Chapter 54
Then Narumi heard her own voice say, "What I'm about to say might make you think I think you're 'abnormal,' but that's not what I mean. What I'm trying to say is that there are indeed some issues in this matter that we haven't thought about or discussed before, but now I think we might as well be open about these issues. For example, I think the real reason you don't want this child isn't as simple as you think. I mean, could there be other, deeper motivations involved? Of course, you might not even realize it yourself, but it's also possible... that you're afraid to admit it."
Huang Ruoyu didn't speak, so in the darkness, Chengshi could only wonder if she was listening to him—let's just assume she was.
Helpless, Cheng Shi took a deep breath and continued, "The problem I'm talking about has nothing to do with Dali's plan, nor with myself. I'm talking about your own problem, the problem deep in your heart, about your childhood, about your upbringing. I'm talking about your emotions, the things that led you to make this decision."
Then came a long silence, which felt like an eternity.
Then, from somewhere in the living room, came Huang Liaoruoyu's cold, icy voice: "So you mean I'm emotionally deficient?"
"I didn't say that!"
For the next hour, Narumi kept talking, using several different ways of expressing herself, but all she said was the same thing. Because Narumi felt that the problem was obvious: if what a girl cares about most deep down is the fact that she was abandoned by her biological parents at birth, then it is only natural that she would resist having children—this is her childhood trauma, the harm that her family of origin inflicted on her.
“I really think you’re a really great girl. It would be a miracle for anyone to have survived a childhood like yours, let alone that you’re doing so well. Look how envious your girlfriends are of you. What I mean is, your childhood experiences didn’t completely damage your…your ego.”
Then Cheng Shi patiently reminded Huang Ruoyu that when he was still living in Shucun and she was still in college, Huang Ruoyu experienced her first pregnancy. She had said at the time that she wanted to abort the child—that is, Cheng Yushan. However, she later admitted that she was indeed a bit "crazy" at the time...
After saying all this, Chengshi began to patiently persuade Huang Ruoyu, explaining that their situation was completely different now. They were grown up, married, had two children, and owned a nice house. Chengshi also had a stable job and a substantial income. Moreover, the country was now encouraging families to have three children, so logically Huang Ruoyu shouldn't be having the idea of aborting the child anymore. But now she had this thought again, which was likely due to her psychological issues. And it was these psychological issues that affected her judgment of the reality and the decisions she made.
Cheng Shi spoke cautiously, but in his heart he was quite certain that this was the real problem they were facing—it all stemmed from Huang Ruoyu's psychological issues.
"But I already have two children, and I don't want to have any more! I'm not a pig!" Huang Ruoyu finally retorted. "Don't Shanshan and Xiaosi count either?"
Cheng Shi let Huang Ruoyu's voice drift in the darkness for a moment before calmly speaking, "Your statement itself speaks volumes. You see childbirth as a punishment, so having a child is a punishment, which is why you think having two children 'counts' it all, and then you don't have to worry about the responsibility of having another child. This is completely... how should I put it, a matter of responsibility. You want to shirk the responsibility of being a mother. Moreover, you are now full of hostility towards everything, looking like you're ready to fight at any moment. Little Fish, if you insist on being so stubborn, then let's look at the data. Let me tell you another statistic: you've been pregnant three times, and you wanted to abort two of those pregnancies. Do you think that's a high rate?"
Before Huang Ruoyu could retort again, Cheng Shi's voice suddenly softened, just like when he spoke to Cheng Yushan in a good mood: "Look, Xiaoyuer, what I'm saying is that you can't be completely rational about this right now. I just hope you can think about it again, I don't want to force you to do anything, that's all."
"Fine." Huang Ruoyu's voice remained icy. "Fine, if what you're saying is true, if I really do have a mental illness, then what can I do? Can a mentally ill person control themselves? Can I control my feelings? So what should I do now? What should I do now? Am I just supposed to tell myself to face the problems bravely, and then all the problems will automatically disappear when I wake up tomorrow morning?"
“Little Fish,” Cheng Shi said, “it’s actually not that difficult, don’t be so anxious. If you’re troubled by your emotions, I mean if, if you really have this problem, of course there are ways to solve it. For example, we can take some appropriate intervention measures…”
At this point, Narumi suddenly began to hate his own voice, because he felt he had been repeating the same things over and over for years, but none of it had ever worked. So Narumi licked his lips and finally said firmly, "I think you should see a psychologist."
In the darkness, Chengshi couldn't see Huang Ruoyu's face, but he could imagine that the corners of her mouth would be slightly turned up to one side, a mixture of feigned strength and underlying resentment.
"So, you're planning to use the salary An Zheyuan gave you to treat my mental illness? Do you want to ask Xie Yiling for Hu Zhizhi's attending physician's contact information and make an appointment for me?"
Cheng Shi sighed: "Do you know what you're saying? This attitude of yours is not the attitude of wanting to solve the problem at all."
"My attitude was quite good."
"Your attitude isn't good, and what's worse, you're making things difficult for yourself. This is exactly what we've been doing over and over again all these years; you've never really wanted to solve any of our problems. Little Fish, it's time for us to grow up and end this boring cycle. To be honest, I haven't decided whether to accept An Zheyuan's suggestion, and I've never been so clear about how to divide money. We're both adults, so whatever problems one of us has, we should discuss and resolve them in an adult way, instead of getting bogged down in trivial details and going in circles."
“You’re really nice, Cheng Sir!” Huang Ruoyu said, his voice full of sarcasm.
Then, Chengshi vaguely saw shadows moving and felt the sofa tremble, so he knew that Huang Ruoyu had stood up.
"Stop talking, I'm exhausted, let's go upstairs and go to sleep." Huang Ruoyu said, yawning.
Chengshi heard Huang Ruoyu's footsteps going upstairs, then the sound of her pushing open the bedroom door, and then there was silence. Chengshi then drank the last sip of his beer and foresaw his defeat. He felt he had used up his last chance, and he was almost certain he had lost the battle.
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