Chapter 1290 He Has Never Seen It
As soon as Chen Yan went upstairs, he saw Li Jinxing. He had his back to him and was wearing only a thin shirt. The heating was on upstairs, so he didn't feel cold. However, from his angle, he could see Li Jinxing's pale profile, as if he was sick.
I have to say that this man is even more stunningly handsome than what he appears to be on TV. Every move he makes is filled with dignity, making people want to look at him but dare not look directly at him. Just to say, his face is enough to attract everyone no matter where he is or at what time.
If Gu Wanqiu liked this man simply because of his face, then it would make sense, but is Gu Wanqiu such a superficial person?
Chen Yan's gaze lingered on his face for a moment, then he took two steps forward. Suddenly, he paused, his face startled, as he had already seen the wooden box in his arms.
To be more precise, it was an urn. Urns all looked similar and there was no difference, but the urn in Li Jinxing's hand was obviously Gu Wanqiu's.
Knowing that Gu Wanqiu liked camellias, he specially selected camellia stickers to stick on it, and Gu Wanqiu's name was also engraved on the box.
He had clearly buried Gu Wanqiu's ashes, so why did they appear here?
Could it be that Li Jinxing had investigated this? How powerful must one person be to be able to investigate this so clearly? It was as if nothing could escape his eyes and control.
Facing such a powerful person, even though Shen Yan had prepared in advance, when he really faced him, his body was still a little stiff, as if the other party was a ferocious beast.
Li Jinxing belatedly realized that there was someone behind him. He turned around, glanced at Chen Yan casually, and then stood up.
Was it him who... stayed with Gu Wanqiu for her last few days? Was it him who watched her die?
Li Jinxing felt a pang of pain in his heart. He stared at Chen Yan's eyes, as if he wanted to see through his eyes everything he had seen. Unfortunately, there was nothing in those eyes, only superficial emotions, sudden shock, and disgust and hatred that penetrated deep into his bones.
This man named Shen Yan hated him.
Li Jinxing's face was normal, and his heart felt no other emotions except pain. He had long been accustomed to the hatred conveyed by others.
The other person looked at the box in his hand. Li Jinxing subconsciously tightened his grip and held the urn in his arms tighter, as if he was afraid that it would be snatched away.
Seeing that Shen Yan was staring at him, his expression darkened.
Shen Yan asked directly: "How did you know that her ashes were buried there? Did you investigate me?"
Li Jinxing didn't say anything, which meant he agreed.
Chen Yan remembered that Gu Wanqiu was still listening to Li Jinxing's voice before she died. He suddenly became furious and rushed to him: "Since you can find out so easily, why didn't you know that she was dying when she was alive? Come and see her, Li Jinxing, have you ever had her in your heart?"
"I have..." Li Jinxing moved his lips stiffly, but was interrupted by Shen Yan as soon as he finished speaking.
"You're bullshit!" If he hadn't seen him holding Gu Wanqiu's ashes in his hands and was worried that the box would fall to the ground and the ashes inside would be scattered, he really wouldn't be able to help but punch him.
This person actually said that he had Gu Wanqiu in his heart. Chen Yan gave a mocking smile, but his eyes were red.
"Do you know how much pain she was in? She vomited blood every day, her body was stiff and she couldn't move. She vomited everything she ate. She couldn't see, and finally even her sense of taste and smell disappeared..."
Gu Wanqiu had asked him to keep these things secret and not tell anyone else so that Li Jinxing would know.
But now Li Jinxing already knows that she is dead. He brought her here today to find out about these things. Since he brought this upon himself, what is he hiding?
He was resentful towards Li Jinxing and he just wanted to see him suffer.
He was clearly angry at someone and was in a superior position, but for some reason, his nose felt sore and tears immediately fell, like a weak person.
"You obviously have such great ability and can easily find out all this. Why didn't you find out that she was sick, that she was dying, and that she missed you very much and wanted to see you? Why didn't you come?" Shen Yan said while crying and choking.
How much he hated the person in front of him. He was obviously the closest to Gu Wanqiu at that time, but in Gu Wanqiu's heart, there was only Li Jinxing on TV.
He could only watch her suffer, watch her become weaker and weaker, and rely on Li Jinxing's voice on TV to get by.
