effortlessly, dating whichever boy they wanted. They never messed things up like I did, and then had to try to fix them. They could do everything perfectly the first time. They were the real goddesses, ethereal like fairies, beautiful, smart, calm, and loved by everyone... When I was little, I always fantasized that when I grew up, they would accept me, and one day I would suddenly realize that I was one of them, that I belonged to that group. And I always felt that I should have been one of them, so all my previous experiences were wrong, those experiences shouldn't have been mine, so I could only imagine those experiences as leveling up in cultivation. But I always felt that one day they would recognize me, but... in the end, I was still the ugly duckling among the swans, and they didn't even want to look at me."
Sun Pengfei calmly looked at Huang Ruoyu's face, hoping that his silent love would have the power to move her and make her turn her head to look at him.
“I know that feeling.” After a moment of silence, Sun Pengfei said in a low voice.
"Really? I don't believe it." Huang Ruoyu didn't look Sun Pengfei in the eye, and a sarcastic expression appeared on her lips. "I don't want you to really understand this feeling. It's not a good thing. I'd rather this kind of thing not happen to anyone else than to someone I know. Because this feeling only brings self-deception, nothing else."
Sun Pengfei let out a long sigh and leaned back in his booth. He could tell that Huang Ruoyu didn't want to chat, at least not with him. She just wanted to vent her emotions, to perform her sadness and so-called self-anesthesia in front of an audience so she could feel better. He was just the audience she had chosen for tonight.
Yes, Sun Pengfei understood. Huang Ruoyu didn't really want to talk to him about anything. She didn't need interaction with him, his comfort, his advice, or his help in devising strategies. He just needed to play the role of the carefree, easygoing old Sun until she found satisfaction in her own voice, until Chengshi's car could be moved, and then he would take her home. Of course, she might utter a few memorable lines along the way, and then put on a show of sentimentality, but as soon as they reached the gate of No. 5 Napa, she would slam open the car door, take back Chengshi's car keys, and then go home to share a bed with Chengshi…
So Sun Pengfei couldn't help but curse himself: What the hell am I expecting? When the hell am I going to grow up?
“Old Sun,” Huang Ruoyu’s icy, slender hands suddenly reached out and grabbed Sun Pengfei’s hand, which was rubbing a napkin on the table. Then her pretty face gradually came closer, revealing a mischievous smile. “Get up, Old Sun, let’s go.”
Sun Pengfei felt like he was about to faint, but he still asked nervously, "Where...are we going?"
"Dance! Come on, hurry up!"
Starry seemed to have passed its peak for the night. Most of the guests had left, the DJ had lost his initial energy, and the band on stage was playing a limp, languid tune. Everything seemed to be in a drowsy state.
Sun Pengfei never truly learned to dance. Although his mother tried to get him to learn ballroom dancing when he was very young, he broke down after just one lesson. This is why he was later forced to learn piano—in fact, Sun Pengfei's mother always wanted a beautiful and talented daughter who could sing and dance, but unfortunately, she had a son and divorced her husband. However, as a university professor, she still felt that even though Sun Pengfei was a boy, he should be as musically proficient as the children of her classmates and colleagues, so learning a musical instrument was essential.
But at this moment, Sun Pengfei had somehow become a natural at dancing. He swayed, twirled, and leaped wildly… as if the earth's gravity had lost its effect on him. Sun Pengfei felt that this was the first time in his life he had danced so well, so beautifully. So he took Huang Ruoyu's hand, letting her swing lightly beside him, her waist twisting rapidly. Sun Pengfei cheered silently in his heart, looking at Huang Ruoyu, gazing at her with rapt attention. He knew that when the music stopped, she would fall into his arms and laugh out loud. And she actually did! So Sun Pengfei imagined that when he gently led her back to the booth, they would share a drink, and she would let his arm press against her body. And she actually did that too!
So when their words became flirtatious, Sun Pengfei stopped trying to control his speech, because he felt that language had lost its purpose at this point. His mind was now filled with all sorts of excited and frantic thoughts. His mind conjured up images of a huge bathtub in a luxury hotel, where Huang Ruoyu lay elegantly amidst a bathtub full of rose petals… Then he thought of the hotel's king-size bed, but as he thought of this, he began to worry: Could I really bring a goddess like Huang Ruoyu to the hotel?
But...why not? Besides, the hotel isn't the only option. You can drive a few kilometers north from Starry to get into the mountains, so wouldn't it be romantic to sleep under the open sky?
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