Li Jinxing's voice was filled with a subtle urgency. He argued, "I didn't know she was sick. If I had known she was sick, I wouldn't have let her go."
"Let her go?" Chen Yan asked as if he had just heard the biggest joke. "Didn't Gu Wanqiu want to leave herself? When she couldn't see, she searched for your voice and listened to what had happened to you recently. Do you know what you were doing at the time? You were busy showing off your affection with another person, the one named Jiang Yun. Jiang Yun died, and you were by her side, but where were you when Gu Wanqiu died? You are holding her urn now, saying that she is in your heart. Do you think you are worthy of saying such things?"
Li Jinxing shook his body, his vision went dark, and he suddenly felt dizzy.
What did he hear?
Shen Yan said that Gu Wanqiu first lost his vision and could not see anything.
Among a person's senses, vision is definitely ranked first. When a person is suddenly plunged into pitch darkness and cannot see anything, the fear in his heart is unimaginable. He knows too well the fear of a person deep in darkness.
He also knew that Gu Wanqiu was afraid of the dark.
She leaves a night light on when she sleeps.
But she had lost her sight for more than a month before her death.
Even after she could no longer see him, she was still searching for everything about him, reading his news, and listening to his voice.
When people are in deep darkness, what they want is definitely a beam of light to illuminate themselves. She didn't get the light, but instead got a sharp blade that was aimed at her.
He wanted to see Gu Wanqiu at that time, and wanted to travel through time and space to hug her, but he couldn't. He could only hug Gu Wanqiu's now cold ashes.
The pain on Li Jinxing's face was so obvious that Shen Yan saw it.
Li Jinxing only remembered Gu Wanqiu now, so should he forget about all the bad things he did before?
If he could have found Gu Wanqiu at that time, perhaps Gu Wanqiu could have been saved. She also had the desire to live and would not have died in such pain.
Shen Yan stared at the urn in Li Jinxing's hand, wanting to snatch it back.
He felt that Li Jinxing was not worthy of touching her ashes. He had never come to see her when he was alive, but now that she was dead, he came to disturb her again and even dug out her urn. Did he want her to have no peace even after death?
Before Shen Yan came, he thought that Li Jinxing would ask him about Gu Wanqiu, but he didn't expect that he would find Gu Wanqiu's ashes and dig them out.
Before she died, the person Gu Wanqiu wanted to see most was Li Jinxing. She dreamed of being held in his arms. She was willing to stay with Li Jinxing, so he had no right to snatch her away.
Shen Yan felt a sense of defeat. He lowered his head and clenched his fists tightly.
"Why aren't the injuries and pains she suffered in her lifetime on you?" Ever since Gu Wanqiu died, Chen Yan felt that his heart was closed. He thought that as long as some time passed, he would be able to forget the pain, but now when he saw Li Jinxing, his memories were brought back, and he seemed to be back to the day when he saw Gu Wanqiu lying coldly on the bed covered in blood.
He put all the blame on Li Jinxing and cursed him fiercely.
He still remembered the scene when he first met Gu Wanqiu. It was just the beginning of autumn, and Gu Wanqiu had already put on a cotton coat. Her thin body was hidden under the loose clothes. Her small face was the size of a palm. Her face was not very good-looking, but it was very comfortable to look at, especially her eyes, which were the most beautiful. But within a week, her eyes dimmed.
Winter is coming, the weather is getting colder, and it has started snowing in the north.
I don’t know if it will snow in the south this year.
He also wanted to take Gu Wanqiu to see the snow. She said that she had rarely seen snow in her life. She also knew that she would not see snow this year, but at least she could see the camellia flowers bloom. On the day she died, the camellia flowers did bloom, but she could not see them with her eyes, smell them with her nose, or feel them...
She did not get what she wanted, and there were few fulfilling experiences in her life.
Chen Yan was unwilling to accept this. He hated Li Jinxing, and Li Jinxing also hated himself.
He also wanted to experience the suffering that Gu Wanqiu had endured. He wished he could dig out his own eyes, cut off his hands and feet with a gun, and finally kill him with a shot at his temples. He also wanted to climb onto the windowsill, lean back, and take a last look at the sky.
But, his life was given by Gu Wanqiu. Would she want to see him like this?
He tasted the greatest revenge in the world. She wanted him to live a life worse than death and in pain. She gave all the responsibilities to him, but she left with empty hands.
Shen Yan asked him why he didn't go find Gu Wanqiu.
He also wanted to ask Gu Wanqiu why she didn't tell him the truth and let him stay with her, even for the last second?
Li Jinxing closed his eyes and staggered backward, his lower back against the sofa supporting his body. His throat was dry and sore, and his voice was hoarse.
"I want to die too..."
Shen Yan gritted his teeth: "Then why don't you just die?"
Li Jinxing opened his eyes, his mouth curled up into an ugly arc, "So if I die, what will happen to my three children with her? Chen Yan, you are not me, you don't know what happened between her and me. Now she is dead, leaving me alone in pain. My life is worse than death."
He smiled, but tears fell
Shen Yan looked at the tears on his face, and felt like a fist hitting cotton, and a heavy feeling of powerlessness descended from the sky.
He felt a pang of bitterness in his heart. The four words "life is worse than death" are easy to say, but only those who have truly experienced and endured it know how much courage it takes to live.
Only then did Chen Yan carefully look at Li Jinxing. He took a startling glimpse of him before he came in, and now he looked at him carefully from beginning to end.
Li Jinxing looked haggard and sickly pale. Tears streamed down his face like an unstoppable fountain, falling one after another from his chin onto the urn in his hand.
The nails on his ten fingers were worn out, and it was impossible to tell what they were like. They were tattered, with dirt stuck in the flying flesh.
His hands were covered in wounds and looked painful, but he held the urn firmly.
Shen Yan felt as if his heart was hit hard by a dull hammer.
He really didn't know about the past of Li Jinxing and Gu Wanqiu, didn't understand why Gu Wanqiu loved Li Jinxing, and didn't understand why Li Jinxing already had a new lover, but now he was still holding on to Gu Wanqiu's ashes.
He is just an outsider, and their love, hate, and vengeance have nothing to do with him.
He took a step back, wanting to escape, but he also had a strong side and didn't want to leave in disgrace.
"Why did you call me here? Do you want me to see that you regret it now? Or do you want to tell me about your relationship with Gu Wanqiu? Declare your sovereignty?"
Li Jinxing's voice was hoarse as he asked with difficulty, "I just want to know how she survived in a place where I can't see her. You should have records there."
Li Jinxing burned the photos and paintings, not wanting a single clear photo. He wanted to get all the information about her from Shen Yan.
Li Jinxing regretted his decisiveness that day. He drove Gu Wanqiu away so cruelly and said so many unpleasant words.
After Gu Wanqiu left, he actually regretted it every night, but he was unwilling to admit it, as if once he admitted his regret, he would have admitted defeat.
He had never won over Gu Wanqiu in terms of feelings. He wanted to win once, but it cost Gu Wanqiu's death.
Li Jinxing thought more than once, if he had calmly sat down and had a good chat with Gu Wanqiu, told her his truest thoughts, and moved her with his sincerity, would all this have happened today?
No one told him how to love someone and keep someone.
He has always been following Gu Wanqiu and watching her grow. What he learned most from her is that if you want to keep someone, you have to become stronger.
When he was young and just beginning to fall in love, he wished someone had told him how to love.
Or if he postponed it a little longer, to a month ago, someone would have advised him to go find Gu Wanqiu, otherwise he would regret it later.
Even if he had met her, it wouldn't have changed the outcome, but at least Gu Wanqiu didn't leave with such regrets.
No one told him, no one taught him, no one reminded him, so he made one mistake after another along the way.
That's why he couldn't accept Gu Wanqiu's sudden departure.
"Of course I do. Do you want to see it?"
"think."
Chen Yan said viciously, "Then kneel down and beg me." He wanted to see how far Li Jinxing could go for Gu Wanqiu. It was said that Li Jinxing was a man with high expectations and pride in his bones. He would not bow his head easily, let alone kneel down and beg.
As soon as he finished speaking, Li Jinxing knelt down, still holding the box in his arms firmly.
"Is this okay?"
Shen Yan's eyelashes trembled, his eyes were calm, without any surprise.
He took out his cell phone, pulled out a folder from it, entered the password, walked up to Li Jinxing, handed it to him, and recounted in detail what Gu Wanqiu had experienced in that short month.
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